(Ivy) Hello everybody, it's swankivy.
And I'm obviously doing something a little different today.
I have a guest with me.
This is the beautiful and lovely Meggie.
(Meg) Hello!
(Ivy) This is my best friend since high school.
So, a little bit of background is that somebody sent me a message saying that I never interact
with people on my channel and stuff, and so, I told Meggie about that and she's like "I'll
be in your video!"
And I'm like "Okay."
So um, you wanna tell them about us being friends and how long we met--how long ago
we met and like what we're about?
(Meg) Okay.
Um, we met at her birthday party in-- (Ivy) I was sixteen!
(Meg) In 1994.
So it's been . . . twenty-two years.
(Ivy) Oh my god.
We're old.
(Meg) If anybody's counting.
Twenty-three!
Twenty-three now, this week.
(Ivy) Yeah, we're celebrating our birthday together.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) We're about to go make a cake.
So.
(Meg) Yay.
(Ivy) You're jealous.
(Meg) And, um, we didn't--we weren't like immediately like, "oh my gosh I love you!"
It was at the end of the year when I was about to graduate when we both realized "oh my gosh
I love you!"
(Ivy) Yeah, pretty much!
And I was like oh no, she's moving away, she's going to college.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) So that sucks 'cause she's two years older than me.
(Meg) Yeah, so, that's essentially been our relationship, living in two different towns.
I'll move somewhere and then leave and then she'll move to that place.
(Ivy) Yup.
I chased her.
(Meg) Yes.
Um, but our bond is definitely . . . (Ivy) Ah, it's pretty amazing.
(Meg) Yes, it is.
And um, it has held up through parents trying to tell us that we shouldn't be friends because,
you know, we're outgrowing each other.
(Ivy) We're a bad influence on each other.
(Meg) Yes.
Very bad.
In fact I'm the one who gave her the "Ivy" name, so you have me to thank for that.
(Ivy) That's right!
That is right.
The swankivy name?
That's, she's the one who first started calling me Ivy.
(Meg) But it's lasted through multiple moves, and me having two kids, and um (Ivy) Yes.
(Meg) career changes, and crazy stories about stupid boys that like to manipulate us, to
try to play us against each other and it didn't work.
(Ivy) That doesn't work.
(Meg) Doesn't work.
(Ivy) Um, I really appreciate having a friend like Meggie because um, you know, it's nice
to have people in your life, like, I know some of you guys who watch my channel, you're
like um, "How am I ever gonna find people who accept me, how am I gonna find people
who will stay with me, my friends are all pairing up and leaving me," you know, she's
dated other people and she's still here, she still supports me, she's still like, one of
the number one, you know, people who supports me in my life, like, sometimes more than family
has, sometimes more than people I've known longer--although there aren't many.
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) There aren't many people I've known longer than her, so like, it can happen, you
know, you can find people who will support you even if, like, they have a significant
other, it's not true that the only person that you're gonna be able to trust for your
whole life, for your bond, or whatever, to have somebody who will always be around for
you, it doesn't always have to be your husband or your girlfriend or your whoever.
So, I have proof right here!
So.
(Meg) Yeah.
I know there's a lot of societal pressure to say that your close friendships are not
as important as your partnerships.
(Ivy) Oh my god yes.
Like that it's childish to have like a close friend who's "just a friend," like, there's
nothing really "just" about us.
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) So, you know, I kinda get insulted when people say "just," as if that means it's automatically
demoted below any romantic relationships you could have, even if it's somebody you've known
for like a week.
So, screw that.
(Meg) Yeah, I agree.
(Ivy) So, um, are you, are you comfortable, like, talking about your relationship with,
like, the asexual spectrum, or whatever?
(Meg) Yeah, I'm, I can do that.
Um, it took me a while to really think about it because the way society portrays women
is that "demisexual" is, like, the standard, as women aren't supposed to immediately want
sex, or casual sex, or random sex, it's just the way that we're painted in the media.
(Ivy) We're rewarded for waiting.
(Meg) Yeah.
And through knowing Ivy and hearing the things that she's said it made me understand that
that's where I lay on the spectrum.
Um, it's very strange to be in a room full of people talking about online dating and
seeing a guy's picture and you know-- (Ivy) "Oh my god he's so hot!"
(Meg) Yeah, or "I'd never date him 'cause he looks like that."
And that was never a thing for me.
I never really felt too much of an instantaneous attraction, other than "wow, this person's
interesting," or "this person's really nice."
(Ivy) Right.
(Meg) It was over time that I developed attractions towards people.
Um, I don't speak out a lot about it because I'm not the kind of person that likes confrontation,
and I've been ridiculed in the past when it comes to my work environment.
(Ivy) Yeah.
(Meg) So I really don't talk about it a lot.
But it, it definitely feels like being in a strange--a stranger in a strange land, when
I'm around a bunch of people who just talk about that kind of stuff.
(Ivy) Yeah.
(Meg) Um, and had the whole erasure thing, 'cause "that doesn't exist."
(Ivy) Oh god.
Yeah, and that's definitely, I mean that's something that people who are aromantic and
asexual like me have in common with people like Meggie, because, like, we both have this
experience of being erased and being treated like "what do you mean you don't 'like-like'
anybody?"
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) "Who do you have a crush on?"
WHO do you have a crush on is always the way they say it.
"Who do you like?"
(Meg) Yeah!
(Ivy) What if you don't like anyone?
What if you can't tell who's hot in that movie?
(Meg) Yeah, exactly.
(Ivy) Although that's not impossible.
(Meg) Being in the movie theater and having you know somebody say like "Oh my god I would
totally do that guy."
(Ivy) Right!
(Meg) And I was like, really?
(Ivy) Would you really?
You know, yeah, and like, I always get that "You can't say you wouldn't fuck Brad Pitt
if he walked in this door," and I'm like, "I absolutely can say I would not, because
that would be weird."
I don't know Brad Pitt!
And I wouldn't even if I did.
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) But you know, some people, you know, they have to know somebody.
They can't--it's not that physical attraction doesn't exist for some of these folks who
are, who consider themselves demisexual, but it's that they, they don't feel, they might
not feel sexual attraction to someone just based on that.
(Meg) Plus I hear Brad Pitt doesn't like to shower a lot.
(Ivy) Is that so! (Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) Wow.
That's.
I'm definitely detracting a few attraction points from him.
I do think that he's a nice-looking guy, actually.
Like, I like to, I like to watch him in a movie, but that's mostly because I think he's
actually a good actor, like, he is.
(Meg) Yeah.
Well, and it's, it's not like I can't tell that people are attractive.
(Ivy) Exactly.
(Meg) Just seeing what physical attributes, but um, it's not something that draws me to
them.
It tends to be more of an emotional connection, or seeing what kind of person they are.
(Ivy) Yeah.
Yeah.
And otherwise it's just kinda like, "Oh, I like the way that person looks," like "I like
that art," or "I like that style of animation," or something like that.
(Meg) Hehehe.
(Ivy) Yeah, we're kinda cartoon nerds.
You can't tell can you.
(Meg) No.
Not at all.
(Ivy) Most of my friends are, like, ya know, they're into stuff that you're "not supposed
to be into" at our age.
You know, like um, that's kind of another thing, I mean it's--it's . . . it's often
treated like you're, you're gonna be infantilized if you are like me and you're not . . . "not
married yet" or you're not with anyone, like, they like to treat you like you're a child,
like that's an--that's a childish thing to be still at my age, as a late-thirties woman.
Um, so along with some of my interests, maybe sometimes I'll have a little hair bow that's
"made for children" or whatever, I'll paint my fingernails with something silly, I'll
wear two different colored socks.
And you know, people kinda put this all together, and I've seen this in the comments of my videos
sometimes, like "You're childish, that's your problem, you can't let go of your childhood."
But you know, there's lots of people out there who don't have normative lives, and have kind
of--you know, it's not like it doesn't hurt when people say this stuff to us, but we kinda
get over it.
We've kind of gotten past where we give a crap what you think if you say that stuff
to us.
Because we're happier not putting on a mask and not pretending to be someone else.
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) So you know, if you are, if you're lucky, and if you continue to be genuine and you
continue to um, not be embarrassed of who you are, hopefully you will be waving a flag
being able to find someone else who's like you, and who appreciates you for who you are
and is relieved to find someone like you, because that's who they are.
They recognize themselves in you.
You know what I mean?
So, like, yeah, so, anything else to add to that right now?
Before we, um, eat some ice cream sandwiches?
(Meg) Heeheeheehee.
Um, I would say that if you do have a friend that you really care about, don't let anybody
push you away from them, because they say that it's not important.
Because it is!
And-- (Ivy) Thank you.
(Meg) There are people that think that you matter, and that you matter to, that will
be there for you years past any romantic relationship or other relationships.
And strong bonds are strong bonds.
They are.
There are friends that you'll make that just kind of pass in and out of your life, and
they're there, you know, to help you grow, as Wicked says.
(Ivy) Yes.
(Meg) Um.
(Ivy) Yes.
We like that musical.
(Meg) But um, you can develop a friendship where you're not just always talking about
what happened in the past, that you can learn from each other, and continue to expand your
relationship, and have things to teach each other twenty years down the road.
(Ivy) Yeah.
People are always like "What do you guys still have to talk about?"
Pssh!
You wouldn't understand.
(Meg) Yeah.
Yeah.
Which isn't to say we don't do a lot of reminiscing and complaining about old things.
(Ivy) Oh sure.
Yeah.
Yeah we did some of that this weekend.
So, but you know, it's--it's interesting to be able to do something like that with someone
who has known you for almost as long as your family.
Like, it's a different kind of relationship where you move past the discovery phase--not
that I'm not still learning new things about her or her about me, I think, but you know,
um, it's--it's like, it it's all built upon this foundation that you built together in
the beginning, and a lot of people don't ever find out what that looks like, what that--what
can be built on something like that.
Um, so, I'm just really tired of having--the only relationships that I have, which are
friendships and you know, familial relationships, I don't have romantic relationships or sexual
relationships, so I'm so tired of hearing my friendships being thrown under the bus
as if they can only ever be so important to you.
And that you know, I'm gonna get ridiculed for having a friend that's as close as her
who matters to me as much as she does.
Um, and of course you know like "YOU GUYS ARE GAY!!"
(Meg) Yeah, or she's my daughter.
(Ivy) Oh!
Yeah!
(Both) Hahaha!
(Ivy) You're kidding me!
(Meg) I know!
I'm looking at the picture of her and my daughter when my daughter was 8 years old and it's
like, "No?
No!
She's not, no."
(Ivy) Or like that drunk lady at karaoke who like, we were singing together and this lady's
like "is that your daughter?"
(Meg) Lord.
(Ivy) No!
I realize it's dark and you're drunk but no.
So, hm.
(Meg) Although I do sing karaoke with my daughter sometimes.
(Ivy) Yes, yes.
Yes.
Um, and uh, that's a really special thing too, is that I got to see her daughter and
her son you know, come into this world, and like sort of be a pseudo-godmother except
I'm not Catholic, and um.
(Meg) Me neither.
(Ivy) Yeah.
Some people who shall remain nameless are.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) So like, um, it's not, um, they're not technically my niece and nephew, but it's
almost like they might as well be um, you know, and her daughter, her middle name is
my first name, um, and her son wouldn't exist except for me.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) 'Cause I introduced her to her husband.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) So you know, I mean, we, we've been tangled up in each other's lives forever.
So it's just like, I wouldn't be the adult that I am without her.
And I'm assuming the reverse is true.
(Meg) Absolutely!
(Ivy) And you know, um, that is, that is something we don't talk about in our society, I think.
Um, we just don't, we don't allow that to be normal.
And I think we should.
Uh, 'cause it's amazing.
(Meg) Yeah.
It is.
Like, it--I still marvel that she likes me as much as she does.
Not that I think that I'm this terrible horrible person-- (Ivy) YOU'RE AWFUL.
(Meg) I KNOW.
OH MY GOSH.
So many things.
But um-- (Both) Hahaha (Meg) But it--sometimes you, you know, people hear like, other people
say "I just don't know how I deserve this."
And there are times when I feel like that.
But then again you don't always deserve your friends.
You just care about each other.
And if I had done something horrible to end our relationship, which some people would
have said we would have many years ago.
(Ivy) Oh god.
(Meg) Um, that, I can't imagine what my life would be like, if I had chosen otherwise.
(Ivy) Yeah.
So, that's your inspiring message from us.
And you finally got to meet one of my friends, and yeah, I really don't do that, I don't
bring people in my videos very much.
But, I'm so much more internetty than most of my friends, so I'm just like "HEY HERE'S
THE CAMERA," so.
(Meg) I did volunteer, she did not ask me.
(Ivy) I didn't twist her arm.
So um, I guess we're gonna, we're gonna go celebrate our birthday by eating some Cookie
Cats.
(Meg) Mmmm.
(Ivy) Join us in a moment for that.
Okay!
Let's see.
So, you can have the pretty one.
(Meg) I get the pretty one!
(Ivy) Okay.
(Meg) Argh.
(Ivy) So.
Let's see.
BEHOLD!
Let me see.
My hair is on it, hang on.
Okay.
Come on.
Okay.
COOKIE CAT!
(Meg) Cookie Cat!
(Ivy) We're going to eat the ears first because because we're nerds.
(Meg) Yes.
That's how you eat them.
(Ivy) Ahhhhm!
Oh my god.
(Meg) Mmm!
(Ivy) That's-- (Meg) That's really good.
(Ivy) They're really good!
Mmm!
They're a pet for my tummy and they're super duper yummy.
(Meg) I forget the store you can buy them from though.
I'm not as, all right.
I am a Steven Universe nerd, but not quite as much as she is.
(Ivy) To be fair, I don't know if that's possible.
To be as bad as I am.
Ow!
Ice cream.
Head.
Burn.
Thing.
(Meg) Press your tongue up against the top of your mouth.
(Ivy) Does that work?
(Meg) Yeah it works.
(Ivy) Why does that work?
(Meg) I don't know.
(Ivy) So that's just like a thing people say to do rather than like awesome nursing knowledge?
(Meg) Um, actually I did get that from a doctor.
(Ivy) Oh, okay.
(Meg) I am a nurse.
(Ivy) I am not.
I don't know how people are nurses but somehow she does it.
(Meg) Ohmigosh so many poop stories.
(Ivy) Oh god.
(Meg) HAHAHA!
(Ivy) I know!
I've heard some of them.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) Ugh.
(Meg) It's definitely not a job for the faint of heart.
(Ivy) Mm-mm.
(Meg) Or stomach.
(Ivy) But you know.
I think I could do it if I--it if it was my kid or something, I could deal with poop,
or maybe even my pet, I don't have pets but that's like okay.
But I don't know about like regularly wiping grown-ups' butts.
I don't know if I could do that.
(Meg) Well, I'm usually the one that's in the corner laughing when something gross happens.
That's when they know there's a code brown on the unit.
(Ivy) Oh my god.
Because like her laugh is like ridiculous.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) It's very loud and distinctive.
So-- (Meg) I have been told-- (Ivy) When Meghan is laughing!
(Meg) --you can hear me from a very far distance.
(Ivy) Mm-hmm.
And even if you don't know what's funny, you're laughing.
It's pretty amazing.
(Meg) Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
(Ivy) I've eaten more of mine than you.
Haha.
(Meg) It's because I can't shut up.
(Ivy) Mm.
And I'm rude and I talk while I eat.
(Meg) That's another thing that we have in common.
Not the eating with the mouth full, but the fact that we can't shut up.
(Ivy) Mm-hmm.
(Meg) We have had conversations that have gone on multiple hours.
They're very fast.
(Ivy) Absolutely.
(Meg) Gilmore Girls fast.
Even though she's never seen that show.
(Ivy) I know the reference.
Yeah, I plan to see it, 'cause like, I've heard it's really good, um, but yeah.
Um, she's--she's been here since like, well today's Sunday when we're making this and
she's been here since Friday night.
And we really haven't shut up.
(Meg) Mm-hmm.
(Ivy) Except for when we were asleep.
So, I just don't get enough time with her, 'cause she lives in a different city.
(Meg) Yeah.
It's hard.
And I know that she has so many creative things going on that she wants to take care of, so
I try not to take up too much of her time, else I would like literally be sitting out
on her doorstep all the time.
(Ivy) You'd be like in my crotch.
(Meg) Yeah!
Hey.
Hey Ivy.
What'cha doin'?
Can I come over?
(Both) HAHAHA.
(Ivy) Yes.
(Meg) Just, I wouldn't be the creepy hiding in the shower kind, though.
(Ivy) No.
No, but that is nice, because when somebody knows you really well, they know your boundaries,
and they are respectful of them rather than, like, all frigging salty about them.
"You never spend enough time with me.
Blah blah blah.
Sacrifice, compromise."
(Meg) No matter how many times I might think that I would never say that.
Hehehehe.
(Ivy) But you know, that's--that's what like a supportive person is to me, you know.
And she knows, she knows what she's doing.
So, um-- (Meg) Well, I value her friendship.
I would never ever overstep my boundaries to make her go "You know what bitch?
Back off."
(Ivy) Yeah.
Um, also, she has protected me before from jerks before I knew they were jerks, she's
just like "grrr, I know that guy's a jerk."
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) So, she's like growling and I'm like uh-oh.
All right, I guess there must be something going on here.
(Meg) Yep.
Our old roommate used to say "Meghan, break their legs."
(Ivy) Ah!
Yeah.
And I believe that you could do it.
(Meg) Mm-hmm!
With enough force applied?
Absolutely.
His eyeball's squished out.
It's very strange.
(Ivy) Well you should eat it.
(Meg) I'm going to.
Looks like his brain squished out the side too.
(Ivy) I wish they really sold these and I didn't have to make them myself.
(Meg) Yeah, you said they're like a pain in the neck.
(Ivy) They really are!
Oh my god, like, it's mostly like trying to add ice cream to the middle of the sandwiches
that's--it's very messy because it starts to melt and then like I don't know, it's just,
it's hard to get them in the freezer without getting everything sticky, including my hands,
and it's just, it's kinda more trouble than it's worth, but at the same time it--it is
really fun to do, um, if um, some of my viewers who are deprived human beings who do not watch
Steven Universe, that is from the first episode of Steven Universe, where Steven's favorite
snack, the Cookie Cat, is discontinued and he's just, he's broken up and so sad, and
his, uh, his moms have filled the freezer with the last of them.
Uh, and he's very very happy.
So that's kind of how I felt when I ate those, those ears, for the first time, when I made
them, uh, last year sometime.
And then I made them again.
This year.
(Meg) And Benny, if you're watching this, that was digitally included, I did not eat
a Cookie Cat without you.
(Both) HAHAHA (Ivy) He's gonna be really mad at you.
(Meg) Very mad at me.
(Ivy) Don't show him this video.
(Both) HAHAHAHA (Ivy) Her son is going to kill her.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) He REALLY wants a Cookie Cat.
(Meg) I will have to make it up by taking him to the sushi restaurant several times.
And then making the Cookie Cats once I get the cookie cutters.
(Ivy) Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I bought like a 3D printed one so that I could--'cause the first time I did it I tried to make one
out of tin foil, like folded-over tin foil, and it didn't work out very well 'cause the
integrity of the Cookie Cat could not stand up very well to the hard ice cream.
So I'm like . . . getting these lopsided cat faces and I'm like "I'm sure they're still
delicious but they're very very very lopsided."
(Meg) Terrifying looking.
(Ivy) Slowly getting smaller and smaller ears, you know, it was not so good.
(Meg) No.
(Ivy) So, um, but yeah, they are--they are definitely tasty, I can see why Steven was
very excited in the show, to eat those.
And if they actually made them and then they discontinued them I would probably sing a
song about it too.
(Meg) Yeah!
I would be sad.
That was my first one.
It was very good.
(Ivy) Yayyy!
(Meg) Eeee!
(Ivy) Yay.
I'm all about fulfilling dreams over here.
(Meg) Oh yes.
(Ivy) So, our friend Victor got to have his first one at my house too.
So.
I should've worn my Cookie Cat shirt.
I have one that has like, a little Cookie Cat right here.
Um, but I made them for a special, a special event when the show was doing a marathon,
I made them a while back last time that happened and then I brought them to our friend Jeaux
and HE WAS WEARING A COOKIE CAT SHIRT while eating a Cookie Cat.
I'm like, that is maximum nerd right there.
(Meg) I have a Cookie Cat shirt too, but it's the one where he's like in outer space fighting
things, not the actual Cookie Cat ice cream.
(Ivy) Oh like the cartoon one.
(Meg) Yeah.
(Ivy) The one that's like on the wrapper on the cartoon.
Yeah, with the spacesuit hat.
(Meg) Yep!
(Ivy) Yes, yes.
Yeah so.
The cartoon has its own cartoons.
That's when you know it's a good one.
Crying Breakfast Friends, Dogcopter, they have like all these-- (Meg) ♪ Little Butler!
♪ (Both) ♪ Little Butler!
♪ (Ivy) Yeah, they have their own in-universe shows that they watch.
I've got very sticky hands.
I don't know how I did that with just one ice cream sandwich.
It's delicious.
So, now you're also jealous of our Cookie Cats and our relationship.
(Meg) Yes.
(Ivy) So, but no, I promise that like it's possible to find people that will accept you
for who you are and you know, probably not quite as awesome as her, but you know, I'm
a little biased.
So.
(Meg) Yeah, me too.
(Ivy) So I guess we'll finish this one up and we'll see you guys in Internet Land.
Bye-bye!
(Meg) Bye!
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