hello ladies gentlemen and persons in between I'm back and I'm here today to
talk about what it is to be a man in this episode of Serious Issues so it's
been a while hasn't it yeah December was a really busy month
for me because I moved to Portland yeah Here I am I made it and yeah a lot of
stuff going on didn't really have time for video I mean I thought about it but
I was busy I literally rented the moving truck for
the day after Christmas so busy busy busy didn't even get to go home to
Minnesota to see my friends and family now I was gonna try to do a video that's
sort of Christmas themed I kind of want to do a Christmas themed video every
year although I don't know there's sort of a limited number of topics and I was
going to talk about what it means to be a Christian but I decided to strike
while the iron is hot Bell warm tepid I decided to strike
while the iron is tepid and talk about the Gillette commercial by now you've
all seen it the infamous Gillette commercial featuring men being at least
somewhat dickish to women and also to other men now there's been a lot of
pearl clutching from a lot of men mostly on the machismo obsess right of course
they seem deeply offended at the idea of being asked to be nicer people now
personally I thought the commercial was a little preachy and not very subtle but
it's hard to imagine being so deeply offended by a commercial whose basic
message was don't be an asshole but many were offended and I think I understand
why so I'm here to mansplain some of the nuances that I think those guys missed
first of all you guys need to understand that there is a world of difference
between masculinity and toxic masculinity there's nothing at all wrong
with being masculine that's not what the commercial was criticizing and it's just
a little bit disturbing that some of you apparently think that what masculinity
is is getting into fights with your friends and talking down to women and
beating up guys who don't fit your idea of what am
is let me just give you a working definition of toxic masculinity off the
top of my head toxic masculinity is the idea that men
are absolutely strictly forbidden from having or doing anything normally
associated with femininity the idea that men are not allowed to have or share
feelings for example toxic masculinity is the idea that any man who exhibits
any hint of feminity must be immediately bullied and ridiculed and beaten
toxic masculinity is ridiculing and beating other men for not being
masculine enough and ridiculing or beating women for not being feminine
enough it's okay to be a man it's not okay to be an asshole let's look at some
examples of the difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity
masculine building and fixing things fine nothing in the world wrong with
that now right away I can hear some of the people on the left saying but Tim
can't women build and fix things isn't that kind of masculine well yeah they
can and it kind of is but who cares who gives a shit I don't care that's that's
fine I don't give a shit if a woman can build and fix things or any of these
other masculine qualities that I've got listed here so one example of
masculinity is building and fixing things if you're the sort of guy who
knows how to fix his own car or fix the washing machine or the lawn mower
kudos great toxic masculinity bullying not all examples of being an asshole or
a bully are toxic masculinity it's usually based on gender it's it's based
on you're not masculine enough or you're too feminine or not feminine enough if
you're a woman I don't know but in general a lot of bullying is based on
toxic masculinity I saw this great Twitter thread where this guy talked
about his ten-year-old son who in every other respect was a pretty normal
masculine average boy but he liked to paint his fingernails it's just a thing
he was into he liked to paint his nails okay but he stopped doing it because the
other boys at his you'll tease the shit out of him for it
that is toxic masculinity the idea that boys are not allowed to paint their
nails or do anything associated with femininity it's okay to have your own
ideas of what's masculine and what's feminine it is absolutely not okay to
ridicule and bully and beat people who don't fit that another masculine quality
confidence women like a guy who's confident there's nothing wrong with
being confident toxic masculinity beating your wife or girlfriend
that's generally you know I have to prove that I'm a man I have to control
my woman I have anger issues because my dad never hugged me or something I don't
know beating your wife or girlfriend is generally toxic masculinity a couple of
other masculine qualities being capable and decisive a guy who can take charge
of the situation and get things done great wonderful that's the sort of man
you are good for you there's nothing in the world wrong with being capable and
decisive toxic masculinity sexual harassment and sexual assault it is in
no way acceptable to flirt with a woman in a way that makes her feel
uncomfortable and a woman does not owe you anything it is in no way acceptable
to put your hands on a woman who hasn't given you permission it's not acceptable
to show your penis to a woman who didn't ask to see it it is absolutely not
acceptable to tell a woman what you would like to do to her it's not
acceptable to do or say anything to a woman that you wouldn't do or say to
another man because it would be disrespectful to him treating a woman
like an object instead of a person is not cool that is toxic masculinity
another masculine quality being brave in the face of danger nothing wrong with
that everybody loves it here all right cool toxic masculinity being
condescending to women if you talk down to a woman and assume that she doesn't
know what she's talking about because she's a woman that's toxic masculinity
that is being disrespectful to her based on her gender masculinity being good at
contact sports sure
you know you've good football player good wrestler may be good at martial
arts fine that's pretty masculine nothing wrong
with that toxic masculinity as the commercial pointed out the whole boys
will be boys attitude I'm not saying that no normal boy behavior is
acceptable it's the part where they get into fights and sort things out by
punching each other that's kind of toxic you need to find more constructive ways
to deal with your anger now don't get me wrong I'm not a pacifist
I I do believe that violence is called for but it's supposed to be avoided as
punching is not supposed to be your go-to solution to a disagreement
masculine being physically strong again nothing wrong with that if you're a
bodybuilder and you like being a beefcake you're Dwayne the rock Johnson
great buy go ahead knock yourself out toxic masculinity transmuting all of
your emotions into anger it's a myth that women are more emotional than men
men are just as emotional we just tend to lean toward the anger side of
emotions our emotions tend to be more aggressive that's how we deal with our
emotions we get angry at ourselves for having them and so we transmute them
into anger and hit someone or insult them or whatever women talk things out
rather than punch each other as you should another example of toxic
masculinity doing literally anything just to prove that you're a man don't do
that don't do anything just to prove that you're a man don't give in to that
pressure the guys who are pressuring you to do something just to prove that
you're a man that's toxic masculinity being disappointed in your sons for not
being interested in sports that's toxic masculinity if your son plays with
Barbies and wants to be an artist instead of a football player and you're
disappointed in him then there's something wrong with you not him
almost all homophobia is based on toxic masculinity the idea that gay men are
too effeminate and need to act more like man
Amen yeah that's toxic masculinity and by the way there are plenty of gay men
out there who are more masculine than you will ever be there are plenty of gay
men out there who are hairy beefy muscular bearded guys chomping on
cigars riding motorcycles chopping down trees and belting MOG cabins with their
bare hands guys who could kick your ass from here to next week but they like
dick and that's fine the profound need to prove that you are a man is toxic
masculinity the idea that being a man and proving it is very very important is
toxic masculinity are you an example I kind of hate the taste of beer I think
it tastes like piss I don't know how it's fit for human consumption I don't
know why anyone pretends to like it except I do they feel like they have to
like it to prove that they're men I used to get so much shit when I was in my 20s
from guys who were beer drinkers and didn't feel that I was masculine enough
because I wasn't drinking beer I'm sorry that I don't define my masculinity by my
ability to drink large quantities of something that tastes terrible I prefer
to define my masculinity by my ability to drink what I want and not care what
assholes think about it
now if you're a man watching this and you're thinking to yourself wait a
minute Tim I'm not that kind of asshole I don't disrespect women I don't bully
other men for not being masculine enough I'm a very live-and-let-live kind of guy
then the commercial wasn't talking to you
that's something these fragile snowflakes need to understand the
commercial wasn't talking about all men it was talking about assholes if you're
not the kind of man who treats other men like shit for not being masculine enough
then the commercial wasn't really talking to you if you are man who is
respectful to women and treats them well the commercial wasn't really talking to
you I mean it was talking to you in the
sense that it's really up to us to teach the toxic ones not to be toxic we have
to do that the toxic men are not going to listen to the women so it's up to us
and the commercial was talking to us in that respect the guys who are
complaining about this commercial are just so fragile that's what it is it's
fragile masculinity toxic masculinity is fragile masculinity if you feel
threatened and offended by this commercial it's because your masculinity
is fragile a man who is truly secure in his manhood doesn't need to prove it to
other men doesn't care what other men think about his manhood you remember
when I said earlier about confidence being masculine the guy's complaining
about this commercial lacked that confidence a guy who is truly confident
in his own masculinity in his manhood doesn't need to do all this toxic shit
those guys are afraid of not being seen as masculine enough they're afraid of
being seen as weak they're afraid to cry crying and masculinity are not mutually
exclusive I mean if you cry at the drop of a hat there may be a problem but it's
not one that you should be beaten for bully for there are times when it is
perfectly legitimate and okay to cry but some guys hold it in and they've
transmute that into anger and take it out on someone else that is toxic
masculinity so yeah the point of the commercial isn't to say that
all things men do are toxic the commercial wasn't attacking all men it
was only attacking the asshole men the assholes who are super obsessed with
being a man and proving that they're a man if that's not you then the
commercial wasn't really talking to you what is wrong with you that you could be
so deeply offended at the idea of being asked to not be an asshole what is wrong
with you that being a better person is too much to ask if you want to run
around beating your chest and firing guns and drinking beer while watching
football with your friends fine god bless you do what you like but don't
give shit to the guys who aren't interested in that yeah I'm wearing a
Seahawks Jersey but it's not because I give a shit about football I don't I
just like jerseys this is my this is my pajama top basically I wear this around
home I've got my Seahawks Jersey and sweats that's my standard uniform when
I'm home doing nothing toxic masculinity is not being okay with other men not
fitting your idea of what a man is to not be toxic is to have a live and let
live attitude that says hey this guy doesn't like beer fine that's there's
nothing wrong with that this guy doesn't watch football fine who
cares this guy likes to paint his nails whatever who cares this guy likes to
dress entirely in drag III don't have no problem with that
that's fine this commercial was not attacking masculinity it was attacking
toxic masculinity it was attacking being an asshole because you're a man
that's all I don't know how any of you could be offended by that so that's
enough of that tell me what you think in the comments below do you understand the
difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity do you think that it's too
much to ask to not be an asshole what do you do to combat toxic behavior in other
men thank you very much for joining me for this conversation if this is your
first time on my channel welcome it's great to have you here I hope that you
will subscribe join me for future conversations and
check out my previous videos for more if you are a current subscriber welcome
back I'm sorry I've been away for so long I still want to do this at least
once a month I'm thinking of doing another video for this month to make up
for the fact that I didn't have any in December yeah I'm still working on
learning animation I'm hoping to show you something like that by the summer if
not sooner yeah it's and then thank you for your
continued support thank you for sticking around if despite the fact that I have
been significantly less active lately I will try to pick it up okay thanks for
joining me everyone see you next time
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