you know how I keep trying to teach all of you about the prefrontal cortex which
is responsible for a little thing called self-awareness and at how it doesn't
fully develop until your mid-to-late 20s well that's why we're going to be
talking about Tana mongeau today what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new
to my channel my channel is all about mental health what I like to do is pull
different topics from the YouTube community how to teach you how to
improve your mental and emotional well-being
so make sure you subscribe and bring that notification book so busy day today
this is my third video of the day I took a pretty long afternoon break hanging
out with Tristan and the kid and all that stuff but anyways I had a lot of
requests from you guys on Twitter and Instagram if you're not following me on
Twitter and Instagram yet go ahead and do that it's after we wired salt and you
guys keep me in the loop and you let me know topics actually just put up a poll
over on my community tab asking what you guys wanted me to talk about exactly
with the Tana mongeau video but there's a few things I want to talk about even
though you guys basically voted on open relationships all right so like I want
to throw out a disclaimer real quick because I'm gonna explain how open
relationships are messy but the disclaimer is listen I have nothing
against open relationships I have nothing against polyamory
do yo thang boo but here's the thing most of the time from my experience they
end up messy alright and I know some of you are gonna clap back at me and tell
me how you're polyamorous or you've been in an open relationship and I dare you I
dare somebody in the comments down below to lie to me and tell me that you've
never had somebody you were in an open relationship with fell in love with you
and catch some feelings all right don't worry I'll wait and be looking forward
to your comments okay it's very difficult it's possible but it's
difficult alright it's kind of like driving your car with your feet so I
want to talk about a few different clips in this video so first 10 emotes were
talks about her relationship with bella thorne and what are 10 emotional issues
and this is an issue that a lot of I don't know young people struggle with
I think a lot of youtubers especially struggle with where they want everything
they want everything in life okay so her and Bella had an open relationship and
that was cool right Bella thorne could just do their own thing they
respected it and that was fine you know they just pick up where they left off
they were just friends Bella thorne was dating her own dude and that was totally cool
right but what we see later is that that became an issue with her and Hunter okay
so as of right now one of the most likes comments on the video is to everyone
asking the difference between Tanner being open with Bella and her wanting
Hunter to not date other girls the differences communication consent and
respect tell Bella know what their relationship is Hunter left Hanna in the
dark while still playing with her feelings if hunter had come forward with
the idea of an open relationship and been honest maybe things would have been
different Tanna isn't a hypocrite the key to
relationships of all kinds is communication Wow I agree that the key
to relationships is communication tenha herself said this it became clear to me
over time that Hunter wanted to be just friends I guess you would say before I
dive more into this video again this video is a photon in this video isn't
disability it video is a dispelled gossip or anything like that I want to
talk about this because I have a lot of audience members who are eighteen to
their 20s I have audience members of all ages but
my primary demographic is young people and more specifically my demographic is
like I believe around 80% female - all right so I'm gonna share some stuff from
my experience as well so I want you to learn from these experiences and my own
experiences what Anna's going through and what a lot of other young people go
through this could all just be from my perspective his can be completely
different but I was made to feel like I was crazy because we were just friends
even though everyone around us 24/7 was like you guys don't act anything like
just friends you guys are going to end up together
we're gonna get married I've never seen two people look or act more in love
tennis says that quite a few times throughout this video quite a few times
she talks about how everybody says to be such a great couple they look so cute
you know she says everybody's shipping them that's a ton that the young folks
use that I'm just now learning but anyways let's talk about confirmation
bias real quick all right so confirmation bias is when we want to
believe something all we hear about is all the good things right so Tana wanted
to be with Hunter so she focused primarily on all the people saying how
great of a couple they've been right but since she didn't have that same kind of
feeling towards Bella thorne like I don't even follow all the stuff going on with Bella
aunt Anna but I'm sure some of you who do like tell me tell me I wish somebody
would tell me that people weren't saying the same thing about Tana and Bella
right like they bust have been they bust have been it's just Tana felt a certain
way towards Hunter so her mind focused on that and this is important for
anybody who gets into any kind of relationship or toxic relationship like
we we are so emotionally driven that we'll focus on all of their good
qualities a great example is any of you have ever been in a toxic relationship
has your mind chosen to negate all of the bad traits of the person and focus
on all their positive traits right so you're like oh yeah well they did this
but you know what I made that make me feel a certain way and they do this or
that right our brains can lie to us and only focus on the things because of
confirmation bias in the sense of he definitely wanted to hook up with other
people and be more wild and not answer to anyone but also not hurt me but at
the same time he wasn't very good at acting like just a friend to me now I'm
gonna share with you a real quick real quick story time and it's funny because
I actually talk to Tristan about this before I'm like are you talking about
this but anyways for all of you women out there maybe some man I'm like listen
like I'm telling you right now like I saw I saw at the friends with benefits
thing and here's why even though I was a terrible person back in my
drug addiction and alcoholism and stuff like that like I've mentioned in videos
before like one thing that you have to do is just be honest about what you want
right so I'll have no problem telling women like when I wasn't ready to date I
just got out a long term relationship or whatever it is right and I would say
like listen I don't want anything serious okay if you want to like you
know hook up or whatever that's cool but my problem was is that like I would like
cuddle and stuff like I couldn't not do those things and I felt like such an ass
because I'm like I know I am playing with her mind because I'm saying one
thing but my actions are doing the other and it sounds like Tana was going
through the same thing with Hunter where this dude was serious but he was like
holding hands with her having these long conversations with her you know spending
the night and cuddling and hang ya know that other stuff so like women like on
behalf of all the guys like me who do that or did that I apologize all right
like it was messed up but that's you know as I matured and got
older I had to realize like you know that's one of the reasons why this type
of open relationship or friends with benefits thing doesn't work for me
because I I I do those things that I give mixed signals and so many of us are
just so damn selfish we don't realize that like you guys when I talk about
staying single like one of the main reasons I stay single was because I knew
it would be unfair to the other person because I didn't have my head on
straight yet you know what I mean so like one of the reasons why I stopped
doing like the whole hookup thing or whatever like that is is because I would
unintentionally lead women on all right let me let me repeat that
I would unintentionally lead women on but I developed a self-awareness that
that's what I was doing so I had to cut that out because part of
improving your mental health is causing minimal wreckage in other people's lives
as well as your own all right so I want you to remember that when it comes to
this whole like you know hooking up open relationship talk deal and it's painful
every day I work on falling out of love I guess you would say was someone who
made me feel like we would end up together
right there I want to focus on that real quick because this is something a lot of
people struggle with I talked about it a little bit in my Erica costo video what
are the best quotes I heard like ever about love is this okay and I think this
is why people get so messed up after breakups or moving on or whatever is you
never fall out of love okay so like I think a lot of people
judge themselves because they still love somebody but what the this speaker I
heard say was you never follow out of love you love for that person just
changes okay a great example of that is my son's mom right my son's mom and I
I've been broken up for seven eight years now when Dylan was 2 or 3 years
old okay now I'm in a beautiful relationship
with my amazing girlfriend Tristan well I love more than anything like but I
still love my son's mother but it's in a different way okay
so I think it's important to understand that you don't fall out of love that
love just changes for the person so don't judge yourself for still loving
and oath and acts or you know whoever it was or somebody that you loved before
they didn't you guys it's just not how it works again after spending the last
year with someone who was so afraid of communication everything ended up making
me just like feel crazy for loving someone who was making me fall in love
with all this like we were to say like he made me fall in love like Tristan
said like that's a you thing and like you're damn right that's why that's my
baby girl right there okay that's a you thing I talk to you guys all the time
nobody can make you feel a certain way could you imagine that
could you imagine be like stalking someone down the street in my like
single days and then she's like ah get away from me I was like yo you made me
fall in love with you like what tanning nobody makes you fall in love with them
relax a little bit okay one of the issues that a lot of us have is a lack
of empathy too so like I am planning on doing some like reddit videos like all
slash nice guys in are slash nice girls like I'm not oh my god I made
a video a while back confessions of an R / nice guy but we lack empathy so like
tear now she feels so hurt by hunter by not reciprocating those feelings and as
Chris and I were watching this I'm like how many guys do you think have
professed their love for tannerite they've told Tana how they love her
they've never felt this way before antennas like yo sorry just want to be
friends but then what happens to Tara and how she feels about Hunter she
doesn't have that empathy and I'm not just pointing all of all of this at Tana
either like you've probably done that too like for example one of the things
that helped me quit being such a jackass when I was dating was like if I hit up a
girl like on an online dating website and she wasn't into me rather than
getting angry I realized that other women had flirted with me or been
attracted to me and I wasn't interested in them I'm like oh okay
so not only is it that not every woman that likes me I'm gonna like them back
but not every woman that I like is gonna like me back like it's this amazing
thing called empathy so the next time somebody doesn't reciprocate your
feelings remember unless you are already attracted to 1,000 percent of people
which is a percentage that doesn't even exist then you need to practice empathy
and realize that sometimes people just aren't attracted to other people you
know what I mean then as you guys may or may not know I very recently started
dating a very cute boy named Brad all right here turn like when I wrote this I
pause the video and I turn to Tristan I'm like Tristan imagine you and I were
dating for just a couple months my youtube channel was where it's at now
and you knew I had a youtube channel you came across a video and like 15 or 20
minutes of it was explaining how much I was in love with somebody else like what
like oh my god like Tanner girl you didn't need to make a video about this
you just started dating some dude so this is a lesson from any of you out
there men women whatever like don't do that like that is disrespect
full to the person you are entering a monogamous relationship with okay talk
to your friends about it right talk to your friends about how you still have
feelings like journal about it talk to your therapist about it don't make a
video could you imagine the disrespect that you might feel if somebody did that
to you and again like that's one of the reasons
why I could see that Tana lacks this self-awareness you know like to end this
video I want to talk about something Tristan and I were talking about is I
don't think that Anna knows what love is and this is more of a young people
problem you know like what I talked about the development of the prefrontal
cortex and all that stuff you know when you're young like you're so filled with
emotions right so aside from self-awareness the prefrontal cortex is
responsible for emotional regulation so it's common for young people to feel
extremely attracted to somebody right but to through what I see of Tanna it
feels it feels in like I don't know her personally this is an assumption but if
you can relate to Tana and if you were talking to me I would say it feels like
you mainly have a problem with being alone alright that seems like your issue
it seems like you always need somebody around it seems like you you feel like
you need somebody to be there with you to show you that affection to show you
that attention and all that and like we think that that's a need but that's a
want and that's one of the main reasons why I stayed single for so long is
because I'll tell you this when when your brain tells you that you need
somebody in your life like that you lower your standards and when you
lowered your standards you're more risk of getting your heart
broken but worst case scenario you're more risk of being in an abusive
relationship alright so like again I don't think she
fully knows what love is I think she knows what a strong attraction is and by
no means am i saying that no young person has ever fallen in love based on
what I'm hearing okay so if you were to come to me and you have the exact same
scenario I tell you the same thing all right
but anyways anyways let me know down in the comments below like do you have an
intense fear of being alone and that's why you're constantly looking for some
new to date all right or if you want to blow my brain up tell me about the open
relationship or friends-with-benefits situation that you had that worked out
amazingly Oh anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video
please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and bring that
notification though because I make a ton of videos make sure you follow me on
Instagram and Twitter after we word so all up on there and you
send me recommendations and it's amazing and a real quick huge thank you to
everybody supporting it on the channel over on patreon you are all amazing I'll
see you next time
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