Waching daily Dec 31 2018

June 6, 1992

was the eve of my 21st birthday and my dear friend. Carrie Stacy who was like a sister to me

Was visiting me in Dublin where I lived

Carrie had just graduated from Smith College and she didn't have any plans for what came next in her life

And I had just finished my third year of college

As a visiting student at Trinity and I had learned right before Carrie arrived

That I would not be returning to Smith College

Like I thought I would

It's no fault of my own. It was beyond my control. I

Had a lot of anger and a lot of grief

But I also had no plans for what was going to come next. So Carrie and I were sort of

together

Staring into the abyss

Which in this case had taken the form of a map because we had decided that the question

Needing answered was not what would we do but where would we go? So there we sat

shoulder-to-shoulder

Crouched in the floor of my bedroom over as I recall a map of the United States. I

Believe that one of us put our arms over the parts where we didn't want to live

And the other closed her eyes and pointed and the universe answered

Albuquerque

We'll move to Albuquerque and get kittens that was the whole plan

Brilliant so a few months later. We arrived in Albuquerque

She from Portland, Oregon

Me from Birmingham, Alabama

I

Had on me

$700 and all the clothes I owned in the duffel bag

Also a boombox and cassettes because this was 1992

We couldn't find a place to live right away. So I believe

It was the Economy Inn, right Carrie? the Economy Inn on Route 66

Lucky for us. They had a weekly rate because we were there for a few months

and

In the next stroke of luck. I got a job right away because even with a weekly rate

$700 only goes so far

The job was at 7-Eleven. It was about two miles down

I had to be there at 5:40 in the morning, which meant leaving at 5:15. It was a long walk with no car

So I'm walking. I don't know if it would be the same today as it was then

Took me about a week to start carrying a switchblade

So had a lot of time to think

And what I'm thinking gripping my knife is that it's two hours later in

Massachusetts

And my classmates are still asleep

And when I embarked on my college career I intended to pursue medicine, Dr. Hahn, I

Mean I got to Smith and I fell in love with psychology and sociology. I was kind of a do-gooder

Smartypants

Naive for sure. So I'm not gonna lie. There was self-pity on that walk

Absolutely, but more than that. It was like this whiplash level of disorientation. I was like, what the hell?

Happened. I was going to be a doctor

Maybe a social worker. How is it that I am walking West?

Every morning down Route 66 gripping a knife

in the dark

But then like a beacon in the desert the lights of the convenience store and

The swish of the automatic doors and then magically I'm at work and

This particular franchise is

Nestled in the heart of

this little enclave of small weekly rate motels, which apparently is a thing in Albuquerque and

They served as the home base for this

Sort of community of intermittently homeless people that were all really kind of tightly knit though

It was kind of a rotating

group of people

Kind of bound together by struggle really they were all affected by

Pretty wrenching poverty and a lot of chronic illness and untreated mental illness

But I got to know them all really well their names and their relationships and their stories and

You know 7-Eleven we all know 7-Eleven. This was 7-Eleven

but better than 7-Eleven, we were also a gas station and we also sold hard liquor and

we we also had a deli I honest-to-god made sandwiches every day with loaves of Wonder Bread and

Tubs of industrially produced egg salad in between keeping the coffee carafe

Running and ringing up people's gas

I worked alone in the store every day, so

For the people whose motels were adjacent to the 7-Eleven and there were several of them. I

Was running the thing that was their gas station their a grocery store their post office because we sold stamps

their bank because we sold

Money orders their restaurant because hot dogs nachos deli sandwiches

The community center the liquor store all of it

You know and then also because we're on Route 66 there's this huge flow of commuter traffic and of course

I knew all those people by name too, because people are

Ridiculously regular in their commuting habits. It's a really interesting

piece to know and the most interesting and kind of terrifying part of every day was

the section between 6:45 and

7:15 a.m

Because liquor sales began at 7:00 a.m. Every day legally

So at about 6:45

Two lines would start to form in the store

Do you know where this is going? one at the back

where the where the beer cooler is with a chain around the the handle until I unlock it and

one at the front next to the counter because the hard liquor is up by me and

that would be okay except this is also when the commuter traffic really picks up and

So the store starts to get crowded and people in a hurry really don't like to be close to other people

especially when the people in line for liquor

For the most part are wearing dirty clothes and their pockets are heavy with nickels and dimes that they mostly got from panhandling

To buy their hooch and the people getting their coffee and their newspapers and wanting to pay for their gas or mostly in suits

suits there's a lot of tension and you know in retail, you know where the tension goes, right?

Ultimately, it's gonna explode and most most of the time when it explodes is the person behind the counter is going to catch it

And I know all of these people's names

none of these people are strangers to me and the thing that hits me over and over again, and it's a daily event some

Some man loses his temper every day, right?

Nine times out of ten. It's a guy in a suit red in the face

Shouting obscenities at me across the counter every day this happens

I noticed that a

Nice turn of events

And there are tons of witnesses. It's always a full store a

Nice turn of events. Is that usually when angry man leaves?

Somebody behind him

leans across the counter and looks me in the eye and says

Are you okay?

And you know what nine times out of ten that

Person has on dirty clothes and a lot of nickels and dimes in his pockets and that left a mark

And I'd be lying if I said that that didn't affect my worldview still today

Outside of 7-Eleven

my life and our lives continued much as you might imagine that they did. Carrie and I did move out of the Economy Inn. We

Found this really fantastic duplex on Princeton Street. We both thought it was pretty funny that we went from Smith College to Princeton Street

It was pistachio green and we got to tiny and adorable kittens and both of them ultimately lived almost

20 years old which was fantastic

We made friends. We threw parties we took fantastic care of each other

We drove each other crazy and the usual ways. I drove her crazy in unusual ways

I had this inability to take off my 7-Eleven smock when I get home every afternoon

It's kind of a running joke in our relationship even today

And all I can say about that when I look back on it, really?

Is that sometimes when grief and anger

Are too raw and too unexamined it makes you do really oddball things

So, I'm sorry Carrie that was kind of a weird one

But back at work, I was every morning and taking care of my customers there was John the Korean War vet that I saw

Stealing sandwiches my first week on the job. I just couldn't take it

I mean he fought a war for his country and he had no teeth and

I noticed it was always egg salad that he took because

He couldn't chew that much

So I would always make a couple of extra for him and I'd stick them between the Slurpee machine and the coffee carafe swear

I couldn't see when I was facing the register and when I saw I'm coming that's where I'd stick them and

By the time he'd made a lap and came around front. I

Turn around and make sure they were gone and they always were it was an unspoken agreement. I

Felt good about him taking what was meant for him

And there was Chelsey who would sneak into the bathroom to shoot up

and

Stay there for half a day, which wouldn't have been that big of a deal except

Her toddler daughter was always in the store when she did that

So I spent a lot of shifts with Chelsea's toddler daughter behind the counter with me

And I'd give her cups to stack

And it was okay because as long as her toddler was with me behind the counter I knew she was okay, and yes

I called DHS and I never saw them come but

While I was there, I knew she was okay, and it wasn't just me taking care of them

it really wasn't my second week at 7-Eleven Michael who was one of the guys who had

Pretty untreated mental illness

got right in my face and said

What'd you walk down central in the dark by yourself? That's not safe. You can't do that. And I said well

Okay, Michael better. I gotta get to work, right he said well, I'm gonna watch for you and I said, okay

Okay, you do that buddy

And you know what every freaking day that I worked there the whole time that I worked there

As soon as 7-Eleven came into view I could see Michael standing on the corner with a flashlight

The whole time I was there. I don't know what time he left his room. I never asked he was always there. He never failed

So I never did graduate the truth is I still hate that

But it occurred to me recently that

My tenure at 7-Eleven was eight months. I started in a September and I wrapped up in May and

Nobody could say it wasn't educational

And I was kind of working in my desired field by that time

And when I listen to people reflect on

The things that they cherish most about their college experiences. I hear some themes and the themes that I hear are

New experiences. Yeah, I got that and

Learning to take care of themselves

Check me out with a switchblade

and

Enduring friendships. I

Think we knocked it out of the park

Yeah, I'm good

For more infomation >> Joanna Agee, Higher Education - Duration: 13:50.

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Pastor Jorge Prado Vida com Deus - Feliz 2019 com Jesus (Happy 2019 with Jesus) - Duration: 1:19.

We are near the end of the year

and I stop to think about the promises we make

at the end of the year.

Usually we make promises without thinking about the consequences of these promises.

Solomon wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes in chapter 5 that " It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it."

Because when you make a vow and you do not fulfill

You're not keeping your word and your vow

and if it is not paid it's a debt you should not have

In the first place it is preferable not to vow to vote and not to comply.

Secondly, when you vow it's a debt, it's a debt you make with yourself

and a debt you make to the people around you.

Jesus speaks very clearly that we should take care

to do absolutely nothing, Paul says that we should owe nothing to anyone

but love.

So this holiday season

it is better not to make vows,

make vows that we know we can not keep,

but at the same time

we must give and seek some goals in life,

that these goals lead us

to an improvement next year.

What we learned this year

we should put into practice next year.

Do not forget, it is better not to vote than to vote and not to comply

Happy 2019 with Jesus