Today's topic: You haven't proven yourself yet hi I'm Doug Holt with
Author of Your Own Story and this is your daily growth hack where each day we
bring you a tip trick or insight to help you up level what we call the five to
thrive that is your mind your body your soul your relationships and your
business so what do I mean by you haven't proven yourself yet well I'm
talking to a specific segment of us and I include myself in that segment now if
you are constantly bettering yourself you also are constantly changing now
this is especially true if personal development or business development are
just growth in general is newer to you that means not just new that you just
are first learning about it but you're really actually diving in if you've been
listening to these daily growth acts we've done over 50 of them now and if
you've been actually putting into action the call to action at the end of each of
them you have changed your life dramatically I can guarantee that now
what happens well I'm going to tell you a story first
and I'll come back and relate that back so I had a client of mine who I've been
working with for about three months at this time and he called me up and he was
having a problem he said Doug you know my daughter she is visiting and she is
such a picking she's driving me nuts she's super mean to me she's picking on
me she's being rude and she's just being disrespectful now when I started working
with this man he wasn't at his prime admitting Lee so obviously somebody that
seeks a coach wants to get better well after we started coaching together
he started doing deeper dives he was reading books listening to audios
watching videos journaling daily doing his 90 day game he had taken a complete
180 from the man that I met before and it was amazing to see now obviously he's
excited he's grasped this new life he's going after what previously he thought
was impossible to have he was becoming the author of his own story and he was
vibrant with energy as a coach nothing warms my heart more than to see that but
what happened is his daughter was living with his baby's mom it came to visit him
now she's about eight years old she comes to visit him and now he's this
changed and now he wants to spend time with her
we're before maybe he didn't he would kind of pawn her off to somebody else he
would be disrespectful to her and to his girlfriend in front of her he would be
mean rude and frankly childish in my opinion now what he did is he was now
being loving he was being honest open in like telling her hey things have changed
I've changed I've seen the error of my ways and I love you but of course as
anybody would do especially an 8 year old she rejected it ok she's pushed back
this I don't believe this no she wasn't saying this out loud but
you could tell this was going on internally and I know this only because
I've been through this myself and you can expect this 8 year old or anybody
this goes to your spouse to - all of a sudden expects you to change just
because you have you have improving yourself yet you haven't proven the
change now it's easy to make a change now for a lot of people are sitting
tense you're thinking well Jesus hard you know I'm not thinking to change
myself and it might be and I get that I'm with you but the change part is
actually the easy part the hard part is keeping it up this is
just like a workout program or a diet if you've been on one before easy to start
hard to continue now it's only hard to continue because you give up on yourself
your former self the other part of you your thermostat set so low that you
actually self-destruct you self-sabotage unless you're staying on top of it
that's where this 90-day game I came up with comes in so handy is you're able to
stay on top of day-to-day now back to his daughter his daughter was simply
saying giving his dad a hard time like I don't trust you and she had to push back
she had a challenge she had to test him to make sure that he was doing the right
things and he was calling me and saying Doug I need help like I don't know
what's going on this is ridiculous you know maybe this isn't working I just
simply told look you haven't proven yourself you haven't proven yourself to
be a man you haven't proven yourself to be a father yet and we had a
heart-to-heart and frankly a very tough conversation where I had to be real and
honest with him and it hit him and he thanked me for that conversation one
week later I get a picture from him and he is backpacking in the back country
and sends me a picture of he and his daughter laughing and having a great
time so what I told him to do is just love
her even more just do 10 times the love 10 times the compliments 10 times the
man that you know you are show it to her don't just say it and every time she
tests you know that she's just crying for love she's crying to make sure that
you are this new person that you claim to be because she wants as she needs
this now she's an eight-year-old little girl but how often does this happen in
other relationships in our lives with your spouse I can tell you specifically
from my standpoint this has happened between my wife and I where I would
change and she would test me and I would break down and get madder yell at her
why don't you believe me I made a change and I'm changing I'm a better person and
I would get all angry and upset realizing actually you know what I
hadn't changed at all really I got triggered and I just blew
up and I got upset right away because Wow dare she test me and not believe me
when really if I'm being the man that I claim to be I would just roll with it
and realize she was testing me because I'm solid in Who I am now I've done a
lot of work and I've gotten there and I hope you have too and if you haven't
you're on your journey just remember when you're strong within yourself and
you're changing remember the people around you are going to have to wait to
see those results you can't just change and expect people to take away that 20
years of being the jerk or the 20 years of being the liar or the 20 years of
being lazy or the 20 years of being the person who is always the comedian making
fun of people whatever it may be for you you can't just expect them to change
overnight because you've made the change now in your relationships in your
marriage if you've been a jerk for 10 years and now you've seen the light and
you want to be the true king or or maybe a queen in your relationship you can't
expect that change to happen in a month two months maybe you're not even in a
couple years but if you're solidified and being that person if you really make
that change that's not going to be a problem for you you're going to carry
through you're going to be the change and show the results actions speak
louder than words every time words are important but actions always speak
louder than words so I ask you today in your five to thrive where have you made
a change and are getting pushed back from somebody else and realize
and really what they're saying is show me show me that change consistently and
where are you breaking down so patch those holes up patch them up and realize
more solidified you get in who you are as a human the more solidified you get
on your story how your being the author of your own story the easier it becomes
stand in your own power stand in who you are and everybody else will see it and
you will shine and if they don't see it it won't matter that's the beauty of
this it won't matter at all because you're just being you you're being you
now is this the new you maybe maybe this just really just the old you and you've
just taken away all the crap stand in your power and be you and show them walk
the walk and show them show them how they can become the author of their own
story you get the chance to be the inspiration there's nothing better you
can not only better your life become better the lives of those around you so
today my call to action is multifaceted I do want you to journal as always I
want you to break down your five to thrive and see where you may be breaking
down and where you can actually walk the walk a little stronger and show other
people who and lead with love but also I'm going to give you the opportunity or
I want you to take the opportunity because I know it's going to fulfill you
share the daily growth hacks with five people you love that's my challenge for
you share them with five people that you love get them on the path this is going
to start conversations with people that you love and people around you that
matter conversations when you're building your own tribe you can talk
about the same thing just like this daily growth a command if you had five
close friends that were listening to this right now
you could go out get coffee go for a run get a beer whatever and have a seat
conversation about this and growth be a leader build your tribe remember as
always be the author of your story
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