Hey everyone, welcome back!
I have not done a Q&A in a while, so it's Q&A time.
I asked you all on Twitter if you had any questions for me, and I even opened up my
DMs temporarily to let people DM me if they wanted to be anonymous.
And I'm sure that didn't backfire at all.
I also asked my Patrons over on Patreon if they had any questions, so I'm gonna be answering
those first, since you know, Patreon gets priority and everything.
If you would like to support me on Patreon and get little perks like that, and also just
help me continue making videos like this, you can click on the card that will be in
one of these corners.
I'll also put a link in the description, but it would super help me out if you wanted to
become a Patron, so thanks.
But yeah, let's hop into some questions.
Alright so someone asked, have you ever thought of going on tour, and the answer is: Not really?
I don't really have, I feel like, a tour-able skill.
Like I'm not a musician so I can't like go around playing music; I'm not a comedian,
so I'm not gonna do like stand-up.
I don't know what I would tour doing?
Plus, I don't have like the money or the resources at all to be doing that at the moment.
And like even if I did, I just -- I legitimately do not know what I would do.
It'd be really cool to like meet people, but it would require like so much security and
like a plan that I don't have.
If you have any ideas about what I could potentially do on this hypothetical tour, you can let
me know in the comments?
But yeah, I wish there was like a better way for me to like meet all the people who love
and support my videos, but it's, uh, it's tough.
Someone else asked: For lack of a better wording, how does one "become" polyamorous?
If you never had multiple partners before, how do you bring it up to a new or existing
partner, can one really claim to be polyamorous before actually entering a poly relationship?
So, as for like, "becoming polyamorous," I feel like it's just -- it's like any other
thing that you figure out about yourself -- it's like, asking questions and seeing what feels
comfortable, and then at some point, it's just whether you claim the identity or not.
'Cause I feel like polyamorous is more of like -- it's a type of relationship, and so
like if you're saying that you're polyamorous, it just means that you're most comfortable
in those kinds of relationships.
So if you come to terms with like that being the kind of relationship you want to be in,
it seems fine to me that you would label yourself as polyamorous.
But that like all things is just a journey of like self-exploration and finding what
feels right for you.
As for bringing it up to new or existing partners -- uhhhhh, existing partners it's gonna be awkward.
Monogamous people are gonna take it the wrong way, and I just -- I don't know if there's
like a gentle, easier way to like nudge people into it.
Like I think it's just -- it requires like bringing it up to them and talking to them
and being honest with your feelings about it, and it's very likely that they will just
like shut it down and that sucks and I'm sorry, but like, we live in a culture that's very
like default monogamous -- and that anything outside of that is like "cheating or awful."
Also, if you're new here, I have a relatively recent video about polyamory if you wanna
learn more about that.
I'll link it in one of the cards up here -- I really need to figure out which corner the
cards are in.
And can one really claim to be polyamorous before being in a relationship -- I would say yes?
Like if you know those are the kind of relationships you would want and that's how you picture
your future being, I feel like you can.
I feel like it doesn't require actually having been in one of those relationships just like
a lot of people growing up know that they're monogamous, even before they've had like longterm
committed monogamous relationships, you know?
They just know that that's what would make them happy.
And maybe they're wrong, and maybe polyam people are wrong, but like, at the moment,
you can have a label, and then those labels can change if you find that you like other
kinds of relationships, you know?
Um, and a third person asked, how do you keep going?
Like when you wake up depressed and without hope, what gets you out of bed?
Uhhhhhhhhhhh, look.
I... know this feeling, and I'm not even sure what gets me out of bed.
I think sometimes it's just boredom.
Like, I'm just bored of being in bed for hours and so I like go try to do something.
Even though I don't want to because I'm like, it will get me thinking about something else.
Um, and then other times, it's -- it's honestly just like little things, like having a TV
show to look forward to, or a food I want to eat or a something that's just a nudge
enough to get me out of bed so that I can then be up and forcing myself to do other
things in the world.
I feel like there are things that drive me in general that don't drive me in the moment,
if that makes sense.
Like I want to get out of bed to experience the world and be with my friends and to help
people, but in the moment of like being depressed and unable to get out of bed, I feel like
those general things don't really help?
There's a plane flying directly above this apartment.
Like, you need specific things to latch onto to help you get out of bed.
Even if you have like larger overall goals that are kind of driving you in general.
So, the best advice I can give is to find little things that give you hope or happiness
or anything that drives you a little bit and latch onto those and use them to kickstart
you to get a lil spark in you so that you can get on with the rest of your day.
Obviously this isn't gonna like fix depression, okay?
Like, still take your anti-depressants if you're prescribed anti-depressants, like go
to therapy and stuff, this is not a cure -- it's just a small bit of advice that I have found
sometimes works for me.
Alright, so, that is everyone from Patreon.
Let's see what we have on the Twitters.
Ohhh, this is gonna be a shitstorm, I can already tell.
Okay, this is a fun question, I wanna answer this one.
If you could dispense any condiment out of your pink finger at will, what condiment would you choose?
Absolutely choose sriracha.
I put sriracha on like everything.
It would be so convenient if I could just squirt sriracha out of my pinky finger every
time I needed it.
Fiona gets mad because sometimes I'll make food and then it'll be something she would've
wanted, and I'll like squirt sriracha all over it and she comes over to try and take
a bite, and it's like wayyyy to spicy for her.
It's my way of like claiming food for my own -- just making it too spicy for her.
How did you move your stuff to the other side of the world?
This may seem like a bad questions but I've never understood this logistically.
Yeah, so I didn't move a lot of my stuff.
I sold almost everything -- the stuff I couldn't sell I had to like put on the curb and have
like trash collection come get.
But it wasn't that much stuff.
Most of my stuff I was able to sell like through Craigslist or something.
Just list it on there for really cheap and usually people will come grab it within a day or two.
So yeah, it involved selling a lot of stuff, and also I just don't own a lot of stuff.
Like, I packed all of my stuff into one suitcase, and then I brought a second suitcase that
had like mostly more stuff for Fiona.
Whereas she came over here with like two full suitcases.
Yeah, I just like don't own a lot of like clothes or physical books or any of that stuff.
So I don't have a lot to move.
And the furniture I had wasn't like big expensive furniture -- it was kinda like the cheapest
stuff I could get at the time, so I didn't feel bad just selling it and then working
with Fiona to get new stuff here.
If you actually had like real legit stuff that you wanted to take like huge expensive
couches and like all of this furniture and stuff that you need to transport.
I don't know how you'd do that.
I guess a boat?
I don't know.
By the way, if you're new here, I'm from LA and I just moved to Sydney, Australia.
So It's a little ways away.
It'd be a very long boat ride.
Someone named Riley, I'm personally interested in how you picked such an awesome name?
I don't know if I've mentioned this before on my channel -- I feel like I probably have.
I was looking for a name that was both like, feminine and kind of gender neutral, because
that's where I kinda feel my gender is -- like in between gender neutral and like super feminine.
And, I know everyone has like different connotations of names, like some people think Riley's a boy's name.
But for me, I'd only like seen Riley as a girl's name, and I kinda knew that it had
that connotation of being able to be a girl or a boy's name.
So it was like kind of gender neutral but also mostly feminine, which is like matched
to me exactly.
And I also just like names that start with R and I liked the flow of it, so it just -- it
really turned out to be like the perfect name.
And I really like the combination of like Riley Jay, like I think it just has like a
nice ring to it, you know.
Someone just said, I'm just here to say I hate TERFs and that you're gorgeous.
Thanks, I hate TERFs and you're gorgeous too.
Fairly new subscriber here -- this deaf cochlear implant-user loves that you use captions in your videos.
Aw, thanks!
I'm glad that you can make use of them!
What are other languages you'd love to speak besides English and French?
Also, do you think you'll pick up a subtle Australian accent eventually?
Hopefully I don't pick up an Australian accent, they sound so goofy.
The more time I spend with Fiona, the more I start to talk like her, but I don't think
I've picked up the accent, I just picked up little words that she uses.
Like I say "soz" a lot instead of "sorry" now, and like when I say that to Americans
they don't know what I'm saying -- but it's like -- it really rolls off the tongue.
Um, so besides English and French, I really wanna speak Spanish.
I feel like that's a language I should've learned a long time ago.
Like, in middle school, you have the option to choose French or Spanish, and I chose French.
But Spanish is just like, it's just so applicable and useful, like especially in LA where I'm
from, like so many people speak Spanish.
It just makes sense to speak Spanish.
And I know like tiny bits of Spanish, and I have friends who speak Spanish who like
taught me little bits and pieces, and it just makes more sense to me in a lot of ways than
French does, and it's a lot more phonetic and like you actually pronounce everything in it.
So I feel like it'd also be one of the like easier langues to learn for me.
Also since a lot of words in French and Spanish are kinda similar, like they have similar roots.
And also some point if I end up living in the US again, I wanna learn American Sign
Language because that would just be super useful.
Since you've been in Australia, have you seen any big spiders?
I have not actually.
I feel like all of the like "evil creatures going to kill you in Australia" hype was like
real overhyped, like I haven't experienced any of that.
There have been so many goddamn cockroaches, though.
I was not reayd for all the cockroaches.
Like, somehow more than LA?
And LA is crawling with cockroaches.
What's one thing you miss about LA, and one thing you're happy to leave behind?
I really miss my friends.
I have some really good friends in LA and I miss them a lot.
But I am really happy to leave LA traffic behind.
I do not miss waiting in traffic at all.
It takes like two hours to go from one side of LA to the other, it makes no sense.
Does Fiona snore?
Fiona absolutely stores, and every once in a while, I have to like nudge her and get
her to roll over so that she'll stop snoring so loudly and I can sleep.
Ahh, she's gonna kill me for that question.
What is a meal or dish you have associated with a good memory and what is that memory?
I feel like I probably have happier memories associated with food than this but this is
the first thing that popped into my mind.
When I was in college, we all ate at like the college cafeteria thing, and the like
most popular thing was chicken parm?
Like, chicken parmesan, and it was pretty good definitely, and I think we all hyped
it up so much that every time it was chicken parm day in the cafeteria, we would all like
text each other and all like go running to the cafeteria to get chicken parm.
And I don't even really like chicken that much.
Like I don't even eat meat any more.
But at the time, it was such a thing that like everyone's texting everyone, we're all
freaking out and like running to the cafeteria, and that was just like a fun college memory
that I have.
How hard is it to be vegan in Sydney?
Uh, it's not really difficult at all.
There's so much like, there's a lot of vegan and veggie options everywhere around.
There's so many kinds of like tofu and fake meats in the grocery stores.
Yeah there's just -- there's like lots of stuff around, it's actually pretty easy, I like it.
So someone asked in French, do you plan to go anywhere where you'll have more chances
to use your French?
And like at some point, yeah.
I really, I haven't used my French like at all, a lot, in the last two years, and I really
want to go more places where people speak French.
I wanna go to Quebec and I wanna go back to France, and I liked Belgium when I was there.
So I do -- I wanna travel more.
I don't have the money to go to these places right now, but at some point, I absolutely
want to be like practicing that more.
And how do you stay so ridiculously positive and amazing with all of the hate you get?
Ya'll see a very -- you see like one part of my life.
So, I'm not sure I would describe myself as perfectly like positive and happy all of the time.
But, I do manage to stay much better than I used to have been just by like avoiding
all of it and not seeing it and also having like very good supportive positive people in my life
And focusing more on happy things that bring me joy.
Like it's certainly hard, I'm not gonna downplay that, but I've figured out some coping strategies
that help me a little bit more.
How's your experience been with straight cis men, do they hit on you frequently or not?
If so, how's that make you feel or how do you react/respond if at all?
Yeah, so like recently, I don't know, the last few months or so, straight cis dudes
have been like talking to me way more than I would like, and I just wish they would stop.
And my reaction tends to be, I just like ignore them or I give the bare minimum response,
like when they're asking questions I'll just be like, "Mm. Mm."
And just keep like a deadpan face and for some reason, like a lot of guys don't fucking
get the hint, and they'll just like keep chatting and stuff and I'm just like clearly disengaged
and at some point I just have to like walk away.
Which is really is really annoying when I'm like in a grocery store and tryna do something
in a specific area and then I have to walk away from that area because guys are being obnoxious.
Anyway, yeah.
It's a thing that I run into sometimes that I really wish I would run into less.
If cis straight men could just not talk to me, that'd be great.
Lol, someone who's clearly like a troll was like, "I know you'll never answer this, but
worth a shot!
What are you thoughts on those who immigrate to other countries without seeking asylum
but do not follow immigration laws?"
My thoughts are I don't give a shit.
Like they should be allowed to stay here.
Immigration is bullshit.
Immigration laws are bullshit.
Borders are bullshit.
People should allowed to come here and be safe and be treated like humans with rights
and dignity and respect.
People don't like leave their hometowns and go to far away places if they don't have a
good reason to.
People like to stay where they are, and where they're comfortable.
Like, people flee places for a reason.
And I think we need to support all immigrants, whether they're documented or undocumented.
So, yeah, I have no problem answering that.
I have a very clear position on immigration and it's that the immigration system fucking sucks.
And borders suck.
And people should be allowed to immigrant, and because our system is setup in a way that
very few people can legally immigrate here, I understand why other people have to immigrate
here without documents.
Immigration is okay.
Immigration is a good thing.
We are better because of immigrants.
Immigrants are humans -- and, yeah.
Okay, alright.
Next topic, I'm getting mad.
Let's see what's in the DMs.
This has to be good.
Ooh, I like this one.
Um, hi Riley, I'm a huge fan of your work.
Thanks!
In what ways do you think sexual health education could be less cisnormative?
So, I think there are a lot of really easy ways to do this that sex educators could be
incorporating into their work without making like a huge show of it.
I think one of the ways is just using more specific language.
Like if you're talking about a thing that affects people with vaginas, say that it affects
people with vaginas, not just like "women."
Because there are men who have vaginas and there are women who don't have vaginas, or
if like you're talking about a thing that affects people with a prostate.
Just say, "People with a prostate."
Or if, for example, you're talking about studies that have been done on cis men and cis women,
say that they are for cis men and cis women.
Stop trying to apply them to like all men and all women, or like "males and "females".
Because scientific studies in general tend to exclude trans people, but then when we
talk about the studies, we talk like they include trans people.
And I feel like educators could do a better job of conveying that.
Like a lot of times I hear "sex educators" use terms like "biosex male" and "biosex male"
which I feel like may have been a term I used years ago or something, but like it doesn't
really make a whole lot of sense.
Like what is a biosex male?
Like, sex is so much more complicated than just like two binaries.
And so when people talk about these things like they're binary, what they're talking
about is cis males and cis females, like cis men and cis women.
And it would just be easier to talk about those two groups where we have research and
knowledge about that stuff and just say like "We don't know how this affects like intersex
people and trans people."
Instead of claiming that this is like a biological reality for everyone with a penis or everyone
with a vagina.
And that kind of stuff isn't even like -- when you just say "people with vaginas" it's not
like explicitly trans-inclusionary.
It's just like making that space for people.
Because it doesn't exclude the people who are affected, you know?
It also just takes caring and compassion and like wanting to be trans-inclusive, which,
you know, some sex educators don't wanna do.
What do you do with people who call you very biased?
I would say, I'm absolutely biased, and so are you, and so is literally everyone.
Every person you meet who claims to be objective whether they are a YouTuber who's like a big
"objective centrist YouTuber" or just anyone who's like "my opinion on this is objective
because I'm not emotionally invested in it," they're fucking lying.
Everyone is biased.
About everything.
You have opinions.
You have opinions based on the way the world has shaped your mind.
You have opinions based on the way you grew up, and how you interact with people, and
the people you surround yourself with.
You're biased.
You are absolutely biased.
Everyone is fucking biased.
So, I would say yes, I am absolutely biased, but I acknowledge my biases, and I know how
they influence me, and I try to be aware of that.
People who are completely unaware of their biases, who think that they are objective
and unbiased, they make the bullshit calls because they think it's objective.
They're completely unaware of their biases, and so they go on these tangents thinking
that they have to be 100% right because they're objective, and they're just wrong because
they're missing a huge part of the equation.
But they're not willing to hear anything else because they think they're objective.
So my answer is that literally everybody is biased and if someone tells you they're not
biased, you should be very skeptical of what they're going to say next.
So someone asked, When general internet assholes stress you out and make you miserable, do
you have any methods you like to calm yourself down and reassure yourself?
But I really like the thing they said after that, which was, "Because a bitch needs to
take a break from fighting TERFs every now and then, and it's difficult because of how
overwhelming online activism can be sometimes."
Yeah, I think that's really important to point out that online activism can be exhausting
and tiring and especially if you're at the wrong of like TERF attacks, it can be really really shitty.
Um, so it's important to take breaks sometimes and to take care of yourself.
Just as general advice for anyone whose participating in some form of online activism, especially
if you're trans or have another marginalized identity that's like constantly attacked.
You gotta take care of yourself.
What do I do, though?
I feel like my main coping met--blehghg.
I feel like my main coping methods are video games and TV.
Like I watch Brooklyn 99 or something else that's funny that kind of gets my mind off
of everything and gets me laughing and in a good mood.
Or, I go outside and play Pokemon because like I usually live in sunny places -- like
I lived in LA and now Sydney, and it's usually sunny and like -- sunny good weather puts
me in a good mood.
And I really like Pokemon, so Pokemon Go was like perfect to get me out of the house exploring and stuff.
I've also been playing my Switch more.
I've been playing like Fortnite and Splatoon and Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
Video games are definitely like a fun little escape.
Alright, next question is, do you have any advice for trans women living in a conservative household?
Coming out is terrifying, and I don't feel safe, but I also feel like I need to.
So, the first thing I would say is, absolutely 100% prioritize your safety.
I think coming out is like an important and good process, and like can help you, and in
the longterm you will feel much happier probably.
But safety is key.
Like if you are put in danger, if you're hurt or anything, that could stunt like your coming
out / transitioning process in the future.
Like it could be longterm more damaging.
So I think the important thing is like -- I know, I know it sucks to be forced to stay
in the closet because your situation is shitty.
So I can't tell you what to do.
I can't tell you stay in the closet or to come out or whatever.
But I do think I should tell you that you need prioritize your safety, and if at some
point you can see a future where you can get to a safe place where you can come out, that
might be the safest thing for you to do.
But if you wanna take the route of just like coming out and being like "fuck all ya'll
this is who i am," you absolutely have the right to do that as well.
I swear I can like hear my neighbor vacuuming, there's an airplane flying over.
Is there a noise that's not happening right now, in this video?
So yeah, I don't know.
My advice in particular would be to stay safe because I don't want to see anyone get hurt.
But I also know that coming out is really important.
I just don't want you to feel the pressure that like you have to for some larger overarching
like "all-queer-people-have-to-come-out" kind of thing, you just have to do it for yourself when you
feel it's right.
And when you feel that you're safe.
I'm sorry. I know that's vague advice.
I am sorry for the situation you're in, and I sincerely hope it will get better.
They also asked is it possible to hide your HRT transition from people?
And I feel like I can answer this because while I don't talk about like my personal
transition stuff, I did just do a video about like how HRT affects your body in general,
which, again, gonna be linked in a card in one of these corners.
But yeah, talk about a lot of the changes that HRT will on your body in that video,
and in general the gist of it is that the changes are going to be subtle to the point
of if someone's not looking for it, they're probably not going to notice like if they
live around you all of the time, and they see you every day, they're not gonna notice
the very subtle changes in the day to day.
So I think for most people, um, those you're living with and like seeing constantly probably
wouldn't notice you being on HRT, especially cause it's not a thing that they're looking out for.
But that's not like all people.
Like I can't guarantee that for you because, especially because breasts grow at different
rates, like someone people -- some trans women will end up with very small breasts, and some
will end up with pretty large breasts, and that's not really a thing that you can hide from people.
Like, most of the changes are subtle to the point of they won't really notice unless they
look at a picture of you from like two years ago not on HRT and a picture of you now and
like compare them and are looking for those changes.
Because there are definitely changes, I don't want it to come across as like HRT doesn't
do anything, but people are oblivious let's be real.
Especially people who aren't looking for those changes.
A lot of the changes will be different in how like people perceive you the second they
meet you, but if they already have all these pre-conceived ideas of you and what you look like.
It's not going to change so much if they're not looking for it.
So yeah, I would say probably, You could probably hide your HRT transition from people, but
that's not guaranteed because aspects of you could change more drastically than they have
for other trans women, you know.
And it's really hard to hide boobs.
But if you have small boobs, they can be pretty easy to hide with just a simple sports bra.
Alright, that seems like all of the questions that were there.
I'm sure that this is like a 30 minute video by now, so I'm sorry about that
But hopefully, this was mildly entertaining for you!
Alright, I'm gonna go start scheming for my next videos, but again, if you would like
to help support me making these videos and stuff like this.
You can support me on Patreon, I'd really really appreciate it.
Uh, that'll be linked over here.
I always get that wrong, no it'll be over here.
You can click over here to go to my Patreon, and it like would genuinely help me out so
much and I would really appreciate it if you could help support the continued production of these videos.
Also, if you just wanna subscribe to this channel and come back here for the next one,
you can subscribe by clicking over here.
Thanks so much for watching, and I'll see you next time
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