now we'll double record so we'll definitely have a copy of it between us
one when one side of the ocean and then the other side of the ocean so it's
great absolutely hey everyone welcome to the
show I am super excited that you're here because today I'm joined by a very good
friend robert murray who is the high performance coach who's been trained by
brendon burchard himself he is absolutely amazing he's connected with
some really really awesome people and today is going to be a different kind of
show because guess what we're all on a journey we want different things we are
heading in different directions but guess what we're all on our own personal
journey and the biggest kind of obstacle that we face sometimes in our journey is
the fact that we don't know who to go to to ask for the answers to the questions
that we have and who can actually show us the way the stepping stones that we
need to step on in order to go where we want to go so today Robert and I decided
to do something really special for you guys what we're going to do is we're
going to share with you our networking tips and these are not going to be the
conventional stuff that you find on blogs and websites but it's something
that we have both learned over time going through many different experiences
connecting with lots of amazing people and we want to share with you the
non-conventional networking tips on how you actually find connect and build
relationship with top influencers top thought leaders industry experts and
anybody else that you want to connect and Roberts got some really amazing
people in his life he's got mentors and really amazing friends I mean he's
connected to Brendon Burchard and his inner circle of high-performance coaches
so you can just imagine the amount of value that Robert will be bringing to
this conversation and with me you have seen the kind of cast that I've had on
the show everybody from two o'clock to mr. Robert Murray himself so you can see
that I have managed to connect and build relationship with also some really
amazing people so we're both going to share all that with you so with that
without much further ado Robert welcome to the show and let's do
this I'm super excited about this yeah thanks yeah and you know it's funny
because we've been talking about doing like in the little ensemble show a
couple of times and we finally pulled it off and
the really cool thing about this is that I'm doing this right in the middle of a
three-day event of three-day live event with people where I've gotten to
practice things in real time and and a lot of the things that that I could
share is things that I have time tested by going to perhaps 50 or 70 events over
the last two years over and over again watching people some of the best of the
best who have have really dialed in the networking and then also experimenting
in real time with what works and what doesn't work so yeah this is fun this is
exciting to to really just have a conversation with you about what you
know what you found works and to share some of the things that I found works
really well in in the world of networking absolutely and you know what
I'm super grateful that you are taking time out of the three-day event to
actually come back home to just record this and then you're gonna be going back
there so I really appreciate it but you know for for the audience I mean
everybody's on their own journey and what we're just hoping to do is just
show them some of the some of the ways that we have found success in our
networking and how we have managed to connect with people because at the end
of the day you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with
so the people you spend the most time with
they both always have the answers to the questions that you're looking for they
would have accomplished the same you know level of success that maybe you
want to accomplish in your life so well who do you turn to right like where do
you go and that's the big question that we want to solve for the audience day
and we want to show them how they can go from zero to a hundred by accelerating
their their network by the network yeah absolutely absolutely yeah you know it's
interesting because one of the things that I've realized going into an event
like this is one of the most important foundational steps for networking is
getting okay with yourself first hmm and that doesn't seem you know like what you
know don't you lean to learns tricks and strategies and tactics and everything
and so no actually I would say you probably are better off not even getting
in your own head much about strategies and tactics and
what you normally think networking is because I don't know about you I've gone
to dozens of events where the traditional they they post it as a
networking event or you go into it with the expectation of networking and what
I've done in that is oh I'm gonna go I'm making a decision right off the bat I'm
gonna go because there's somebody there who can do something for me and that's
why I want to go and if I don't think there's anybody there that anyone who's
a potential customer anyone who's a potential contact a potential mentor
then it's like oh I'm not going to go to that I don't know waste my time at
another one of those events which is that whole mindset is one of the first
things to like just throw out on the topic of networking if you want to be
effective at doing it because it's really not about us it's about in some
ways trusting our own intuition of whether it's right or not to go to an
event and it's probably better off to think about do I have something of value
to add to that event can I contribute to it and if I go in with the idea that I'm
going to an event there may be some unease life I can touch there may be
somebody that I can help there may be somebody that I can contribute to then
my whole idea of networking just chefs so probably my top tip going into any
networking event is to know in my own heart that I have value to offer being
okay with myself and just being well they talk about integrity but but having
the integrity of like Who I who I'm trying to be who I want to be who I'm
growing into and what I'm doing are aligned with each other and I know that
even as I am I have value to add to myself without having to get somebody
else into my life for more information or more praise or anything from somebody
yeah and that's a pretty important Robert because for most people they
struggle with that they're like I'm going to this event or I'm you know
going to this party whatever it is and there's going to be lots of really
amazing people who are like maybe lightyears ahead so what do I have to
offer them but it's really important I think you
it Pinilla on the head that you have something to offer simply because your
own experience is unique nobody else is like you they haven't bought the same
path in life and so you do have something you need to offer them maybe
it's not going to be like a million dollar contract but hey it might just be
a resource that you come across an article you have read something that
actually helps them in their journey but you will have something to some of
something of value to add to them it's just a matter of getting in there and
starting a conversation and through the conversation you'll be able to figure
out how you can add value to them so I love that mm-hmm yeah yeah exactly right
and really just be looking for those opportunities one of the things that
I've done going into event is just to be super
curious like intentionally and and one question I run through my mind and other
than just the reminding myself to be curious is to always be asking what is
this person doing what are they focused on and what help do they need and how
can I offer them help and sometimes it's not just things that I know it could be
connections that they're looking for it can be resources that I can direct them
to or it can be something something that I share so it's really just that
constant question I might have what does this person looking for how can I add
value right now exactly and you might not be able to add values them right in
that moment but through a conversation what you'll be able to do is find out
where they need help what are they excited about what the challenges
etcetera and then maybe hey next week you come across somebody you're like oh
I know like they were looking for somebody you know who can help them with
marketing and you know this person does marketing maybe I can make that
connection or maybe it's a resource you come across like oh look you know here's
this wonderful resource that can actually help them get their product of
their message into the mainstream media and you can you know introduce them to
that resource or the fact that maybe you can you know help them yourself so you
walk away you go home and you you actually learn something over time in
the next you know few weeks you are online course on marketing and then you
turn on is like oh you know what that person wanted some help with mark
I can totally help them now but it might not be in that moment so you know for
most people and they say what do I have to offer them well just go there start a
conversation and as a conversation flow you may be able to find opportunities
where you can add value to them hmm yeah yeah you know it's interesting sometimes
even by late leading by example I had an interesting conversation at after the
event everybody went down to the hotel lobby for wine and they were just
talking and I was sharing something about myself which didn't necessarily it
wasn't flattering in the normal sense of the world I would I was sharing how I
found myself being jealous of a colleague because she was so good I mean
she was just that good and that I shared a story that when we were first starting
to work together I turned over and I looked at her and I said I think I have
a lot to learn from you know which was was humbling on my part you know because
she's you know 20-something years younger than than I am
you know supposedly I was coming in as you know let's say a senior guy or
somebody more seasons if you want to say that it's nice way of saying older but
but she was just that good and when I was telling the story with one of the
one of the attendees over wine she said that was inspirational thanks
for being the kind of person who would be so aware and so humble of that that
he can see that he has a lot to learn from other people and leading by example
I was adding value but I was adding value through a moment of vulnerability
mmm yeah I love top I absolutely love that the fact that you grow vulnerable
but at the same time you know youyou you're actually recognizing the fact
that openly that you have a lot to learn from somebody who's actually younger
than so you are being vulnerable but sharing the story I think that's really
powerful as all where you actually share a story and you establish a common
ground a common ground of experience where you're just like oh yeah you know
I can share this story with this person and then they're like oh yeah I can
totally relate to your story I get that 40 happened to me as well perfect like
there you go connection right because to me network yeah all about connect and
the quickest way to build connection this is coming from Robert Shelley me in
his you know on his wonderful book sorry wonderful work on psychology and
networking and everything like that and his book which is called influence and
it's all about establish a common ground of experience something that you have
commonly and that's wonderful so I love that but what do you what was special
about her Robert like what made her so exceptional at networking well actually
you know so not this this particular person she was so good as a coach which
was one other things really surprised me the thing that was interesting about the
person that I was talking to is that then she was super curious with me and
she was so present so this is this is one of the the superpowers that I've
noticed in networking and this woman who I was telling the story to actually
demonstrated it for me and we've had that was the first night we've had
multiple follow-up conversations including an hour-long conversation they
are following a because she made a huge difference in my life by sharing things
but she was so present that she knew the exact right questions to ask and she
didn't just take my surface answers when she was asking me questions like well
what does that mean why do you think you actually did that what do you think that
ties to why are you why is that so important to you why are you so driven
to do this and I was talking you know in that particular case about you know
connecting people to a mission that matters and connecting people to a
purpose and to each other in teams and I said it really has to do with connection
and she's like is it really connection and I'm like yeah I think it's really
connection for me that's been my common thing and it's like hmm okay let's
explore it a little bit and then we dialed it in a little bit more and she's
like maybe it's the wanting to be wanted and I'm like oh wow you know and then
it's like when people hit those things it's like yeah tears are coming my eyes
I think maybe you're right but it's being so dialed in it's so present in a
conversation when you're networking that you are hearing the story behind the
story you're hearing the desire behind the desire you are hearing the need
behind the need that that is when network mastery occurs when you're
looking for those things and it only happens when you're you're listening
deeply to the person and not just what they're saying but what they're saying
behind that which I think really is is a skill that that you can develop you can
get really good at it but it's not something that happens by accident
something you intentionally practice yeah yeah absolutely and I think so far
we've covered some really amazing stuff and it all ties in very nicely the first
thing we talked about was make sure you go there to add value like wherever
you're going whoever you're connecting with you got value the next thing we
talked about was being vulnerable being open being one normal and being curious
mmm-hmm and right now you again you know another thing you mentioned which I
think Fritz and absolutely perfectly is being present be totally present don't
think about anything else don't think about you know who's talking to who and
what's going on over there and are there talking about this thing just be totally
present and be with that person yeah yeah you know and it's funny too because
those are all the things that you know i I've certainly seen and I hate about
networking it's when people there's a track going on in our minds all the time
there's there's always a story going on in our heads at least if you're if
you're me and I'm assuming other people are like this there's always this
conversation going on with your head even though you're having a conversation
with the the other person and the conversation usually runs too huh I
wonder if this person could be a customer I wonder what they could do I
wonder if they continue that I need to know I wonder if they'll whatever you
know something that I can get and then there's that other conversation enough
oh I wonder if I'm wasting my time talking to this person maybe that person
that I'm seeing over there that's a big name podcaster I want to go talk to him
and see if I can get it on his show or something there's that those voices
and that being presence is really just noticing that those voices are there and
ignoring them paying you know drawing our attention
back to the person that's right in front of us because that's when that that real
connection is established absolutely and I'm very glad that you mentioned that
because the the conversation you talked about this running inside your head I
think that that really needs to be swapped with you know with something
something more positive something alive and this is something that you know the
conversation that I have in my head when I'm with somebody and that is one how
can I you know drop so much love on this person that they become by my biggest
fan mmm so not in the sense that I'm superior to them like you know and and
then they are my fan and they're looking up to me but the fact is like we we we
actually essentially start to develop a such a deep connection in in those few
moments that it seems like we have been in you know we've known each other for a
very very long time and we become each other's fans because as I am there I'm
also trying to learn about that you know value to that so my the conversation I
have is like how can I actually turn them into my biggest fan and how can I
be their biggest fan and their biggest supporter with what they're doing in
their life and how I can help them on their journey and that's the
conversation I think that if we have really puts you in a solid stance to
build those you know really long lasting solid relationships yeah yeah absolutely
yeah because then your your real then then your real you're a real person
you're making a connection on a human human level absolutely and one one other
thing that I would like to mention here is that don't hold back
mm-hmm because a lot of the time you know you also have that thing like if I
if I give like everything then like I won't have anything I won't be holding
on to anything and you know they they might be able to get ahead of me or
whatever right you have that kind of conversation right at the back of you
had really tiny voice but it'll be there somewhere I know it's gonna be there so
you know you you have to counteract that and though the way I think about it is
the fact that I'm not gonna hold anything back if I can help this person
with you know through connections through my time through my
energy to you know any resources that have anything at all then I'm going to
help I'm just going to go there and help them right exactly
and I'm not even hold back because what happens is that that's when you're
really truly being genuine and that can be sense like other people will turn
around be just like you know I Wow like I didn't exceed unting like that for me
because everybody's expected something back right but you're right and so
genuine that I am I can I can absolutely see then I had loads of people aren't
know about you are but I'm sure people have turned on and said that to you
because I know just how open and genuine you are but people have turned r2bees
it's like wow this is amazing like nobody's ever you know done this pair or
nobody's ever dealt with me this right before because you're so giving so open
and I love it yeah yeah no you know it's a hundred percent right because part of
the voices in our head is always am I being sold something what's this
Parisians angle right and it's interesting cuz one of the things that
that I learned through the appreciative inquiry facilitation is the number one
question somebody's asking himself when he walks into a situation is am i safe
um you know do I belong am i safe here you know those are the questions the
person has so as you're adding value first of all just being president makes
people feel safe and then when you don't have that angle going on in your head
then the person feels that lack of an angle they feel safe they feel
comfortable that's when they can become themselves that's when they can drop
their guard like you know yeah I I'm okay but you could tell that you know
it's like alright when are you gonna start the sales pitch and as soon as
that happens I'm gonna find some way of excusing myself for talking to somebody
else and when the sales pitch never comes they're like wow this person is
really real so also real dude I I love that yeah yeah absolutely and and I
think that happened with us like the first time we connected and that
immediately there was so much energy so much connection they were just like dude
it's like unknown guard of my life yeah yeah exactly
yeah you just start vibing off the people then you become instant brothers
you know even even if we're across the ocean from each other
right the electronic connection exactly exactly and and the other thing I want
to mention here also is the fact that you know don't lose touch because what
happens is a lot of the times when you actually get to meet new people you
start to lose touch with the people you met a while ago right but the important
thing is not to lose touch and try and you know find some time some way you
know just some excuse to just get in touch with them and say like hey how is
everything going or what happened with that you know book you were working on
or that project that you were about not like just find some way of getting in
touch with them because that's where people really find you know value in you
because a lot of times you see somebody along the way and you know you might
connect with them for a bit but then it dies and I've had people like on my
LinkedIn profile I've had people leave me recommendations and they said like
you I'm always benefitting for my relationship with talal like he's always
looking of some way of finding I forgot about Salah but he chose R is always
contacting he's like oh yeah I'll connect should be this podcast or I'll
do this I'll do that and I don't do it so they can actually you know leave me
recommendations or LinkedIn page that's not the point but the fact is it shows
like this proves that you know making sure that you keep in touch over the
long term and try and add value to them that's really different cuz nobody else
will be doing that people just do like how the relationship have the
conversation and then they walk away because that moment those that little
period of time in the short term was what was beneficial to them and then
they walk away great right yeah you know that's so true
you know I've been joking about this as you said you know I'm very active in the
community of the other high-performance coaches with Brendon Burchard yeah and
it was at lunch with one of them last summer and you know I her as the the
outdoorsy rock climbing runs adventure retreats and everything and we were at
lunch and she's like yeah well back when I was working for the CDC as an
epidemiologist and I'm like what I didn't know anything about
you know and and what I was reflecting on is that very often is in the third
fourth fifth conversations that you have with people that you really get to know
some of the juice and some of who they are and what their origin story was so
it's so important I mean this is our third conversation and I'm sure we're
finding out things about each other that we didn't know in the first and second
conversations even though we vibe really well so you're here 100% right I think
it's super important and you know I don't know about you but I'm certainly
adding enough events and meeting enough people that it really isn't possible or
practical to keep in touch with everybody hmm but there's this thing
called intuition which I've been dumbing down particularly the corporate version
of me that just like yeah I don't yeah I it's it's logic right like what I really
need is I need a CRM and I want an Excel spreadsheet and I want to eat you know
like which is fine I'm not that that actually is a good idea to keep track of
people and when you've contacted them so I'm not knocking that but one of the
things that I found the most important to do is to start trusting my intuition
when am at an event I know the three or four people that are important to keep
in touch with it's like I just have this feeling about them afterwards it's like
this is somebody I need to be in touch with and when I do that I will go out
and I will intentionally send them a calendar link and say hey I love the
time that we got to spend together I know there's some how much going on a
networking event let's schedule another conversation and then that conversation
leads to another conversation which leads to another conversation which
eventually leads to a relationship which can be transformational yeah so yeah I
think that's super important you know maybe it sounds too we would trust your
intuition but I'm not sure if I found a better way to do it then tend to do it
that way no absolutely not because I think you know trusting your intuition
is really really important it's one of the most important things you can do
when it comes to networking because you see this you know at times there you
just get that feeling right there's that synchronicity and and there's that
energy there's that connection and you just like wow this is amazing
and the way I think about it and this is
gonna sound super weird is that if I go to a networking event how many people do
I want to hug before I say goodbye to them many mean I want to give them a hug
before I want to say goodbye to that that's it I want to say end up touch
with that person that's how I know that's a great one I love that you don't
even know this cuz we haven't had that many conversations but I'm all about the
hug so I loved that it was a great friend anywhere
I'll send you a hug right now I feel it too brother I feel it but yeah I mean
that's that's one of the ways I think about it's like you know I've connected
with so many people because you do mean loads of people on a networking event
it's like how many people you know like is this person before I walk away do I
want to give them a hug that girl feel like we have that connection we have the
energy where I can give them a hug and if so right that's it we're staying in
touch like that's that's how I talk about it and it's gonna solve super
weird but that's how I think about it it's a great framework so yeah and and
and one of those great things that you know to remember it's not the condensed
conventional networking advice I don't think I've read that in any networking
blogs or books or anything else so yeah that's some real inside solid
information you know so you gotta trust your intuition it's there for a reason
right it's there for a reason yeah yeah yeah yeah well one of the things that's
been interesting for me is when I'm walking into an event just assume that
everybody in that event is amazing and you know it's easy to do when you're
going to personal development events as an example that this like why would that
person even bother coming yeah unless they were into growing into learning
into developing them themselves so maybe that's an accidental networking tip but
go to the events that you're inspired to go to because you're likely to meet
other people that are inspired by the same things that you are yeah
yeah I don't know if I would you know if I could assume that and and I I don't
know really what even example to use but let's say I went to an event where it
was real estate investing you know for me which is something that I haven't
been focused on or doing I'm going to meet a bunch of other real estate
investors or or something which I may not be interested in but even then as
and that's a perfect example is what are the one what's the one thing that I know
about people in real estate or what I've observed in people in real estate is
that they're very in the personal development because personal development
and growing themselves helps them to be much more effective at their jobs
yeah so I'm trying to see the potential greatness in any event that I'm going to
it's like oh well I'm going to real estate convention I'm probably not going
to know a lot about real estate I'm not going to know about investing or
financing or mortgages or any of that kind of thing but I bet a lot of the
people going into it are interested in personal development because they'll be
more effective at their jobs and so I'm going to connect that part of them the
the part that is amazing and by going in with the assumption that everyone at
this event is going to be amazing I start looking for it and then it makes
it that much easier to see it yeah yeah absolutely and it kind of brings us full
circle to to the thing that we talked about earlier which is the fact that
when you go somewhere you know really come from a place of you know that you
have some value to add to other people right
you do have some value to add to other people and established a common ground
you know that they where you have shared experience and in this case it's
personal development even though you're going to real estate seminar the common
ground that you can establish is you know personal development and that gets
used you know in the room start the conversation etc and and build those
connections so it kind of brings us to do what we talked about earlier yeah
yeah that's awesome yeah I have to ask you the Robert like who has been the the
best sort of networking experience as in like you connected
that person and it really turned out to be a super you know useful connection
for you who was the person how did you connect with them hands down that the
thing is it's a category more than it is a particular person right okay I have so
many amazing people in my life yeah the category is it's it's always
been the experiences where I share an experience with some but the at a an
educational event so I'm gonna give you a hard example cuz you were asking you
know like who's the person or who's the set of people so we were in order for
Brendan's high performance coaching we go back every year to get recertified
and the year and the certification process is you know five ten to twelve
maybe longer if you start counting dinners ten to twelve hour days of
training where you're training back and forth so it's an experience that we're
going through yeah so one of the times knowing that this was impactful I rented
a giant mansion near the location of the training and I said hey guys I've got a
place for ten people if anybody wants to share a house we can share a house
together it'd save some money on the hotel bells and it gives us an
experience together where we're being a family we can have breakfast together we
can go back and forth we can literally live together while we're going to do
this experience so fast forward you know you form a family like a brother and
sister like relationship and then from that we decided to join a mastermind to
practice rib coaching as an example in that case and how to build our coaching
businesses together and then that interaction which then became a
mastermind which we met every two weeks on an ongoing basis has been one of the
most transformational things in my life because we're on this journey to get
there it's that hero's journey where we're all in a very similar place and
we're training together you know the dragon just came and burned down our
village and we're not gonna all run off in different directions to go kill the
dragon we're gonna train together side by side we're gonna figure out what
skills we need we're going to identify the superpowers that this person has and
this person has and we're going to combine those superpowers and together
as a team we're gonna go on this journey we're gonna find them we're gonna slay
the dragon we're gonna come back to the villages heroes you know it's that
journey that you're going on together so that singularly the the the ability to
mastermind and connect with people deeply has probably been the single
biggest impact from me on a networking basis and now I forms free of those you
know from live events that I've attended so that that's that might not be the
answer you're looking for but that's been the single biggest success with me
on a networking basis is forming those kind of relationships yeah I love it I
think that's a fantastic story and also again links back to what we talked about
earlier the fact that you know you want to go and you drop you want to drop so
much love on other people that they have no choice but to become your biggest
fans mmm-hmm yeah yeah and yeah this is this like is an amazing story and I love
the fact that you shared with us so thank thank you for that Robert and I
think networking because it's got such a negative sort of association in terms of
like it's where it's more of a exchange it's more of a transaction it's has to
be give and take but what you don't realize is that you know when it comes
to building any relationship and not just like business relationships when it
comes to any relationship you do have to invest a lot of time and energy and
effort and money and resources etc cetera into building that relationship
because it needs nourishment mm-hmm it's almost becomes like a living organism
you need to nourish it you need to look after it you need to care for it and
that's what you need to think about networking as that networking is
essentially building relationships you're sowing seed and you're gonna have
to act like a farmer and look after your seeds otherwise they will
never grow into like plants and trees and they will never bear you fruits
exactly exactly yeah so you're constantly contributing and constantly
looking for ways to add value and because that's kind of in your mind then
as you're saying you know like you know as as you're running through life I'm
thinking who would be good for Talal show and you know and I have already
introduced a couple of people it's like oh you should go check out my friend
Talal he's really great you know he has a great show you might want to get on it
connected it and that adds value and you know if I'm just gonna reflect something
that's interesting that that just happened last week and you brought it up
so when you have some thing to offer so as you know I think the second episode
we were doing I'm really a fan of appreciative inquiry I'm really a fan of
the flourishing Leadership Institute something interesting happened because I
was at an the live event and I was telling people about this crazy thing
appreciative inquiry that I'm doing and a lot of people were interested so I
sent an email now to my mentor John Berghoff and I said hey John what's the
best way to share this what are some of the best links and resources and do you
have anything that I can send to people and he said well if you're getting a lot
of people interested but then I have a you know I I could do a zoom call with
the people that you you bring to it and explain it to them and just do a little
bit of a debrief on it and I said that would be awesome so now I had something
to invite them to which was so valuable to me that I could then share so then I
started thinking well who would benefit the most from attending you know this
particular zoom call so I did and I invited a bunch of people from the
conscious capitalism movement I invited high performance coaches I invited
friends that I knew were interested in growth and organizational development
and personal development so and I told them all about this well we had the
webinar and we had 60 people sign up that were my friends to attend the
webinar some of said they couldn't be live but they
would watch the replay so when we had the live webinar about 22 or 23 people
showed up live which was pretty much what I expected what I didn't expect was
that as soon as the webinar ended my phone was like you know like look at
this you know all these notifications like what is going on and then my
facebook Messenger blew up and then I started getting emails from people and
people were like oh my god thank you for sharing that that was so meaningful that
was so impactful thank you for including me thank you for thinking of me thank
you for giving me that opportunity so it wasn't like I was pushing
something on people I was inviting them into something that had massive value to
them and when you do that and you're coming from that place of heart that's
that's the kind of results you get and the thing that it's making me think
about is even if I have something to sell if I'm selling my coaching as an
example if I'm selling appreciative inquiry facilitation as an example if I
know it is that good and that powerful which I do or else I better not be doing
it then people will have the same response when I invite them into this
and share the opportunity and if what I'm doing isn't so good then you know
shift that make it that good where where people are just like oh my gosh thank
you for sharing that with me that was such a great opportunity that was so
meaningful yeah so so that was one that was was really
helpful yeah I can relate to that revolver because when it comes to like
you know my show and I've had loads of people on it and the people I've had on
it they usually make recommendations just like you very kindly did you
introduce some of me to some of your friends and when I have those people out
now that's like my very first interaction with them and we then you
know record a show etcetera and and that goes live
but what I try to do is just try and really make it a you know powerful and
impactful conversation and what that does is that those people
who I have you know only connected with for the very first time they turn around
and they say do you know what I've really enjoyed my time there you know I
learned it and I'm actually going to go back and say thanks to you know
so-and-so for connecting us because this is really powerful and I think that's
really important as well that when you are thinking of other people and it
might be the first time you actually you know meeting them and in your case
obviously you had friends coming to the webinar but you might be might be the
very first time you're meeting this person but when you're really truly
being genuine like if it's felt people feel it yeah they can sense it that you
know this is this is genuine and then what happens with my guess and I mean
this is amazing is that they then say oh you know what I'll I'll connect you to
some of my friends and I I can think of a couple of people whom I might be good
for your show so I'm like hey great perfect let's let's make it happen and
it's it's been so amazing where I have you know had really amazing people on
like yourself and then gone on to make more connections but if I am really
being genuine and trying to create a fantastic experience for whichever guest
then they they they will be happy to recommend me to other other people where
I hate that essentially if you think about it opens up your network
exponentially because each new person you connect with guess what their whole
network has just opened up to you yeah yeah I love that I love that you shared
that because you know it's funny when I when I was just thinking about doing
this this webinar well I mean one one of the things that I didn't think about in
terms of networking was just beast so good just be good you know not only do
good because that's obviously one as well but just be really good at what you
do so that the experience that people have with you makes it easy and if you
do get referrals from somebody else you know make sure that that person is
somebody that you know will maintain the standards because that's that you know
like I wouldn't recommend my friends to talk to you had I not had such a great
experience on your show the first time and just loved you so much
I shouldn't realized what a real guy you were so then you know I felt
comfortable like hey anyone in my net at work you know that that would would love
to do a show with you it's like yeah I can recommend that they get on your show
without hesitation because the experience was good and I knew that it
would be good for them as well yeah but I think it wasn't like I was
trying to create this experience for you so you would recommend me to other
people it was just me being open and genuine right and then it wasn't it
wasn't fake it wasn't you know kind of you know fabricated it was it was
genuine and that's important that you are being open and genuine yeah yeah and
you know following down actually I wanted to actually touch on one more
thing which sometimes gets ignored simply because again it's an
unconventional thing and which is simply this the most of the time you really are
focused on your as you call target right I want to connect with this person
because of X Y Z right and then there are different ways that you research
them on social media and you try and connect with them and you try and find
out more about where they're going to be at what point or what are they up to
what projects they're running and all sorts other stuff right you tryna had
value to them you try to be genuine and one you know fundable and open and
curious and present like you can do all those things but sometimes you come
across you know somebody who is just untouchable unbreachable because guess
what they are so big in their industry or they're so busy that like they they
get thousands of requests from really amazing people but you know it they all
just are shoved to one side yeah in one of those cases where I connect with
somebody who is just super amazing and I I stood still there to this day I can't
believe that I had them on the show and I managed to build such a good
relationship with them what what I did was actually didn't necessarily focus on
them I focused on other people or in this case other beings that they that
that were actually really close to them that were really dear to them yeah right
so it could be and I'm just generalizing here for people to you know
people to see where I'm coming from like it could be their friends it could be
their family it could be their spouse could be their children and in my case
it was their pets you know sometimes focus acts really showing care you can
show you know care for that person by actually indirectly caring for somebody
else that they are you know they really love yeah yeah I love that
yeah and that's something else like I wouldn't have thought of so good you're
you're you're you're really delivering on things that's like yeah I like that I
have not you know but that's that's a great way to do it and and you know one
other thing that's similar to that then I've started doing just because like you
know I genuinely care about people too but you know I've been in situations
where my friend said is now authors and Ted speakers and that podcasters and
when things like darn I haven't written a review of that person's book which I
read and I really like you know so I I took the time to write a review and post
it on Amazon you know at which point the author contacted me thanked me and said
hey you know in this case what's your address because I want to send you a
thank-you card and I'm like it's really not necessary I really did love your
book yeah but that's important for podcasters writing a review on the the
podcast it's something that that they need is something that's important to
them so again it's always thinking about how can we be adding value to to the
person and not just directly but you know what what can we do to support or
their mission what they care about I love what you said you know it's their
pets members of their team you know showing respect at an event to the
people on the team if anybody ever goes to any one of Brendan's events you don't
know it until the second or third day but his mom is helping to check you in
and giving you badges and saying hi so you know if you ever if you ever are a
jerk to somebody on your team you could be you could be literally you know being
a jerk to Brendan's mom okay that's not gonna be that's not a great way to you
know and likewise there are so many people of course now I know her and you
know I've chauffeured her and taken her to parties and various other things
which is cool I'm Abbi
because she's like everybody's mom particularly for the cannoli witches but
but likewise you know just generally I mean like ah I don't want to say it as a
negative the thing that was coming to my mind initially these don't be an asshole
but would which is a negative but just like just be be you like if you if you
wanted deliver helpfulness and and love and positivity just be that guy and be
that guy all along yeah absolutely absolutely I mean in
this case again it wasn't just like I was like oh I I can get in touch with
this person I can build a relationship or be their friend just but if I be nice
to the practice jenia like I I'm a cat lover I love cats I have a cat and you
know they this person who's absolutely phenomenal absolutely amazing they have
cats so I was like you know what I'm gonna send son some presents over and I
genuinely like took a lot of time I handcrafted the you know I bought the
present handcrafted the gift gift box I put like a day's work into it it wasn't
just like I bought a present shipped it off like I put about a whole day's work
into it going there going to different shops looking at the right size boxes
then actually bought a lot of stuff and handcrafted the the boxes which the
president was going to be wrapped in and then I sent it off with a handwritten
note right so nice yeah and and that was genuine like it wasn't something like oh
it's a you know kind of like a sleazy networking strategy it yes it is a
networking strategy if you use it properly because it gets you results and
it did get me results and that's why I'm sharing it wow yeah that's awesome I
love that that's this mind-expanding idea I mean here's the thing because
social media it makes a lot easier for you to see what they care about maybe
they care about a charity right yeah so like you know see how you can actually
add value to the charity mm-hmm but be genuine about it like don't don't be
just like oh yeah I fired a little charity you know and I can send them a
note afterward and say hey look I donated so much money to
you know let's let's jump on a call like that's not how it works if you have to
be genuine just like this is a charity I can relate to this you know and I want
to make a contribution a genuine contribution so you go ahead
you make the contribution yeah yeah the the you know the Stars just aligned for
you yeah yeah I love that it's so appropriately time that you say that -
because today is my birthday actually and I I posted on Facebook that that I'm
chairman of a non-profit yeah and I was actually asked to chair the nonprofit
because as my appreciative inquiry work and the ability to bring a team together
and that's what I posted on Facebook it's like I don't really want anybody to
give me gifts donate to the charity you know and that's what I'm really
looking for and so you know now I've gotten I don't know geez you know let me
let me just even take a quick look but you know I don't know how many people
have donated I think yeah yeah in hundreds loss on my check but yeah I
mean happy birthday I didn't bring it up because I wasn't sure you want to
mention that over here but yeah so it's yeah it's pretty awesome you know and
and yeah quite a few yeah I'm looking at 19 or 20 29 people you know so it's it's
just kind of a it's kind of a cool thing you know look for what people and I
think we really what we're saying is not just any particular strategy but we're
really saying be super curious about what it is that people care about and
then if you can help to amplify what they care about and very often you know
if you're networking with the right people they care about a mission that's
bigger than themselves and how can you help support that mission and get behind
it so yeah absolutely absolutely I think if we were to
summarize everything bobert like you know I and you can summarize it in your
words but if I was to summarize it in my words the whole thing with networking
and all the different strategies and everything we've discussed here it boils
down to this be a good person who is curious of
helping others right yeah yeah I would agree I I would I would probably say you
know summarizing it don't have a strategy the strategy is don't have a
strategy and and really just focus on being you being whole with yourself
being happy with yourself and being the kind of person that is constantly adding
value and just show up is you without a strategy that that that that just being
you you'll attract you know and here's the funny thing I guess I was thinking
about this with networking me just being me at an event is awesome because
eventually I'm going to be me so if the person gets to know me and
they like that then we're gonna have the basis of an ongoing relationship if they
are and if I'm acting some way or showing up as something that's different
than who I really am eventually in our relationship they're gonna say well wait
you were acting this way at the beginning and this networking event but
now you're a different person and I don't you know I so why not just go
ahead and repel the people that are not vibing with who you are and attract the
people that are vibing with who you are and we're all good that's the basis of
that long lasting bond and relationship with each other oh yeah absolutely I
totally agree because if there's no alignment from the beginning then
there's no point in pursuing that any further right because eventually it's
going to is going to fall apart anyway so you know you have to make sure that
there's alignment from the beginning and if there is alignment then you know I
like to go all in and if there is an alignment then I'm just like hey you
know it's not a problem I'm sure I can go and and you know fill
the relationship with somebody else and if this was just not meant to be I mean
things you know happen for you not to you so if then this wasn't happening for
me something else will happen for me I just need to go and look for it
somewhere else yeah yeah exactly awesome yeah well it was good you you
deliberate I really appreciate that you know we've talked at the beginning of
this you know let's let's let's not do the conventional networking advice let's
do some of the things we learned from experience that maybe is
is not necessarily conventional so oh yeah it was great I learned some stuff
it was fun absolutely and before before we go I wanna you know again add value
to you consumer brother and I genuinely care
about you know your you and your cause and your mission so I want to add value
to you so one thing I would say is you did this amazing webinar with John
Bergdorf about a appreciate appreciative inquiry which I will you know recommend
people to go check out it's absolutely amazing I'll put the links below so
people can go and check out the different web sites and stuff but when
you actually say arrange another webinar whether you do it by yourself or with
John Berger or with somebody else what you can do is there are people who have
attended or people who have seen the replay you can ask them to invite their
friends because guess what they've already had an awesome experience you've
got evidence to prove it but they can now confidently start to share it with
their network but you can encourage that by saying hey here's the link make sure
you share it with you know other people who you think might be interested or you
might find this content valuable and what that would do is 17 serve 60 people
you will have 600 people on the next webinar right yeah so true I like that
yeah I agree I appreciate that yeah no problem no problem at all anyway
um guys this has been an absolutely amazing conversation we had a blast and
to be honest with you I'd love to stay on and talk more with Robert and we can
dig deep and really add value to you guys because that's what we are here to
do to serve you guys and help you along with your journeys but Roberts time is
very precious he's gonna run back to the event so I just want to say so Robert
thank you so much for actually making the time on your birthday in the middle
of a three day event today and have this conversation with me I absolutely love
it I'm sure we go for for another
conversation sometime soon in the future because we just have so much to talk
about but really really enjoyed this and guys make sure you share it with other
people subscribe to the channel because it helps us grow and it allows me to
bring on more amazing guests so we can have this conversation with them but
with that once again I just want to say thank you for sharing this time with me
Robert this was absolutely amazing brother
there's awesome it's always fun anymore there will be many more
so with that guys give us a feedback and tell us what was your biggest takeaway
what was your best networking tip or networking strategy that you are going
to be using in your life to upgrade your network we love to hear from you with
that stay awesome hustle hard and I'll catch you in the next one thanks guys
For more infomation >> Leif Alenstar's Channel - Duration: 2:55:29. 
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