5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You
Narcissists often use sneaky things in order to manipulate and taking advantage of people
around them.
If it's happening to you, then better to prepare everything before it can consume you even
more.
In this video, I'm going to share with you 5 sneaky things narcissists do to take advantage
of you.
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Posted by Shahida Arabi, the author of the book 'POWER: Surviving and Thriving After
Narcissistic Abuse', here are 5 sneaky things narcissists do to
take advantage of you:
Number 1.
The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase
Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through
three phases within a relationship.
The idealization phase (which often happens most strongly during the early stages of dating
or a relationship) consists of putting you on a pedestal,
making you the center of his or her world, being in contact with you frequently, and
showering you with flattery and praise.
You are convinced that the narcissist can't live without you and that you've met your
soulmate.
Be wary of: constant texting, shallow flattery and wanting to be around you at all times.
This is a technique known as "love-bombing" and it is how most victims get sucked in:
they are flattered by the constant attention they get from the narcissist.
You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in
you, when in fact, he or she is interested in making
you dependent on their constant praise and attention.
The devaluation phase is subsequent to this idealization phase, and this is when you're
left wondering why you were so abruptly thrust off the pedestal.
The narcissist will suddenly start to blow hot and cold, criticizing you, covertly and
overtly putting you down, comparing you to others, stonewalling you,
emotionally withdrawing from you and giving you the silent treatment when you've failed
to meet their extreme "standards."
Since the "hot" aspect of this phase relies on intermittent reinforcement in which the
narcissist gives you inconsistent spurts of the idealization phase throughout,
you become convinced that perhaps you are at fault and you can "control" the narcissist's
reactions.
You are mislead into thinking that if you just learn not to be so "needy" or "clingy,"
the narcissist will reward you with the loving behavior he or she demonstrated in the beginning.
These are words that narcissists often use to demean victims when abuse victims mourn
the loss of the idealization phase or react normally to being provoked.
It's a way to maintain control over your legitimate emotional reactions to their stonewalling,
emotional withdrawal and inconsistency.
Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist's true self shows
itself.
You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never
truly existed.
The true colors are only now beginning to show,
so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented
to you with his or her current behavior.
Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views
you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply,
the narcissist is prone to projecting this behavior onto you.
The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal
and withholding patterns, even though the expectations of frequent contact
were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.
During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific,
demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless.
This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim
in public, blatantly ignoring the partner for a long period of time,
being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate
to the victim that he or she is no longer important.
Although, "normal" relationships can end in a similar this manner as well,
the difference is that the narcissist often makes it clear he or she intends to hurt you
by giving you the silent treatment, spreading rumors about you,
cheating on you, insulting you and disrespecting you during the discard phase.
Unlike "normal" partners, they ensure that you never have closure, and if you decide
to leave them, they might decide to stalk you to show that they still have control.
Number 2.
Gaslighting.
While healthy relationships have room for respectful disagreement and consideration
of one's feelings, with the narcissist, gaslighting and constant
emotional invalidation become the norm.
Gaslighting is a technique abusers use to convince you that your perception of the abuse
is inaccurate.
During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often invalidate and criticize
your emotions, and displace any blame of his or her abuse
as your fault.
Frequent use of phrases such as, "You provoked me," "You're too sensitive," "I
never said that," or, "You're taking things too seriously" after the narcissists'
abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse
is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.
Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse.
This is why victims so often suffer even after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist,
because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless
in their agency and perceptions.
This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it's clear
that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own
instincts and interpretations of events.
Number 3.
Smear campaigns.
Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked,
they need constant validation from the outside world to confirm their grandiose sense of
self-importance, and fulfill their need for excessive admiration.
This is why they are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers,
morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people
to get what they want.
Beware of people who seem to shape-shift suddenly before your eyes into different personas,
this is a red flag that they are not authentic in their interactions with you and others.
It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist will probably begin a smear campaign against
you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one,
and that this is usually successful with the narcissist's support network which also
tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people
who are easily charmed.
This smear campaign is used to accomplish three things:
1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse;
2) it provokes you into responding, thus proving your instability to others when trying to
argue his or her depiction of you; 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which
the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle
to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the
accusations.
The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the
narcissist and his or her harem.
Number 4.
Triangulation.
Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation,
uncertainty and infidelity.
Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate
their point of view.
They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions.
In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a
popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions.
Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the
relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress,
a relative, or a complete stranger.
This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist's
own verbal accounts of the other woman or man.
The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for
his or her affections, so, provocative statements like, "I wish
you'd be more like her," or, "He wants me back into his life, I don't know what
to do", are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure
about his or her position in the narcissist's life.
Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive
manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings
and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought.
Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check,
you're so busy competing for his or her attention that you're less likely to be
focusing on the red flags within the relationship, or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.
Number 5.
The false self and the true self.
The narcissist hides behind the armor of a "false self,"
a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world
to gain admiration and attention.
Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist's inhumanity
and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase.
This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is, the sweet,
charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse,
or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis?
You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist
first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to.
In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive
behavior and attempt to "improve" yourself when you have done nothing wrong,
just to uphold your belief in the narcissist's false self during the devaluation phase.
During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self and you get a glimpse of the
abuser that was lurking within all along.
You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded.
This is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist's true self.
The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more, instead, it is
replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along.
See, narcissists don't truly feel empathy for others, so during the discard phase,
they often feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted
another source of supply.
You were just another source of narcissistic supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking
that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real.
It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.
It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward.
You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor.
Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after
the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead,
one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.
Well, that's the sneaky things narcissists do to take advantage of you.
Really cool information isn't it.
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