How's everybody doing?
I'm really happy to be here... really excited to talk to you today.
Last time, I talked about the importance of diversity.
I told you a little bit about my experience with that...how I grew up in a small town
and then joined the military and wound up in one of the most diverse training schools
probably in the world.
So today, I wanna talk about my experience with moving away from home from a different angle
from a different perspective.
If you read the post, there's a quote that I put, and it's Confucius.
He said, "No matter where you go, there you are."
And it seems like yeah...ok yeah...wherever I go, yep...that's where I am, but it's, of course
much deeper than that.
I've discussed a lot about paradigms, and we've gotten into a discussion about exactly
what a paradigm is and how does it differ from a belief...and I think the conclusion
we've come up with is that a paradigm is a collection of beliefs.
It's a collection of experiences, beliefs, values, expectations and some of those things
are conscious and some of them are not.
But a paradigm is basically...the simple way to put it is...the filter through which we see the world.
Those paradigms go with us no matter where we go.
And you'll notice if you pay attention...people will often...you've heard of, first
one of the common things that we hear about is a mid-life crisis.
And what that consists of, I think, is just someone reaching middle-age and realizing
that they haven't really lived their life.They've spent years at a job that they hate
that they've neglected their dreams and the things that they feel like they've been put on the earth to do.
They reach this time of their life and there's an identity crisis, because what they're doing
and who they are...are two different things.
And if you've heard me say this before, it's one the quotes that I've made up and it's very true.
Just think about it.
Much of the discontent that we experience in life is due to the difference between
who we are and what we do.
Now, who we are could be like this searching, right?
And again, it's kinda like searching for identity, searching for purpose, answering the question
who am I.
And it's not as much about searching and looking for and striving to find what that is.
It's more about quieting your mind, getting rid of the distractions.
I just ordered a book that's written by Jesse Itzler, and...
He's a guy that I follow on social media.
He's done all these business ventures.
He's part owner of the Atlanta Hawks basketball team.
He's a cool dude.
And I became acquainted with him because he wrote a book called, Living with a Seal.
He invited a Navy Seal to come live with him for a month and train him.
And it was just this grueling month.
It was basically a journal of what that was like, and I read that book and it was amazing.
The Seal's name is David Goggins.
So, Jesse Itzler...I guess he lived with some monks for a while to have that experience.
This guy is just incredible, because he's always doing things to take him outside of
his comfort zone and push himself and his boundaries and just experiencing life
and it's just a really cool thing.
And he only eats fruit up until noon ever day, and he's been doing that for over 20 years.
He's just a very interesting person.
So, I'm about to read his book when get it.
I pre-ordered it.
It should be here on the 29th...called Living with the Monks, or something like that
and how much he benefited just from turning off his phone and eliminating distractions.
It's not about finding who you are; finding your purpose; searching for your identity.
It's about quieting your mind; getting rid of all the distractions; peeling the layers
of burden, and grief, and all the things that life puts on us
peeling all that away
and getting back to what we've always been.
And I think that's found in little children...you know the ones that believe that they can be
superheroes and save the world.
Ok, so...the mid-life crisis...what do those people do?
Buy a sports car...you know something.
A lot of times you'll see women...they will chop off all their hair, or they'll color their hair
or whatever.
And I can tell you...you can buy whatever car you want.
You can color your hair and style it any way you want.
You can lose 50 pounds.
You can gain 20 pounds of muscle.
You can join the military and change your clothes, wear a uniform, buzz off all your hair
you can do all these things.
You can move from podunk - pine knot Emory, Texas...population now about 1,200
use to be about 800...you can move from that to the most diverse training school maybe in the world
on the coast of California, growing up listening to coyotes, crickets, and cows
and then into Monterey Bay and listening to the seals bark at the ocean
and all of the difference in setting and environment, and my clothes, and my hair
I used to have hair down to here.
You can change all those things...but wherever you go, there you are...right there.
These paradigms will stay with you unless you address them.
Examine the parts of the paradigm, of the filter, of your box that serve you
and that don't serve you...and dismantle the parts that do not serve you, and build them back up your way.
So, one of the paradigms that I had... I was taught that I was stupid.
This is something that I heard a lot.
You're stupid, lazy, no-good piece of crap and you're never going to amount to anything.
I made a really good decision joining the military.
A lot of things would be different in my life if I did not make that decision.
And I went and I excelled and I did great things, but that little fu@#ing voice
was still there...the little voice that lives inside your paradigm, and it reminded me...
You don't deserve this.
You're not worthy of this.
You're not smart enough for this.
You're not good enough for this.
You're never going to amount to anything!
I don't care what you've accomplished so far!
I don't care that you were an honor graduate.
I don't care that you held that top leadership position out of about 900 troops.
I don't care if you got the best awards you could've possibly gotten out of this language school
which is one of the most challenging schools in the military.
I don't that you've done that.
You will never amount to anything!
And what happens?
Self-sabotage...that's what happens!
And it seems like so many times in my life every time that the lid was just about to pop off of it
I mean I was just about to just blow up...so to speak in whatever area.
And I have examples from...I've just got a lot of examples of this, ok?
And...just, my life could've been so much different, but...you're never going to amount
to anything.
Wherever you go, there you are.
I changed my environment.
I changed my clothes.
I changed my hair.
I changed the people around me, but what lived in here...what lived in here
remained the same.
So, I left the language school and I had to go to Tech School...long training for this
linguist job that I did...long training...some of the longest training in the military.
And I continued to act irresponsibly in my private life.
One night on a Tuesday, I decided to go out to the local big-ass club around here.
Back then it was called Graham's Central Station.
There was like 4-5 clubs in one.
I'd go there and just tear it up man...just...shots of tequila and drinking...just drinking my ass off
all the time...and just acting crazy and reckless and blah blah blah.
So, we went out...stayed out until they closed down probably at 0200 in the morning
got back to the barracks just drunker than a skunk.
Next day...0430 formation, somebody didn't show up.
About 0900, Security Forces which is the cops, right...the Air Force cops
unlocked my barracks door, came in and got me out.
I got in a lot of trouble for that.
So, I was gonna get promoted, basically...I was gonna get meritoriously promoted to E-4...#1.
I was gonna get commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant.
I was gonna go to school, right...get all that paid for get my degree and then commission as a 2nd Lieutenant.
stay in the military as an officer forever and retire. That was the plan.
But I was never gonna amount to anything.
I got all these awards...all this recognition...I mean, as much as I could've hoped to achieve up to that point
I did...but in my private life, I was behaving as if I was always gonna be a loser.
And if you do the wrong thing long enough, eventually it will catch up with you
and that Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, it caught up with me.
No meritorious promotion.
No more commission program.
None of that, and guess what I did.
I got pissed off at the Air Force, because are you trying to tell me that I did all of this great stuff
my uniform always looks perfect.
I have this commissioning program.
I'm gonna get meritoriously promoted.
You mean to tell me I did all of these things for a year and half to two years
stellar performance, and I screw up one time... I miss one formation, and now I'm black-listed?
Are you f'ing kidding me!?
Zero accountability and responsibility.
If you wonder why I talk about this a lot... man, this is just one story!
I can tell you stories that landed me in jail four times!
I'm not here because I'm some perfect person who has all the answers.
I know that you can change your clothes, change your hair, change your car, change your spouse
change your friends, change your environment... you can change all of these things
but if you don't look inward...if you don't take a look at your paradigm...take a look at how your actions
and ask the question whether or not they are congruent or in alignment with your values
and who you are...and stop worrying about other people.
Les Brown says, "It's a full-time job just working on you."
Just working on yourself.
And if we're dedicating ourselves to that...to analyzing our paradigms...to figuring out
what parts of our filter and how we see the world and relate to other people is serving us
and what parts are not and deconstructing the parts that don't and building it back up
with action and personal responsibility and awareness to things that will serve us
and allow us to be of better service to other people.
That is what this community is about.
That is what I'm about.
Am I good at it?
Am I perfect at it?
Hell no!
No.
Everything that I talk about...I'm talking to myself, but I'm just here to tell you right now
no matter where you go, there you are.
What are you taking along with you everywhere?
Into every relationship?
Into every situation?
Into every job?
Into every opportunity?
Into your conversations with your children?
What are you taking with you to these situations, and is it creating the outcomes that you want?
This is a very big question, but you must ask yourself.
Talk to me.
Talk to another coach.
Talk to somebody that can help you get to the bottom of these things.
It is the most important work of life, and I care so much about you and me
living the life that we are meant to live.
Anybody got any comments?
This is Maia: "I have a tendency to want to blame the circumstances or the actions of others
or whatever undesirable situation I find myself in, but catching myself in...
and then it stops, so I don't think I can read the whole thing, but I will...
Yeah, it's tough!
I just mentioned that thoughts are the beginning of creation.
We are constantly creating in our life, but we'll have these thoughts that are attached
to our paradigms...that we take with us everywhere, and they will inform our emotions
they will inform our behavior, and as a result create our reality.
And then when we don't like the reality, we'll blame everything but the original thought
and paradigm that we have that created it.
It's so important to know that we make the rules.
We are the ones who are creating our reality every day, and focusing our energy on other things
instead of the original thought and paradigm and belief that created that thing is a waste of time.
So, I really appreciate your support.
I appreciate you being here.
I appreciate you being a part of this community and for contributing to these conversations
because it's very important, I think.
Alright guys, hey...I'm done.
I think today's discussion was fucking bomb!
Bomb!
Bomb-ass discussion today!
I really...man, it's so...such an important...
Wherever you go, there you are.
So, if the outcomes you are experiencing in relationships...in situations aren't to your liking
then change the filter.
Change the paradigm.
Now, go out and be the best you that you can be.
PLEASE...take what you need... even if you don't like it...
You know what you need and what you don't.
Please take what you need and leave the rest.
Thank you so much for watching this video.
I hope that you found something of value that you can take and apply to your everyday life.
Now, be sure to subscribe to this channel and turn on notifications so that you're notified
every time I upload a new video.
You can also watch these coffee talks LIVE on my Facebook page three times a week.
Just go to Facebook and search for Will & Purpose Coaching.
And stick around for the credits so you can learn more ways that we can connect.
Welcome to the community!
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