Welcome Back to the Six Figure Mastermind. My name is Marianne DeNovellis.
I'm so glad you joined us here today. We're going to have a really in-depth
discussion on how to spot a pathological liar and the end I want to show you how
this relates to building your six-figure business so stay tuned.
This is a tough question - "how to spot a pathological liar?" It kind of feels icky
to even have to search for this right? Because if there's something that's
making you search for this topic, you got to do a gut check and say, "oh, there's
already a red flag, okay? So that's our outlined that the top things to look for
when you're trying to spot this pathological liar and see what
tendencies they have. The first thing you're going to want to look for in a
pathological liar is their overall behavior. You know do they have
manipulative tendencies? Do they have low self-esteem? Are they wanting something?
Do they have a motive? You know that's one of the first things to look for when
you're questioning. Is someone lying to me or even are they just exaggerating? Or
you know, in the sales conversation maybe in your business if you're trying
to pitch someone something or someone's trying to pitch you something, is there
there an agenda? Is there a behavior that would incentivize them to exaggerate? So
look for that. That's the first check point you're going to want to look for.
Second checkpoint. It's called story adoption. If you find
that you have heard this story before or it sounds familiar.
What pathological liars will sometimes do is take a story that they've either
heard from someone else or her the news and they'll regurgitate it as if it's
their own. Sometimes they'll put themselves in that in that spot, in that
storyteller spot or as if they were in a situation they were in that they didn't
ever have participation in. So they'll adopt these stories and take them on as
their own. Again, as part of that behavior to to boost their ego or to build their
credibility, a lot of pathological liars will take that idea and make their own
identity. So watch for story adopting. The third thing you're going to want to look
for is called question dodging. The question dodging happens you know if you
ever want to see a perfect example of question dodging, just go watch a
political debate. You know question dodging is almost a skill that
pathological liars have. You know and I say pathological liars and that has its
own definition. It means that they are wired to lie and when they have these
ques dodging, you'll ask them a direct question, they will address the topic but
not the answer to your question. So for example,
if you were to ask them, "hey, Saturday night at 6 o'clock where were you?" They
would, say, "oh you know this weekend I had a great time out bowling with my friends
and we did all of these fun activities." So it's addressing the topic of the
question but it's not answering where they were Saturday night at 6 o'clock? So
that's something to watch for is that question dodging, something that feels
like an answer but isn't really. The next thing you're going to want to watch for is
in a pathological liar is something surprising. It's excessive flirting and
it doesn't always happen with a member of the opposite sex. It could be
something where they do a laughing nudge or a distraction with you know their
their physical body with a nudge or a push or something that could be
considered flirtatious, right? It's using the energy of that motion to
distract from the question or the topic at hand. So it accepts of flirting could
look like a compliment or it could look like a flirtatious touch or it could
look like any myriad of other different gestures that could use that energy to
distract you from the topic at hand. So watch for that in
pathological liars. The last thing you're going to want now watch out for is eye
contact. Now this is interesting because normal everyday liars have different eye
contact tendencies than pathological liars tend to have. Pathological liars
know that they're lying. It's a habit for them. It's almost part of their biology.
So they do it differently than someone who's lying for the first time in trying
to get away with it. You know if I ask my five-year-old a question and
he's going to try and tell me a lie, he's going to tell me a lie differently than
someone who's experienced in this arena and knows what to adjust for. So a
pathological liar will have this tendency to make direct eye contact with
you for a really long time. And what they're looking for subconsciously is
they're taking the scan of you and saying if I tell them this lie
I'm going to watch them and see whether or not they believe what I'm telling them.
Now if novice liar will call them, well usually look away or avoid eye contact
or prevent themselves from making direct eye contact with you. But the
pathological liar, Remember, they have ego at play here, they have a
lot of pride at play here and they want to see if they can outwit you. So when
you're working with a pathological liar, they will maintain excessive eye contact
especially after they mastered you because they're watching for your
reaction to their response. Something that we don't really have control of is
the dilation of our pupils, okay? So when they're making that excessive eye
contact with you, have that eye contact right back with them and watch their
pupils dilate. If their pupils get bigger that could be an indicator that their
what their subconscious mind is doing it's actually
expanding their vision, allowing more light to come in. We do this whenever we
study something, we do this whenever we're looking at someone we like, we do
this whenever we're looking for something in the dark. The brain needs to
have more information to put in so subconsciously the brains going to say, "we
need more input so we're going to open up the dilation of the pupils so that we
can take in more input. And when someone's studying you, this is what
they'll do, their pupils will dilate subconsciously. I remember I was sitting
around the table with a group of friends and they said Marianne, you are the human
lie detector. So let's play a game and I was like, "oh no pressure, right? Okay, let's
play this game." So we sit on this table with with four perfect strangers that
I've never met before and this one person who knows them and knows me and
they say, Marianne, I want you to put on your lie detector test and I want
you to go around and see if you can tell these guys are lying. I'm like, "okay
that's kind of weird but okay, but let's play the game. Let's play the game
two truths and a lie, okay? So I say hey guys, why don't you make up these two
things that are true about you and then fabricate a lie and then tell me
all three." And so I go around this table and I'm totally up in their grill. I'm
totally up in their face that they're telling me these lies because I'm
watching their eyes. And I'm also studying is this person used to lying or
is this person novice at it? Now, we all tell white lies every single day. We
all use superlatives that could be considered a stretching or an
exaggeration of the truth. That's a form of lying. So I'm watching these guys and
I go around and and I'm watching for their eyes right and I'm watching these
two truths and a lie come out and and of course they were
smart enough to make it sound realistic and try and trick me. You know maybe
they have four sisters and they tell me they have five. And when I go around to
these people I had them tell me the two truths and a lie and I would say,
"number two was a lie." And then I would go to the next one and
I would say, "number three was a lie" and then I go to the next one, "number one was
a lie". Now, the next one, "number two was a lie."
And it was fascinating because 75% of the time, three out of the four people, I
nailed it. And it was because I was watching for the pupil dilation. Now, I
knew that they were going to lie to me. They knew that they were going to lie to me, okay?
So that could be a relative example of a pathological liar. The pathological liar
knows that they're going lie. They're planning on it, okay? They're usually
thinking about it beforehand. So this was a perfect opportunity for me to test
this out and this pupil dilation. will oftentimes give that away. So
remember, a pathological liar is someone who does this by habit. You know and
they're usually doing it because they want to you know again inflate their ego,
they want to have this kind of manipulative tendency. I met someone
early in my life who actually bragged about being a pathological liar.
So sometimes pathological liars will even tell you how successful
they are at lying or storytelling and manipulation. So again, if there's
nothing else that's a huge red flag. Now, a disclaimer, if you're you to use
any of this information I've given you in this video today, you are not allowed
to use it to become a pathological liar or to become a better pathological liar,
okay? This information is strictly for you to use to determine whether or not
the person in front of you is going to tell the truth or not and what's best
for you. You're strictly forbidden from using this information to manipulate
others, okay? You have to pinky promise me like through the screen, alright? Keep an
eye out for that and always do a gut check and then put your best foot
forward as far as making your next move. Now in building your six-figure business,
this is really helpful because as you're growing, as you're expanding, you're going
to find that you want to do joint ventures, alliances. You're going to want
to partner with people here and there. And when you're doing that, you want to
have a relationship of trust, okay? When you're having those
conversations, you're going to be sitting down in front of these people either
virtually or in person and you want to put them to this test right? Because you
want people with great results, you want people with great lists, you want people
that can help you in your business. And if they're saying that they can,
always do your background check you know your your social proof all at work. But
also do this gut check and see okay, is this person a good person to work with
or is it someone I should totally avoid? Okay, you've got the tools that you need
to remember that these tools aren't strict science. So check that gut every
time you feel like you need to. Remember to hit the subscribe button. We'll be
sharing a lot more with you right here on the Six Figure Mastermind. See you
tomorrow.
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