How do you approach a woman when you
want to dance with her?
I don't know I don't know
usually I try to like at least
you know that's a good start
I'm comfortable being forward
when somebody is forward with me
When I'm interested in someone whether it be
like at a party or any given social space
I will just try to treat them as I
would treat anyone else and if I feel
like they may be interested then for me
it would just be like okay well I'm going
to try to engage this person in a
conversation just try to feel it out
to the best of my ability
Obviously that has
failed in some circumstances but
that's just sort of in my approach just
really slow and steady trying to read
into things as much as possible to the
point where I overthink everything
Where are you going to find
how are you
going to know yes or no under the spring fling
tent like or just anywhere any party
where there's loud music
you know – – right
and people are drunk and
people are yelling and shit
It seems to me that what it means
for people to be consenting in the
social landscape we have now is
basically that two people or more
negotiate with one another how to
maximize each other's pleasure I mean
forget about the word consent like
you're establishing rapport you're
establishing just mutual
respect but again like what do I
what do I really know like here I'm thinking
that I've got that going for me and that I'm
and that I'm like a good listener and
but it's not always the case so I think
yeah maybe what you said like maybe I do
have to restrain myself a little bit and
I didn't even say that but yeah I don't
asking I guess if… because that's kind of
the question I'm starting to ask myself
my role I think I'm also a PC it's just
be super cognitive of other people of my
residents especially of the women I know
especially women of color I know there's
some there's some very like sus people
on these campus and overly aggressive
men
that for a lot of men that's like
last barrier like once you give the first
yes that doesn't mean yes to everything
and a lot of guys get confused
they'll be like 'I thought this girl was into me' why didn't we do that
That's where I will say I think there needs to
be some level of judgment on behalf of
men like yes doesn't mean yes to everything
and there should be more probably
multiple check-ins if there's anything I've learned
I think that's the important thing about
the dance floor is that maybe like the
idea of like reading someone physically
is actually like an impossible thing and
that people are always communicating so
many things at once I mean like just
like in general like is the social
sphere the public sphere is one where
you're addressing everybody like where
you're dancing is like you're addressing
all the people in the room at once so no
one is getting the specific like
no one is getting a specific or like
like very like meaningful relation to
you it's like more of like a ritual a
ritualized persona that you're doing for
everybody
I've probably creeped someone out at some
point
but I've never been actively told it
it's always kind of been in retrospect
like oh I probably creeped this person
out and that's not going to happen again
how do you avoid it? -- Um, by just
showing up to things most of the time
There's gotta be some in-between
there there isn't an in-between I've found
I came here in hopes that one of the fine
people in this conversation would have
knowledge of an in-between because I don't
So there are no like -- not
that there are no but that it's more a
question of not who's the creepy guy
it's like who the creepy action comes from
so that like there is no good guy you
know what I mean anyone is all potential
actions are vested in every single
person so if every single person no
matter how good is it's all about like
it's all about like that actions it's
what they do it's not like you know
because then you get it you get the
issue of like but he's a really good guy
which is not which doesn't unhappen
anything happen the fact that like
especially with hook-up culture a lot of
it is based on sort of using each other
just physically um or that you're sort
of getting some some social points or
whatever from a hookup
and I think
that's where a lot of the like the drive
to to not think about what people
actually want come
You know I'd say
I'd like to think that asking like 'Oh
would you be okay with this or like would
it be okay if we hooked up or would
it be okay you know like you like set
boundaries but you know even that's not
enough sometimes and like just
there could be more going on there and
it's impossible no it's not impossible it's just
is it is it possible to receive consent
in a party setting?
From my experience yes
but that leads to a
conversation on how nonverbal
communication -- how effective nonverbal
communication is in a party, a night party setting
yeah you have the freedom to
approach that girl or that guy but does
that person does that subject
whom you're approaching right now
do they actually acknowledge their
freedoms and their limits do they
acknowledge that they have the right
to be assertive -- to say no--- yeah exactly
it's less a matter of like the male-bodied
person or whoever is pursuing that
person of them being assertive but also I
think it's perhaps even more important
the other person like they have agency
in this as well and yeah we can be
assertive but they also should be
assertive like that's not to like say
like oh it's the onus is entirely on
them but at the same time I think that
there should like if you're not
communicating like hey this is making me
uncomfortable
then it's pretty hard for the other
person to -- and then you're taken from
your own freedom then you're limiting
your own freedom by not expressing that
you know they are saying exactly exactly
it has to be -- it's a two-party thing not
not just one person.
how do you avoid it
preemptively is it possible? by just not showing up
two things most of the time I there's
got to be something in between there
there isn't in between I found I came
here in hopes that
of the fine people in this conversation
would have knowledge of an between
because I don't... well we're looking for it
I think on one level looking for it
is the in between yeah I mean
do you Jonathan -- does
any of your sense of self as informed by
societal visions of masculinity -- are you
aware of an aggressor internal within yourself?
yes I'm aware I'm going to
where I'm going - I'm aware as a bit of
an internal aggressor I'm afraid of my
internal aggressor more than anything
else even though I I don't it's never I
don't even know if it really exists I
don't think it's ever taken me over but
I'm still very afraid of it and it in
many cases just prevents me from talking
to women in general what is the position
if we are very invested on the
complexities great culture party how
many training people that act aggressive
even though they have good intentions
like how how do we intersect seduction
with conversations around rape torture
and around the very bad experiences that
which women have gone to it regarding
sexual assault or the worst case of
sexual violence
you know and it would give a more
happier we try to reduce altitude young
man like to have a good time while I'm
all y'all kids like to have a good time
why come on boyfriend
For more infomation >> THE INFINITE BATTERY AND OTHER APPLICATIONS OF THE MELANINA. With Dr Arturo Solís. - Duration: 27:07. 
For more infomation >> 2.26ctw Absolute Climber and Stud Earrings Set - Duration: 5:35. 
For more infomation >> Cargo Cosmetics Flawless Face Kit F10 Fair - Duration: 6:45. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét