Hi, I'm Chevonne.
I'm Vanessa.
I'm Jessica.
Hi, I'm Leah.
And this is ZULA ChickChats!
So today we're going to be talking about whether it's okay to earn more than your partner.
And more specifically as a girl, earning more than your partner in a boy-girl relationship,
'cause guys are stereotyped to be the breadwinners in these kinds of situations.
So first of all, for the people you've dated right,
do they usually earn more or less than you?
Usually for me, they earn more than me.
'Cause it's very easy to earn more than me lah,
as someone who works in the media industry.
Same for me, 'cause usually I date older guys.
Erm, only this one instance one of them was retrenched...
Only this one instance, he was unemployed for a few months,
so his spending power was very low.
Usually the guys I date earn less-
'cause when we started dating, most of them are still schooling.
I think for me, same as you Chev.
So I've dated people who are still studying, while I already [have] a full-time job.
In that sense, are you okay with dating someone who earns less than you?
So typically, I prefer guys that earn more than me.
I didn't choose it that way, it just happens to be the case.
But I'm okay with dating a guy who earns less than me,
as long as he has a good attitude.
So if he is a slacker and he earns a lot of money,
that's actually less preferable than someone who is more driven,
and maybe he doesn't earn as much,
but he's driven, and he has goals.
Okay, so it depends on what kind of life you want.
For example, if you're always buying branded stuff,
then of course if you're dating a guy that's not so rich,
Then you just have to make sacrifices lah.
Mine kind of depends like which stage I'm at in life.
So say I'm you know, at the stage where I'm ready to get married and have kids,
but his income isn't quite there yet-
and our income combined isn't sufficient for us to get married or have kids,
then obviously that's going to be a problem.
Of course I'll prefer the guy to earn more.
More money always good you know!
But for me, I'll prioritise character over his money.
I feel right, money isn't the only marker-
to kind of define how much the person is actually giving into the relationship.
If I'm like over 30,
I want to settle down, have a family.
Of course I feel that he must earn, [an amount which is] at least a bit more on par.
A bit less is fine.
But as long as I feel that he's very hardworking,
and he's doing a respectable job.
I'm okay with dating someone who earns less than me,
but at the same time it cannot be like I'm totally funding your entire life, that kind of situation-
where I'm your sugar mother...
Sugar mother?!
I can treat you here and there but-
if you take me for granted and just want to use me for my money right,
if that's not the arrangement I initially wanted,
then clearly it's a no lah.
Okay, so my current boyfriend right,
he is planning to study physiotherapy.
To study like medical sciences and all right,
you have to basically study for many years.
Which means by the time he graduates right,
he'll be quite old already lah.
For me I feel that he's doing good,
he's doing something that will help other people.
I really don't mind earning more,
and at least like sacrificing that kind of lifestyle that I have,
just so that it'll kind of like make up for the fact that-
he's not earning as much lah.
So in that sense, how do you think that difference in earning can affect your relationship dynamics?
Okay, so let's say if someone who earns more in the relationship right,
usually you'll be the one that pays for things.
And I think it will cause tension if because you paid for the thing right,
you feel you have more rights to control how it is.
So let's say I pay 80% for the vacation,
then I can decide 80% of the itinerary lah.
You must listen to what I say, you know that kind of expectation that causes a tension.
I think quite a lot.
Take for an instance, I have a friend who went overseas to work with her boyfriend.
Her parents actually bought a house over there for them to live in.
But he (the boyfriend) never felt quite at home because-
he feels like, "Oh, I didn't pay for this house."
You know, all I can do is pay the bills.
So it made him feel very uncomfortable.
I know of this girl.
She is from quite a well-to-do family.
She went to date this guy who is from a really really really really rich family.
It made her feel very insecure.
She always felt that she had to put up this kind of persona lah,
to kind of like, please him.
I feel that's why a lot of people will date somehow within your so called income range.
Huh I wouldn't mind leh, I will just blend [in] like a chameleon!
I think it will definitely affect the relationship dynamics,
but the way it will affect [it] the most is when someone holds it over your head.
For example, using this to be like,
"Oh that time I paid for something for you", or something like that.
Using it to blackmail you.
[It's] very manipulative, so as long as it doesn't reach to that point of manipulation,
and using it to blackmail each other,
then I think it's okay lah because-
if you come to terms and are on the same page with like how much you guys earn,
and are okay with it,
then I think it's fine lah, just be open about it lor.
So for women in their twenties who start working earlier than men right,
do you think that money is a significant factor when it comes to looking for a partner?
I think you don't choose a partner based on money on first impression,
you won't be like, "Oh, he's very rich!"
Unless you're a gold digger lah.
But it's also an important factor in considering someone,
because it's like... money is a tool lah,
and you need to have that same tool to have similar lifestyles,
so that there won't be that kind of disparity and tension.
Er I think this goes back to what Chev said about what kind of lifestyle you want.
So let's say you always want to go to restaurants and stuff,
obviously a rich guy is right up your alley.
But if you're just a simple girl,
then that's not going to be a big problem for you.
I would prefer someone who has a bit more spending power,
just so I feel like I can rely on him to sort of provide for us in future.
Okay, it's not very practical to expect a guy to be all established when he's in his 20s,
'cause guys go to NS.
Girls generally start work earlier,
so I think [the] main thing is about his dreams, his goals, his aspirations.
To me, that's more important than actual money.
With different income levels right,
I think one of the problems is also like your spending habits.
It might conflict.
Let's say the person who earns more would be sort of so used to spending more,
and the person who's earning less would be more thrifty.
Yeah, so they wouldn't agree with your spending ways.
Yeah.
Actually I have friends who are the opposite.
The rich ones right, are the super 'giam' (stingy) ones!
Yes! So many!
That's how they got rich in the first place!
Yeah that's true!
Then the ones that don't have money right,
they just, "Aiyah buy this, buy that!"
How much do you think [that] the traditional view of-
men providing for the family has evolved in Singapore?
I think definitely people nowadays are more open.
So let's say if the guy earns less than the woman,
they (women) won't be super outright and say like, "Oh you f***ing useless".
But that being said right,
I think there are still a lot of guys that will be like,
you know, very nasty to their friends. (Ego)
Yes, it's the ego!
They'll be like, "Eh bro, why you never... why your wife work outside you at home doing nothing?"
Today's day and age, there are a lot of women out there who are making more than men.
But of course I feel like the whole traditional-
"Men earn more in the family"-
I think it's still very much prevalent because,
men still work till they are much older than women do.
So women tend to like become housewives or do part-time jobs when they are older.
I feel that honestly right, it hasn't really changed that much.
In fact right, sometimes...
Okay, what I don't support is like feminazis.
They say that they want equality,
but you want the guy to do all the physical stuff.
You want the guy to earn more money,
but you don't want to serve NS, you don't want to cook, you don't want to sew.
'Cause all these are like traditional, typical feminine roles.
And you want them to pay for the meal...
I feel that sometimes we cannot demand so much lah.
It's more about what we can give, instead of what we can get in return lah.
I'm okay with men being the breadwinner etc.
Like you know they shouldn't take it so hard on themselves if their partner earns more than them.
To be fair right, if I had to be the breadwinner of the family,
I will feel very very stressed out.
Fair enough.
I'll feel so stressed out, so kudos to people who are doing that.
It's a great responsibility.
So today we talked about whether it's okay to earn more than your partner,
and we sort of came to an agreement that -
it's really about what kind of lifestyle that you and your partner really want,
and how money plays a factor in that.
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