In last week's video, I talked about how
to cut emotional ties with someone. And a
lot of what I shared in last week's
video also applies with how to cut
emotional ties with a family member or a
relative, which this video is more
specifically about. So after you finish
watching this video, go back and watch
that one for a more general overview of
the tools needed to actually cut
emotional ties with someone. In this
video specifically, I'm going to talk
about how to cut emotional ties with a
toxic relative or a family member.
Especially if you're in a situation
where you can't avoid them 100% because
you have mutual relatives, or you still
go to places where you see them, or you
go to gatherings where you see them. So
what I'm going to share in this video
will help you do exactly that.
[Music]
I'm Nancy Da Costa and welcome to my
YouTube channel where we talk about
developing your awareness, growing thick
skin, and living and out-of-the-ordinary
life. If you happen to like that sort of
thing, I invite you to consider
subscribing to my channel. I publish new
videos on achieving self mastery every
Monday. So cutting emotional ties with a
family member is definitely trickier
than cutting ties with someone more
generally speaking. Cutting emotional
ties with relatives or family members is
challenging because as a society, we're
conditioned to believe that turning your
back on family is morally wrong. "It
really shouldn't matter that I
constantly make fun of you and tear you
down and run my mouth at you, and that we
wouldn't actually choose to be in each
other's lives because we're family right?"
WRONG! People like that will often use
the guise of family as an excuse to
treat you however way they want to treat
you, because they don't think that
there's any negative repercussions.
Because you're family, right? And then you
continue to allow it for the exact same
reason. The truth is that relatives are
just people, just like anybody else, and
oftentimes they're not always
emotionally healthy people. Also, let me
ask you: Did you go and choose your
relatives? Did you actually go and
consciously
choose the people you wanted in your family
tree? With parents, did you actually say
to yourself that you wanted to have
parents that actually modeled behaviors
worth emulating? Did you actually
consciously decide for yourself the
kinds of people that you wanted to be
related to? NO! They were already there.
And in your mind, you think you have to
put up with them just because they're
"family" and they turn the world upside
down and make everything perfect and
argue, but it's all good because you're
"family". I completely disagree with that.
And just like anybody else, I think it's
perfectly appropriate to cut somebody
emotionally out of your life when
they're not treating you well, or when
their presence in your life is being
detrimental to you. So many people waste
years of their life and precious energy
engaging with toxic family members just
because they think it's inappropriate to
cut them out of their life. But you don't
have to. You have every right to decide
for yourself who gets to stay in your
life. Remember, your life is invite-only.
So on top of what I shared in my last
video, and because relatives are
definitely trickier to deal with, how do
you cut emotional ties with them? Well
for one thing, is it possible to avoid
certain situations where you might have
to interact with this person? This is
probably the easiest way to cut
emotional ties with them, and that's to
avoid them altogether if you can help it.
If there are certain situations or
certain events that you don't have to
attend, or you don't want to go to, then
how about taking on saying "no" to those
events so that you don't have to
interact with these people? That's
usually the easiest way to go, but if
that doesn't work, what you can do is
bring what I call "professionalism" into
all of your interactions. Let's draw a
distinction between a personal
interaction and a professional
interaction. When you're having a
personal interaction, you tend to be much
more casual. A little bit touchy-feely.
Maybe even laughing.
Screaming at one another. And you also
talk about personal stuff, and you joke
around. But a professional demeanor is
much cooler than that, and much more
hands-off. You discuss whatever you need
to discuss and nothing more. The best
example that I can give you in a
real-life situation of this
professionalism is co-parents who are
co-parenting a child together but
they're not involved in each other's
lives whatsoever. In these situations,
their communication is strictly focused
on the child. Whatever they need to know
about taking care of the child, or any
updates on the child, and nothing more.
That's more of a professional way to
look at things. That, my friend, is exactly
the kind of stance that you should take
when you're interacting with a relative
that you can't really avoid, yet you're
forced to be in interactions with them.
This is the best way to do it. This is
the happy medium, and that is to not
interact or discuss more than what is
actually necessary. When you do this, when
you stay calm and collected, it's
actually really really unnerving to the
other person. Some people are not going to
like this, and the reason why it's
unnerving is because sometimes when we
have a falling-out with someone, or we
don't get along with them, they
oftentimes like to "stir the pot". They try
to push your buttons, to try to get you
to react, and when you don't react to
what they're doing, it drives them crazy.
And then they go and they leave you
alone. And also I want to add that you
should always, always, always continue to
do the work on yourself and develop your
own psychology, which most of my videos
actually help you with, because the more
progress that you make with yourself and
the more that you heal yourself, the less
of an effect another person can have on
you. You'll know that you've fully healed
when you interact or cross paths with
someone and they don't get under your
skin. They have no effect on you. When
that happens, you know that you have
fully healed that wound. That's how you
claim your own personal power. Okay I
know this is a short video. I
really hope that that was helpful. Let me
know in the comments if you have any
problem relatives or anybody else in
your life that you struggle to maintain
an emotional distance with. How have you
dealt with things in the past? Let us all
know in the comments. And of course, if
you liked this video, give it a thumbs up
here on YouTube. It really helps me out a
lot! And if you haven't already, consider
subscribing to my channel. I publish new
videos just like this one every Monday.
Thank you so much for watching! Again, my
name is Nancy Da Costa and I create
videos on developing your awareness,
growing thick skin, and living and
out-of-the-ordinary life. And I hope that
you will join us for the next video.
Thank you so much! Have a good day! Bye!
[Music]
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