what's up people welcome to hustle is for life motivation this is the YouTube
channel where we dissect where we literally dissect the minds of top part
leaders and experts so we could learn from them the success principles that
they have applied to achieve extraordinary results all we have to do
is follow in the footsteps and create the same extraordinary results for
ourselves I'm Talal your host and tonight I am
joined by rich Bontrager I hope I haven't butchered the name
I did ask before how to pronounce it and I write but I'm joined by rich he is
phenomenal he was a pastor he was also a broadcaster but now he's a motivational
speaker and he's a coat and he is to a to be author he's writing his book as
law which is absolutely fantastic and the specific kind of thing that we'll be
talking about today is how do you define the arts how do you actually find the
motivation and inspiration to to move forward when life throws obstacles and
adversity your way when you face those hard times in your life the dark times
in your life how do you move past them his nickname is the trigger so with that
let's welcome rich to the show great nice to be here
hey thanks for having me I'm you know very happy to be here the share of this
whole story the whole journey I've been on it's not a straight line it's a
wandering mysterious thing but overall life is a great adventure and that's my
number one message people can actually have a life that's a great adventure
even though like sometimes like you said as winding curves and it's not always
perfect but you don't have to give up man awesome I love the message and for
people in the audience have you ever faced dark times in your life have you
taste hardship and adversity where you thought the walls are closing in you
don't see a way out there is no light at the end of the tunnel how am I going to
get through this when things got so bad where you started
to question your own sanity like am I going crazy here what what why am I
going through this why me have you ever asked those questions to yourself if so
then this conversation is gonna be for you and maybe hey you might be going to
that's all kind right now or you might know somebody who's going through that
time right now then share this conversation with those people because
this whole show is dedicated towards helping you accelerate your lives which
is why I bring on amazing guys like rich so we can learn from them rich got an
amazing story so let's get into that rich let's talk about your story and you
generally tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got started on this
journey you have an amazing story about how you were young you had a starter and
you overcame that and recently you've gone through a liver transplant and
you've survived that and and you've got a big smile on your face despite
everything so you know that's that's fantastic tell us more about it
oh actually I should be dead three times that's all part of the story I was born
with a disease called CMV and the doctors literally told my parents your
son will die after a week they sell to my parents your son will die after three
weeks I said take your kid home he will die but we don't need him here at the
hospital we've taken a bed space and Here I am 53 years later still alive
that was the beginning of defying the odds in my life yeah then I grew up with
a horrible stutter there's a lot of embarrassment there's a lot of shame
there's a lot of awkwardness I could not even ask girls out growing up okay my
stutter was so bad growing up if I want to ask a girl out I would blow it they
would giggle until their other girlfriends and so my self-worth my
self-image where I'm an a-type personality now I was not an H I first
nobody back then at all I was a shell of a cowardice individual way more
confident now I went through a burn accident at the age of 10 called
fire I should have died then or at least been blind for sure the doctor said
he'll probably be blind I remember the incident in vivid
Technicolor to this day and then just the last five years my life has been put
on hold you talk about those dark times you were talking about those those times
everything closes in all those questions of why when what's gonna change will it
ever change liver disease for five years came out of
nowhere didn't drink didn't smoke didn't chew didn't go with girls that do none
of those things they tell you my liver just gave out though they found the
liver it was already 75% dead and gone never coming back and they said you're
living on a liver at 25% you should be in excruciating pain
you have a very short life span left get your affairs in order and last year
March 25th 2017 I got the greatest gift of life I got a new liver
and the doctor said you will have some disabilities we'll have some leftovers
you're not going to come back to the full you and I said watch me and now I'm
back being the old rich I feel like a 35 year old guy who thinks I can still take
on the world that's just a snapshot and through it all I've learned a lot of
amazing things of how to motivate how to stay on mission purpose how to not give
up because there were many days I did not want to crawl out of that there were
main days I literally wanted to watch Netflix mm-hmm binge watch and binge
watch and binge watched and finally I said enough so what can be done it
really can be done the trick is you have to want to fight for it make plans and
there are what I feel are life lessons I can help other people and that's why I
travel and speak now fantastic that's beautiful rich thanks for sharing that
and you're absolutely right there are dark times that we all face it happens
to everybody and you have a choice at that point you can take the easy road
which is Netflix binge watch Netflix eat a lot of hagun
I scream right do not go down that road and all worse like you know people get
addicted to drugs or you know they have driven up our drinking problem etc like
you know that we we can go down and and you know come up with lots of examples
where the easy words takes you down a dark path now oh you choose a war path
you actually don't give up you keep playing - even though you can't see the
light at the end of the tunnel where you remind yourself every single day what
your purpose is why you must get through it so sorry sorry I've been cutting you
off so go on the questions I ask people very often when when you describe that
perfectly by the way is how much fight you haven't you because you have to
choose a fight for your life literally in cases like mine and many others you
have to decide I'm going to fight my life is worth living you have to decide
this is a life that's worth living I see life is a great adventure even though
there's been many dips and valleys eyes and lows I think it's a great adventure
I'm gonna go out and kick butt take names have fun and life is a great
adventure and that's part of the mental side of this and you have to figure out
I'm going to fight like post-transplant for example I was up walking 24 hours
after transplant Wow walk out of a hospital five days later
with no hand a pariah no walking cane hands-free after a transplant five days
after major major life-changing surgery Wow Wow you have to decide to push you
have to decide to take that next step and not do one lap around the nurse's
station but through two laps from the nurse's station you get the four laps
and you have to decide you're going to fight for your life again little a lot
of that but people need to understand there are ways to do that and you don't
have to curl up check out commit suicide drink give up
whatever it is there are ways I think you can do it I'm not alone many others
have done it but they need to hear the message of all
yeah so rich tell us about some of the ways that you can actually go ahead and
fight and you know move past that that that's all of dark cloud that's chasing
you everywhere where you are just feeling overwhelmed by everything and
you just want an escape you just want it to stop you just want a break but that
breaks not coming there is no stop there is no pit stop
pit stop where you can go and and slow down
you have to plow through so what do we do
first thing there's and you've had other guests talk about this this is not a new
angle this at all you have to have a purpose every day you have to wake up
and say I have a mission I have a purpose there's a reason that I exist
that I breathe and I'm not done yet mine was public speaking mine was
serving and investing in other people mine has always been whether I've been a
pastor or a sports broadcaster I love people I love serving people and I've
been blessed and fortunate to have a microphone to go out and share and
communicate that and so you have to have a purpose you have to have something
that says I'm not finished yet it's not over I have more work to be done because
when we give up that sense of purpose and passion when when the next day
doesn't matter we do spiral to a very dark ugly place but if you keep telling
yourself today I have one mission to accomplish
now that mission may change for a while that mission may go from a public
full-time job like in my case to my mission was can I walk two miles today
can I walk a mile as my health got worse can I walk a quarter mile around the
outside pound around my house where I live and your purpose changes but you
still need to find a purpose and that's a big shift for a lot of people you
don't understand as the world closes in the big thing is find a new purpose
there's always something that you can find to cling to but fight for it to
invest in and one of the other things I began to do for my creative side was I
went to my laptop because I can't go travel I really can't drive and I began
to write movie scripts I began to use my creative juices to learn how to write as
you said I'm working on a book scares me to death to write a book but I'm trying
to learn how to do it and through my liver disease through this time out of
life I began to invest in that side and that was a new purpose for me mmm first
of all you know your your whole story about surviving the fire and getting
castle starter and moving from you know a very sort of
about personality we're like you said you wouldn't discover as an a-type
personality to actually becoming a a-type personality later in your life
and then you know surviving your your liver transplant I think it's just
absolutely phenomenal that you were able to get past all those things and you
know individually there they are you know monumental as it is but together
it's just incredible how you actually got past those things and I first of all
actually want to share a little bit of my story I mean there's you know I've
gone through dark times in my life I come from a really kind of broken family
and you know I grew up pretty dysfunctional and broken and you know
all that awesome stuff but it was for me sometimes just I eat you just get
through today I'm not thinking about tomorrow just need to get through today
just just today just this hour just this you know just this next thing I just
need to get through this can I just fight through this that's all I have to
do forget about everything else and sometimes that's what kind of kept me
going and I asked other people when times have been dark what strategies did
you use that kind of got you through because if you're facing any dark times
now or if you you know face any darker times in the future then those are the
things that'll get you through again and that was one of the things for me so I
just thought I'd share that but I totally agree with you you know having a
purpose is is essential and you know it's also the fact that you know have
been connecting with all these amazing people that I've had on the show one of
the things that they talk about always is don't just have a purpose have a
purpose that's bigger than you and like your purpose wants to go and serve
others right it won't you just the fact that I wanna make some money I'm gonna
you know get healthy it's the fact that I want to be healthy so I can go and
serve others I want to be on the road and speak and motivate others and
inspire others so they can defy the odds and move past the obstacles that they're
facing and and you know make sure that they don't give up so that's that was
your purpose right yeah very much yes yeah
so my question really is race like how do you find
that purpose that's bigger than you is there some sort of formula is there some
sort of path that we hope we can all walk to find that bigger purpose man I
really wish there was I mean make this little journey of life thing a lot
easier if there was a owners manual let's say you're born here this is your
privilege you were born on this date here's your purpose it doesn't work that
way um I've been fortunate to have some mentors and people invest in me to me
that's part of it to me faith plays a big part of this as well is the faith
journey whatever you believe your faith your spirituality I think in a big part
of finding in a sense of preference from the higher power from from from the word
from the Scriptures whatever you get into and overlaying those together I
think really helps a lot of it but then you have to have people reinforce it
these you can come up with a crazy crazy idea and say I think I'm supposed to do
this and if everyone is saying no no no sometimes the no means no and sometimes
like in my case I was told you stutter you have a great voice but you're never
gonna be a broadcaster rich no one's gonna pay you to be a broadcaster now
what I learned through that was my professor was right when he said you'll
never be a broadcaster I'm not gonna be Dan Rather Walter Cronkite I don't do
hard news well I get all emotional um I don't like reading about death and
destruction and wards and famines but when I got into the sports side and
could ad-lib and be free-flowing and use my passion and my laughter it's a great
story I can make a career out of this and for 25 years I've been of sports
broadcaster not a news journalist but a sports broadcaster so that no was a no
but that no redirected me to another angle and out of college professor
laughs of me and says I was wrong you were right and you found your purpose in
your way and to me that's a lot of it is you need to push through some of those
knows you need to find that purpose my faith helped me do that
my attitude of never-say-die helped me do that and my curiosity
much like yours we talked about this you have a very curious mind I was curious
as to why does my tongue fail what are the words that tripped me up how can I
learn to get past those tricks when I began to investigate that and learn
those I now know how to avoid those words and how to do this and do it
really well and those are some of the mysteries so what so there's no manual
like you said there's no instruction book to do this there's a lot of self
learning I had to decide to go learn myself
my mother has a huge stutter so actually separating myself my mom and I went out
to college felt my stutter get better those I love my mom but I get around my
mom I will start it so learning about yourself helps you with your purpose and
mission I think mmm see that's so interesting you said that because I I
have again just just a theory you could say that I have been thinking about and
that is that when it comes to finding your purpose and your passion and people
talk about all these things you have to you know go and and and dedicate
yourself to one thing and then try something else and see what works and
what doesn't work and what way your interest is and where your abilities are
and where your creativity flows and it's like in the you know cross-section of
all of those things etc and and you know that's there might be absolutely true
but I think for me it's where you go and you find a way where you aren't actually
able to naturally apply your strengths to serve others and I think that's quite
a simple way of putting it rather than actually drawing Venn diagrams with like
crossover sections and all sorts of other stuff and labeling all those bits
I can spot a simple way where you can find you can use the stones to just
serve others and I think that's where you really start to see your purpose
that yes you might be going through a dark time in your life but there are
other people who actually can use your help because there might be other things
that there's of in form that you have actually know how
to help them way yeah right so you can with those things and then you start to
go and see other people and sometimes you know you find people who are in
worse scenarios then then you are then you really start to get a different
perspective on things and that's also really important like having a different
perspective on things so for example aa lot of times I think about the fact that
hey I'm sitting here and I'm kind of like you know wallowing in self-pity
like poor me and and some of it might be justified like you know stuff stuff you
know serious stuff might have happened right Bobby children in the hospital
we're suffering from cancer or serious diseases or there might have been an
accident like you talked about the burn accident and are they feeling hard their
parents feeling right now and I'm kind of thing sitting there
thinking well actually if I knew some of these people I could probably go and
spend some time with those guys and make them feel better just just be there for
them that's all I want to do yeah and thinking about the bird sorry Clark yeah
sorry gone gone don't speak about the berm again that's a great segue into one
of the things I yeah I did learn remember I'm 10 years old this burn
accident I'm in a hospital during that time there was a train accident and a
young boy came to my room to visit me he's lost his legs in this training Wow
same image so here I'm in a burn ward he's got no legs in a wheelchair and
we're laughing and joking and playing cards and learning how to have a good
time in spite of our circumstance now I'm looking at him honestly going he'll
never play football he'll never run don't never do that I'm thinking poor
for him he's looking at me with all my bandages and all the gods and everything
else they can pour for him I'm gonna go help him out it's amazing what happens
when people are in that pain and that crucible of being tested and tried
people don't look at this situation as the worst anymore they look at other
people and we have a natural tendency to bring hope and light and joy and
laughter I think it's amazing that people do that for each other but really
their situation stinks but somehow it takes them out of that and now they help
other people they serve other people in spite of their condition and it did
happen in my own burn situation there I was but he came to have a good time with
me and that we found a very common commodity in our pain sitting in the
hospital room that's so powerful and yeah III I can relate to that because a
lot of times I think about those stuff and I'm just like they're the people who
have gone through you know hope just absolutely unspeakable things that
happen to them right and I'm kind of sitting here being sad about this thing
and yes it might be serious but what if I could just be there for them and just
give them a hug all right would that make me feel and then how
awesome would it be for that person to know that there's somebody who's
thinking about them who just cares for them right yeah so that'sthat's that's
like the process that I kind of go through and like that's my theory on
that and I just just are all share because we're talking about this right
now but yeah I have to say first of all I absolutely agree with the fact that
you don't have a purpose to remind yourself like why are you doing what
you're doing why are you alive why are you here at cetera and and I think the
two amazing things you talked about there was like you know if you
can't your purpose might change so go and find a new purpose right like it
might not be the one purpose that lasts you for the rest of your life right if
that's the case awesome but it might not be the case for you so go find a new
purpose and I love that because a lot of the times purpose seems to be kind of
talked about as if it's a destination that once you reach it everything else
will be okay and easy but it's not it's a journey right like you it might change
it might shift your focus might shift and the second thing you mentioned there
was creativity that if you're struggling then you know go do something creative
right so I absolutely not that I want to just kind of highlight those things for
the audience um what are some of the other things so you need to know your
purpose what what other things do we need to be doing which one the other
thing I think keep your humor and it's so hard in those dark times you want to
pull down the shades you want to pull up the covers Yee humor is the last thing
on their mind but again going to my recent liver transplant I checked in the
hospital and I've got a quirky humor I love the tea's and joke I'm sarcastic so
this nurse comes in and she gives me the gown and she says okay now I have to put
something on your bum and I'm like okay and she's got this British accent and
she said now you're gonna be in bed for several days so and she showed me this
giant old ring this cushio ring but she gives me the gallon told me to go change
and get into this come back and this is the night before my transplant
well she come down says now just lift up your gown a little bit I'm like I've
been in the hospital so many times I just pulled my gown and whip it up she
says laughing she goes slaps it on there that's my bum and I'm laughing and she's
laughing and her comment was I own your bum for the week this is my bum no one
gets to touch it I find that offensive I think it's the funniest thing in the
world well that's awesome rich and I you're right
you know it's sometimes doing those hard times humor is what kind of gets you
through so is important and they say you know
laughter is the best medicine isn't it right at the end of the day
that's that saying is there for a reason yeah oh yeah find the humor embrace your
humor don't be embarrassed of it people might look at you funny but they get in
many hospital rooms and many Hospital lobbies you sit there for hours I've had
some of the most funny crack-up moments in those lobbies and it actually is
contagious laughter and joy is contagious and is good for the soul
yeah no I totally agree and so we've got we need to remind ourselves our purpose
we need to have humor in our lives and joy is there anything else we need to be
doing I think again between the hope and between words of affirmation I think
there's again going back the idea of all the nose in our life we hear someone
many knows I believe we need to affirm people I need to mean lift people up
instead of hearing no so often I think we need to say yes more encourage people
more and then help them find what that yes is again I may be a public speaker
now but I started off as a broadcaster I was a pastor the microphone has been the
common thread but the microphone is different now than it was then and the
affirmation to go try the platform the affirmation they go try writing a book
about my life and sharing the defining the odds the whole tagline is defined
the eyes I've been looking for its title for years it came from a good friend of
mine who finally gave me the tagline for it so the affirmation the hope that you
can take the next thing it will happen I think we need do a much better job of a
giving it to people being affirming caring supportive people and we need to
be willing to receive it when you're in those dark clouds the last thing you
want to hear is you can do it the last thing you want to hear as I believe in
you I know we die I turn people away from some of that and had to learn how
to accept the encouragement and the affirmation so learning to embrace it
and learning to give it I think are two big things there mmm yeah and for people
in the audience I am gonna turn to you I'm gonna ask you
this if you are going through dark times right now or if you know somebody else
is going to dark times and especially if you are experiencing the lowest of the
low where you are questioning your existence where you're questioning
whether you should carry on living and you're having those really sort of dark
thoughts you know and you know exactly what I'm talking about I'm talking about
suicidal thoughts and if it's that bad and you you know going through
depression and all sorts of stuff well first of all you know you need to go and
seek help you need to talk to you know medical professionals etc and I will
highly encourage you to go and do that okay me and rich are we're here to serve
you guys but again we're not medical professionals alright so make sure you
go ahead and talk to your medical professional your doctor your physician
your GP like whatever it is you go and seek you know actual medical help but
other than that my question to you at this stage is have you come this far in
life only to come this far you
ask yourself that rich talked about not givin up which talked about modernity
yourself please talk about having a purpose
all of that boils down to this you have to ask yourself have only come this far
to only come this far
absolutely not you know the answer so that's why that's why you need to choose
the Warthog that's why you need to keep on grinding that's why you need to carry
on even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel it does not matter
you're alive you can breathe which means you can
fight that's what which was talking about before
so choose the warpath rich some powerful stuff you shared with us in terms of
defying the odds you have a very great track record of defining the arts so can
you can you shed some light on that like how did you discover some of that stuff
for yourself you talk about having Mentors so tell her about you know how
you found those mentors how you connected with them and what do they
actually teach you that helped you defy the odds yeah a lot it really was after
I began to learn that I wasn't worthless I began to realize I had a mission and a
purpose I sawed off some people and then one particular sought me out I I had a
pastor when I was in the burn ward who literally came every day he had a
scrub in and scrub out reverse isolation to keep me from Viet named disease and
infection he came every day as I was a ten year old boy and he left me with a
riddle every day he got my mind reengaged you know I'm stuck in bed we
forged a friendship and a bond he was the first one to talk about you have a
purpose you have something worth giving back even though you're stuck in bed and
we began to talk and dream and he was the first one with speed real positive
my dad did not do that at a young age my dad does much better now back then my
dad didn't know how to be that man of affirmation and believing in seen in a
futuristic mindset Fred Fink's was that man and he did that every day not only
didn't impact my life my family's life was impacted by this man who came every
day to see their son in a burn ward so he coached me he mentored me in a little
bit to help me begin to look beyond where I was at would I become he had me
be a leader in the youth group him I didn't feel like a leader in the youth
group and he sent me out on my first speaking engagement one summer he signed
all the paperwork to make sure I win and actually didn't then back out those are
the type of people that I seek out we have a common friend Cory was a TEDx
speaker I recently invested financially to improve my speaking platform I feel I
have a story to tell I I feel on the gifted speaker but I want
to bring that to a larger stage TEDx TED talks or one of the areas to do that you
know unlocks a lot of doors now again like you said earlier it's not about the
money I will do a lot of this for free and I have because I want to I have a
mission but when you unlock those doors the next door the next phone call the
next opportunity comes so I have said Cory is one of those guys that has been
there done that knows the ins and the outs and I'm really gonna cut some
checks swipe the credit card and it's not like I'm going to him this is all
computer download technologies today can help you so much so I'm learning through
him investing to myself as he's investing to me investing to others and
I've intentionally gone looking for people like that of my speaking skills
my presentation skills now my writing skills
hey everyone is out there they can help me write my book please let me know I'm
a storyteller I am NOT a rinder and so I'm now you seriously beginning to
figure out how to pull this off because like you I'm a constant learner I want
to enhance and learn so those are some of the modern Mentors
and the other one truly was a girl from one of my favorite stories talking about
my stutter story was thinking I couldn't ask people out because I literally could
not say my own name we were dating and there were times when she would turn to
me as I was trying to ask her out or take her to a movie and I just could get
the words and she is the first person that could tease me and not have to be
the offensive she's the first one that could actually encourage me to pause
take a breath she's hard to help me learn these tricks of what the words
were that tripped me up the order of my words the phrasing of my words and she
could actually do that in a way that I knew she valued me she wanted me to do
better and the only way I was ever gonna be able to ask around if I got the dumb
words that I my mouth if you want to go out with me and it became this Jane this
fun thing we did and she really spent the time to help me get better at being
me and getting comfortable what people call a defect and just
embrace it and say relaxed you're just you and you're okay that's a huge part
of learning that and having those mentors having that positive people
around you and finding those and letting them have the freedom to do that in your
life I think it's huge to surround yourself with those type of honest
people so they can build you up mmm so what I'm hearing you saying rich right
now is that in the sort of the formula for defying the odds one of the key
things is to surround yourself with positive people who uplift you who
motivate you who drive you who who actually kind of bring out the best in
you also there's a phrase that I share is there's gold inside of everybody
mmm-ah we don't feel like there's gold inside of us we don't believe this at
work I've worked with people who fight drug addiction a lot I've been
counseling mentoring there's gold aside all those people that had broken
shattered lives and when use being to tell them there's gold and we begin to
mine that gold and find that gold and pull it out of you their face changes
their shoulders rise up they begin to think their mothers that can be mothers
if their fathers that can be fathers and we begin to tell them there's gold
inside of you people did that in my life to begin to say there's something good
and worthy of value and when they mined that out and then begin to tell you and
see a future beyond what you can see it's like lighting a bottle I mean you
talk about a formula you talk about something that works it really lightens
your load and it takes you to the what-ifs
what if I could be a professional broadcaster what if I could be a public
speaker when they start telling you who you are you just don't know it yet find
the golden people mine it out and help them defy the odds I I think that mean
again people want to hear it they want to know it but we just don't do a good
job at it mmm well wish we've so far talked a lot about you know how to defy
the odds and you know what one of the keys to
- the formula that you have to kind of put together for yourself if you want to
defy the odds and motivate yourself and push forward and and one of them is
obviously you need to know your purpose we talked a lot about that etc we talked
about starting with some of the right people you know all the things but I'm
also wondering initially when somebody's going to dark times and they just cannot
even think straight they find themselves in a space where they just want a
moment's relief and that relief is just not coming there's just constant
suffering and constant pain that don't know where to turn the the the dark
lines are really truly dark and they almost find that you know going finding
finding themselves going down the path of binge watching Netflix or worse what
are some of the few steps they can do to stop going down that path number one for
me was admitted mmm literally admitted I had to pick up the phone I had to let my
wife my children at the time know the cloud is coming in and I'm not thinking
clearly um even though I had that positive outlook I had to admit there
were main days where it didn't make sense there was all those dark files and
negative thoughts I had to call some other friends and get advice do I stay
on the path in the direction if my health is getting worse I mentally and
emotionally thought I could do it but also part of me was the reality is you
can't do it the Lovell you once did and so for me it was learning that I can't
do it at that level have him call them and say I need help figuring this out I
don't have to figure it out I can fake it but it will literally physically kill
me for some of us that's mental you can mentally just crush you and kill you
sometime as it is a physical thing it's not a sign of weakness say I need help
it is the probably the best thing in your life to admit I need help make a
phone call go out to lunch with somebody and
gut-level real now pick those people carefully but I know he goes anything
wrong I think it's the healthiest thing to do sets that's step one again for me
my faith was huge I do not believe I'm an accident you know I was I I believe I
was born for a reason on planet Earth so my faith praying reading studying
just meditating just getting it away and saying I need to have a different frame
of mind help me change that frame of mind because I cannot do it by myself
and listening to uplifting music I'm big on music I'm big on finding things to
read music and story are big in my life so I'm gonna find inspirational stories
I want to find uplifting stories and that changes it as I'm trained as I'm
meditating I'm going for a walk in the woods you
know how healthy it is they get outdoors and get out of the bedroom where the TV
is and the blankets are and just get outside and say it's fresh air the birds
are alive I'm alive and speak to me those are some of the things that helped
me and I think no matter where you're on that spectrum I think they do translate
into other situations very very easily and when when I had a liver disease when
I was fighting that the biggest help I got was somewhat my brother I literally
moved from Minnesota to Georgia where I'm at now so I could go to the Mayo
Clinic in Jacksonville Florida an hour away because I have the best transplant
people in all the world I literally upward in my life and moved
halfway across the United States moved in with my brother that I haven't lived
with since high school and he said I will be your caregiver because there's
gonna come a point where you can't do it anymore I had to admit it and not just a
minute when I needed a minute in advance so we were prepared to get there so he
could drive me there the night they call and say we have a donor you have a new
liver can you get here those are the things I think are very
practical that's not a sign of weakness I needed it I had to admit it and I to
make action steps and make it become reality I totally agree and you know
admitting it being the first part and you know I think that's that's huge
that's like halfway there right you admit the fact that this is what's going
on and you accept it so I think that's that's huge and the second thing you
talk about and it could be the hardest thing that you do for changing your
environment changing your surroundings you're the product of your environment
so you know change your environment and you know I have a very sort of
difference our definition for environment other than our traditional
are members like you know home work you know outside indoors you know those sort
of thing I think anything you come into contact with anybody you come into
contact with is environment your toothbrush is an environment your phone
is an environment your clothes are in environment your car is an environment
the food you eat the the this kind of stuff you surround yourself with the
music you listen to like everything is an environment right so you need to
change your environments in those times to really allow yourself to kind of
gather your thoughts and and kind of you know give yourself the space to think
and I actually I actually wrote an article on it you know how to how to
bounce back from failures and crises and to people who are interested what I'll
do is I'll put the link below in the description is absolutely freaking
download and then you can you can read this check it out it's not too long
it's not very you know scientific or anything either although there's I
talked about some scientific stuff there but it's very focused towards self-care
like what do you go through you know for yourself care during those dark times
and it's based on everything that I have practiced myself and everything that I
found useful so you know that the link will be below in the description so go
check it out if you're interested otherwise self-care just for a second
the sucker is huge mmm if you don't take care of yourself
first and foremost nobody else will if you don't want to invest in yourself and
set up those boundaries change those environments like you said if you're not
going to show that you're willing to do that why would anybody else make the
same investment so you're so care is huge that's exactly dead-on as
part of that attitude that mine shift of I have to I get to I want to this is
part of the challenges and treated it as such but yeah your self-care is so very
and again learning to say no it's okay and say no I can't today your self-care
is telling you warning danger if I press this too far it's gonna get worse
self-care is a big big factor greater claim mmm yeah absolutely
and I had a mazing guest on the show before her name is Kay Sanders and I
still remember this and we were talking about this whole kind of self-care and
you know kind of making sure that you have time to yourselves to to kind of
rejuvenate yourself etc and she said something so powerful that I remember to
this day is one of the things that I've you know written down in like the top
lessons I have learned by you know connecting with all people and she said
the time that you take out think of yourself as a gift it's a gift you're
gifting yourself that time you won't do it otherwise you just won't because
you'll always find an excuse so she said gift to yourself that time that's your
gift to yourself so it was absolutely huge and it kind of goes hand in hand
but we've been discussing about self-care and stuff but you yeah she was
actually right you do find excuses right like this this won't get done or that
won't happen or you know the were they catch on fire the universe will implode
like you come up with any excuses but that self-care is super important
especially in times of those dark times the times of crises and failures and
when you are feeling down and you know like we talked about the there is no
light at the end of the tunnel you need time to yourself just look after
yourself so you can go back in the fight
retreat is not a bad word hurt retreat is a negative word the actual origin of
retreat was in a military term you would retreat to regroup
so that you would not lose the battle and you would go back out with a new
game plan reorganize the troops and in advance again so the idea of retreat for
yourself is not a bad concept you're just regrouping to go do battle another
day and for many of us have gone through dark times it's a battle let's be real
it's a very real battle and more every hour every day every week becomes
tougher and tougher as your life goes down it's okay that gonna take a routine
retreat relax get refreshed and come back out ready to go do it again
awesome I just came up with a super cool awesome hashtag that you guys can use
for this interview it's called retreat nor defeat okay go for it hashtag
retreat not defeat okay that's what we're gonna go with so um rich um I
cooked we wanted to just discuss one more thing which was a lot of times
where people go through these talks um and I know I I went through this myself
we have we go to an identity crisis where you are kind of thinking about
this is not who I am this is not how I pictured myself or this is not where I
wanted to be this is not what my how I envision my future or this is not how I
thought I would be dealing with something died or this is not how I
thought I would be feeling what's wrong with me am i broken and you start to
almost question everything about yourself and I think that actually is a
very slippery slope and you can you can go down and hit rock bottom who really
quite quickly if you keep focusing on that so I'm wondering if you have any
tips or any ideas with for us about how you can get through the identity crisis
or how you can avoid the identity crisis in those times yeah no it is a real
issue um I went through it the other part of
my story I went through a divorce while I was going through liver disease so
whole identity crisis is right there in the middle of it uh was our good husband
was I a good father jahmai disease cause of divorce did I
cause the divorce am I good enough brought a Castro did I make enough money
I mean all those identity issues and then the question of as I get worse
while ever get back up again and the identity was I'm a public speaker I'm a
professional broadcaster and they tell you you're not gonna recover well so can
I ever do what I love to do ever again and my identity really was wrapped up
you're absolutely right this may sound kind of weird but I have
a real vivid imagination one of my other points on alum talked about is your
imagination will help you in so many ways I'm gonna geek out for a second one
way I also have favorite heroes growing up with Captain Kirk from Star Trek okay
see I love the hero I love Aragorn from Lord of the Rings I love the idea of
imagining being that guy so for me part of my imagination was and this is my
identity now but like in Lord of the Rings you did not know Aragorn Strider
was the future king you do not know that you saw him as the ranger he was
something else I have to wrap my mind around the idea just because I'm a
professional speaker broadcaster I might be something else my imagination has to
still look for the Carroll but the heroes not necessarily gonna be the same
guy he was when he was 20 when he was 30 and so instead of seeing it as a
deficiency of old bad pitiful for me I have to turn it into Who am i becoming
not as a deficiency of you didn't hit the mark you'll never hit the mark again
Who am I being transformed into what is that new thing I'm becoming and embrace
that and find the new story in that we all have our story my story has been a
lot of dysfunction pain hardships but out of every one of those peaks and
valleys you go to a movie there's always those peaks in the balance the hero
comes out with a new story on the back side can you have that imagination can
you think that way can you feel that just because you
Southworth was wrapped up in that career in that city with those people does that
mean your self-worth is always going to be in that thing maybe it's over here
maybe you need to go find that new thing and embrace that and say that was a
great part of my story but here's the next part of my story and yeah as a
storyteller my imaginations got to work that way that's just how I'm worried I'm
looking for the next chapter of the story see that's beautiful because I
think you highlight is something really important and for people in the audience
I think this is critical the fact that during those dark times doing when
you're going to crises and failures in your lives the key thing to remember is
that it's just another chapter of your story it's gonna end
there's gonna be an end to it it's not gonna carry on indefinitely forever but
that does not mean that you are somebody who is completely different it's just
something that you're going through temporarily you're still the same person
you still had all those experiences in the past all the awesome experiences
right it's just something you're going through in the moment and that moment
will eventually pass and I love that that's beautiful advice hashtag Lord of
the Rings walks by the way so yeah hashtag Lauren throwing rocks
there you go second hashtag off the interview bridge something that I didn't
tell you before I thought I'll just say to you this is actually gonna be the
100th video of the the show right so this is gonna be the one yes I think we
are we've covered some really amazing stuff in this interview and I'm really
glad to have you on to you you know we went down some really interesting rabbit
holes and I hope that it adds a lot of value to a lot of people but I'm just
wondering since it's the 103d I'm gonna leave the floor open to you do you have
any other advice for us the biggest advice is don't give up Winston
Churchill shortest speech in the world great
speech of one of the greatest speeches of all time was don't give up don't give
up don't give up and you sat down and that was your in wartime um again when
you're defying the odds please don't give up when you think you're at your
end pick up that phone reach up with somebody
use your imagination believe they're something around the corner it may not
be the same I never thought I would be traveling and speaking I never thought I
would write a book in my life and Here I am working on all these things and doing
that and yeah it's the same skill set it's changed and modified because the
story continues on in a different phase so again I believe people can defy the
odds I believe there's greatness in people I just want to encourage and help
people I know I want to be the biggest cheerleader in the stands I want to be
the biggest person up there going whoo you did it
you rock and don't stop and watch people defy the odds um if if people have
questions they want to reach out to me you can do it defy the odds at rich but
on trigger calm just send me a message you can do that you know it's easy to
get a hold of me and I would love to hear your stories in fact part of my
ongoing stories is I want to highlight other stories now if people had defied
the odds not just my story I think we need to get those messages out there and
people that have defied the odds like a young boy that was form of the childhood
disease I was told he was never ever ever gonna walk he's walking he is
walking about the wheelchair kid who has done Special Olympics and he's an
acrobat in his wheelchair doing better skateboarding tricks the most kids with
two legs those are the stories I want to hear and I want to share again part of
that a new purpose in life is it's not about me there's two other people that
can inspire you know but yeah I just wanted little stories out so that's
let's have fun telling these stories and getting them out there and let's
encourage people to not give up there's another day coming around the corner
absolutely awesome and rich are there any other ways that people can find you
learn more about you or reach out to you yeah I've got a YouTube channel you can
always find me on youtube rich trigger Bontrager I'm on Facebook rich trigger
bond trigger really it's not hard I've been on social media long enough as a
broadcaster you can probably google me and find me pretty easy I've got a
Twitter account Instagram all those usual things
I'm also on gig salad and speaker match those are speaking locations so as I
travel and book and try to get places to come you can always if you're looking
for something to come speak I would love to come travel you know we were talking
before we get on the air I'd love to come over the pond I'd love to come over
I've rarely been out of the country except in family emergencies and be
honest I would love to come and speak and share so if anyone has that interest
Google me finally and I love that that conversation about how I can share these
stories fantastic and for people in the audience all those links will be below
in the description of the video so you can go hit those links and reach out to
risk directly rich how can we help you right now what you're doing just by
being on your show Spain this time and goodnight thanks let's give a shout out
Cory Cory was the one that kind of bridged the gap we kind of mentioned
earlier and he is the speaker guy again this is what I think is the best thing
about being in the speaker community I think you'd probably echo that as well
speakers love the chui each other on we're having fun doing this so I just
appreciate that you would have me on I give me the time to share my story and
fan it out through your network and see where it goes you just never know where
any of you go and again you were recently
on your show now as a broadcaster being interviewed it strain it's really
strange we have the table's turned and learned all the responses and the
interviewing techniques it's fun and it's different so again I
really thank you for giving me the time to be on the other side of the
microphone for a change awesome it was pleasure to have you on
rich and yeah I mean Cory is our mutual friend I've had him on the show
previously his full name is Cory Fourier he's an international you know
best-selling author and a bourbon intellect speaker etc etc the list is
huge he's interviewed like the top 5,000 thought leaders in the world on his
radio show and the links will be below in the description for Cory's interviews
as well he's actually awesome Cory film watching lovely brother and there you go
guys that was our conversation with rich trigger Bontrager and what an awesome
conversation was that I mean this is like the hundredth video of the show and
it's it's absolutely phenomenal that we hit this milestone and I'm super excited
for the future I don't know you know where it's gonna end up what what will
it look like when we hit the 200th video mark but I am very excited about it and
in this conversation there were many golden nuggets and I
hope that you you took notes because this conversation was powerful and I
think this is gonna be one of those things where we feel resistance
sometimes we almost have this sort of resistance is friction inside of us
where we go into dark kinds we don't want to reach out to anybody we don't
want to go and find you know discuss these things with other people about how
we're feeling and what we're going through it's hard and we know that both
me and rich have gone through those dark times and we shared our experiences with
you openly I hope that our diet value to you but I really want to say that this
conversation I believe is just that to everyone who has gone to a dark time
or who is going to a dark time right now in their lives and me and rich we are
not medical professionals we will highly encourage you to go out and seek a
medical professional if you are something to depression and anxiety or
you know you're having those suicidal thoughts etc or anything like that
please make sure you go out you ask for help you reach out you talk to somebody
you seek out a medical professional we're not trained medical professionals
but we are here to serve you we have shared our experiences with you openly
to help you and and we we just want to make sure that whatever pain we have
experienced we are at least able to show you the steps that you can possibly take
that will help you if you're in the same place make sure you share this
conversation with other people who might be going to dark times who have gone
through dark times and if you think that they can benefit from any of this and
finally I will also encourage you guys to subscribe to the channel because
guess what if you subscribe all the future conversations will land in your
inbox and also sorry my throat's really dry now I've been
talking for so long my throat's really dry when you
subscribe the channel you get entered into the monthly competition where you
can win a chance to gain free access to my new networking strategies course all
you have to do is hit the subscribe button and comment comment on this video
or any other video that you want I've already given you your prompt okay what
are you doing to defy the odds in your life so comment below let me know hit
the subscribe button so we can grow this channel and bring on more amazing guests
I'm really excited to go into the 100 plus video mark and I will continue to
come and serve you guys every single week with that guys thank you so much
rich pleasure to have you on let's move on to sometime
thanks again awesome take care guys hustle hard and I'll catch you in the
next one
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