Thank you for calling Build Your Own Religion where you YOU are in charge of ALL of reality
How may I assist you?
Yeah. I was just looking at your website
and I would like to order a Religious View please
Great!
Here at Build Your Own Religion we assure your personal comfort and satisfaction.
Let's start with the basics
What kind of god would you like to exist?
Um, can I get a simple god, easy to understand, thinks like me, and sends everyone to heaven?
And by everyone you mean, everyone, including Hitler, is that correct?
Well, maybe a place for torment for people like Hitler, but who wants a God that
sends people to hell now-a-days?
Let's just leave the hell stuff off for now
I hear ya
So no to the hell, and hell to the no if you ask me, sister (laughs)
Ok, so now I'm not really supposed to give any sort of critical advice when it come to religion
but are you sure that want to go the God Route?
After all, we do have the universe
Hey that's a great idea!
Maybe we can just swap out God for the universe
So instead of thanking God we could just thank the universe?
It's like the universe has a law of attraction…but nobody knows about it.
That's right!
Because I'm not supposed to say anything, maybe can call this view "The Secret".
You're the best!
So let's go with a universe themed religion if you guys have one of those
Sure thing
Now let me just check to see if they're still available
We've been selling them on and off for centuries now and these views come and go let me tell ya
Oh blast!
It looks like they currently are no longer in season. I'm sorry.
But our historical records show that they should be back in another decade or so
Bummer!
Well now that I think about it, do I even need a religion?
Can't I just be spiritual instead of religious?
Sure, but if you don't mind me asking, what's the point of that?
I don't really know.
Sounds better?
Ah, good Point.
That's a phrase that's sure to catch on!
Speaking of, our marketing team has discovered that when it comes to these sorts of views
it's not necessarily important for the belief to be true
It just has to make you feel good
So, here at Build Your Own Religion, it's important to us for you pick a religion that makes you feel great!
Great!
So let's just go the spiritual route and forget all about religion
Okay so opting out of the religion plan…
Now that you've dropped religion, you now quality to create your own morality.
So what kind of morality would you like?
Hmm….I don't want my religion to be oppressive...so..
Let's just have everyone create moral rules for themselves. Like true for me but not true for you kind of thing
Alright!
Now just to confirm your order, you want the "spiritual but not religious" pack, you would like to leave
off hell and other similar toppings…and would you like any paranormal additions with that?
Oh yes please.
So let's keep the souls and spirit stuff
And can we add ghosts, ESP, good vibes energies, and Karma?
Alright!
Huh
My computer is giving a pop up message, that's odd. It's asking for you to confirm a potential conflict.
It wants to know if you're sure that you don't want belief in the afterlife, but
you do want belief in ghost, is that correct?
Yup! That's correct
And it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense all the way
You said it yourself
What matters most is that it sounds good, and how it makes me feel
Besides, the view only needs to be true for me, not anyone else.
You betcha!
Alright
And just so you know, your plan does include our exclusive Religisurance at no additional cost
This will come in handy if another trend or anything comes along, so that way you can
swap out your view for something else
Alright you're all set
Should I just run the Credit Card attached to this phone number?
Yes, please.
Okay. Just processing payment now
I'm sorry, ma'am, it seems that there was a problem processing your payment.
It says insufficient funds.
Well, good news for me, my truth says that I have more than enough money.
Well my truth contradicts your truth, so what should we do?
We could ignore it and hope that the IRS's truth agrees with both of our truths?
Works for me!
Anything else?
Nope
That's all
Alrighty
Namaste
Ok bye!
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