hi everyone today I'm here in Washington DC with my dear friend Erica Aten who is
a famous dating coach and the founder of a little nudge and I didn't realize
until today some of the things that she does it's true to help people by law all
right yeah
you guys have to read her book love at first sight it's a great book thank you
and that's how I met you when I was writing my book I met you and he found
me on Twitter at Twitter yeah and I tweeted her that is true let's meet her
you help people develop dating profiles I'm gonna do that take pictures of them
and do that to tell them you know how to what to write what they shouldn't write
those types of things turns out I'm actually writing it so pitch
I am yeah check oh yeah so I have a package I call the Platinum package and
that is the one where you're essentially outsourcing your online dating to me so
what does that mean I'm actually logging into your account obviously you have to
have a lot of trust in me to do this my goal is not to fool anyone my goal is to
get you on dates that you wouldn't otherwise be on but with the full
knowledge that I'm the one writing the messages not you so I would play the
role of many different people right now it ranges from a 27 year old woman in
Washington DC to a 61 year old man in Pasadena California to a 75 year old
woman in New York I got someone in Hawaii some and so I have to embody all
of these people in order to go online and get them date sure I know I know
this is sounds crazy and and it's funny I started the business almost eight
years ago and I thought I wonder if anyone's gonna sign up for this package
like is that something people want turns out yeah everyone wants the relationship
but they don't want to do the work so if the if the debate is between don't do
anything don't be in a relationship or pay someone else to do it for me a lot
of people are choosing the letter if I if I can you're my client and said help
me out should I take him as a client yes with you for an hour or talk to you
on the phone I get and in order to write it with a profile we talk about what
online dating sites you should be on I then write your profile from scratch for
whichever sites we decide on I get you a professional photography
session either with me or with somebody in your area Jim pictures you cannot
have don't even get me some ice time do we have our rules for the pictures but I
get your pictures taken so basically I am making sure you're putting your best
foot forward online and marketing yourself well okay it doesn't stop there
because let's say it's the same as let's say pay for a gym membership but you
never set foot in the gym you're not gonna get your fitness goals
if you put yourself online but never do anything with it you're not gonna get
things just like you would I would say I'll go like to get you got logging into
match.com yeah you tell me what you're looking for and then I use those
objective criteria in addition to subjective things if I can give things
in common if she I think she's cute for you if I know your type and I think oh
yeah sure but I also have to look at who's looking for you my clients
sometimes forget that like they're like I want X Y & Z why aren't you fine I'm
like well actually I have to look for XY and Z but then I have to find the person
on the other side who wants a B and C which way you are so and then I initiate
conversations you know you write the emails yeah I write the emails yes you
would write an email too I noticed in your profile that you used to live in
Washington DC I actually just traveled to DC for
business meeting anything in particular I should have done while I was there
hope to talk soon Antonio you carry on a conversation with this person she gets
back to you oh yes you should definitely go to the Spy Museum it's a really
interesting place although the Smithsonian museums are
free do you like museums and then you write back I write back you know I do
but my kids really hate museums so I decided we should go on vacations on
cruises because my kids don't have any museums to say you know to and then the
conversation she gets back to you and then in the next
I might say you know I'm really enjoying this conversation would you like to meet
me for a drink next Wednesday or Thursday let me know where you're coming
from and I'll pick a place and then you picked him and then I pick the place
the thing is I don't live in Detroit so she was telling me that she was working
with someone in Birmingham Michigan which is close to where I live and she
was like telling me about the restaurants that she sets up people on
big yes what you online Google Maps Yelp I look at pictures to make sure I was
just telling Antonio to make sure the seats at the bar have backs on them
because some of my clients don't want to sit on back with me I try to make sure
the bar area is big enough so they get a seat if I'm sending people out on the
Thursday night that's a pretty popular night to go out I want to make sure
they're not standing around waiting so I have to think about all of these things
I try to make the date working a little more convenient for the woman if you are
my client as the guy I will take more of the lead
I will ask what's convenient for her I will do all of the things that women
most women want and you better sex prop it oh you should do know you set it up
all the way to the point where they meet so what you have to do is read the whole
email chain which I send to you I send you like a document it's it's the whole
email chain a screenshot of her profile and the details at the top of where
you're meeting what time and her phone number if I've exchanged the numbers no
texting beforehand I don't allow that because what do you do when someone asks
you that they want to text you or something just suggest meeting instead
okay like if someone says here's my number let's text as you I would say
actually I'd rather meet are you open to meeting for a drink instead it's worse
things because you're just delaying the inevitable if you text and inevitably
and someone is bound to say something dude they don't want to say over text I
call texting the death of the first date because dates just don't happen when
there is too much beforehand so yes I get all of my
clients the point of the date if someone's insisting on a phone call
try to work around that but then you go on your date you have a great time you
Wow everyone and then I send you a survey to fill out after takes five
minutes just so I know how the date went I do have a section in the survey how
was the venue because I need to know if I should use it again and then and then
we have a phone call to discuss and then you talk to them about it yeah and then
I will never be in communication with that date again once you have had any
communication with that person phone text date I pull myself out of the
process cuz I don't know what you've talked about right Wow yeah so happy so
so you this is made like I would like this would be perfect like you do
everything you every disease I just won't show up on the date for it except
show what have you ever done that yeah no why what does someone need a little
coaching like with the walkie talkie
what if someone needed a little encouragement thank you then I give them
a petshop before the date I give a lot of pep talks so sometimes you a man
you're her being a man because as a woman it's very clear to me what most
what I can't generalize it's not every woman but I know what most women want
so as the man I can do all of the things that I know most women want it's being
decisive it's choosing a location near her if I'm doing it as a woman I'm not
emotionally invested like my clients are so it snows you know if someone just
stops writing well it's annoying I'm not I don't take from get personally whereas
my client might so I'm kind of shielding them from that to tell me some success
stories I know you've had yeah it's great so one of my first-ever clip
platinum clients it was a I've never met him in person he was in Iowa
and I still remember I found a woman on match.com for him
Holly and I I call I think they called him and said this woman seems amazing
for you and I don't usually do like that cuz chemistry you can't
predict that right so after the date he calls me and he goes Erica she kissed me
he's like she planted me down and kid and I'm like you keep her anyway they
got married I mean yada yada yada a few things
happen in between and it's nice they both have kids the same age and they got
married and she knows about me she knows that I was the one sending her yeah
that's a great question so like people towels but I always tell them when they
sign up you know what you're signing up for you're outsourcing if you decide to
share that with someone that is completely up to you and only wife this
was really neat I was my client was a man in New York I was messaging women
for him he ended up in a relationship for about a year with a woman who I had
written to on match.com which I know I hear myself and I hear how crazy it
sounds but it works anyway they were you know pretty serious he told her about me
and I met them once for a jazz concert in New York and it was so much fun and
totally weird when you're doing an email for someone yeah you'd like think about
what you're them yeah for example like the 27 year old woman I'm working with
I'm more inclined to put a smiley face or an emoji than I am in a 75 year old
woman you know I'm not gonna moji up her emails
I wouldn't put more than one in any email regardless because I think it
makes people especially in a first email now oh you don't really I wouldn't put
more than one in a first email it makes you look a little less intelligent yeah
that must be a problem because sometimes I book three four too much or you're too
emotive like that's too much you don't know this person I put it in my comments
like some like I am doing like three or four or a happy face
people take you more seriously if you don't I mean I remember I used to work
cool I used to work at Fannie Mae before this career and they used to tell me I
use too many exclamation points and I'm like I'm a happy person I should have
known then that it was not the right job for me
right oh no no I mean everything is a first impression the profile was the
first impression your pictures are a first impression your first message is a
first impression I would be a little leery if if a man sent me a message with
four or five emojis in it it just I don't know a little I'm some red flag
but it a little pink flag yeah really yeah it's gonna be more serious
Izzie too goofy is it people think all kinds of things and it's usually when
people have to fill in the gaps it's usually not a complimentary fill in you
know you're the problem that I said okay personally uh-huh when people know what
I do yeah I understand that then they're like you're analyzing me or or they
think you're on the dating delay research correct doing research I mean
look I've been single at various points doing my job I get the same exact thing
this is a question I've had to answer myself and I have said before I try to
keep my work and my personal life separate yeah it sounds like fun to
people right because we deal with dating and relationships but to us that's our
job so we don't want to be talking about work all the time on our dates right oh
that's sure I never asked me like do you have a life I'm like never
why oh right and if they say oh you're just here for research you can say no
actually I'm using the tools that are out there just like I recommend to
people then this Cabana journey okay
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