Hey everybody, it's Brendon Burchard, and today I'm talking about the four dumb things
we say that prevents our own personal growth and professional excellence.
Look, we all have internal thoughts that sometimes slow us down.
I'm sure you know that sometimes you have negative thinking.
Sometimes, you say things to yourself that justifies bad behavior or laziness or distraction.
We all do.
So, there's no judgment to this except that yes, it's kind of dumb.
We say certain things that we just culturally get used to saying that we never really explore
and those things hurt our personal development.
So, what I want to do is dig down into these four things we say because they are dumb and
I know once you hear a little logic behind them, you will say, "It's not worth saying
that to myself anymore because it's not a true story" and it's only holding you
back.
Okay, so first and foremost, before we go, I want you to think about a big dream of yours.
Something that you really care about, something you really want to make happen or a goal that
you also have had for a while and you've been trying to do it but it's just not working
out well.
Maybe, you're telling yourself one of these four dumb things, okay.
So, to start off, the first one with you, I'm going to move this aside and here it
is.
I hear this one all the time.
Brendon, I've tried everything.
Whenever I hear that, I know I'm talking with a crazy person.
I'm just teasing.
Here's what I know.
People often, when they hear a new idea, or you say, "Hey, have you thought about chasing
that dream or pursuing your goal".
They say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've tried everything."
And because they tried one, two, three, maybe, four things, they say, "Didn't work for
me.
That's not right for me.
That's not possible for me" and those aren't true stories.
As a high-performance coach, often when I sit down with people, I talk about their dreams,
they often say this to me, "Well Brendon, I've already tried everything."
And so, I say to them, "Oh great, then show me the list."
And they go, "What do you mean?"
I say, "Show me the list."
They say, "What do you mean?"
I say, "Well, if you tried everything then of course you would have had to keep a detailed
list of what you tried, when you tried it, what results you got, what worked and what
didn't work.
If you didn't have a list like that, you couldn't ensure things that were like mutually
exclusive."
And if you couldn't tell things that were mutually exclusive, then you wouldn't know
you tried everything.
So, have you ever told yourself that?
"I've already tried everything.
It didn't work."
Think about how many times in your life you give up to soon.
You're at like that 10-yard line, the touchdown's right there but you're like, "Well, I've
tried everything.
I guess it's not working."
And you back off.
You know, we know from the psychology of success it's those who persevere longer than others
and maintain more resiliency in the face of challenge that succeed more.
So, if you ever hear yourselves saying, "I tried everything", know that's a big,
bad story you're telling yourself and say, "No, I haven't tried everything.
Let me get some advice.
Let me ask some more people.
Let me start keeping a trail of what I have tried so I can say, 'Already did that.
Already did that' but I did this but I didn't do it in that way."
There's a lot of new things you can keep trying to keep getting ahead.
Don't give up on your goals and your dreams just because you tried four or five things.
It's very true that often you're closer than you think my friend.
The second big thing, walk with me, is a big one.
A huge one and this one people say to me all the time.
"Sure, that works for him or that works for her but that wouldn't work for me."
Have you ever said that?
Right.
You have this big goal or dream.
You see your mentor, you see your dreams.
They are doing it but you're like, "Oh, that wouldn't work for me because that's
not my style" or "I'm not like that" or "She has this and he has that" and
we false compare ourselves to others and we think they're so special.
We, still in this culture today, we still pretend that there are some people who just
have 'it' and other people don't have 'it'.
Right?
We think, "Oh well, he's just naturally good at that.
She's just born to be that."
But in everything that we study, those who achieve high performance in their life, they
trained, they conditioned, they practiced, they sucked at first but they were okay with
that.
They were cool with not being good and then, they just kept getting better and better and
better and better and better.
And now, you watch them today and you're like, "Oh wow, I could never be like that"
but the reality is you could.
You just got to put in the miles.
I share that with you just knowing how I started my career.
I used to say that too.
I looked at these people on television or these big YouTubers.
I'd see these people on big stages motivating people and I thought, "Well, I'm not like
that" because me, I'm more of an introverted person in general when I started this career
and I've had to learn to be more and more extroverted to be good at all of this.
But I'd say, "Well, I'm not like that."
And the reality was, I wasn't like that but I had a mission and I had a dream and
you should never make your mission or your dream bow down to your current limited strengths.
Instead, you should say, "If that's what I want, how could I rise up into that?
How could I train?
What knowledge, skill, ability do I need to learn and start learning right now so that
I could have that dream my friend?"
Because you deserve it.
So, stop telling yourself you can't have it.
I get it all the time, "Well, sure that works for Brendon on video."
I'm like, "What?
Works for Brendon on video?"
Like I came out of the womb like, "Hi guys, I'm Brendon Burchard."
Like, no.
This took me forever.
I'm doing this extemporaneous in our new office.
I don't know how it's going to go either.
I just trust in that process and you know, for me, my first video that I ever did was
so horrible.
Okay, my first year of videos, they were terrible, they were awful, they were uncomfortable.
Some of you still don't even like what I'm doing now.
That's fine.
It's okay.
I just know that I'm always trying to get better and better and better and grow into
the person who I know deserves that dream, who earns that dream.
No one you're looking to, none of your heroes just came out of the womb and by natural birthright
or innate talent got there.
They usually outworked their peers.
They usually showed up more often.
They usually were more strategic in getting a good peer group around them to support them,
to champion on, to push them.
Notice I didn't say, they had a better peer group.
They knew that was important, so they developed it because we often say, "Well yeah, that
strategy works for him because he's got a big community" or "That strategy works
for her because she's charismatic".
No, if there's a strategy, you can deploy it.
You can work the same thing.
Would you get the same results as someone who has 10 more years of experience as you?
Probably not.
They put on some more miles but look, no matter how small you start, start something that
matters.
It's the great Zig Ziglar who taught us, right?
You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to become great.
Never look at people and say, "Well sure, she can.
I can't."
Because that's defeatist.
It is wrong and it is holding you back my friend.
Let's go on.
That's number one and two and here we go.
I think this one is a huge one and it kills people's lives all the time.
The third big dumb thing people say is, "You just don't understand."
And then, they quit.
Just like that.
When they say, "I've tried everything."
They quit.
"Well, she can do it, sure."
They quit.
And then they say, "Well, they don't understand me.
You don't understand me."
And then, they quit.
Here's the thing.
If you think people can't understand your journey, then your ego has gotten the best
of you.
And I do say that with all due respect but there's 7 billion people alive on the planet
right now.
Somebody, not only has gone through what you're going through, somebody is going through what
you are going through.
To have any imagination that people can't understand you is a false story that ego says
that, "I'm so special."
And either, "I'm so special because I'm so great" or "I'm so special because
I'm so diminished and so hurt" and these stories are stories we tell ourselves and
it ends up dividing us from people.
It builds a wall to protect ourselves because we don't want to be vulnerable or we're
bitter because we have tried to communicate to people that maybe our communication style
wasn't so good.
That was the case for me.
In college, many of you know, I was depressed and suicidal after the breakup with the first
woman I ever loved.
And I thought, "Lots of people", I thought, "They can't understand me.
They've never had their heart broken like this, not like this".
And I told myself the story and I kept saying, "Well, they don't understand".
So, I wouldn't tell my friends because I thought, "Well, they haven't been through
a breakup like this".
So, I didn't tell them.
Everybody can understand a broken heart.
I've had to sit down with parents who lost their children to cancer and say to them,
"I understand this is difficult" and they'd say, "Well, you don't understand, Brendon.
You don't have a child who has been lost to cancer."
But we don't have to go through the exact same things to have human empathy and caring.
See, by you not telling people what you really feel, what happen is, they're not able to
ask the questions to see what support your need.
You're right, maybe, they can't help you but they can understand and find someone who
could help you.
The more that you hold back, the more that you're going to be in trouble.
When it comes to personal growth, in silence, that's where suffering is.
Soon as you say, "They don't understand", that's when you stop communicating.
That's when you stop trying.
That's when you wave everybody away.
Because you know what people say.
When you say, "You don't understand", you know what you're less likely to do?
Raise your hand and ask for help because you go, "Well, they don't understand."
So now, you're just … "Nobody can understand.
I'm not going to try anymore.
Screw them.
They won't listen anyway."
And you go into your little silo and all of a sudden, you're not living life fully connected
with other people who are the ones who could help you in the first place.
Sometimes, in our own belief that we are so special or so hurt or even so good or so skilled
and we think, "Well, they don't understand us", whether you say that as a CEO, "My
team doesn't understand me" or you say it as a spouse, "Well, my spouse doesn't
understand me" or you say it to your family, "My family doesn't understand me", that's
just ego.
Everybody can understand you.
Now, you need to develop better communication style to help them understand.
That's what I had to do.
After I realized that maybe, people could understand my depression, my heartache.
I realized, "You know what?
Maybe, I need to learn how to communicate in a different way so they could understand
how what was going on in my life is really affecting me" and so, I could communicate
in a better way what I needed for some help.
That's all.
Sometimes, we just have to learn to communicate more what we're going through with people
to be more explicit, not drop hints but just say, "This is what I'm going through and
this is what I need help on."
And you know what?
If you tell people that consistently, often enough with an open mindset, you will find
you get more help in the world.
So, here we are three things so far.
I've tried everything, Brendon.
Sure, that works for them, Brendon, but not for me.
And you don't understand, Brendon."
These things hurt your personal growth and then, there is one more big one.
And this one I hate it.
Alright.
This is the one.
I don't have many pet peeves in my entire life.
I've been coaching professionally for 10 years now and I've been deeply immersed
in the research and psychology, personal development, neuroscience and behavioral economics and
everything I can get my hand on to understand the human condition.
This one, I'm not going to lie.
I can't understand it.
I hate it.
When people say this to me, and they say this all the time on my Facebook post, on my YouTube
thing.
I have to go, "Calm down…" because it's so obnoxious and I see it steal so many people's
lives.
Here's what they say though.
"Brendon sure, easier said than done."
Perhaps, the dumbest reason ever not to try something.
Right?
That's what people say, "Easier said than done."
Sure, so I will say something like, "Hey, you know what?
Be more kind to your loved ones."
And someone will post, "Easier said than done."
I'm like, "So, you're not going to try?"
Hey, you know what?
Try to develop a morning routine where you take five minutes for yourself.
"Easier said than done.
I have children."
I will say, "Hey, you know what?
Try to set goals that are a little harder."
"Easier said than done, people can be disappointed."
Easier said than done is a defeatist statement and it's also kind of dumb and here's
why I say it's dumb.
Think about this, easier said than done.
What isn't easier said than done?
Right.
Everything is easier said than done.
"Gee honey, I'm going to go get that ice cream in the fridge."
Easier said than done".
That'd be accurate.
"I'm going to pick up that paperclip".
Easier said than done.
Everything is easier said than done.
So, it's a stupid universal thing that we say but we often stop after it and that's
what I don't want you to do.
So, with all these things in mind, I know I'm playing fun a little bit that these
things are dumb but here's what I would like to share with you.
If you're struggling and you're trying to get ahead, examine them.
Do you ever find yourselves saying, "I've tried everything.
That works for her.
You don't understand.
Or easier said than done."
Because what would happen in your life if you'd just flipped it around a little bit?
What would happen instead of saying "I've tried everything", you said, "What else
could I try that would help me feel fully engaged and more likely to progress?"
That's all.
"What else could I try that would help me be fully engaged and progressed?
What else?"
And start keeping that list.
What if, instead of saying, "Sure, she can do that.
Works for her but wouldn't work for me."
What if, instead you said, "You know what?
I see that working for somebody else, let me try that and practice and get better and
better and better and better."
What if instead of saying, "You don't understand", what if you said, "Hey, I'm
struggling right now.
I'm wondering if I could share something out.
I'd love to see if you could understand or could give me some advice right now"
and you enter the situation with humility.
And what if, instead of saying, "Oh, that's easier said than done", you said, "Let
me try that because I bet that might be effective."
Look, we can all be pessimists in life.
It's easy to be that today.
There's a lot of negativity.
There's a lot of just disturbing information out online.
We see it every day.
It's why I spend so much time and my team spends so much time delivering to you guys
great personal development as much as we can and I appreciate all of your support of my
books, my online courses.
Our five million people here on Facebook, our unbelievable community on YouTube, our
blog readers and everybody who sees us out at the seminars or maybe, you will see me
out on tour one day.
This year, I will be out on the road quite a bit but we do all of that exactly to counter
this negative thinking.
So, I'd love for you to just take a few moments, maybe, tonight and just ask yourself,
"Are there some things I've been telling myself in my head that have been holding me
back?
And what if I flipped them?"
Often, we will say to ourselves, "What if this negative thing happens?"
What if we asked, "What if this positive thing happens?"
I know that sounds so silly and you might as well say, "Well, Brendon, you're just
teaching positive thinking" but I would be honored if that's what you thought I
was doing.
I think, I don't know how do you feel about it right now.
I think the world needs a little bit of a positive thinking.
I think people need a little bit of that belief in themselves.
I think they need to believe that they can keep at it, keep going.
I think right now, we all need a reminder sometimes, you know what?
You're stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you.
I appreciate you being here.
I look forward to seeing you out on the road.
Until then, go every single day of your life.
Remember, that you can think more positively.
Remember, that the world is an abundant place.
Remember, that other people need you to rise and lead right about now.
And if you remember those things, you can live, The Charged Life.
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