Hey guys!
You're about to watch a compilation
of all of our airplane sketches.
When we aired this on TV, this was our 100th episode,
and it was meant to be watched just the way
you're about to watch it right now, not broken up but together.
All in order.
There's some things that you will see
that you have never seen before when you watched these sketches
individually on YouTube previously,
so get ready for some new things.
Oh, my.
[knocking]
Have a seat.
You seem very qualified in the air.
I just have a few other questions,
I'd like to ask you.
Okay.
Sure.
I'm happy to answer any questions you have.
Great.
I'd like you to speak into this microphone
and read what's on this prompt.
Okay.
Sure.
[clears throat]
Ladies and gentlemen, ahhh,
thanks again for flying with UpHigh Airlines.
We're about an hour and a half from our destination
with wonderful weather showing on the scanner
of about 75 degrees with seven mile per hour winds.
Thank you for flying UpHigh Airlines.
[mouth click]
Great.
I noticed a sigh in there.
How long can you sigh?
Oh.
[sigh begins]
[timer beep]
[sigh continues]
[sigh continues]
[sigh continues]
[sigh continues]
[timer beeps]
A little below average but you'll get the hang of it.
Next question, you're a little off course
and you need to make a slight adjustment
but you know the passengers are going to notice.
What do you do?
Um, blame it on turbulence and turn on the seatbelt sign.
Excellent.
Can you demonstrate that for me?
Sure.
Ladies and gentlemen,
[sigh]
[indistinct]
seats are up
[indistinct]
tray tables
[indistinct]
turbulence
[sigh]
[indistinct]
try and make sure
[indistinct]
seatbelts.
Bing.
[Indistinct]
as comfortable.
Thanks for flying UpHigh Airlines.
Superb.
Now, it's been awhile since you've said anything
and everyone's really into their movies--
Sorry for the interruption everyone
[indistinct]
technical difficulties
[indistinct]
flight attendants
[indistinct]
We'll make sure to take care of it.
Great.
[continues indistinct]
magazines
[indistinct]
Thanks for flying UpHigh Airlines.
[mouth click]
Perfect.
You completely passed this part of the test.
I have one last question on a different note
to test your problem-solving abilities.
Let's say you have a 120 mile an hour headwind
and your co-pilot is unconscious,
and you have dual-engine failure.
What do you do?
[indistinct]
What was that?
[indistinct]
Sorry, I'm not getting--
[sigh]
Thank you for flying UpHigh Airlines.
[mouth click]
You're hired.
[crowd noise]
[indistinct PA announcements]
I just got hired as a pilot, I start next week.
I really don't care.
Okay.
[beeping]
Ma'am, I'm going to need you to come over here.
You know you can't take this on the flight, right?
Oh, I'm so sorry, it won't happen again.
Okay.
Now, I'm just going to have to do a routine check
on the rest of the bag, all right?
Oh, yeah.
Those are nail clippers.
I am so sorry, okay.
Uh, that's a family heirloom, so...
An heirloom!
Wow!
Oh my goodness, that is beautiful!
Is this mahogany?
[hesitantly]: Yeah.
Wow.
Very nice.
Have you ever played bocce ball?
It's pretty fun.
That's what that is.
[laughing]
No kidding!
Very cool.
Uh, well, I got to get going.
Wait, maybe if you're free sometime, we could hang out?
Yeah, maybe.
Cool.
Oh, we're going to have to check that, though.
You used to be cool, man.
[body bag thuds]
[beeping]
Sir, can you come over here, please?
Yeah.
[unzipping]
[mints rattling]
Those are just mints.
It says curiously strong.
That's dangerous.
There's nothing wrong with that.
The barrel on this is too big.
I was just planning on shooting some--
Shooting?!
Confiscated.
What?
No, I was just...
Hi-res?
Not bad, I'll get some nice shots with that.
Sir?
These are flammable.
What size are they?
34.
These are fine.
That, however, will have to go.
You can't just take my child!
You're going to be late for your flight, sir.
Announcer:Last call for flight 100 to Seattle.
I'm so sorry.
[baby cooing]
Announcer:Now boarding passengers in zone one.
You want some?
[beeping]
Sir, I'm going to need you to come over here.
What's the problem?
There's something we picked up on the full-body scanner.
Well, it's wrong.
I don't have anything on me.
It's not that.
[dramatic music begins]
The scanner picked up something
around your esophagus that needs to be operated on immediately.
The scanner couldn't possibly pick that up.
The scanner is never wrong, sir.
Now listen to me very carefully,
we have a protocol for this kind of situation.
I got to go to the hospital, then!
There's no time for that!
Now we have 911 on the line
and we're prepared to do the operation on the conveyor belt.
I confiscated this.
[drill whirring]
We can't do the surgery here, I'll die!
Not on my watch.
If there's any team that can do this for you, it's the TSA.
You really think so?
[laughing]
No, no.
I actually stopped you because you're a minority.
What?
Well, you know the drill.
[high five]
>>Excuse me.
>>Uh, sir?
Mind if I take that toothpick?
It can be used as a weapon.
Miss?
>>Yeah?
>>You can store those under the seat.
>>Oh, thank you.
Whitney: Welcome aboard Up High Airlines Flight 100,
with jet service to Seattle.
Please make sure your seat back and tray table
are in the upright and locked position.
Man: Oh no!
What if they aren't?
Is the plane going to crash?
Aah!
[laughs]
Whitney:Um, check that all carry-ons
are placed under the seat in front of you--
Man: What kind of carry-ons even fit under the seats?
Like, mouse luggage?
[laughs]
Whitney: Well, if the seats are too cramped,
you can leave a comment on our website, UpHigh.com.
Now, in your seat back pocket--
[clears throat]
The website's actually FlyUpHigh.com.
Whitney: Okay, sir.
Yeah, 5D.
Are you heckling a safety demonstration?
>> The one at United was way better.
They had a scorpion.
Whitney: That wasn't on purpose.
Man:Boo!
You guys are the worst U.S. Airlines in the U.S!
Whitney: Wrong!
We're the second-worst U.S. Airline.
Maybe get your facts straight before you spill your stupid
all over my speech.
What did you say?
Whitney: Uh, is your Nickelback playing too loudly?
I said you are unintelligent.
Unintelligent!
Try spelling that in your head.
That should shut you up for at least a few minutes
so I can finish my demo.
Natalie: Sit down!
I have a family to get home to.
Whitney: Who threw that?
You want to try it again?
Throw it at my face this time!
I dare you!
[crowd booing]
Yeah, what you going to do now, Mr. Girly Man-Voice?
Whitney: Okay, what's your name, sir?
Jiggy.
Whitney: Jiggy?
Okay, this is going to be easy.
Uh, is that a family name
or did your mom just really hate you?
Jiggy: Actually, it was my dad's name.
He, uh...
He passed away before I was born.
All: Aw.
Whitney: I am so sorry.
[mocking] Are you going to cry about it?
Oh, I'm going to destroy you.
Whitney: Come at me, bro.
Hit me as hard as you can.
As hard as you possibly can!
[thud]
Is that all you got?
You hit like a girl!
No, no, wait.
You hit like your late father!
Oh, gettin' jiggy with it!
[punches landing]
My nose isn't even all the way broken.
>>All right, Air Marshal.
I'm detaining you.
[zapping]
Whitney: You can't stop me!
YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME!
>>That's for the judge to decide.
Whitney: The judge is a pansy!
>>He's my best friend!
[crowd applauding]
Whitney: Sorry about that, folks.
We're working to get this flight underway so you can all
get home to Seattle!
>>Thank goodness.
That dude was a jerk.
[applause continues]
Hmm.
[ding]
Pilot: All right, folks, we've reached our cruising altitude.
Feel free to turn on any electronic devices
and access our in-flight Wi-Fi.
Thank you.
Sorry.
I was totally zoning out on your text.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
I do that too sometimes.
[both laugh]
Um, were you just, um...?
No, no, I was laughing at a stewardess.
Is it because of my nose?
What?
No...
I knew it.
I'm sorry.
I just read too much the first time
and I got sucked in, you know?
It's very interesting.
Like when your dad said that the car accident
might not have been an accident,
I was like, "What is that about?"
And when he said he's going to find the guys who did it,
I was like, "This dude is Liam Neeson."
Stop reading my texts.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I'm being so nosy.
Are you talking about me again?
No.
Nose?
No!
She has issues.
Yeah, so do you.
Stay out of my business.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I will give you some privacy, okay?
Good night.
Good night.
That is it!
What is wrong with you?
I'm sorry!
I'm just so curious!
I need a distraction.
Here.
I got a magazine.
I will leave you be.
Why?
That is it.
I'm not strong enough.
I will go to the bathroom.
Leave you totally alone.
I'm so sorry.
What in the world?
The bathroom was occupied!
You have a problem.
I know.
I promise I will stop.
Just tell me what happens
after he hits the guy with a tire iron.
Wait, what?
You might not have gotten to that part yet.
No.
Okay.
I'm sorry, I have to change seats.
No, no, no!
Please, it's not my fault!
Social media has made me too invested
in peoples' personal lives!
Just tell me how it ends, please!
Man!
Now I'll never know.
NOSE?
Oh!
Excuse me, sir?
There's a first class passenger experiencing
some discomfort in his current seat,
would it be alright if he sat here?
He's not going to throw up on me, is he?
Oh, no, he's harmless.
Okay, well then, sure.
Sir, you can have a seat here.
[horror music]
You going to sit?
You must invite me to sit.
It's okay.
I invite you to sit.
Can I get you any snacks, or anything to drink?
Can I get a virgin Bloody Mary please?
I like the sound of that.
I'll have one as well!
[sniffs]
[gags]
Yeesh.
This blood is terrible.
It's actually just tomato juice.
Oh, well then it's pretty good for tomato juice.
It's impolite to stare.
Sorry.
What is your name?
Jeremy.
What's yours?
Vlad.
The scourge of Wallachia.
Where are you from?
Detroit.
What are you doing in Seattle?
What are you, some sort of question man?
Do you work for the census?
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Where are you from?
South Dakota..
What is your pant size?
I didn't ask you that.
What is your mother's maiden name?
Van Helsing.
[hissing]
Excuse me.
Sir, I need you to take your seat.
Guess how old I am.
[sigh]
I don't know.
37?
Wrong.
38.
Well, you look great.
You want to know my secret?
A healthy diet.
Wow.
And I love Mexican food.
I'm not Mexican.
I love Chinese food.
I'm not Chinese either.
I love, I--Irish food?
No, no.
Excuse me.
Sir, I need you to stay in your seat.
Okay, yeah, alright, I will, I just-- I'm sorry,
but I changed my mind.
I'd rather that guy not sit next to me.
What's the problem?
I'm 96 percent certain that he's a vampire.
Rabbit! [growling]
[hissing]
99%.
Sir, I think you're just being racist.
No, I'm not.
Yep.
You're a racist.
No.
A big old racist.
LOOK!
Okay, I'm not racist.
I think he might be a little racist,
but that's further down the list,
alright, my point is, I feel legitimately threatened,
and I am asking you, begging you,
because you are the only person on this plane
with any authority to help me.
I have authority.
I'm an air marshall.
Will you help me?
No.
I'm going to pretend you didn't just do that.
Ah!
[hissing]
Sir, I need you to stay in your seat.
12B threw up during takeoff.
Ugh.
You always know!
I can spot the weak ones.
Alright, folks, we're going to do one last lap
to collect trash,
but please get into your seats with seat belts buckled
to prepare for landing.
[ding]
Man: Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
We're beginning our descent now,
uh, estimated time of arrival in Sea-Tac Airport
is 7:30 AM, local time.
Man 2: Uh, what are you doing, John?
John: Oh, just making sure the intercom is off.
Sometimes that button sticks, but I think I got it.
Man 2: So how's your ex-wife?
John: [chuckles] Same old hag as always.
She's just the worst, Roberts.
Roberts: Real piece of work.
John: I just- can I be honest?
I wish she'd get electrocuted.
I'm not even going to lie.
What's going on- ah!
John: Some weird-looking people on this flight today, right?
Roberts: Right?
I was really watching and I thought
they were all uggos to be honest.
John: Wow, I had the same thought.
That dude with the dog shirt, I mean,
was his face even a face?
[both laugh]
Captain Hansen, copilot Roberts?
Roberts: Ugh, what does Cheryl want now?
John: I locked the door so we wouldn't have to see
that dumb look on her face whenever she's like
[southern drawl] "Captain Hansen?
Eh-eh-eh!
Copilot Roberts?"
Roberts: We're busy, Cheryl!
John: Woo.
My painkillers are starting to kick in.
I'm on a pretty hefty amount of Percocet
from my knee surgery.
Roberts: Um, sir, you're not even supposed to drive
when you're on painkillers.
John: Oh really?
Well I feel fine, other than the blurry vision.
Look out, there's a bird!
Oh, no, sorry Roberts, that was just my hand
in front of my face.
[laughing]
Well shoot.
Guess I've always got you to land the plane for me, though!
[laughing]
Roberts: Well, uh, hopefully not!
I've never actually landed a plane before.
My instructor died before we got to that part
because I crashed the plane.
John: Whoa!
You're an animal, Roberts!
Roberts: What can I say?
Oh, John, are you okay?
I think we're tilting.
John: No, it's just my muscle relaxant.
I feel so relaxed right now.
Captain Hansen?
John: LEAVE US BE, CHERYL!
BOYS WILL BE BOYS!
Roberts: John, I was serious
when I said I couldn't land this plane,
and I don't think you're supposed
to lean on the control board like that.
John: But it's warming my belly fat, Roberts!
Roberts: Okay.
Your drool is shorting out the circuits, sir.
[beeping]
Why would you need to take off your belt right now?
John: I can't sleep with my pants on, Roberts.
It's very uncomfortable.
AH, WE'RE CRASHING!
Roberts: John, John!
We're nowhere near the ground yet.
John: NO, THAT IS DEFINITELY THE GROUND!
Oh, wait, no, you're right.
That's just a cloud.
WAIT, NO, IT'S THE GROUND!
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Hey, hey, Roberts.
I never told you this, but, uh,
I'm proud to call you my daughter.
Roberts: Sir, please take your hand off my face.
[screams]
Roberts: Sir?
John?
John, oh my goodness, John, are you dead?
Oh, he's dead!
We're going down!
Hey, aren't you a pilot?
[indistinct mumbling]
Roberts: OH, MAN, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SKY AND THE SEA !
[all screaming]
[ding]
Hey, folks, we are just experiencing
some slight turbulence
but we should be free and clear in a moment.
MAY HEAVEN GRANT ME SERENITY!
MAY I GO PEACEFULLY AND THE PASSENGERS DIE
IN WHATEVER WAY ALLOWS ME TO DIE PEACEFULLY!
[grunting]
Roberts: CHERYL!
YOU'RE SO ANNOYING BUT I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
CAPTAIN IS DEAD.
Cheryl: He's just passed out, Roberts!
Get out of the way!
I'm landing this thing!
[intense music]
[wailing]
[wailing]
[music stops]
Roberts: Cheryl, you saved us!
[slap]
Ah!
My face!
This is why we're not together anymore, John.
[applause]
Thanks for watching, guys!
Please subscribe.
Yes, and comment on this video and give it a like.
Yes, let us know in the comments
if you would like to see more things like this
where all the sketches kind of tie together,
that was really fun for us.
But we don't have to do it if you're not into it,
so let us know!
Yeah, if you just, like, prefer your sketches small.
And separate.
We get that, small and separate!
Just like--
Just holla, let us know.
Mhmm.
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