how to build a real starship enterprise Part 3 - Phase Cannon
RPC-111 Congratulations! You Are Our Last Customer!
Object Class - Gamma-Purple
Registered Phenomena Code: 111
Object Class: Gamma-Purple
Hazards: Visual Hazard, Info-Hazard, Grouped Hazard, Tychokinetic Hazard, Geological Hazard,
Explosive Hazard
Containment Protocols: Any manifesting instances of RPC-111 are to be shut down by Authority
personnel as soon as possible.
RPC-111 "branding" is to be removed by force from all parts of the surrounding area, and
the gas station is to remain closed under the premise of a "catastrophic gas leak".
Nearby gas station employees reported, at any point, to have been peddling RPC-111's
services are to be administered Class C amnestics immediately.
All products, receipts, or other documentation obtained by unauthorized personnel are to
be confiscated by Authority personnel and incinerated immediately.
In the event of containment failure, all known customers of said RPC-111 instance and all
individuals within a 150km radius of the location of the instance are to be given Class C amnestics.
Funding is to be provided to local governments to construct buildings onto the remains of
RPC-111.
Any such building must be unable to sell fuel.
All news articles about the incident are to be kept strictly local and are to be edited
to report the RPC-111 instance as belonging to the previous chain, before transformation
into an RPC-111 instance.
Description: RPC-111 is the collective designation for a small chain of gas stations located
across the North American continent.
Each instance of RPC-111 is drastically different in appearance, but identical in function.
Each instance resembles a gas station belonging to another company chain, except trademark
branding is replaced by the term "████████." Gas prices at instances of RPC-111 are typically
cheaper than nearby competing chains by a range of 50¢ to $2.00.
In addition, each instance has a small store where patrons can buy food and drinks, which
have no anomalous properties but are known to be quite popular, according to testimony
from customers of RPC-111.
The number of RPC-111 instances varies with time, but there are estimated to be an average
of █ at any given moment, accounting for approximately 0.0██% of all gas stations
in North America.
It is currently unknown as to who operates the RPC-111 chain.
RPC-111 will randomly replace existing gas stations across its area of activity.
Upon manifestation, all gas stations within a 10km radius of the RPC-111 instance will
begin to either exhibit fuel dispenser failures, increased gas prices, or purposefully-underperforming
staff.
Employees will do this in an attempt to promote RPC-111's services to those dissatisfied with
the service at the employees' respective gas station.
The result of this will usually be a massive influx of business transferring over to RPC-111
instances.
RPC-111 instances will also produce anomalous humanoid creatures to staff it, referred to
as RPC-111-1.
What happens to the previous employees of the gas station is unknown.
Instances of RPC-111-1 stand at an average height of 2.12 meters and are visually identical
to humans, wearing the uniforms of the gas station chain before RPC-111 transformation.
However, RPC-111-1 instances lack notable facial characteristics, such as hair, ears,
or noses.
While RPC-111-1 instances posess eye sockets and a mouth, they are devoid of eyeballs or
teeth.
These holes seemingly absorb 99% of incoming light, making them appear pitch black.
The mouth of RPC-111-1 is fixed in an unmoving and unnaturally-wide smile.
RPC-111-1 instances seemingly communicate to customers of RPC-111 instances telepathically.
Prior interviews indicate that these "employees" will frequently coerce attending customers
to purchase goods from RPC-111 instances, insinuating that they "never have enough stuff"
and frequently remarking "Where else would they spend that money?"
RPC-111-1 instances can be easily coerced into Authority possession, however separation
from RPC-111 for more than one hour will result in their sudden sublimation.
As such, information gathered from RPC-111-1 instances is extremely scarce.
RPC-111's most dangerous property comes in the form of a random message sent continuously
to one of the patrons of the RPC-111 instance (designated RPC-111-2) until they answer it.
This message takes the form of the typical spam email/text message/phone call, and RPC-111-1
instances are even known to acknowledge it in the store with confetti or buzzers.
The message congratulates RPC-111-2 for being a certain number of customer (matching up
with the transaction records of the RPC-111 instance) typically between the range of 10th
customer to 1,000th customer.
In addition, the message will inform them that they are entitled to a prize, this prize
being a low-level info-hazard that compels those with knowledge of it to accept it.
However, this can be resisted with a high enough cognitohazardous resistance.
This message will continuously be sent until RPC-111-2 explicitly rejects the offer or
accepts it.
If RPC-111-2 turns down the prize, RPC-111-2's head will immediately explode.
It is unknown how this occurs, but it is instantaneous and unable to be prevented.
If the prize is accepted, the RPC-111 instance will explode with an approximate yield of
100 kilotons, flattening everything within a 1 km radius and killing any life forms within
the same range.
All instances of RPC-111-1 will spontaneously combust and home in on any other gas station
in a 10 km radius by sprinting at approximately 100 km/h in an attempt to catch the station
on fire and make it explode with a similar explosive force.
Whether successful or not, all RPC-111-1 instances will disappear within one hour of their respective
RPC-111 instance exploding.
No traces of the RPC-111 instance will exist after two hours of initial detonation.
RPC-111 has been responsible for approximately ███ fatalities and the loss of ███████ square
kilometers of land.
It has additionally contributed to numerous economic fluctuations.
Since its discovery, ██ gas stations have been converted into RPC-111 instances, and
█ have been destroyed by ignited RPC-111-1 instances.
At the current rate of RPC-111 manifestation, gas stations will become so infrequent that
gas-powered vehicles will become impractical in the United States by the year 2███.
Addendum 111.1: Interview with captured RPC-111-1 instance
Foreword: The following is an interview conducted between Lead Researcher Dr. ██████ and
an RPC-111-1 instance captured from an RPC-111 instance in [DATA EXPUNGED].
As RPC-111-1 instances cannot talk, Dr. ██████ wrote down RPC-111-1's telepathic statements.
<Begin Log>
Dr. ██████: This is an interrogation of the captured RPC-111-1 instance.
RPC-111-1— is there a name you'd rather go by?
The RPC-111-1 instance shakes its head.
Dr. ██████ writes down, "No, not that I can think of.
Hopefully this won't take too long, I do have to go back to work, after all!"
Dr. ██████: RPC-111-1, hopefully you won't mind me asking this question.
What exactly are you?
RPC-111-1 tilts its head to the side almost as if confused.
Dr. ██████ jots down, "Isn't it obvious, Doc?
I'm you're friendly local ████████ worker!
I hope you're not thinking that we're trying to poison you or anything."
Dr. ██████: No, not at all.
Explain your history at… this company?
RPC-111-1 leans back in its chair and glances up at the ceiling before sitting up and staring
Dr. ██████ straight in the eyes.
Dr. ██████ writes, "Well, I first went to a location over in [DATA EXPUNGED]
after the BP station there ran out of gas.
Silly folks over there can't even keep track of their own stock!
No wonder I immediately fell in love with ████████! Pay practically
half the price for better service."
Dr. ██████: Let me stop you right there, RPC-111-1.
It sounds like you were once a customer?
RPC-111-1 again tilts its head to the side in confusion and begins convulsing.
Security grows tense and moves closer to Dr. ██████, but they lower their guard
two seconds later when RPC-111-1 stops.
Dr. ██████ jots down, "Of course I was, Doc.
What, do you think us ████████ workers grow on trees?
Hahaha!"
Dr. ██████: I apologize.
Please, continue.
RPC-111-1 glances off at the one-way mirror in the room before looking back at Dr. ██████. Dr.
██████ writes, "Anyways, I tried the SuperShake and immediately I knew that
I'd be stopping there every single time I needed to fill up!
Speaking of, have you bought a SuperShake yet?
You really should.
Won't hurt to tryyyy!"
At this point, RPC-111-1 has started to melt.
Bits of its forehead are dripping off its chin, however, RPC-111-1's expression remains
unmoved.
Dr. ██████: So… what happened after this?
Not every customer becomes an employee.
RPC-111-1 begins melting faster.
As it does this, it places its left arm on the table.
Its hand is missing three fingers, having already melted off.
More researchers have entered the room and are frantically trying to scoop up liquid
parts of RPC-111-1, but it keeps evaporating before they can secure a sample.
Dr. ██████ scribbles, "Well, I thought about applying for a job.
I WAS unemployed at the time, and who knows where my next paycheck was gonna come from.
Luckily, ████████ noticed how many times I was stopping and shopping,
because you can never have enough stuff, and they offered me a job before I could even
ask if there were openings!"
As Dr. ██████ is writing the previous statement down, he begins to put the pen down
to ask the next question when RPC-111-1 starts twiddling what's left of its thumbs.
Its left arm suddenly drops off, splashing onto the floor.
Dr. ██████ immediately picks the pen again and jots down, "Look, I enjoy your
company, but if you're not going to buy anything, then I need to get back to work."
Dr. ██████: We only have a few more questions, don't worry.
Please continue with your background.
RPC-111-1 starts leaning forward, not of its own volition but because its spine has turned
to liquid.
As it hits the table, its head falls off and sits on the table top.
"I wasn't sure, but they accepted anyways.
I need to go."
Dr. ██████: When did you start working at ████████?
RPC-111-1's body rapidly sublimates.
Telepathic signals grow slower.
"E-ffec-tive im-me-di-ate-ly.
I MUST go im-me-di-ate-ly."
Dr. ██████: Do you remember anything before working at ████████?
"No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o let me-e-e-e-e-e go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o"
RPC-111-1 has melted to just a face lying on the table, rapidly evaporating.
Dr. ██████ asks one more question.
Dr. ██████: How did you learn you got accepted?
As RPC-111-1 evaporates into nothing, the final telepathic signals come in intermittently
as Dr. ██████ writes them down one word at a time.
"THEY" "SENT"
"ME" "A"
"TEXT"
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Moments later, the RPC-111 instance that RPC-111-1 originated from detonated.
Authority personnel were dispatched to stall any ignited RPC-111-1 instances from destroying
any more gas stations.
Despite loss of the RPC-111-1 instance, the interview was considered a success by Dr.
██████.
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