- Which is another way of putting it,
what kind of sexual favors can I get
for $40 instead of $80?
So this is the story about the time
I accidentally hired a French prostitute.
I did.
Hey everyone, welcome back!
My name is Nate, if you don't already know.
I'm kind of just a nerd who likes to tell stories
but I also love art and literature,
so if you love that kind of thing,
please hit that Subscribe button below.
So I just finished my first year at Columbia,
and I was back home, and my parents kind of like
twiddling my thumbs, what am I gonna do,
a couple weeks go by.
I'm getting a little scared that I'm gonna lose
a lot of the French that I had learned.
You see I had it set in my mind
I was gonna study abroad in France, perhaps go live there.
I was obsessed with the culture,
particularly with French film.
And so, like I am gonna take French lessons.
So I get on Craigslist
and I search for French tutoring lessons.
And I find this one woman who seems legit.
She's got a website, talks about how she got her masters
in language, and I'm like, "Okay, let me give her a call."
She was living in Berkeley, I was living in Walnut Creek.
So I give her a call on a Sunday afternoon.
Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring.
Hello, my name is Nathan Proctor.
I would like to sign up for a French tutoring lesson.
And she says "Oh, that's great!"
in this cute French accent.
"Give me a call back tomorrow when I'm in the office."
And I say, "Okay, no problem."
I give her a call back on Monday
and I make the first mistake.
I say, "I called you yesterday for an appointment.
"You said to call you back."
My mistake was I didn't specify I wanted a French lesson.
So she's like, "Okay, how does Thursday afternoon sound?"
I'm like, "Oh, that sounds perfect."
'Cause I wasn't doing anything.
And she says, "Give me a call Thursday morning,
"and I'll know exactly when I'll be free
"cause I won't know until then."
So I give her a call Thursday,
I say, "This is Nathan Proctor.
"We have something scheduled for this afternoon.
"You said to call you to give a precise time."
She says, "Okay, how does 01:30 sound?"
I say, "Okay, sounds good to me."
She's like, "Are you gonna be taking Bart?"
BART for those of you who don't know is the local train.
And I say yes,
'cause I didn't have a car at that time.
And she's like, "Okay, it's great.
"Give me a call when you get off the train
"and I will get ready."
And I'm thinking to myself, "What about a French lesson
"needs getting ready for?"
Like do you need to get out books,
are your books in the attic or something,
like what's going on?
But I pushed aside, I ignore that red flag,
and so, I get on the train,
and when I get off I give her call and she's like,
"Okay, great, see you in five minutes,"
and so I walk there.
Her business is out of her home, no big deal.
Not a huge surprise there.
So I knock on the door and the door kind of
squeaks open and then there is no one behind it.
I'm like, "Okay, is there a ghost in here?"
But then I hear a voice, she's like "Please come in"
in her super cute French accent.
Turns out she was just behind the door.
I'm not sure why she was not in front of it but whatevs.
So I walk inside and she closes the door behind me.
She says "Please have a seat"
in her super cute French accent.
I look at her and first time I saw her,
and she is dressed in a super short skirt
and a white crop top, no bra,
and she's super attractive.
She is a French Arabic.
And I'm like, "Oh, you're super attractive."
I like French women.
This could be fun."
And then I start looking around.
Before I sat down I start to look around.
And I noticed black velvet curtains drawn,
I noticed a candle lit, I smelt incense burning,
I noticed classical music playing softly,
and the last thing I noticed
was a tiny little bed right there in the living-room.
And yes, this was a bit of a red flag,
but I didn't put two and two together yet.
I just assumed that she as a French teacher,
as a French woman, as a French individual,
wanted good ambiance, comfortable ambiance.
And I'm like, "Oh, I kind of like this.
"I like the smell of incense, this is kind of romantic,
"but also kind of comfortable, but also kind of awkward."
And so I sit down.
And she sits at a desk and she says,
"Would you like a glass of wine or some cookies?"
I'm like, "Oh, you're so kind.
"Merci beaucoup."
Using my French now because I was so into French language.
And I'm thinking to myself, "Well, that's kind of weird
"that she offers me a glass of wine, we're having a lesson."
Maybe, however, that's part of her strategy
for teaching to loosen them up,
to get the mouth a little loose,
so you can roll those Rs,
actually you don't roll Rs in French.
But I say no 'cause I was a little nervous.
Probably should have said yes
but I said no 'cause I have a tendency to do that
when I get offered food or liquids any place.
So I go and sit there and she's like, "Okay, great.
"Can I get paid upfront?"
And I say, "Sure, no problem."
Sounds legit.
You want to make sure that I'm serious
and don't cheat you out of anything.
So I say just to confirm that was $40.
And she says, she looks so puzzled.
Like her brow was furrowed, her cute little brow,
French brow was furrowed, and she's like, "No.
"It's $80."
I know for certain it was 40.
I have that type of memory where I could tell you exactly
where on the page or in this case the screen
something was, it's sort of pictographic memory.
It's certainly visual memory.
And I'm like, "Are you sure?
"Because I'm pretty sure that the ad said $40."
And you could see this light bulb literally go off
in her head and her eyes widened, her pupils got small,
and I could see and feel her body language get embarrassed.
She started getting flush.
And she goes, "Oh no no no.
"You're here for French tutoring.
"I also have an ad out there for massage."
Now, if you're familiar with Craigslist,
you know that "massage" on Craigslist
is another word for sex.
So yes, I just potentially propositioned
a French prostitute.
Not intentionally though 'cause I was legit
and wanting to get my French lesson.
But she thought I was propositioning her,
she thought I was there for sex.
I still actually don't put two and two together,
I'm like so single-minded, which is how I am,
that I'm thinking, "Oh, that's an easy mistake,
"but I'm still her for a French lesson."
So I, without thinking about what I'm saying, say,
"So how much can I get for $40?"
Which is another way of putting it,
what kind of sexual favors can I get
for $40 instead of $80, meaning
maybe we don't have actual intercourse,
but maybe we can do something else.
I think she knew at that point
that I was just super confused,
so she actually gets even more embarrassed
and turns beet red.
And that's when I actually for the first time realize
what was going on, and I get beet red.
And so we're both beet red.
We're both super awkward, we're not saying anything,
it's like dead silence for like a couple seconds
but it feels like a couple hours.
And then I'm going, "I mean, I mean, I mean,"
and I like stutter and stumble trying to get
my words out as quickly as possible.
And I go, "I mean, can I still get the French lesson?"
Believe it or not, I actually did have a French lesson,
and I have to say that this French prostitute/French tutor
was impressed with my French accent.
Merci beaucoup.
(speaks French)
Pretty good, right?
And then when it was over,
it was like the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was so nervous and so embarrassed
that when she pulled out the French book
that we were going to practice with,
her hands were literally shaking.
But we stuck through it.
I stuck through it.
And then, when it was over, I said,
"So, can we do that again?"
Again, not thinking what I was gonna say.
We didn't do it again 'cause on my way home
I'm sitting on the train and then all of a sudden,
I'm like replaying it in my mind, and then it dawned on me.
And I'm sure I started, my eyes looked probably
just as big if not bigger than hers at that moment,
and then I'm like, "Oh, that's kind of funny."
I literally just asked a prostitute
how much I can get for $40.
And so I didn't call her again.
However, I just have to say that sometimes,
when you put yourself out there,
things aren't gonna go as planned,
but you can get a good story out of it,
a good little chuckle.
I certainly, I told my parents back at home,
they teased me mercilessly.
In fact they told my dentist,
so the next time I was in the dentist's chair,
which wasn't too long after that, he was teasing me.
It became a hilarious story,
it was told over a Christmas dinner.
I don't know what can I say.
How many people can say that they attempted
to acquire the skills of a French prostitute
and spoke French with a French prostitute?
So I'm cool in that way, right?
I feel like I should have smoked a cigarette
as I was leaving there like I just had sex.
Except I don't smoke.
The lesson really is that I put myself out there.
I really did.
And I did it without thinking about it
'cause I really felt strongly about wanting to learn French,
and me as a kind of anxious person,
someone that doesn't like
to put themselves out there like that,
doesn't often try new things,
is comfortable in his own, put himself out there.
And as a result, I've got a funny story
which I'm telling you, trying to keep it light.
I know we talk about some serious things on this channel,
and it's all for inspiration and hope.
But sometimes I like to lighten it up
and just tell you a funny story
'cause I feel like I'm a pretty funny guy,
I like to tell funny stories, I like to make fun of myself
because who else is there to make fun of yourself?
That is how you're happy in life.
I hope you enjoyed the story,
it's just a little bit of a chuckle.
Let me know what you think.
Have you ever been in a super embarrassing moment like that
and turned it into something fun
that you like to tease yourself with?
Let me know in the comments below.
I would love to hear your most embarrassing story.
That's certainly up there for me,
that's one of my most embarrassing stories,
certainly one of my most unforgettable ones.
I've kind of become known for that story.
In fact, it's pretty funny.
A couple Christmas parties ago, I was at a work party,
and we're having a couple drinks,
and I'm sitting next to the lead investor of this company,
a really, really cool guy, and I tell him this story.
He is cracking up, he is pretty drunk at this time,
he is hilarious, he go grabs the CEO
and says, "You gotta listen to Nate's story."
And so, then I tell the CEO.
So yeah, both the CEO and the lead investor,
this like multi-multi-multi-millionaire knows the fact
that I tried to hire a French prostitute.
So there you go, it became a great topic of conversation,
a great entry.
I should have just introduced myself and be like,
"Hello, my name is Nathan.
"I accidentally hired a French prostitute.
"What have you done?"
I hope you subscribe to my channel to get notifications
for whenever a new video is coming up.
I love you, I love you, I love you so so very much.
Je t'aime.
Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime.
Salut!
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