Waching daily Oct 28 2018

Okay, I think it's on ah

So let me catch you up I came out as bisexual the last two days of Pride Month and everything seemed to work out perfectly

But there were a lot of battles behind the scenes

So for all the beautiful humans out there that are struggling with being authentic in any way

This is for you and just know I'm proud of you. Oh, there was so cute. I'm such a caring dad

I just finished coming out to my mom

I'm telling you

Yeah, well, I mean, you know

Did you know before?

Did you see what he did? Oh, yeah when I was in Austria, oh, yeah, I was my reaction

Oh, yeah huge it was huge you suspected though. Yeah

You

For me it was even a big deal we like for the first time talked about having anxiety online

I was so scared

I was like people are gonna assume I'm

Making this up which I would never make it up the time that I was at my like climax

Basically, I just for the first time in my life

My anxiety was so high and I felt so alone in the moment. I said something

Suicidal and I could put in the hospital in the emergency room

And that's when I realized like this

This was like two years ago, I'm a different person today. I had no friends. I didn't know who I was

On

Your own

Yeah, so let's not dwell on the past

Let's talk about a new Jessie page. I'm so proud of you and you were doing so great. You don't stress about anything anymore

No, then whenever I used to upload a YouTube video I used to oh my god

I used to walk around the circle but my phone down and now I upload a video and I'm like

Okay, my video only go up. Well both using today like that doesn't define music person. Like what do you think about bisexual erasure?

You know what that is

That's interesting. You don't know what that is. So

basically

It's very common with people that are bisexual that like they face struggles that are very different from other people though

I think every part of the

lgbtq+ community

goes through struggles, but for for bisexuality the conversation with that is that people believe if it's not real or

They invalidate it bisexual

Yeah, really, for example

Like when people say they're bisexual, but they're in a relationship

With a man people won't believe it or people will say it's just you being curious curious or humans

being a bisexual man doesn't mean that you are gay and hiding that my sexual erasure is

Just basically people don't always believe in it and so on and I just want to know your thoughts on that

Everything's a spectrum - I think that's where it definitely like when it comes to being asexual as well

Like I definitely find myself like somewhere on there because I just I'm not interested in that really for me

It's more romantic feelings towards people which is fine. I like to have romantic relationships with people

All right. I mean that's that's just personal reference but like people that aren't like that like that's fine - would you go to pride?

Do you think that we're getting more accepting of things? Oh my god

Yes, you think we're all moving in the right direction. I think so even not even related to sexuality but like gender identity

And so on. Yeah, I think that

And I think it's hard because like we can't hate some people because some people just the way they were raised and they don't know

Better that's when they were talking, right?

Exactly. It's like if you train a puppy to bark you can't get mad when the puppy barks, right?

Like you said, the subscriber that says I wanted to do this with my parents, but I was scared. Yes

She damned me. She found out who I was she did

She split on their demons, I didn't know you know how to use Instagram DMS

You know, it's turn around more than me know yeah more than what's my age

My wife the past two years

I've just been getting my

Stronger as a person and I think this is just gonna make me stronger when like the whole thing happened

I told one youtuber I was like I'm gonna come out of it stronger look on the bright side

I think when life deals you scary situations or not nice situation

I think the best way to look at it optimistically is like, okay

Well at least say stronger now if I go through that again, I'll know how to deal with it better

I think I like came out to myself like last year during pride. So I got the opportunity to

Go on stage and help with the pride the opening party. It wasn't like all of Friday

I was not established enough for that but one of my friends that is openly gay and I got interviewed a lot

They were like basically asking me what my sexuality was. I remember my manager being like oh, yeah

I just like be sure to use the word ally and I was like as much as I love allies

They're so appreciated

I was just like I'm a part, you know, but like I couldn't say that how to know them, too

For some reason I found it easier to tell people I didn't know as well. I think that makes sense

Well, yeah, you haven't known this person for years. So it's like easier to tell someone you don't know as well

I've been like planning on like coming out before the longest time

But like I kept putting it off you around Ong last year and I just never did I was like, oh, okay

Then I kept putting it back and putting it back and what are you back?

I think this month I've been so much more like adamant about the LGBT

Community because I really wanted to this month and it was just like I think it was meant to be. Yeah it was

And I think another

important point point

Then an important point to make is that coming out to yourself is really important and if it takes a year after you come out

To yourself to tell are there people like that's fine. But also you never need to like choose a label

You don't want that like for certain people that gives them comfort in community

Like I chose a year after I was like, okay

This is what I am to like tell other people and I think I wouldn't have wanted it any other way

I think it would have been too much if I like one month. It's like all right Who I am now

Let me tell everyone I know

So I think definitely like coming out to yourself incredibly difficult as well

They think sometimes we're so hard on ourselves and we forget that like that's really difficult

So like, you know, we feel the need to like after we've come out to ourselves like I'm so scared

I'm like, I'm so positive, you know, that's understandable

Like it's a big deal. Like if you want to take a year to just keep reminding yourself that that's how you are perfect. Yeah

I'm trying to make what else like this video?

I

Didn't feeling you guys were gonna be supportive because I once had a conversation with you. I don't think you remember this

I think it was last June and it was when my brother wanted to say

He was gay to see how you guys would respond cuz he was curious and I asked you I was like is he actually gay?

And you were like, no, I don't think so

and then I was like

But like would you care if he was and then you said no like I wouldn't care

I'd love them

no matter what and you've said something like even if if you were you know, I love you no matter what I was like

Oh, okay

Yeah

I can't believe the person I was three years ago

I mean you can do any after-school activities of my friends and do them

Like I had people going up to my league few friends and being like Jesse talk. No, I gave a freaking rainbow

Week filming it gets weird, even like it died my hair. That was really hard for me even dye

My hair blonde which is crazy because dying my hair color was difficult, but then dyeing my hair blonde

Sometimes I still even get the like people mad. It's like wait, but I feel comfortable like this

I want to know myself without having colored hair because I don't just want to be the girl with the colored area though

I freaking love color here. Can you hug me? I need that I

Did

Really three hours

no longer than that when you got off the plane and you did that that you were crying and I just like I want to

Just just hug you it was hard make you feel better

That was one of the loneliness points, but I I'm happy everything's good now. I don't feel only

mad

It's gonna keep going I wanted to quit all of YouTube

Honestly, I was like, I'm not strong enough to be a YouTube channel of crying for 4 hours

But I'm just gonna keep being myself and I don't want to be defined by you know

Any one part of myself good coz having colored here, whatever identify as whatever I wear

Like that's not only me like there's a lot of elements to Jessi page

You know what? You just keep being who you are. Be happy

That's the most important thing and you always have your family and then we have to worry about that

We'll always be here supporting you. Alright with whatever you want to do. Okay?

Well, that's it for this video

Subscribe follow me on instagram at Jessi page. What we do is we stare at the camera until they follow no

That was amazing

Hug, I think times are good. I agree. Alright, I'll probably cut to an outro

I'll film when I'm not shaking like a crazy person, but I hope you guys all have a good day

I appreciate them of you all and I'm proud of not only myself today

But just us I've read all your stories and no I know what you guys have been through

And I have subscribers that deal with telling their families think of anxiety, whatever it is

I see all of your like

incredible stories all very unique and I just I think you're all really strong and I hope my videos have helped you in at least

One way we need to come so far and I think this confidence like I wouldn't have it without hearing all of your stories

Because that motivates me I want to help you like you guys help me

I'm cute. Okay

okay, so it's just Jessie Paige now I am so

Emotional after filming that I am shaking. I probably smell like Bo

sweating like a crazy person

My issues catching my breath. I want to take a shower and oh, but what to do. I don't know who to talk to

I can't believe I just did that. Okay, but Wow like that was the most

Relieving thing I've ever done in my life

I chose to do it on camera because

first up

I knew my mom would be supportive because as I mentioned in the video

We've had conversations generally about the community and she's been supportive. I like had an idea

I don't think I know that blowing this video out there will help people and

I'm really happy because for so many years. I've been in this fricking closet

And what's so ironic is that I had all this, you know, like it was right there, but it wasn't at the same time

It's crazy. Thank you so much for supporting this series meet so much. Wow, I feel super anxious

I've already had ice cream before this because I was nervous and I think I'm gonna have ice cream again. I don't care

Do a lot emotionally

The traits so hard to breathe like a normal person into that's why I'm gonna change does Richard just know that I love you all

and

I send you so much love and I know there's so many people out there that don't have parents that support them or they don't

know if their parents will support them and they're so closeted and I just want you to know that there's so much love in the

World and there's a beautiful community out there with people that will love and accept you and you don't need to rush into anything

You're valid and I think everyone deserves to love who they want to love identify how they want to identify

It's so scary to talk about things

I'm literally the youtuber that talks about some scary things and as you can see this was very emotional for me

But I hope I watch this video back like three years from now maybe with a girlfriend

Leave here with a boyfriend. Who knows and I'm proud of myself

I've been wanting to do this for her a year and a half honestly and

I'm excited for myself. And for all of the people that this might

What are you nervous huh? If you want to subscribe I'm gonna be making more LGBT related content

But I also make fun of mental health related videos and just fun positive videos. I don't know my purpose is to create

entertaining hopefully

Content with purpose. I'm gonna feature my people and your amazing accounts as well as your amazing posts

This was really hard, but I'm proud