Take off those band-aids and see what was underneath it that I wasn't dealing with and that was you know
It was insecurity. It was loneliness. It was unworthiness. I felt incomplete. I felt like my body was
Was taken from me to be willing to find the light though
You have to be willing to believe in yourself and to believe in your story and to believe that there's more that we're going through
And that what you're going through is going to bring you
Further into who you're supposed to be and your calling and find the good in it. I
Have something that I need to share with you guys that I haven't been completely honest about. Okay, so let's just
start this so I don't have told my story a couple of times on here and
Every time as I watched my videos back
I do say that it's hard sometimes but I have not been completely honest about the actual struggle that I have gone through
from my amputation and a lot of things that followed after that, but I never really shared like the really
honest points about it I guess is because I always feel like when people ask me my story all they want to know is how
I lost my hand and that's kind of the end of it, you know
And I almost thought too that that is all that my story is is what happened to me physically?
but there was so much mental battle that I went through after that and
there was a lot of hurt that I didn't deal with after the accident and I was just in such a
Strong zone that like I've said before I really did just keep moving forward
I did believe that everything was gonna be okay
I did believe that everything was gonna work out, but I just kept pushing and I kept putting
Band-aids over the things that I was feeling and just kind of pushing down
what was going on under the surface and I just felt this overwhelming need to keep going which ultimately
has brought me here but there was a point that I
Did kind of sink to a lower point and and that wasn't until after
like two years of the accident it kind of reached this place when I was starting to book some really big jobs and I was
I was getting to a point of success in the dance industry that I was really proud of and It really
Revealed to me at that point how I was actually searching for so much more
than what I was doing and
ultimately when I was so reliant on my body getting through it to the next thing the next thing the next thing the next thing
I completely lost my mental health in that time because everything was produced by effort
everything was produced by what I was doing and I
Just really realized that I was looking and finding
purpose in the wrong place and at that point like I it was it was pretty bad and I had a couple
Other things happen in my life that led me through a couple seasons of heartbreak
But I was like in my bed every single day
I didn't want to get up every fitness
That I was doing was to get some sort of better body not for healthy reasons and not with the right intention
It was not intended for my health
It was just hindering me
And everything that I was doing was in a state of getting to the next level the next level the next level in the next
Level which ultimately led me to this really really lost place that I didn't know where to go
I had to believe that there was more than what just I could do and I had to believe that there was more than what
I could perform or what my body could do and I became really really desperate to find that meaning and it was in that process
that going through that that hard time when I felt like I had really
nobody and I had no to us but to lean into God and and to figure out what
That meant because at that point I still didn't understand God. I didn't understand what that relationship looked like
I didn't know Jesus
I there was a lot of things that were not connected and I just became so
desperate to pass off my load to somebody and something bigger and that's when I found and
created this actual
relationship with Jesus and that been the only reason why I've been able to overcome that and that I've been able to find purpose because
my purpose didn't lie and
doesn't lie and the things that I can do and I can never control the things that are gonna happen in my life and
Ultimately finding him and creating that
relationship is taken all of the weight of the burden that I was feeling and all the pressure that I was feeling and has really
given me like such a deeper meaning led me here to all of you guys where I I'm not solely reliable on my
Talents anymore. I'm not solely reliable on what my body can do like I know
that through everything it's my voice that was left untouched and it's my voice that continues to get strengthened and it's my
story my message and my speaking ability that just keeps improving and I keep feeling like this burning inside my chest of
passion for it
but that
come until I had to break I had to take off those band-aids and see what was underneath it that I wasn't dealing with and
That was you know, it was insecurity. It was loneliness. It was unworthiness. I felt incomplete. I felt like my body was
was taken from me and
There was a lot of different layers of that that I had to deal with and it wasn't easy
It wasn't easy to face, and I don't think I could have done it without
My faith and without that relationship because honestly when we look at our scars
Like they can be really scary and they can be really intimidating
And the only reason that I could face that without that fear is knowing that I wasn't going through them alone
And the truth is we don't need to go through them alone. We don't need to go through life alone
We don't need to do it and we can't we're not designed to
Physically carry the weight of what this world is gonna throw at us and that I think that's when that relationship becomes really
important and you know
there's so many things that that doesn't that that changes but I
Really like like I was saying before I did reach that point when I didn't know what to do
I didn't know where to go. I didn't I was just lost and I was looking for the wrong things
I was being fueled by the wrong things
I was constantly felt like I was never enough like the next level was never good enough in that, you know
Is this constant strive? It was just exhausting at the end of it
I was just exhausted and I just felt like there was nothing more that I could do and I was like this can't be all
That there is there has to be more to this world
There has to be more to me and you know through that I found that I didn't survive just to dance
There's so much more to me than just dancing
There's so much more to my story that I can do and that I can share that doesn't involve my body
but solely relies on my voice that I know has been a big gift that I've received and so, you know,
That's kind of been my journey, but I did want to share that
it's not all sunshine and rainbows all the time because there is
points that are really really hard and they're really really really really hard and it's heartbreaking and it's scary and
I just want you guys to know that it's not bad for you to feel like that and and I think you have to be
Honest about it. You have to speak your truth
You have to say it out loud to say I'm not okay
And I need help and you know
Whether that's seeking hope from like a counselor or a person or a friend or family or God or Jesus or whatever you believe in
I think it's really important that we voice our problems and that we are that we're strong enough to say that we're not okay that
There's so much life after not being. Okay. I think that's the that's the starting point of where we go from
That's the starting point of what the future holds us is admitting that and saying I need to grow from here
I need to move from here and for me that was just
By grace that I was able to do that and and that's how I found my story. That's how I found my purpose
That's how I found my meaning and how I'm learning to just love
People better and better and better through that process, but whatever that is to you
I just really encourage you that you just
Reach out to people and that you find help and that you you confess it with your mouth how you're feeling because you can commence
Ourselves so easy that we're okay
But I think we all know when we're not and we just have to be unafraid to
Look at that and really bring it to the table because that's where your healing starts
It doesn't happen when you're still hiding it
And so yeah, I just really wanted to share that with you guys because this weekend at Vivid conference
I got to share a more vulnerable part of my story and a more vulnerable
approach to it where I did open up about this stuff and I just kind of realized how I missed this on social media and
That you guys don't actually know that there was a really hard point and yeah, that's kind of the end of my rant
But I love you guys so much. Thank you for watching
Thank you for always supporting me and being interested in this story and my process and my growth and my journey
I'm so glad you're honest with me
and I'm glad you give me a space to be really honest with you guys and you know share everything from my feelings to my
Hurt to my pain to my face
I just feel really comfortable with you guys, and I'm so thankful that you are receiving it on the other end
And I love you so much. They posted for my next video on Friday, and we will see you there
I love you so much. Bye. Thanks for listening xoxo
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét