Alright,
Hey guys,
so I know this probably isn't gonna be a great speech or anything since I'm literally writing it right now
speaking the night before it's due and I haven't scripted anything.
I'm just looking through my notes and a list of things
I want on this paper, and I'm gonna talk it all and write it later. That said, I'll move on to my subject.
So, draining the oceans!
I know. It's an amazing subject you all probably wish you'd done it now, or at least
I think you will based on what I've heard from other procrastinators, but
too bad. It's mine.
Here's hoping I spent enough time overseas with it in the back of my head to cover all my bases.
Really, it's got a lot going for it
For example, you might think there aren't a lot of benefits to have from draining the oceans,
unless you're in Houston right now, in which case
you might agree to drain at least that small bit of it for the moment,
but seeing as you'll all be in the classroom I find that unlikely at best.
But be that as it may,
I'm assuming that where you're living is probably not that close to shore and you don't worry all that often about death by drowning
in seawater. However,
due to global warming, if you believe in that,
polar ice caps are melting pretty quickly and sea levels are rising about three millimeters a year according to National Geographic,
Which might not sound like much, but a hundred years from now, that'll be thirty centimeters or about a foot.
Not even thinking about a disaster that far ahead,
think about right now.
Cities near coasts everywhere are nearly double their risk of flooding from years ago, which might probably be why Houston is currently underwater.
I'll take Vietnam for example, a long coastline for almost half of its borders,
in its capital Ho Chi Minh City during high tide and especially when it's raining flooding can be a serious problem.
Slogging through the hip deep water to and from work for hours,
it's ridiculous! And Ho Chi Minh City is how far from the coast, you ask?
I actually don't remember but I think it's about as far as Houston is from our coast.
So what?
Well realize that a lot of the land used for farming crops like rice are near to the shore by necessity and by rising sea
water the land will become infertile with all the salt.
Stopping right there,
we don't even feed the entire human population sufficiently with all the land we use now.
We can't afford to lose any more
since apparently we don't have enough as is, not to mention all the land we claim to need for residency and industry.
So considering this, I think it makes sense to during the oceans. Yeah
yeah, I know draining the oceans is gonna have a negative effect on the environment probably worse than just letting it rise
but please hear me out.
Well, I mean, I know you're gonna have to sit through it for class and all but you-- you know what I mean.
Anyway, I don't see many of you biking to school or driving solar cars yet
so get back to me on that when we actually start caring about the ecosystem.
Beyond that though,
you might be wondering where we'll put the oceans and where we'll get the money to do so. And my response would be:
LET'S PUT IT ON MARS.
We all know we're planning to go there
and I hear Hewlett-Packard is planning the first Martian city, ignoring the fact that we haven't launched anybody there yet.
We could put all the water there for later use. Maybe for drinking, or Nuclear power, if we're sticking with the old-fashioned ones
that we use now. I doubt they'll transport tons of fossil fuels to mars to use in that city,
though come to think of it,
I also don't know how they'll transport the material to build the city or what they'll do to build it.
To this I say: "let them figure it out!"
If they're confident enough to think they can figure out a way to get the city there and get the people to the city, I think
they can figure out a way to get some water there.
Okay, so they got a few reasons to get rid of some water and we've put off the problem of relocating it to professionals who
probably know how to do that stuff.
Where do we get the money?
Well, I think considering our 20 trillion dollar debt, money isn't much a worry since we seem to spend so much more than we have.
What's that?
U.S. debt doesn't work that way, you say? That takes time before we need to pay it off you say?
Well, I'd say that time means money and we have well over a decillian years before all things burn out
And there's only slowly evaporating black holes left, so I'd say that's practically limitless money!
Great,
now we have reasons to get rid of our water, a place to put it, people to move it,
money to pay ourselves to do it with,
we're all set for World Dehydration.
Everyone step up to the cause. It's a good one!
You'd save sinking islands and flooding cities and put huge water reservoirs on Mars
--and provide energy for interplanetary cities. An all around good turnout, I think.
Right, I think I'll stop here since I've gone through my list and thought out a fuzzy conclusion. Again, in case you forgot in the last
few minutes of my speech because you stayed up late to work on your homework, I'll present some of my points.
Cities are flooding, sea levels rising, losing land we can't afford to lose, we need water on mars, we have imaginary future money
to spend getting it there,
so get going! You'll be doing humanity a good.
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