Now falls the doom of man.
Where children kill, and sinners cavort with beasts and seek supplication among the gibbering
bones of the dead.
I once thought little of Undertale; that it was a passing curiosity and naught else.
I thought the world a better place.
The fan base of undertale, as far as I knew, seemed composed of harmless autistic children
in desperate need of a father's stern discipline, degenerates who flog their disgusting, shame
encrusted genitals to thoughts of smug anthropomorphic animals telling post-ironically bad jokes,
and that one guy from work who always smells like pee, even after taking such a tremendous
shit that his brow brims with sweat tainted with reconstituted toilet water condensation.
But it's worse than that.
Over the years, I have death marched through some truly repugnant indie games that seemed
to only exist to validate the ego's and student loans of their creators.
At times, I wondered, if god exists, why doesn't he strike these indie games and the pretencious
monsters who created them from the record.
Cast them to the wind like the ashes of a sinner burned in the cleansing fires of hell.
Now I understand.
goodness is but a dry whisper in the torn throat of the condemned.
undertale has opened the way to a horrific realization.
god has no hand in this.
It is 100% the work of the devil.
In UnderTale AKA Spec Ops: the Spectrum you play as a young bjork as she suffers hallucinations
brought about by what I can only intuit from her piss yellow skin is end stage kidney failure.
The plot has something to do with several steven universe fan characters being sealed
under ground in order to protect the human world from their corrupting influence, and
those monsters being too stupid to build a ladder to the top of the hole the protagonist
falls through at the begining of the game.
And let me make this perfectly clear, the humans in undertale were right to seal the
monsters away.
The monsters of undertale double as NPC's.
And if you fail to kill them in the wild, you just may fall victim to a terrible fate
in town.
If you aren't careful, you may accidentally wind up talking to one of these horrific abominations
against the machinations of god's creation, or even worse, taking one of them on a date!
These digitized demons of degeneracy include a pedophillic skeleton that attempts to take
your human CHILD character to the bone-zone by repeatedly offering to shove his flacid
noodle and steaming hot, meaty balls into your mouth.
To think, there are souls so lost in the miasma of perversion and self loathing that they
could find these dates appealing!
Why, at one point in the game, you are forced to pity date a fat lesbian dinosaur.
Oh, it's highschool all over again, except this time, the acrid smell of second hand
cervix scented burps resonates in my olphactory sense only as an all too horrible memory!
At the very least, knowing Alphys is a twat tounging triceritops, we can finally understand
why dinosaurs became extinct.
Apparently, prehistoric jews poured fluoride in their water too.
Also the constant barrage of lesbians in undertale provides an alternate explination as to why
the black lagoon monster girl's fingers always smell like fish.
Graphically, undertale breaks new grounds in terms of using MS paint to create assets.
If I knew this was possible, I would never have deleted all those squiggly boobs I drew
during fifth grade computer class.
It's probably for the best though.
If any of the students saw, I would have lost my teaching job.
Though, to be fair, unlike most modern games, undertale DOES include reflections.
Which is important, since if you are pathetic enough of a soul to play this game, I suggest
you put on some clothes, climb the basement steps, ask your mother's friend lamar if you
can use the master bathroom, and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror.
I don't care how slender and supple and hairless and inviting that spider girl's legs are or
how nice her warm, fresh from the spinnerette webbing would feel on your one massive testicle
that is the result of a horrific suit tailoring accident, or how when you finally bust that
nut on that slut's front butt, then her kawaii, pixelated face, you can listen to her wail
as your red hot alabama mamma jamma stings all eight of her beautiful eyes; wanting to
make sweet, gravity defying love with a tsundere arachnid atop a pile of dessicated insect
remains is wrong!
Do you hear that SATAN!?
I REBUKE THEE AND THY DIGITIZED TEMPTATIONS IN THE NAME OF LITTLE BABY JESUS, HALLELUJAH!
I am deeply disturbed to know that these "dates" are some purple crewcutted, non gender binary,
avacado eating, father resenting, tumblr posting, doctorate in sixteenth centure feminist dung
sculpture holding, pervert's fantasy!
Whatever happened to jerking off thinking about that fat bitch you sometimes see at
the bus stop.
Hell, sometimes I climb atop the bus stop roof and fling some string from my thing on
the back of an unsuspecting fat bitch, just out of the principle alone!
Do you really need to drain the poison by thinking about a anthropomoric goat mom or
a robotic david bowie?
Do you have any idea how horrible it would even feel to fuck a robit?
Metal does not give way to flesh, rust is scratchy, and the man at the store will refuse
to take back your furby, even though you have the receipt!
Now some people would say undertale is a "fun" game, that the ambient music, friend making
mechanic, sense of humor, bullet hell combat, and multilayered playthrough progression makes
for a unique and interesting experiance.
REBUKE THOSE PEOPLE.
HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS, NOT TO CLASP THEIRS IN FRIENDSHIP, BUT TO REJECT THE DEMON THAT RESIDES
WITHIN THEM.
Overall, Under Tale is a fitting name since under a tail is an appropriate place to find
animal feces.
You can play it if you want, if you want to play later in a lake of fire that is! [click
the videos.
cause if you don't click videos.
i'll probably stick my fist in your grandmother's butthole]
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