- Let's talk about this advice you always
hear about called "Celebrating the Wins."
Right?
It's about celebrating the small steps,
the initial steps, towards achieving your goals
and why that's so important,
but let's be honest right off the bat.
Sometimes you don't do that
and that's why you need to watch this video
and you and I both know that there's
so many days that you actually do a good job.
You go out in the world.
You knock off your to do lists.
You do two or three things that stretch or push ya.
You add some creativity and flare to the world
and you feel like, at the end of the day,
"You know what? I did a good job today,"
and you kind of like, maybe you have
a glass of wine and celebrate
or you eat your favorite food
or you take a walk and you brag with your friends.
Whatever it is for you, at the end of the day
you feel pretty good about yourself,
but there's also plenty of days where
you actually do the same thing,
achieve those to-dos.
You know, make an impact,
like do your thing, but then at the end of the day,
you just go to bed and you don't really notice
that you've achieved something
and here's what this is about
and why this is so important.
So many people deserve to feel
so much better about themselves.
They deserve to feel stronger,
and more capable, and more confident,
but they don't because they're waiting
for the big, huge win before they ever allow
that win to be integrated in their identity.
Right?
They might win a couple games,
but they didn't win the championship
so they never let themselves feel like a winner.
Right?
They do a good job a couple days at work,
but no one said, "Great job,"
and no one gave them a raise
and so they go home and they're like "Ah."
They don't feel it because they're not
allowing themselves to feel the wins,
but we know from psychology
and we know from goal attainment theory,
that, unless you're starting with those small steps
and giving yourself credit for them,
the odds are you're not gonna go on to the next steps
that are bigger, and bigger, and bigger,
'cause you're identity is still at the beginning stage.
Right?
If you always feel like the beginner at something
and you never feel the competency gains
that comes from accomplishing and moving forward,
but giving yourself credit for it,
you're not likely to take on the bigger things in life.
So check yourself on this one.
When's the last time you really gave yourself credit?
When's the last time you really celebrated
just a small, little thing?
Comment below, what was that thing?
What did you do?
What was the achievement,
or what was the step you took
and how did you celebrate?
Did you go out to dinner?
Did you tell your spouse about it?
Did you write in journal about it?
Did you put something up and frame it?
What did you do to celebrate that you're beginning?
'Cause I bet if you're watching this,
there's probably some part of your life right now,
you feel like is in, maybe like transition?
You know?
You're career is changing or you want it to change,
or your relationships are in transition,
or you're in transition of your health.
You're trying to get healthier.
Something's going on
and so those little steps you're taking,
are you celebrating them?
Well, here's three ways that, maybe,
will help you think through it
and do it more often.
Number one, you need to have
what we call a reflection schedule.
I know, stupid, fancy phrase,
but you need to have a reflection schedule.
If there is not a set time in the week
that you sit down and you think about
the wins that you had during the week,
you won't do it.
I mean, you'll be one of those people
who'll do it like on December 31st
when you're looking back at the whole year
and you're like, "What did I do this year?
Oh, I can't really remember.
Uh, do I feel good about this year?
Uh, I don't know."
Right?
You know what I'm talkin' about.
So you need to have a weekly scheduled block time
where you think about the week
with the sole purpose of asking,
"what did I do well this week?
What did I achieve this week?
What went well this week?
What good things happened that I didn't even anticipate?
What good things did I do?
How can I feel good about something
that happened this week?
What could I notice that happened
that brought me joy, or brought me fulfillment,
or brought a sense of accomplishment,
or even just made me feel more connected?"
You need to have that weekly scheduled reflection time.
I'll tell ya, it's one of the most important parts
of the confidence that I've gained in my own life
because I wasn't a super confident kid.
I kinda had to fake my way into it
by, like, just revving myself up and
doing a lot of things that, you know,
personally, like motivational guys talk about
like "Rah, rah" stuff,
but we all know that that's like a bandaid.
At some point we have to integrate our
accomplishments and achievements into our identity
if we're gonna feel stronger.
So, when's your time gonna be?
For me, it's every Sunday night.
Every Sunday night, I look back at the previous week
and I ask myself about ten questions,
very similar to what I asked you,
you know, what could I,
what happened that was great this week?
How can I feel good about something?
What can I notice that I appreciated?
What small step did I take that, you know what,
maybe it didn't get a big win,
or maybe it didn't get appreciated,
but it moved me forward?
Even if it was just a little tiny thing,
even if it was just sending an email,
even if it was just making a call,
what small steps did I make this week
that are gonna make me better next week?
What small steps did I take this week
that will help me continue climbing the mountain
towards my highest ideals?
What small steps did I take that I can celebrate?
If I don't ask that question every Sunday,
it just doesn't happen.
So, please, start reflection practice every week.
That's my first idea.
Second big idea, allow yourself
to actually feel,
feel
the win
and I know that sounds like the first tip,
but it's very different.
A lot of people, they'll journal and
they'll write down a list,
"Uh huh, yeah, I did this.
Uh huh, Uh huh,"
and the reflection schedule becomes
like a to do list for them.
"Uh huh, I did this.
Yep, Yep, Yep"
and they just write down a list.
Look, you have to relive it,
and feel it, and integrate it.
If it's really gonna generate confidence for you.
So when you're doing your reflection schedule,
or even at the end of each night.
If you just wanna sit there and close your eyes,
think about something great you did that day,
a small step you took that day,
and then just allow that heart felt,
that deep connection of satisfaction or engagement,
that comes with recognizing yourself.
I know it sounds silly,
but, you know, a lot of people, they take selfies all day,
but they really don't know who they are
and that happens because they're not connecting
with the feelings of life.
Right?
They're all surface level all the time.
Click, take picture.
Picture, selfie, selfie, selfie,
and they're demonstrating something to the world
but, you know, they don't even
understand their internal world.
It's your time to get a better
connection with your internal world
and one way to do that is allow yourself
to feel those small, little steps and wins.
Like, literally feel it.
Like, I know it sounds silly,
but I'm so proud of the stupid things that I do.
Like right now, we're live on Instagram
as I'm filming this, right?
I've no idea how that's going.
At the end of the day, I'm like,
"we went live on Instagram.
How cool is that?"
Even if it was a total disaster
and people call me horrible names,
I'll be like, "but we did it."
Little steps, and I'll allow myself
to feel it, I'll like,
you've never met a kid who celebrates
the dumbest little things like me.
If you're ever around my wife or my family,
We're so easily amused.
We take so much joy in the smallest, dumb little things
and I think that's what spurs on that curiosity
and later that confidence in life.
So allow yourself to really feel it.
Connect with what you're doing again
because a lot of people have
a job they don't love
and they start disconnecting their feelings.
A lot of people are in a relationship that maybe
isn't as fulfilling as they had hoped to be
at this stage of their life.
So they disconnect
and we're so good,
anytime a feeling comes up or
we're unsure of what to do,
we turn to our phone so we can disconnect
or we turn on Netflix so we can disconnect.
Reaching that next level of enjoyment
in life is reengaging,
reconnecting,
allowing the feeling to come back in again.
I think my last big idea for you here
on celebrating the small wins
so you grow stronger is to share them.
I cannot believe how many people,
who are amazing,
I'll meet somebody and I'll
ask them five or six questions
and they're so not impressed with themselves,
but they'll be like, "yeah, you know I just, yeah,
I just survived cancer," or
"yeah, you know I just started my own business."
They don't think it's a big deal.
I want you to learn to share what you're
doing in your life with real enthusiasm.
That's how you're really sharing the wins.
That's how you're feeling the wins.
That's how you're celebrating the wins.
Share it with enthusiasm.
Many of y'all know I've been blessed
to work with Paulo Coelho.
He wrote the book called "The Alchemist,"
and eleven other international mega best sellers, right?
I don't even know.
Paulo's, you know, over twenty million
fans on Facebook,
and just one of the great writers of our time,
an extraordinary, extraordinary guy, love him.
One of the things I remember him telling me
on the phone, was when I started working with him,
he said, "Brendan, what I love about Americans
and about the United States is you're
allowed to celebrate successes with other people."
That was a big motorbike.
[Laughs]
"You're allowed to celebrate those
successes with other people
and not look like you're bragging or overly proud,"
and I know that's not the same as cultures around the world,
but cultures around the world need to catch up with that
truth that, sometimes, in sharing what we're
doing with enthusiasm, we feel better about life.
We feel more engaged with you.
Look, if I can't celebrate my wins with you,
if I have to minimize myself around you all the time,
that's not a real relationship.
That's lying.
Alright, if you're not telling other people
what you're proud of in your life,
what you've accomplished, and what you've achieved,
not so that you can brag,
but to share your real life,
then you're not playing the game of life really well.
You're so scared of other peoples' judgements
and you're so scared that they're gonna think
you're something and you're minimizing yourself.
You're never gonna get far in life by minimizing yourself.
Right?
Take pride and joy in what you've accomplished since you've,
share with enthusiasm.
I share the dumbest little things
that I do with my audiences.
You know, I'll be on stage
literally in front of thousands of people,
and I'll say something on stage
and I thought that was so great
and I'll say, "you know what,that was really great, right,"
and the audience is like, "Oh, yeah."
They get enthusiastic too because I'm enthusiastic.
Be more enthusiastic about your life.
Share what you're doing.
Share those to-do lists you're checking off.
Share those accomplishments and the achievements
and you'll feel so much more connected with your life,
which you deserve to be.
I hope that helps ya,
thinking about this topic.
It's time to celebrate the small wins.
Set up your schedule.
Remember to feel it and then to share it
and now, suddenly, celebrating those small wins
becomes part of your practice.
You feel your life turn back on
and you'll notice every single day that
you're more likely to try the harder things
'cause you celebrated the smaller things.
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