I wanna talk a little bit about this.
Imposter syndrome.
So we have a couple mental health professionals on our team,
and we were discussing this workshop series,
and they both said today or yesterday,
you know, Mastin, a lot of people in the Facebook group
are talking about Imposter syndrome,
either directly or indirectly.
Does anyone relate to this term?
Let me see by show of hands.
Of course they can.
She said, can I tell you what it is?
Yes.
So, we're gonna talk about it literally right now.
Next slide.
People with Imposter syndrome have trouble accepting praise
and internalizing their success,
and they view their success as due to luck
or external factors.
Not because of their own skills.
Is that good?
Okay.
Yeah, okay yeah.
Yeah, so usually when I bring up a concept,
I'll define it, typically.
So we're all on the same page.
And so I want to talk about this,
because this shit shows up in career transition.
Oh!
It shows up big time, okay?
Career transition and/or starting your business
is the same type of idea.
And so basically, with Imposter syndrome,
we anticipate rejection and/or isolation
in all future relationships.
Which means that no matter what you do now,
in the future, you're going to be abandoned or rejected
because of your history.
And that's informed on by your attachment style
to your primary attachment figure.
So here's what happens:
Oh my God, I'm not gonna be good enough,
this is gonna be too complicated,
it's not gonna work, I'm not gonna pull it off,
I need to start another certification, whatever,
and I stress out, why?
Because I'm anticipating rejection
unless I have this impossible goal: being perfect.
If I'm perfect, then I won't get rejected,
which is based on our history.
And so Imposter syndrome, we view it
from our perspective as an opportunity
to heal attachment patterns.
So if you're like, I feel like a fraud,
code for time to heal.
And what's interesting is, there's a high degree
of correlation between Imposter syndrome
and people who have a traumatic history
and/or marginalization in their history.
And that's a lot of our crowd, right?
So if you have a traumatic history,
or if you're a minority,
and you're around a bunch of privileged people,
you're gonna have a systemic Imposter syndrome, typically.
Now not everyone has that,
but if you look at the studies,
it's way higher in marginalized groups,
in women, and in people who have traumatic histories
than anybody else, because those are people
who tend to get, what?
Rejected or avoided, and not get their needs met.
Who follows?
This makes sense?
What?
And traumatized, that's right.
And so that's why it's so high,
but it's also super high in achievers
who have those histories.
Does that resonate with anybody in the room?
All of us, for the most part.
So there's this fancy slide,
this is called the Imposter cycle.
Don't write it down, okay?
And here's what happens.
So there's this anxiety and worry
over some type of achievement-related task.
I'm gonna sign up for this course,
I'm gonna go do a Facebook live,
I'm gonna start a business,
I'm gonna transition a career,
and all of a sudden there's anxiety, ahhh!
And worry and self-doubt.
I can't do it, I'm not gonna be enough,
they're gonna discover me, I'm gonna be a fraud,
and usually one of two things happens.
There's either over-preparation,
where you're like, I'm gonna do this shit
and I'm gonna figure all this shit out
'cause I'm gonna get it perfect, right?
Which is good for maybe grades, right?
Or there's my take, I do the other side, procrastination.
Nah, I'll do it the last week of the semester.
Anyone do college like that?
I never understood the over-prepared people.
Like why are you doing all this work so far in advance?
You only need like the last two weeks of November
to do it, right?
At the end of the semester.
That was what my plan was, just like, whatever.
Until, (imitates explosion).
Right?
That's how I did college.
I was getting A's in college.
By the way, I dropped out of college
because I got my dream job, not because I flunked out.
But I was always the procrastinator,
and also, I tend to be more responsive anyway
because I'm not wired for executive function skills
automatically, I'm more wired for reactivity.
But in a sense, you see these two things,
either being over-prepared, like 99...
Think about it for your business, right?
I'm 99% ready.
I need one more study, I need one more certification,
I need one more piece of information,
to know that this time I'm gonna get it perfect.
And you wonder why you have anxiety.
Or, I'll do the next one.
And here's what happens:
if there's an accomplishment
because of procrastination or over-preparation,
there is temporarily a feeling of relief.
They're like, I did it!
However, if there's over-preparation,
they don't say because I have a skill.
They say well, 'cause I worked so hard,
it's more about some external thing.
If there's procrastination, it was luck.
It just kinda came together.
And what happens is, there is positive feedback,
but they discount the positive feedback.
Because they say oh, I just worked hard.
It's not me, I just worked hard, or it was luck.
Some version of that.
And then what happens is,
that's when they're perceived as a fraud by themselves,
meaning they're not perfect.
They can't get the approval, they up.
Because there's always the next level they can't get to.
Because there's an impossible standard
based on their attachment style
they think they have to get to
in order to get the approval and love.
And then, they go to the next task,
and around and around and around we go, right?
And so, I wanted to share this with you guys
because this is usually something I would teach
inside a program, but because so many people
were talking about this, overtly or intentionally,
I wanted to help you understand.
There's no amount of over-preparation
that will prepare you for the entrepreneurial journey.
You guys just jump.
(laughs)
And you're gonna it up,
and it's not gonna be perfect,
and here's the thing, is that the coaching program
and what we do is, we're gonna help you learn
how to self-regulate and create those secure attachments,
because we're gonna also model that.
That's what we're all about, okay?
So you may not get that with your peer group,
or your family of origin,
but that's what this whole group is all about.
And it's what we're about, it's what our program is about,
it's what our team is about, it's what I'm about.
There's no metric that, when you get to this place,
you're enough.
It's like, you leaped, holy shit!
That's enough.
And also, for the people who are procrastinators,
you want to know when most people sign up for a course?
Last day.
I want to know who these people are.
Like who are the people at 11:55,
they got their credit card out,
and they're like,
(grunting)
Okay, go!
You know, like who are those people?
I wish I could film it all, you know?
And so the goal here is, is that in business,
you gotta get beyond this to realize
that when we have a secure attachment,
Imposter syndrome and a secure attachment can't coexist.
You can fluctuate between the two,
but the idea is, is that with a secure attachment
you're gonna mess it up, but you can come back on track,
like we talked about in the last workshop.
Who follows?
Does this make sense?
Is this helpful guys, by the way?
Okay cool, and by the way,
you'll get this in the slides, okay?
Now, some things that trigger Imposter syndrome.
So excited for this one.
Okay, any time you learn a new skill.
Any time.
Anybody learning a new skill?
Okay, probably getting triggered.
Okay.
Increasingly complex tasks.
When you do harder shit,
you're like, aw, I can't do it.
I'm not enough.
I gotta do it perfectly the first time!
Versus, alright, let's go fuck this one up a bunch
'til we get it right, which is basically my approach.
Also, when you have decreased contact
with peer or family support networks.
And what starts to happen is you become,
and especially in an entrepreneurial skill set,
it's harder to identify with people
that you're used to identifying with.
They're not bad people.
They just don't know how, necessarily,
to relate to you in this new effort
unless you train them to encourage you
whether or not they agree with you, right?
It's hard.
(laughs)
That would be a whole other course, right?
But the idea is, is that,
it's sort of lonely as an entrepreneur,
and one of the things that's hard to talk about
is there are a lot of mental health correlations,
decrease in mental health associated with entrepreneurship,
because it's so isolating.
But it's another reason why we do it socially in cohorts,
is because we want to decrease isolation at all costs.
Who follows?
This makes sense?
And so we know that you're gonna have a decreased contact
probably with certain peer groups or family groups,
as you build your business,
which is why we built this group
so that you can have an attachment.
And it's not us versus them,
because what's gonna happen usually
is people come to us for business advice,
they work out their attachment shit,
and their family dynamics and relationships change,
and they're like, holy shit I didn't realize that.
But how you do one thing is how you do everything.
Who follows?
And so what happens is, they come in all disorganized,
anxious, and avoidant, but they come out relatively secure.
And then that sometimes, a lot of times,
impacts the rest of their family ecosystem too.
So it's almost like, you have a healthy cell,
and there's this kind of cancerous dynamic,
and then one kind of comes over, gets healthy,
and brings it back, and then everything gets healthy,
usually over time.
Who follows?
And so you gotta kind of disconnect from the pattern
to reconnect to it, which is so difficult.
Also, being surrounded by people ahead of you.
When you're surrounded by people
who are better skilled than you are,
oh my God, I could never do that, they're so amazing.
Right?
Versus, holy shit, I'm gonna learn from that person.
I could never do intervention the way Tony Robbins does.
Never could.
But you better believe I watched him do intervention
for hours and hours.
I would go to his seminars just to watch interventions.
And I would watch the audience, and take it all in,
and okay, what's he doing there?
And I'd figure it out, I'd get his programs,
and I'd reverse engineer how he did shit.
Bless you.
And then I would just go do it,
tell people I don't really know what I'm doing,
is that okay?
And they said, okay.
And over time, with practice,
I started making my own distinctions.
And I haven't taken in any of his work
in probably six or seven years,
because I'm trying to have original thought.
But there's a lot of original seeds of what I do
based on that work, and when you're around someone
who is way better at something than you are,
and you have any type of Imposter syndrome,
oh my God.
You're gonna miss the opportunity to learn
because you're too busy comparing yourself.
Who follows?
Versus like, I'm in the presence of someone
who's a badass, I'ma learn.
Because Tony is very obvious in when he says this,
success leaves clues!
Right?
When you're in the presence of someone who's a badass,
study them.
Study them.
Don't be intimidated by them, just study them.
'Cause they just have a skill set, okay?
And attachment-focused activity.
I'm sorry, achievement.
(laughs)
Achievement-focused activities.
Meaning, anything where you have to achieve some shit,
chances are Imposter syndrome's gonna come up
because all of these things get down to approval.
Big breath right there.
So think about this.
As you're starting to build your entrepreneurial skill set,
if Imposter syndrome's showing up,
you can celebrate and say, oh my God,
I really just want some love right now,
and I think that I have to be perfect to get it.
Wow.
Guys, I'm having a hard time.
In which case, you can get your needs met
through self disclosure in a safe group,
and start to realize that, if this is coming up
it's an opportunity to heal.
It's not a reason not to move forward.
Because you're always...
If you have Imposter syndrome,
do the shit that makes you gonna feel like a fraud.
If you're gonna feel like a fraud, do that shit.
Because I have a name for my fraud.
I call him Rod.
(audience laughs)
Rod the fraud.
And he's in there, he's like, are you sure?
These people are gonna find out who you really are.
Right?
And what's interesting about that
is when you look at Imposter syndrome,
there's also this fraud thing.
People who are actually frauds don't have that, okay?
Because they're sociopaths, okay?
So they don't have that.
They're like, I don't care, it's fine.
I'm justifying it because of this, right?
So people who have this worry about being a fraud thing,
you also have integrity.
Meaning you want to take good care of people
and you're worried that maybe you can't.
Because in the past, someone didn't meet your needs.
Who follows?
But that's not the case, okay?
So I want to be very clear about that.
So is that helpful?
Okay, cool.
I wasn't in the original slides,
but I added them as a response
to what we were seeing in the Facebook group.
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