Good morning everyone and welcome to today's presentation. and I always say
when I start my talks, usually, that today is the first day of the rest of your
life and that's because it is and it's your choice what you do with it. I like
to have it with ease and not dis-ease. Today we're gonna have a look at
what stress is and really, is it what you think? You probably have a whole
bunch of ideas of what stress is for you. First we're going to have a look at what
you think it is and then we're going to have a look at where it comes from and
so what it really is and then I'm going to give you a gift and that's what you
can do about it once you figured out what it is. Anybody here not like gifts
That's good because otherwise I was going to say when we get to
that point you're welcome to leave. So tell me what do you think stress is? Lack
of clarity, too many things to fit in one day, yeah, feeling like a coiled spring, that's the symptom, lack of focus, things not doing what you expect them to, not working, yeah
GDPR, Health and Safety. So for many people the'll say it's they've got too much work
but for some people it might be they haven't got enough work and they're
bored and they actually love a challenge and they're they're sitting there in an
office with really nothing to do and that can stress people out. Time pressure
we've mentioned, relationship issues, as I mentioned earlier, it can be the children
the parents, money, many people think it's not having enough money, but for some
people it's having too much money and not knowing where to invest it, what's
the right place to put it and is it going to work, is it gonna do what I need
it to do. find an adviser but can you trust that adviser to give you the right advice. yes in Alice's case and so
on, so these are all outside things that people think causes them stress. so what
solutions might you have for all those things? How do you deal with your
stress what do you do? Keep fit,
delegate, good one, burying your head in the sand, outsource, yes, write a list, so a lot of
these things fits in these categories some of them don't but... we need more time
so we have these time management strategies and how to fit all this stuff
into the time that we've got, because you can't have more time. We've all got 24
hours in some cases 50 days so what is it that we're putting into that time.
We might think oh I'm gonna need to put more effort into it you need to you know
get these things sorted and you know exercise can be a one that I'm not
saying it's a bad thing but that's really implies we need to put some
effort into something to fix it, might need to throw money at it, you need some
more energy when you think about all these things does it make you more
stressed or less stressed? more stressed, thank you. we need to be more
rational, however stress is an emotion and you
cannot rationalize an emotion. Maybe you need more information to figure out how
to deal with this thing called stress, but I am going to give you a bit of
information but it's making sure you've got the right information. And actually
when we are in the era where we can get all the information that we want at
our fingertips with technology and yet stress has become the norm that doesn't
make it normal. So getting more information hasn't made
us any less stressed. so what's going on Einstein said "Insanity is doing
the same thing over and over again expecting a different result" and that's
what's been happening with stress this is what I noticed in my journey. When I
started in 1993 what I was dealing with was repetitive strain injury it was the
thing of the day. Every era has its disease or syndrome, symptom ans so I
treated lots of people with RSI. I had very good results and as time went on and
RSI wasn't the thing anymore but I was still getting all these symptoms. By 2016
I realize I'm still getting people with headaches and back pains, depression
anxiety, panic attacks, breathing issues asthma, etc etc... I thought it all
boils down to the same thing: STRESS they're all just symptoms of their
stress and the body is reflecting it in a different way depending on how they
are processing that information. Every disease has its particular pattern
that's what I call disease language. So I call it repetitive stress injury now and
that's what I deal with. and I see it walking around in the shops and I call
it Spending Time Repeatedly Exaggerating Small Stuff. For the clever people
around the room, you'll realize that it spells stress. People are going
on about their kids having the wrong socks they're not paired up properly the
the kid that wasn't holding on to the pram, Matt mentioned the issue of the
baby in the bus in his presentation that wouldn't put their
wellies on. It's small stuff. Sometimes you might have an argument and that's
when you know your stressed because you look back and you think what was that about
I remember having an argument with my husband about five pounds in my accounts
it's my account so why has he got a problem with it? But his history was the stress
of not being able to leave the bank where he worked until it had balance to
the penny that was his stress and I was glad I
recognized that. So as I said stress might be the norm that doesn't make it
normal and it doesn't mean you have to live with it. So you had a thought about
what stress is and if it's what you think and what you've done hasn't worked then
was it what you thought it was?
and therefore what are you going do to deal with it. I mentioned all this
more and the more stuff we have the more stress it seems to cause, an Einstein
also said that peace which I think, hands up if you think that kind of peace
equates to the opposite of stress? Some nods some hands right you're still awake
you following instructions, good, so peace cannot be kept by force
it can only be achieved by understanding. S so I'm gonna help you understand you and
stress, hopefully. so I'd like you to take a moment and you can write this down on
a piece of paper if you want. What is your stress level on the scale of nought
to ten. I'm not going to see this so that's fine you can be completely honest
with yourself
yeah might depend on the day of the week just what is it right now, because you
can only judge with what you are right now, and how committed are you to dealing
with your stress level and mark that on a naught to ten
I can see the cogs ticking and if you're not at a nine or ten then that
might be just a piece of the puzzle that you're missing to deal with it. If you're
not completely committed to solving the issue then it's unlikely that you'll
find the solution. If I had a magic wand which I have, I even have a second one
so I'm gonna wave my magic wand and I can change one thing about you, what
would you like it to be
okay so I've waved my magic wand, I waved both my wands, something's changed
about you how does that affect your stress level?
and if it doesn't then are you really commit to dealing with your
stress level. so these are just the kinds of questions that I ask people because
once you get some understanding of what's really going on then you can
actually deal with it and I've asked this one before but some of you may not
have been there. who are the five most important people in your life? if you can
only find three that's fine
okay and handsup who's put themselves on that list yeah good you you've heard
me speak before oh you've had a one to one. Most people don't
so if you are not on the top of that list at least as much as everybody else
rotates at the top of that list, so you might be looking after parents,
looking after children, husbands, wives, partners, they all take their turn as to
who becomes priority, if you are not at least on that list as much as they are
in turn then how are you going to deal with your stress because a lot of it
is to do with getting your needs met. And if your needs are not prioritized then
it's not surprising you're getting stressed. What is stopping you?
what is stopping you dealing with your stress?
Time, yourself, lazyness, is it too lazy? yes exactly we're getting deep. What is
it that really stops us? you know we haven't got time to do these things
that's what we were looking at earlier. it's something much deeper lack of
awareness, yeah Fear, very good one
and fear of...... If it's the thing that you really want or the thing that you don't
want, you don't want the stress, why would you not then tackle it and actually
that's what's happening whilst we're focusing on the stress we have no idea
what it is we want instead. And if you don't know what you want instead it's
very hard to achieve. I don't want to go to London so so somebody says well where do you
want to go then? I don't know? Well just get in the car drive you'll get there. So
we need to know what there is instead of and this is why people are doing the
same stuff over and over again expecting a different outcome they want to get rid
of their stress but the only thing they're focusing on is their stress so
they're getting the same outcome. so my definition of what stress is it starts
with it's not it's not what's happening to us it's not all that stuff outside
it's not how much time we've got or how little time we've got or you know
whether we've got the money or not the money. It's our response to what is
happening
and it's a feeling of lack of control that's the fear it's a bit like a
rollercoaster some people love it some people hate it. so there's stuff that you
like and you just flow with it there's stuff that you don't like and then
that's the stress so it's the feeling of lack of control but sometimes you like
that so there's an extra bit to it and it's believing that when you're not in
control you don't feel secure and we continue to
want to feed that security with more. we believe that having more will make us
more secure. Are you with me? yes I know I'm going deep and it's early morning....
it's the point at which we freeze and I'm not talking about the fight flight
freeze which is part of the normal reaction to stress, I am talking of that thing
of I can't make a decision, oh you do your business kind of stops because you're
not in flow anymore, you all know when we all know when things are going great
it's it's flowing. we are mostly water you know that. You told us that and
when things don't go well we behave as if we're ice
and it's when our head in our heart, our body and our mind and no longer talking
the same language. My job is obviously to help unravel all of that so I then ask
myself well how did people ever get to that point why do we freeze why do we
lack the clarity to be able to make decisions when our head and our heart are not speaking the same language. And we go yes
that's what's right for me right now even if in 20 years time that proves to
be the wrong decision it was right at the time. It's often because people
haven't got a big picture or they've lost sight of it and it's because they
were not on their priority list to create that big picture for themselves
they've lost track of their values and their principles and they might be in a
job that they hate and they continue doing it and they allow themselves to be
bullied by bosses or colleagues because they haven't put themselves on the top
of that priority list they've disconnected from their feelings as you
said because it's too scary. It involves doing some digging some rooting around
and figuring out what's going on without feelings but our feelings are just
emotions and emotions are just energy in motion and you need that motion to keep
flowing
it's living with tolerances little stuff every time you see something that isn't
quite how you would like it. For me Davina will know my database isn't quite doing
what I'd like it to do and every time I come to that point of wanting it
to do something although I end up with the result I want, there's always the
thing... it's really there it really is an easier way to do this I'm sure but I haven't
yet tackled it but I've now given Davina the job of tackling it, so it's living
with these things and it can be simple things like leaving cupboard doors open
like children not putting their laundry in the laundry basket, and it just goes
on and on it's amazing what we live with and we don't resolve but every time we
see it, it takes you right back to that stress level and because we've become
human doings rather than human beings
because while we're doing we don't have to think about all this other stuff. so
what's this
it kind of is a magic button yep it's a Roundtoit because people say yeah I'll
deal with it when I get round to it and you're at the bottom of that list when
you get around to it so right now it's going to be the time
when I'll give you my gift to get round to it. so stress isn't on the outside
then is it on the inside if all this more isn't working
how might less be
so you've all said you like gifts, good, so when somebody gives you a compliment are
you really comfortable with that? or do you kind of get a bit...ooh. Because every time
somebody pays you for the job that you've done they're giving you a gift
and if you've got any hesitation about receiving gifts and allowing that to
flow into your life it's creating stress for you. How does it feel when you
say no for something or somebody so that you can say yes to you. People have
talked about you know wanting to have time to go and play golf or do their
running but they're too busy. That means saying yes to you! but it often means
saying no, most people don't like saying no, we're not brought up to say no, so
we say yes and we just keep saying yes to more and more and more until we get
to the point of overwhelm and we don't have to.
anybody here, can think of more than one thought at a time? but they all come
in a sequence. we can only think of one thought at any one point in time. good
you're all normal, I was worried about that one.( Laughs) And who has time to breathe? good so
you're all breathing yeah great, we're all alive. so my gift is .....if
you could only think of one thought at any one point and you've got time to
breathe then you're going to be able to use my gift.
Einstein also said See I'm a great fan. ( laugh) life it like a bicycle, to keep your balance
you have to keep moving. You don't want to get to the point of freezing and if
you don't believe that I've brought one of my wobble boards which I use for my
clients to help improve their balance because not being stressed involves
having that balance and it comes as much from what's going on in your bodies
as what's going on in your mind. so you can have a little go on that and so I like
to bring people Happiness and that's by Embracing your fears, Leveraging your
strength, and taking Positive action because we need to keep moving
and you need to know how you want to feel, you know what stress is like but
what do you think that you want instead peace but what does that
actually feel like. So I'd like you to notice the speed of your thoughts, how fast
are they going? They've probably slowed down a bit from when we started. How fast are you
you breathing? What's going on in your mind
This is what I call square breaathing and it's the main tool that I give my
clients when they first come to see me because it does work magic and that's
why I wave my magic wand. It's very simple you breathe in a square. You
breathe in for a count of 4 you hold four a count of 4 you breathe
out for a count of 4 and you hold for a count of 4. so I'm gonna go through
it with you. so when you're ready breathe in two three four, hold two three four,
out two three four, hold two three four, in two three four, hold two three four,
and continue
I said and continue, and now and now notice the speed of your thoughts.
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