Hello, and welcome to the Davidaisy Show where we take the news and we-
How many times do I have to tell you to introduce me first.
People get bored of you within 2 seconds.
…Okay, my name is David and this is my sister-
-I'M DAISY!
So you may notice in the news, continuous controversial topics about American President, Donald Trump.
Forrest Gump? He's President now?!
...Donald..Trump…
Waffle Dump? WHAT!?
We are taking time today to talk about some
of the most controversial stories so far in the Trump presidency and my sister
is going to attempt to explain the reasoning behind some of them.
(pulls out long stick from nose) Is this normal?
So let's start off with the wall?
How do you feel about the intention to divide the United States and Mexico?
Yes, I dislike this one because I've never liked division.
I mean, what's 1 divided by 2?
49? I don't know.
No more division.
So Donald Trump said that the wall will keep out quote "criminals".
Do you think the wall will help keep out quote, "criminals"?
You know, I'd like to send President Bubble Gum a message.
I think we have enough criminals in America.
Just this morning, a pigeon took my selfie stick and no wall is gonna stop that pigeon
from coming back and stealing my identity.
Beautiful.
Ok, next we have the health care plan.
The plan to replace Obamacare that has been said to leave over 20 million people uninsured.
Can you explain that?
Yes, you know every morning I wake up…
I fall out of my crib…
and I fall down the stairs…
and I fall down to the attic…
and I fall in love...
and I fall down to center of the Earth.
But when I stop falling, I end up in a place
that already has amazing healthcare to help me with my falls.
So are you saying that the current healthcare plan is better for the country?
Oh I don't know, I'm just saying that every day, I travel to China through the center of the earth.
Ok, next is the travel ban.
Do you think it would've helped reduce violence in the country?
Ok I-I would just like to quote, in my opinion, the most intelligent woman in the world.
She said that more people have died from falling out of bed.
And if she said that, it is 80.4,000,000% true.
Ok, so how would you explain the President's reasoning for the travel ban?
Weeeeeeelllllllll, I think when President Donkey Jump was submitting his bill, he meant
to propose a flannel ban and he made a typo.
Why would he ban flannel?
It reminds him of diversity.
Ohh ok… let's move on.
Do you think there's a simple explanation for President Trump's contempt for Hillary Clinton?
Yes, this one is simple.
If you look at the color chart, you will notice that the opposite of the color orange is blue.
Orange represents President Bottle Soda
and we ALL KNOW who wears blue all the time.
So, what you're saying is they're opposites?
Let me tell you an ancient story.
You have the orange and you have the blue.
The orange was sleeping one day, and the blue wanted a backrub, so the blue tried to wake him up like…
WAKE...UUUUP!
(nods)
The orange turned red with anger.
And what's the opposite of red? Green!
And what is green? The environment.
(drawing happy face) So blue suggested to agree on peace with the
environment and orange threw that French agreement (Paris Agreement)
down the hairy drain and ever since then,
blue and orange just don't get along.
Makes sense.
Now let's speed up with the final topics.
How do you explain President Trump being happy about low approval ratings?
Well, we've seen President Honest Hump playing golf.
Lowest scores are the best.
Small inauguration crowds.
(strums guitar) whoo……
CAARRRRREESS?
Grab her by the pu-
Yes, I believe cats should be grabbed and
thrown into therapy because I dislike them.
And finally, government involvement with Russia.
Evil translator.
Ok well, that's all the time we have today for The DaviDaisy show.
Tune in next time when we-
Shut up and cue my dancing!
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