Wow that I've never heard anything like that this is the second time you've said
this to me Silke ...
thanks so much for joining us again on our second act with Paige and Silke for
your second act of life hey Silke hi Paige well we are back with
a follow-up segment to one of our emotional health videos that we did on
processing the losses in your life and how those may be holding you back
keeping you stuck in certain situations which you know was a big revelation to
me and you gave us homework in in the last segment about identifying what
those losses are so what what's the next step Paige
so you know when you put together your timeline of loss it can be very
emotional especially midlife because you're starting to look at oh my gosh
look at all this loss that I have in my life or it feels overwhelming that oh my
gosh look at this loss and and you might think this is futile I feel worse now
but you know what you have to be able to identify where the themes are and how
it's carried forward so interestingly enough what I have people do next is
this after you go through what's gone on in your childhood you're actually going
to write or type whatever you want to do you're going to go back to your
childhood and whatever happened where the losses are you're going to rewrite
your story and people might say rewrite my story but it frickin happened yes
but here's what you don't understand psychologically we get into a loop and
we keep the story keep the story keep the story going if you go back and
rewrite the story in a different way it doesn't minimize or take away what
happened because you're going to grow from it
but you can rewrite the story for instance I talked last time about how I
was a stutterer chronic stutterer and I can remember being in third grade class and
I was called upon and I was stuttering and the little boy in front of me was
making such fun of me and this is not like me but I reached out and grabbed
his hair and shook his head the teacher was like the Paige what are you doing
because I've never been like that before and of course I got sent down to the
principal's office so when I rewrote my story how I rewrote it was that either
two ways I rewrote it I never was a stutterer and what I found when I took
away being a stutterer it took away what I learned from it so I said no that's
not what I want so I rewrote it again and I said I was a stutterer however I
was so confident that when they made fun of me
I knew that through my stuttering I was gaining empowerment that I was standing
up in front of people and showing I'm not perfect but look I'm still here and
I can still have friends and I can still do the work and you know you would never
know that I was a stutterer because I love to get up and do public speaking
and motivate people so it's really important so when I rewrote this story I
said you know what I don't want to take my stuttering out I'll keep my
stuttering but I changed how I felt as a child about this stuttering no it's
literally going back and and in hindsight mmm-hmm capturing the learning
experiences out of it yes and you are you're reframing your story in a
different way so the little child in you that went through this can go what well
how did you want it to go and maybe if you did have a stuttering problem you
say oh I want to take my story completely out you can but for me I kept
it in because that worked for me so play with your story about do I want to keep
that into I want to wipe that out altogether change how the child in you
would respond and what the child would do and the people and the adults around
you how they would support you and how the kids would support you that changes
the story changes the framework and starts to break up the pillar that's in
your way Wow I've never heard anything like that this is the second time you've
said this to me so well I know it's just you know what a way of just dealing with
stuff that you never you never you never think about maybe we can give one more
example that would help people listening you know what would be another good
example like say yeah so another good example is if you came from a household
where you didn't get a lot of support and maybe it was an abusive household or
a violent household you change the way things were maybe you still kept the
same parents but this time they were aware that they didn't want to act and
be like their parents were so they treated you differently and you had this
support or maybe you said you know what nope I got pulled out of my house and I
got put with new parents and it was a whole different experience you're
changing the dynamic of what of the violence or the abuse or whatever
happened as to what your perspective was and maybe you create different parents
or same parents but they they treated you differently in a more supportive way
and someone might say oh or you're rewriting my life no you're rewriting
your life as to what works for you you can do and rewrite your story any way
you want in a way that makes you feel more positive that that story doesn't
become your current adult life that that story can be shifted and changed and a
weird thing goes on when you write your story you might cry you might get really
upset and then halfway 3/4 of the way through you kind of go oh my god
something's happening I'm feeling different I don't want to cry as much
I'm something changes with that now the caveat is this if you're in a
difficult space in your life right now I always urge you to do this with a
professional if you'd like to have professional help life coach a counselor
a therapists whatever it might be we're just giving you know different
types of suggestions of how to reframe that story so you can stop the loss of
the big pillar that was in front of you now yeah and obviously we're you know not
talking about creating a fantasy land or you know it's it's it's really about
your perspective of what you went through I mean you went through it is
what it is but how we perceive things is what we can change and yeah and just get
in touch with the the learning the growth that would come out of that
as horrible as it may have been I mean is that I'm not the expert here you are
but yeah that's kind of what I'm hearing you say you can change anything you want
about your story I know that myself when I've done it when my
clients have done it they always think they're gonna change everything until
they start writing and they go you know what I don't think I want to change this
piece I just want to reframe it and make it look different how the adults treated
me how I treated myself how my friends came in so whatever you want to do to
revamp your story so you can move forward today see what works for you
give it a try well it's great great food for thought
we will link to some more information you know about all this obviously to
your information leave us your questions this this is the time I mean I'm the
left with tons of you know with tons of questions right now and like I said
Paige and I talk all the time this is information to me and I find it
fascinating so do leave us your questions leave us
your you know concerns whatever and Paige were coming to the end anything
else you want to leave us with in the segment
yeah just know that it's okay if you get emotional it's okay if it doesn't feel
that great you know in the beginning change your story to how it works for
you revamp it how it works for you and if you need help while you're going
through this please find a therapist find a counselor they can help you go
through this process but but just know that the story is just a story and you
can decide what pieces you want to hold on to that made you who you are today
and are the positive parts of you and which pieces you'd like to shift and
change and have a different perspective from well it's a terrific way to you
know create your second act yes so we will see you on our next segment of our
second act with Paige and Silke for your second act of life
thanks so much for watching for more information on living your life to the
fullest after 50 please visit our website
2ndact.tv and if you haven't already done so be sure to subscribe to our
channel button so right over here see you next time bye bye
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