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you
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people will stop me all the time ask me
these different questions but most
people have a question like what's it
take to get rich and happy instantly
with no effort some version of that
question and I'll usually look at them
and say do you really want to know are
you just asking and when I say that you
seem kind of freeze for a moment like he
may tell me and I might have to work but
I really want to tell you what I really
believe it takes to be rich and happy
how most people think rich is just money
but I know a lot of people have a lot of
money in their broke a little people
have a lot of money and they're very
rich that richness is a sense of
fulfillment see a lot of people have
quote succeeded supposedly on the
outside but they're not fulfilled and
I'm here to tell you that success
without fulfillment is failure how do
you make sure you're really fulfilled
because it seems such an elusive thing
for most people most people you know
they think okay if I'd succeed then I'll
be fulfilled and they succeed they're
still not fulfilled or finally if I have
a kid then I'll be fulfilled and they
have the child and it's great for a
while and they're still not fulfilled
people always looking for something more
and I will say to you that there's only
two things it'll give you fulfillment
long-term you may talk more about this
tomorrow and more depth but we all have
six needs that must be met all human
beings haven't we all have different
goals different desires different ways
of trying to make ourselves feel good we
are the same needs the first need that
everybody has is the need for certainty
we all have a need for absolute
certainty because certainty is a
survival mechanism you have done a
certain amount of certainty didn't even
function like right now if you weren't
certain these lamps these lights up here
we're gonna hold up or the roof was
gonna hold on then you probably let me
listen to me a whole lot right now
because without a base level of
certainty the floor is gonna hold you up
you can't function and how many verb in
the rice by the way well you have so
much uncertainty in your life that just
freaked you out like uncertainty about
your job or your career about a
relationship and a major crazy inside
how many been in that place we had so
much uncertainty made you not say I so
everyone needs a base level of certainty
now we all try to get that certainty in
different
whay so we have the same need worldwide
doesn't matter who you go to what
country or culture what language a
person speaks what their socio-economic
background is everybody needs certain it
is a human need not a desire a need it's
built into the human nervous system but
we all go about getting it differently
like some people try to get certainty by
having a routine that's the same every
day so they can be certain how it's
gonna be some people try to get
certainty by you know surrounding
themself in people that they're smarter
than them so they feel like they're
always in control of the situation or by
trying to control everyone some people
get certainty by faith I know there's no
certainty so they get it by having trust
that they're guided everyone has
different ways some ways some people get
certainty that they can be comfortable
that's the basic level of certainty so
you can avoid pain you can have some
pleasure base certainty is just a
certain you can be comfortable
most people get that by smoking or
drinking or something like that so
everyone's gonna find a way to meet
their need you've already found ways to
get a certain amount of certain your
life or you wouldn't be listening to me
right now but the question is is the way
you're doing it the way you're getting
the need met is it empowering you or
disempowering you or is it kind of
neutral if you're using drugs or alcohol
to get certainty to be comfortable it
obviously has many many negative side
effects can be using faith it's a
different one if you're using your sense
of identity like boy I'm certain not
because everything around me is perfect
but I'm certain cuz I've always found a
way so my identity is I find a way and
that gives me certainty so some ways
will empower you so now here's the
interesting thing though when you get
absolutely totally certain about
something well you know what's gonna
happen when it's gonna happen how it's
can happen let's say in a relationship
you know what's gonna happen what
they're gonna say when they're gonna say
how they're gonna say it what's gonna
occur when you finally have this
ultimate goal of certainty this need you
really feel like you're satiating you're
fully meeting it then what happens you
feel what board right so all of a sudden
this thing you wanted so bad this is
funny cuz people are they work sorry to
get what they want then they get in
there and happy cuz now they're bored
it's like most people think the secret
to life is making of money so you'll
never have to work again and the truth
of the matter is if you spend any time
with people who have achieved that
you'll find that they're miserable and
they usually start another business or
do something else because that is not
the secret to life
they get bored out of their mind I want
to pull their hair out because everyone
needs to grown to be stimulated so while
we want certainty when we get absolute
certainty we go nuts and that's because
God has a sense of humor and gave us a
second need the need for uncertainty
just to really screw you up a good right
just to see if you were paying attention
we have a need for certainty but we
simultaneously have a need for
uncertainty we have a need for variety
we have a need for surprise we have a
need to have things that we're not
expecting happen car it's excitement for
us that's what Adventure is if you know
what's gonna happen when it's gonna
happen how it's gonna happen
feels good for a while then you're bored
you gotta have surprises in your life
you gotta have those things that make
you grow when you know what it is it
doesn't require growth you can predict
it but when you're not sure now you have
to grow to deal with the uncertainty and
that growth is what makes us feel happy
as human beings inside now you can get
variety by doing drugs also change your
state you can get variety by going to a
movie you know why do people go to
movies because it gives them certainty
and uncertainty
they're certain they're not gonna die
even if the guy in the movie does right
and yet they a variety they can
vicariously experience all this
adventure and surprise and so forth
inside that film how many of you have
ever rented a video of a movie you've
already seen I've never done that say I
know why I went to movie you've already
seen answer cuz you're certain it's good
and you're hoping you forgot enough that
it'll be some variety right so these two
are a paradox aren't they they seem to
be antithesis of one another and yet as
a human being we need to have both of
them to really feel good the third and
fourth human needs that all people have
are three number three is the need for
significance need for a feeling like
your life is significant it's important
it's unique in some what it's special
that your life has some kind of purpose
so we all have the need to feel
significant unique feel like our life
has some kind of meaning what's
interesting is how do you go about it
you know you can go about it by charing
everybody else down I'm great because
you're horrible you know there's two
ways to have the tallest building in
town one is tearing down everybody
else's building that's what some people
do other is work harder and build a
better building
right work like crazy or mistakes once
you go for it so what a lot of people do
is to feel significant as they tear
other people down cuz then they can feel
important like if you're moving
backwards I must be moving forward
there's an illusion there or you can get
significance through violence why is
violence lasted so long in humanity
because it meets most of our needs in a
very negative way but it meets it listen
I have no education no background I live
in the hood I bought a gun stick into
your head suddenly I am significant I
don't need an education a need
background I didn't need to greatly
rapport with you
we have rapport all right you're gonna
respond to me now I'm significant and
I'm certain that I'm in control of the
situation and I got some variety cuz
this is a unique situation where
anything could happen meets three of my
needs violence has been around
humanity's experience forever because it
is a way to meet needs a derogatory way
but it works and since it works and
doesn't require much effort especially
now with the tools of violence where if
you and I had a fight before and I had
to punch it out with you there were some
consequence but now with a high-powered
rifle or something that can shoot off on
hundred shots in about a minute from a
distance I could be a coward and I can
still feel significant I didn't do
whatever I want there's no consequence
to me you can also do it in neutral ways
you can do it by you know dressing
really uniquely right like you have a
unique style that makes you feel unique
and significant you could do it by
skillsets
having skilled it's no one else has or
is very unique you can do it by buying
more toys you have nicer cars or homes
or something like that you can do it by
getting more phd's more degrees and more
results that you know you have that
thing next to your name so your
significant every one of us finds a way
right because we have to feel
significant everybody insists you know
the question is how some people do it by
saying I am a Christian or I am a Jew or
I'm or whatever and I'm more unique than
you and then religions fight about who
really knows the name of God and kill
each other in the name of God it's
interesting process that sometimes
happens it's happened in most major
religions of the world because we are
basically fighting over who's more
significant to the Creator interesting
thought process human beings have now
the interesting thing is to be
significant you can do it new toys
positive ways you can do it by having
more compassion and giving more than
anybody else if you give so much sure
enough if you know you're willing to
give more and you
more honest and more real that makes you
feel unique makes you feel special that
doesn't have any downside only has
upside so you got to figure out you're
gonna find a way to be unique the
question is that do you two cars at
homes do you do it through achieving do
you do it by the kind of love that you
share do you do it by you know doing
something with people that makes them
feel like you're superior what he do but
you do something you do many things to
feel significant but the problem is to
feel significant to feel unique you have
to be different than everyone and that
of course violates the fourth you need
because God does have a sense of humor
the fourth human need is the need for
connection and love so while you're busy
trying to be unique and I have so many
clients super achievers in the culture
you know actors actresses business
people at the top athletes who their
whole life they wanted to be unique and
then they got this total uniqueness and
now they have no connection because they
feel like everybody's trying to get
something from them now they don't
really feel the love and connection they
wanted which is the fourth need has to
be unique and different I have to be
apart from you
this happens in people's intimate
relationships all the time as well so I
saw oh my god I really want to be at one
with this person and then they started
feeling one with a person they love her
fall and they go oh wait a second I feel
like fully loved and connected but who
am i how am i unique in this world I'm
losing my identity and then they freak
out and pull back from the relationship
because what they're trying to do is
meet you need simultaneously you can get
connection by being sick and then
everyone will come and pay attention to
you you can do it by creating problems
if you don't get a kid attention for
doing something good they'll do
something bad to feel that you really
care and you'll love them to get your
attention and by the way all adults are
big kids they do the same thing same
thing as a child does sometimes a little
bit more dramatic sometimes a bit more
painful but the same things that kids do
because you're just basically most
people are still 5 years old emotionally
so we respond in the same way most of us
are not directing me because it's great
facade that inside with this little kid
so now here you are in this situation
where you want connection what else can
you do well you can have connection by
just loving people you're gonna have
connection by way of being in nature or
a connection to God through prayer or
you can have connection by looking at a
piece of art and feeling this sense of
inspiration you can have with your
meditation you're gonna have it by
making love you feel this total
connection you can have it to a pet
there's so many ways to get it you
find away you know the question is on a
scale from zero to ten where zero is
none and ten is totally fulfilled where
are you most people find ways that
really don't fulfill them totally to
bring them up to a four or five so there
are no man's land they're not really
happy but then I'm happy enough to
anything to change it or make it better
and then if you meet these forced first
four if you meet the need for certainty
and uncertainty of called variety and
significance and connection you'll find
a way to meet those those are called the
fundamental needs but you will not be
rich happy fulfilled really fulfilled
unless you meet the last two and very
few people meet the last two these are
the two that the real secret and that
does number five as you must grow you
must grow the number six is you must
contribute beyond yourself in a
meaningful way see you can get certainty
by controlling everybody you can get
variety by doing drugs you can get
significance by tearing other people
down you have connection by having a
problem all the time that people have to
fix and so they pay attention you feel
loved by that none of those make you
better person
the only way you're gonna be fulfilled
is if you pick a different set of
vehicles and those vehicles or those
ways of meeting your needs must cause
you to grow because no matter how much
you earn how many people think you're
great or what's wonderful in your life
if you don't feel like you're growing
you'll feel like you're dying inside and
anybody you've ever seen who has
committed suicide you thought how could
they do that I mean they had the world
by the tail so they didn't feel like
they're growing and or even if they were
contributing they didn't feel like their
life and a meaning that they were
contributing beyond themselves and I
bring this to your attention because I
have seen so many people develop such
great skills and still be unhappy so if
these are the six needs you gotta decide
how you're gonna play this game and
there's certain beliefs you have that
make you do things a certain way and
they may not be serving you but you keep
doing it because it meets some of your
needs it's like for example anything a
human being does remember I said they
have a reason so if you smoke cigarettes
even though you know it's terrible
you do it because it meets some of your
needs maybe initially you did it to be
significant or to feel connected to some
friends or maybe you're so stressed
you're certain when you smoke you can
relax so now we stopped you from smoking
well you're gonna go for something else
cuz you got to still feel that comfort
or you gonna still feel significant so
unless we understand what our brain is
doing most of us in life have
idea how to win the game of life we
don't know what the target of the game
is we don't know the goal and so it's
pretty hard to win a game we don't know
what the goal is I'm here to tell you
having been with a couple million people
from 65 countries and having heard every
story you can imagine I'm a dealt with
people with 152 personalities who
started splitting in the middle of a
seminar while Diane Sawyer was actually
covering a businessman sitting next this
woman and she's splitting 152
personalities been in therapy for 30
years and integrated her in 40 minutes
on the spot and Diane I'm saying it's a
miracle and saying but it can't last so
they waited a year to do the story and
followed her for a year and she never
broke down again I've dealt with that to
people 150 personalities to people's
like no personality with a bigger
problem right okay a much bigger problem
right I dealt with you know the kid and
the South Bronx addicted to crack
cocaine and I've dealt with the top CEOs
in Hollywood addicted to cocaine you
know I mean I've seen it all and there's
nothing I haven't seen I've seen people
physically abused emotionally I've seen
everything you could imagine see you
don't have to be bright to see there are
patterns and all these patterns are just
trying to meet these same six needs and
most of you don't know what they're
after so it's kind of hard to get your
outcome you don't know what it is so
what I want to talk to you about for a
few minutes here is those last two
called growth and contribution as those
are the ticket to freedom then we'll go
through some fun skills but I want you
to think about your philosophy of life
because wall it's great to have these
tools you need both philosophy and skill
to make your life work if you got a
great skill and no guiding philosophy no
guiding set of belief structures then
you are a person that has wonderful
mechanics but you're not really gonna be
fulfilled and you're not gonna make a
difference in the world if you've got
this wonderful philosophy and you got no
skills no muscle then you're gonna live
and be able to philosophize forever and
you know what's right but you don't do
anything it's a merger of these two or a
melding of these two that really creates
a quality life for my perception so
let's talk about the philosophy of what
crates that fulfillment I remember
somebody came to me one time and said so
what does it take to be rich in a mean I
remember I look back and I said it's
really simple be a team player I know
the person look at me like what does
that mean let me tell you that's the
secret to
what happened it's become a team player
what does that mean a team player means
you gotta understand something human
beings are really unique here's what
unique about us
we're driven to achieve a certain amount
in our lives
whatever that may be to meet our six
needs for some people feel significant
they got to make ten billion dollars for
some people significant they have to
have a child now that child grew up and
be a nice person there's no right or
wrong it's just different beliefs in our
head about what has to happen right but
here's what's interesting most of us
don't need to have a lot happen to meet
our needs we know so it's different for
every person so let's say for you to
meet your needs of identity you have to
do certain amount of business well once
you do that much business you don't know
anymore Drive it's like okay that feels
good right or you have a certain amount
of need for acknowledgement but once you
get a certain amount of acknowledgment
people tell you million times are great
you are you always appreciate hearing it
but you don't really need it because you
know so you're grateful and it's
wonderful but it's not like desperation
you know what I'm saying here and so
certain amount of money's certain amount
respects certain amount accomplishment
certain amount of something and then we
kind of lose our drive because we enter
our comfort zone how many follow this
say I so once you in your comfort zone
you're not driven anymore here's the
problem when you get in your comfort
zone you're not driven you no longer
grow when you're not growing you start
to die inside when you're longer growing
and dying inside you stop contributing
in a meaningful way did you do both of
those your whole world falls apart
emotionally see I've haven't seen this
happen I've got about six or seven
friends play seven be accurate who are
considered by most people in the world
to be like the best on earth at what
they do and have been for a quarter of a
century like one guys in the movie
business I'm in the head of several
Studios made unbelievable number of
pictures Academy Awards another guy as
an NBA coach the most winningest coach
of all time and being history I mean
each of these guys are my friends and
they're in their mid 50s and we're all
new we get together to talk is we talk
about wife and where we're going what
we're doing and I've watched many of
them the business ones anyway cash out
at one point in their career where they
sold their companies that made 500
million dollars one guy two and a half
billion dollars
and he thought that was gonna make him
happy and I remember for the first three
or four months he was really happy he
partied it was fun it was great then all
sudden he got more and more crazy and
then all sudden he started over eating
and drinking and all those things are is
a symptom for the fact that you're not
fulfilled so now you're going for the
cheap quickie to try and make yourself
feel good because you really aren't
growing you're not contributing and
everyone of them has gone back into some
venture that made them have to grow
because when the other business they had
to take on the challenges their take on
the effort their to grow and they felt
like they were contributing something
meaningful and that's when they're
obvious so having said that if we all
can get comfortable at a certain spot
then what's the secret to make sure
we're always growing and contributing
and the answer is become a team player
which means this people will do more for
others they care about then they'll ever
do for themselves and that's a critical
distinction to have by human beings
people will do much more for others they
care about then they'll ever do for
themselves now for some people that's
God for some people that's their kids
for some people that's their friends but
we'll all do more for something we
really people we really care about than
anyone else than ourselves and so if you
really want to be happy you gotta grow
and got to contribute how many by that
say I am so if you buy that you gotta
have a reason to constantly grow because
you're gonna get comfortable pretty
easily the only way to do that I said
these people you care so much for that
you feel compelled to constantly
contribute more and to grow in order to
be able to do that and fortunately in my
life I figured this out at a very early
age and so it drove me to this points
why I'm here now
and I'm here now because I get to have
this a sense of I have to grow to this I
have to contribute and I get the joy in
the fulfillment of that process I don't
have to do any of this anymore
fortunately Acme sit and do nothing for
the rest of my life economically but I
couldn't sit and do nothing and be happy
so that's where we got invested
ourselves but I have found what that is
for me which is certain people I care
about an environment people I care about
people like yourself who really want to
make their life more tamanna how great
it is but you got to find what that is
because that's what will drive you so I
want to give you a couple of assignments
that if you use them will get you more
connected to your team and they're very
fundamental they're very basic but I
think if you'll do them you'll find them
to be quite useful
and the first one is really simple if
you're gonna be a team player and you're
gonna feel that sense of connection then
what you gotta be able to do is you
gotta be able to connect when it's not
easy to connect what I mean by that is
if you're in a position where someone
how many of you have somebody in your
life from your past where maybe you were
good friends at one point or lovers or
business associates but you're really
close this person and then one day
something happened and when that
happened it changed your life forever in
your relationship and maybe you've never
spoken to them again since that day how
many have somebody like there's
somewhere in the back of your life you
raise your hand let me see your hands
keep your hand up and I want you to see
what percentage the room it is it's
about 90 percent of the room okay so
what I want you to do is this I want you
to develop team-building muscles because
when you have that sense of connection
you can do anything but anybody can be
loving and friendly to someone who's
totally loving and friendly to you if
you're really going to get that sense of
connection that sense of real joy the
real passion you know connect with
somebody who has hurt you and unfair to
you now I'm not suggesting you start
another relationship with this person
I'm not stupid I know many these people
you don't want to start a relationship
with but I do want you to learn how to
communicate with absolute caring love
and make yourself do that even though
you've been hurt because that's how you
build an ultimate muscle how many follow
that say I what I'm gonna ask you to do
is you are going to tomorrow or tonight
after the seminar you're gonna take this
person maybe you're not talked to Muir's
and you are going to call them now
answering machines don't count okay but
you're gonna communicate with them and
what I want you to do is three things I
want you to call them I want you
acknowledge yourself who you are don't
pretend you're someone else and onto the
phone and as you're the voice she'll say
hi this is me you remember me I
certainly remember you then the second
step you're gonna acknowledge how the
relationship ended so you're gonna save
this person listen I know the last time
we talked was not a very pretty sight I
know that we all know we did this we did
that I know that I knew I was right you
knew you were right and it didn't in a
very attractive way acknowledge what
happens so it's clear that you're not an
idiot calling back
and then you go to third step you say
I'm just calling for one reason it's
been six months it's been a year it's
been ten years I just want to call you
to tell you that wall that was
incredibly painful and I was mad as heck
and I still necessarily agree or
disagree with you I do want you to know
that before that happened we had an
amazing business relationship friendship
love affair or whatever it was then well
I'm not trying to start a new one I just
want to tell you how grateful I am for
that time I had with you prior to that
event because it was a great great time
in my life and you were an important
part of my life on my team and I want to
thank you for that and you don't say
anything I'm not calling you how do you
say anything or give me anything I just
wanted to thank you for that time I hope
you have a great life thanks bye
click what would this do to their brain
better yet what would it do to your
brain to actually sincerely make this
call and put aside those events and
associate to the good things again I'm
not saying start any relationship with
them I'm not saying that I'm saying just
call and acknowledge that there was
great goodness and do it from your heart
and reconnect to that feeling how many
think this would be a major stretch let
me see your hands say aye good so then
if you can't do it you what you what how
many gonna do it raise your hand say ah
here's the second call I want you to
make the second call is not painful
you'll want to make this call before you
turn the pages let me ask you how many
of you out there have had an experience
where there was somebody who you're
really close to somebody you really
appreciate it really enjoyed really
loved and you didn't have an argument
you didn't have something negative
happened you just got so busy and they
got so busy and you're like in different
places and you didn't call for a while
and the more you didn't call the weirder
it felt not to call and then since you
didn't call for so long it really felt
weird not to call now you haven't call
it forever and you kind of like the
commercial says kind of drifted away and
it wasn't because you're upset with them
at all how many to have someone like
that somewhere in your life raise your
hands say I that's your second call what
are you gonna do call them up
acknowledge ooh you are you're the same
thing acknowledge what happened tell
them the truth then listen you know I'm
calling I'm sure you want any time to
talk right now we don't need you I'm
just calling to tell you one thing
and that is that I just I think about
you a lot that you know I'm talk to you
so long that after a while and so on the
truth I didn't call for a while you
didn't call I was busy you were busy and
then felt weird to call so the reason
I'm calling is so it doesn't feel weird
to call in the future all right I'm just
calling to tell you I love you and I'm
so thrilled that you're part of my team
and even if we don't talk for two years
I'd always care about you if you ever
want to talk I'm always here and oh you
played one every time so I just want to
say thanks have a nice night know that
person I guarantee will stop you no no
no I'm so glad you called and what it'll
do is it'll take a part of your life
like one thing you can finally put
behind you this thing you can put back
in front of you and reconnect with it
and I think you're gonna find that it'll
have a really wonderful processional
effect like you know when you drop the
rock in the water it doesn't stop there
when hits the water it has this neat
little wave effect on your life same
thing happens when you reconnect with
someone you really consider to be a
friend it has an impact on things that
you normally wouldn't measure in that
area how many want to make this call so
say I am and here's the third assignment
the third assignment team-building is I
want you to make a list of all the key
team members of your life and what I
mean by that is anyone you consider to
be part of your team team can be
intimate loved ones it can be family or
friends team can be those people you
work with who you really really care
about but I'm talking about your clothes
inner team of people the people that you
care about the people who have their
feelings about you has influence over
you the people that you would be driven
to give to and to serve and therefore
would need to grow and contribute in
some way and what I'm gonna ask you to
do is I want you to right next to each
person's name some unique way you're
gonna let them know you care about them
in the next 30 to 45 days some unique
way because what we all assume is that
everybody knows we love them but we
don't people don't they forget or if
they experience it in a certain way they
don't know so I want you to do it unique
way cuz again people do weird things if
they can't get that love or that
connection a good way they do weird
stuff to get your love and attention so
you don't want to wait so there's a
challenge or there's a problem
and someone asks you to do it
proactively now for example how many of
you have kids let's see your hands
Wow how many you have teenage kids as an
example great another breed aren't they
so now here's know what you do I want
you to make your list don't you come up
with a unique way to make them feel
totally loved only take what's great
about this number one you'll increase
your connection and sense of team number
two you have a blast coming up with
creative things number three you'll feel
wonderful when you're doing it and when
all those one of the things are
happening it'll affect your career
believe it or not because it'll affect
the way you feel about yourself and your
identity and what you're doing in your
life it enriches everything these little
things mean everything I give an example
well I married my wife Becky I wanted to
have four kids I got three instantly and
all of a sudden here we in a short time
we have four kids and I had kids at that
time my youngest I think was four and my
oldest was 17 and I was 24 years old
right so that makes you grow up pretty
quick right so I feel myself in a place
where it's like wow here at this great
love affair with my wife and I really
love these kids but all of sudden Wham
and they were in my life quickly rapidly
powerfully and I had a feel that that
was very difficult at first extremely
difficult because I felt like I was
getting less connection I was less
significant and the kids were and so
forth it was very difficult but
gradually what happened is I love these
kids so much that it expanded my life
that didn't mean less significance less
connection and then I could have him for
more places in at a deeper level and now
is that one of the greatest gifts of my
entire life if you ask me are you a
successful man I would say yes and my
number one criteria is what incredible
kids I have who they are as people which
I think they've done on their own but I
think I've certainly helped to shape
some of their core value structures and
belief structures which is the only
thing can shape you can't control
behavior but you could certainly shape a
good deal with somebody values and
believes by your example and your caring
and so when this first happened I also
was 24 years old starting my career I
was doing an average of 200 days a year
on the road I I was building and doing
everything so I'm not even there most
the time so these kids are my life and
I'm thinking my god how do I connect
with these kids how do they know I love
them when I'm not there
and the only solution I could come up
with was okay I gotta be there number
one and number two I got to really be
there when I'm there you know I had four
fathers myself and the one who I
consider to be my real father is not my
birth father you know he's not my father
genetically
but the one I mentioned passed away was
the one I was closest to and I have the
least amount of time with him but I
really had what I call magic moments
with him just moments I never forget as
long as I live and they helped to shape
a good part of who I am and what I
believe in value and so I thought that's
what I gotta do I gotta create magic
moments these kids but I decided to do
it the way I'm asking you to do it
strategically not like just okay I'll
figure a way to really put focus into it
and so I looked at each kid because each
kid has different needs to know they're
loved
so as I looked at that I was able to and
I thought about I don't want just use to
my kids I want to do this with the whole
world so you got it aside
you gotta blast through your life and
forget what you really love but you
really really live for coz you're busy
trying to achieve something are you
gonna do both live fully and blast
through everything you want to achieve -
the only way to do that is if you
understand team and her team is the most
important thing so that's my challenge
to you is to make it the most important
thing including by the way the team
inside of you because for years I took
first seven eight years of my career I
didn't take one day off over seven days
a week that was it because my whole
identity was I don't stop but I've also
learned through lots of pain that if you
just give to everybody else but yourself
pretty soon you're emptying you got
nothing to give back so I learned
gradually to really give myself things
give myself time give myself a little
events and I want you to do that so I
have one of their assignment for you
nanus I want you for the next four weeks
to promise me one thing
besides coming up with your plan and
take care of your team you come up with
a plan that gives you one hour a week
for the next four weeks we do something
for you that you normally will not do
for yourself I don't know it is
everybody's different maybe it's just a
walk on a beach or a walk away because
you never give yourself time by yourself
maybe it's buying yourself something you
would never do she was all that stupid I
don't need that do it anyway cuz I'll
tell you what will happen when you give
to yourself you have something to give
to others you know it's Bible says love
thy neighbor like myself which
presupposes that you would love yourself
that's not very popular thing as most
people who pretend to love themselves
really don't they don't really love
themself they hate themselves
giving to yourself as a gift that when
you give to yourself and you're so much
happier so much more alive you able to
give to others
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