Waching daily Sep 5 2017

The thing about sexual abuse is people think it's just sexual abuse.

For me it was always more. They think well that

Happened. That happened to her, and It's just... it's just that

They stick you in a room with a counselor when you rather them speak to you personally.

They can never speak to you.

I Guess it's just a communication thing.

Without communication you question,

How come you're able to get over your partner in two days,

When you've been together for five months?

Why you can't stand your body when everyone finds it exquisite?

Why am I so lazy yet, I want to do so many things?

What am I crying for now?

Why do I love sex? But I hate it?

Does anyone truly like me?

Why do I not care today yet, I am a thunderstorm tomorrow?

Somedays I want friends,

Other days I hate everyone.

Does anyone truly understand me?

Am I living too fast?

I Mean it wasn't my fault my childhood was taken from me.

What did I do now? what did I do hate me so much?

Am I depressed?

Or am I looking for attention?

You call me lazy, but I'm just tired.

Do I have anxiety, or do I just need to get over it?

I Should just get over it right?

Do you remember me? Do you remember me or did you forget my struggles because I stopped speaking?

It's not like you make it easy for me to talk.

These are just a few thoughts though in my brain they are so loud.

Before I turned ten I've been touched by men countless times.

Felt up like a doll without a heartbeat.

When I was ten, I allowed a man to choose me and use me up in his special room.

The room with palm tree curtains.

For half a year I smiled and pretended it was a game,

as he suggested; while I pounded my small fist against his back.

Until one day my mother barged into my room and asked if he had been touching me.

I guess she noticed I was misbehaving.

The cops came and I said it was just a touch,

Even though it was always more.

On my rapist's prosecution day I smiled while my mother cried.

My lawyer read my letter out loud to him,

I remember bravely writing,

God didn't give you a daughter for a reason.

Thinking well if I can't put him in jail perhaps I can try to hurt him by not being silent.

I Learned all on my own,

escaping the cliche questions of therapy and speaking proudly to whoever I wanted about what happened to me.

I went from this girl in middle school who never brushed her hair, to a woman who cared about herself even though

She wasn't sure if others cared for her.

I'd learned by myself.

I had to because if I waited around for my family to ask if I was okay,

I would never be okay.

There are days when I'm hurt and the symptoms of sexual abuse are attempting to murder me.

But for the most part I am here.

Surviving.

Bleeding,

I'm bleeding but still crawling.

It takes strength and I gave it to myself by speaking to the reflection in my mirror.

For more infomation >> Chapter One Part One : Dear diary let me tell you my symptons. [TW: Sexual abuse. Mental Illness] - Duration: 5:55.

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9 Foods With More Vitamin C Than An Orange - Duration: 4:12.

9 Foods With More Vitamin C Than An Orange

When you think vitamin C, you inevitably think oranges. But what if we told you that this fruit is just kinda meh in the C department compared to some other produce picks? Its true.

While oranges clock in at a very respectable 70 mg of vitamin C per medium fruit (the recommended daily value is 60 mg), every single one of these 9 refreshing fruits and veggies (you can add them to these smoothies) contains more per serving—so hit your quota however you see fit!.

And now is the perfect time to start loading up, since getting enough vitamin C has been shown to help counter the effects of heat exhaustion and even repair sunburn-induced skin damage.

1.Strawberries

These ruby-hued berries pack 85 mg of vitamin C per cup, along with a hefty dose of manganese, which can help keep blood sugar stable.

Just be sure to buy an organic variety—the Environmental Working Group just ranked conventional strawberries as the #1 most pesticide-loaded produce item.

2.Pineapple

Fresh, tropical, juicy pineapple contains 79 mg of vitamin C per cup. And unlike most other fruits, it also contains significant amounts of the enzyme bromelain, which may help aid protein digestion. Bring on the piña coladas! Or this delish Pineapple-Basil Smoothie.

3.Kholrabi

In the looks department, kholrabi isnt anything to write home about. But its whats on the inside that counts, right? This alien-esque member of the Brassica family boasts 84 mg of vitamin C per cup.

And like its Brassica brethren, it possesses cancer-fighting properties. But how the heck do you eat it? Try using it in place of cabbage in slaws, spiralize it into veggie noodles, or simply cut it into chunks and sauté in olive oil.

4.Mango

Sweet, succulent mangoes contain 122 mg of vitamin C per fruit. Theyre also a potent source of zeaxanthan, an antioxidant that helps keep your eyes healthy by filtering out harmful blue light rays that contribute to macular degeneration.

Not sure peeling is worth the effort? Dont sweat it—the frozen variety is just as healthy and makes an awesome addition to smoothies.

5.Brussels sprouts

As if you needed another reason to love brussels sprouts. A cup of these bad boys contains 75 mg of vitamin C, along with cancer-fighting nutrients—just like kohlrabi!.

6.Kiwifruit

Just two of these pint-sized superfruits pack 128 mg of vitamin C.

Research also shows that kiwis help you fall asleep more quickly and improve sleep quality, likely due to their high levels of serotonin, a hormone that plays a role in initiating sleep onset.

7.Papaya

Like its tropical cousins mango and pineapple, papaya is a heavy hitter in the vitamin C department—packing 95 mg per small fruit. It also contains the enzymes papain and chymopapain, which reduce inflammation.

Try it out in this Papaya Pleasure smoothie, loaded with ingredients to give you glowing skin.

8.Bell peppers

All bell peppers—green, yellow, red, and orange—contain more vitamin C than an orange, ranging from 95 mg in a green to a whopping 341 mg in a yellow.

Theyre also super low-cal, containing just 45 calories per cup, making them the perfect snack to quell a case of the munchies.

9.Broccoli

A cup of chopped, raw broccoli florets has about 81 mg of vitamin C, along with more vitamin K—important for bone health and proper blood clotting—than you need in an entire day.

Up your broccoli game my making this simple Broccoli Peanut Salad—perfect for summer cookouts.