at 18 I was really fortunate when I met a monk and this monk was invited to
speak and I kind of just went because one of my friends forced me to at that
time I was listening to CEOs and entrepreneurs and business people and
marketers who who I thought that's what I was aspiring to be like and then I
hear this monk and he captivated me like no one had ever captivated me before it
was like staring at the most beautiful woman on the planet you know I was
completely fixated on him and his message see we live in echo chambers
we're just surrounded by the same thinking how often do you bump into a
monk you know it just doesn't happen you don't have no one has a dinner party and
goes oh yeah we just invited the monk you know from town like the local monk
like no one ever does that and so you meet people who are just like us most of
the time and we talked about this in business volatile if you wanna be a
billionaire spend time with billionaires if you want to be a millionaire spend
time with millionaires if you want to be a tech startup spend time with you know
that's that's the common rhetoric that we hear all the time but what if you
want to find purpose and master the mind there's no one better than a monk who's
mastered the mind so for me the first step is just opening yourself up to new
experiences and new role models because most of us can't see ourselves in people
so then we try and fit ourselves into the boxes that we do see and and I mean
there's this beautiful quote that I've been saying it everywhere and I wish I
wrote it but I didn't so it's by a philosopher and writer named Cooley and
he said that today I'm not what I think I am I'm not what you think I am
I am what I think you think I am let me just let that blow your mind for me
it's so powerful I know what I think I am I'm not what you think I am I am what
I think you think I am so we live in this perception of a perception of
ourselves hence my identity is made by what my
parents think I should be my identity is made up by what my college or university
thinks I should achieve while you're living in that bubble and that echo
chamber getting to what you really want to do is impossible because maybe that
just doesn't fit and I think so many people
feel that way today but they don't fit into the current education system they
don't fit with the three or four or five careers that you're taught exist so that
process of self excavation and actualization first requires being
exposed you can't be what you can't see if I never saw a monk I would never have
wanted to be a monk if I never meet a billionaire I wouldn't
want to be one because I wouldn't know what that feels like I don't know what
it looks like I don't know what it takes and I think that's the biggest challenge
of our society that we're not exposed so that's the first step being exposed to
unique experiences and role models second step is finding that experience
or role model that you're passionate about exactly like you said taking it
seriously shatter their network with them spend time with them observe them
even from afar it takes that observation being addicted to observing that
person's lifestyle and then the third step is going yes or no does that work
for me not everyone who's gonna go off from become a monk is gonna feel like
the way I did and that's cool but not everyone is gonna go and follow and
shadow a billionaire and that's exactly the lifestyle I want they may want the
result but do they want the hard work that goes with it and so for me that's
the third step it's observing focusing shadowing getting as close to the
process of that individual and then going yes or no do I want that process
not do I want the result everyone wants to be that monk who is fully enlightened
you know can walk through who has an incredible ora that people just gravitate
towards but when you realize he has to wake up at 2:00 a.m. every day and
sleeps about four to six hours you're like ah you know I don't want to do it every single
morning Monday through Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I host a live call-in radio show on
Sirius satellite radio it's called make it happen with Mel Robbins and the thing
that's been so crazy about that show is every single person that calls me on
that show they call in because they're feeling stuck in their lives and they're
resigned about their ability to change their lives and I'm not talking about
people that are nuts I'm talking about successful people like you and me that
just somehow got stuck in their life and I'm not talking about people that are
looking for cheesy self-help I'm talking about people that really want to figure
out how to move themselves forward and you know I find that so many of us think
that our dreams are unreachable or unrealistic and it's just so sad I mean
people think that their dreams disappear and if that's what you think
congratulations you're officially stuck and the truth is that our dreams are
always there and they don't ever give up on us we give up on them but here's the
secret if you just force yourself and I mean force because I know damn well none
of you want to do anything about this and I also know you're sitting there
like yeah the self-help crap this isn't for me but if you just force yourself to
take a couple small steps there's always a surprise there's always a surprise
waiting when you're young and you're a kid you have so many I grew up in the hood man
Oh Flint Michigan where I'm from and they say Cruise you can do
anything you want to do you can do anything you want to do and then as soon
as you go to class you tell them what you want to do and then I met what makes
you think you're gonna do something like that man crazy yeah and I say okay wait
which one is it now can I do it or can't I do it right so I started to call
people on that I started to call people and I said you know what I'm gonna go
for it I'm gonna just try something that I've never done before I want to design
furniture I want to be a part of this thing that's all I'm going and you know
what happened the stuff worked people started doing it started happening
we took the furniture to Milan we went in front of all the best people
in the whole world and it got accepted and people were saying how great it was
and how beautiful it was and I said man don't never let anybody talk you out of
something like that it never man is for somebody who is taking steps to make a
positive change but he is getting all kinds of negative consequences for bad
decisions he took in the past at some point in fact I'll just quote loud sue
the guy that wrote the Dao de Jing he said if you worry about whether the
other people think about you you will always be their prisoner so unless
you're prepared to be other people's prisoners at some point if they are
hurling dirt on you if they're constantly trying to rebury you under
the earth that you're trying to claw your way out from then you're never
gonna get out you've got to just stop worrying about what they think so they
can't actually affect you they can only try to influence your mindset so and
even even now if people hate you slings and arrows you could get a job digitally
you could go be a freelancer on up work or whatever people don't even have to
know who you are so truly in today's world they are not gonna be able to stop
you from getting a job but they can really mess with your head but only if
you let them so I will say to that do not let them you've got to understand
who you're trying to become believe in your ability to get there to become that
person to understand that to continue to beat yourself up for something in the
past is not going to serve you and so for that very reason let it go growing up you know
I grew up I wasn't the richest but I had a rich family in spirit and in
support and you know standing here with 19 Championships is something I never
thought would happen you know just I went on the courts with just a ball and
a racket and a hope and and that's all I had and I it's inspiring for all you
guys out there that want to do something and want to be the
best that you can be and want to do the best that you can do you just never give
up because you never know what can happen you never know who you can
inspire and who you can influence communicate communicate communicate talk
about who you are cuz your changing day by day moment by moment talk about how
you are changing talk about what you want and what you need talk about your
strengths your weaknesses your fears talk about what you see and what you
know and always always be as honest as you can and as much as you talk listen
listen with your ears listen with your heart listen with your soul and always
be willing to hear something new about the other person and never ever ever use
what you hear as a weapon or tool for dishonorable intentions stay present in
your relationship if you want your relationship to be healthy and stay
healthy then you have to be in it mentally emotionally physically and
spiritually be mindful not to allow outside responsibilities demands and
interests to take your mind and heart and your soul out of the heart of the
relationship if your time and energy and attention is being drawn away
communicate that communicate what you're up to so that the other person knows and
is aware even if they don't like it or don't understand at least they will know
that you're still present the bottom or you went initially to be a an
anchorwoman and then it didn't quite work out yeah I got fired while you
demoted I was demoted they didn't they had a contract so they didn't say goodbye
and then how did you work out to be on a afternoon show where you actually got to
be an interviewer how did that happen well what happened was they this is how
this is what I now know what with age and perspective that many times getting
demoted is an opportunity for something else to show up or getting fired you
know lots of people in over the years of these stories about
the best thing that ever happened to you it puts you in the next best place I was
not a good television reporter I was too emotional I would go out on the stories
and you know then try to take blankets back to the people he was very young you
were you were 21 and I was very also empathetic and and I was always getting
written up for getting myself involved in other people's business and so I was
making $22,000 a year and my best friend Gayle who I met there at the time she
was also working there and she said oh my god you're 22 they're making twenty
two thousand imagine when you're 25
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