Think back to the first time you had your heart broken, or the first time you had a
serious crush on someone who didn't like you back.
Few emotions for teens are as intense as these.
As a parent, part of what we try to do is provide empathy for our children.
But when our teenager is going through their first heartbreak, it can be really hard to
stay objective and not want to fix those really powerful emotions.
Here are some ways to be helpful when your teen is going through their first heartbreak.
First, remember that this experience is very common, it probably happened to you, it probably
happened to many of their friends.
Despite the fact that we can easily identify with what our child is feeling, remember that
this is happening to them, and not to you.
It's usually not helpful for us to tell our breakup stories.
Most of the time, teens really want to be heard, rather than talked to.
Although it's hard for us to see our teens experiencing those adult feelings, remember
that they will learn important life lessons from going through this for themselves.
Give them space but be ready if they want to talk.
Processing their feelings through talking is one of the most important things a teen
can do.
It would be normal for teens to spend a little bit more time alone.
But you might want to be a little bit more available for them so that if they do want
to talk they can easily seek you out and you're close by.
You can help by making supportive statements to them like, I'm really sorry that you're
sad, it must be hard to lose someone that you really care about.
It's usually not helpful to say things like, I never really liked her anyway, or there's
a lot of fish in the sea, or you'll get over it.
Next you can encourage healthy coping, writing in a journal, playing sports, getting back
to activities that they're usually involved in.
Venting on social media, or slamming their ex-boyfriend or -girlfriend is probably not
the best thing to do, and you can use this as an opportunity to have a conversation again
about appropriate social media use.
What if you think your child isn't coping well?
Some signs to look for include if they seem extremely sad, more than just a little blue,
if it lasts for more than a week or two, parents should seek help.
Other worrisome signs include concerns for drug or alcohol use, loss of enjoyment of
things that they used to like doing, sleeping too much or sleeping too little.
If you think you need additional help you can start by talking to your pediatrician,
or if you're in the St. Louis area you can call (314) 454-TEEN.
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