Why small, intentional moments hold more weight than isolated, extravagant gestures.
By Liz Higgins, LMFTA
What if I told you that there are specific, concrete steps to having a better relationship?
After spending more than four decades studying the components of what creates lasting and successful partnerships, Dr. John Gottman has discovered what couples can do to pave the way to having, and sustaining, their ideal marriage.
One revelation to come from his research is the idea that small, intentional moments hold more weight than isolated, extravagant gestures when it comes to building emotional longevity in your marriage.
Dr. Gottman's motto is "small things often."
This doesn't mean you shouldn't take your partner out for a night on the town, or whisk them away to a beachfront suite for a romantic weekend getaway.
The big things are important too.
It's a reminder that marriage is a million little things? and we need to appreciate them.
Bids are the building blocks of relationships.
In his book The Relationship Cure, Gottman describes the term "bid" for the exchange of emotional communication in relationships.
An example of a bid and response is the simple greeting of "Hello, how are you doing today?" met with, "Doing well!
And how about you?"
Bids can range from basic attempts to connect ("Did you see that?") all the way to deeper expressions of emotional vulnerabilities ("Am I a good husband?").
Bids are the building blocks of relationships, and our ability to "turn towards" and accept them is dependent on how well we are attuned to our partner.
Accepting bids builds a connection.
Missing bids results in disconnection.
Think of bids as withdrawals and deposits into your relationship's Emotional Bank Account.
I met with a couple, Tanya and Barrett, where it quickly became apparent that their "communication issues" were actually not deep-rooted, complex problems, but moments of missed receptiveness to each other's bids for connection.
Tanya would vent about how frustrating it was for her to come home to Barrett, who would be decompressing from his busy day as a tax attorney by watching Netflix on his iPad.
Tanya talked about how she would walk through the door and shout from the entryway "Hey babe, I'm home!" to no response.
She expressed how hurtful it felt for her, and admitted the resentment she had been building towards him for not acknowledging her.
She began to write a script in her own mind that Barrett didn't really care about her.
Tanya had begun to feel extremely small in their relationship because of these missed bids to connect.
Through exploring this dynamic, Barrett recognized just how significant his ability to tune into Tanya's bids for connection were.
He agreed to take on the assignment of listening for her bids and doing his best to respond.
Every day that next week, he was ready.
He even reported how nice it felt to be ready to greet Tanya when she walked through the door, and how great it was seeing her face light up when he gave her just a few seconds of attention.
"I could tell it wasn't about her being needy or attention-seeking.
She really wanted to see me.
That felt good."
After a few weeks of doing this, Barrett shared that he had graduated himself from simple responses to Tanya.
The night before our last session, Tanya walked through the door to Barrett cooking dinner for them in the kitchen.
I remember the tears in her eyes as she recalled Barrett telling her, "Hey sugar!
I remember you said you had wanted to try that new recipe for the chicken peanut sauté.
Thought you might like to relax while I gave it a whirl tonight."
The key to a successful bid for connection lies in your ability to respond, as well as your mutual ability to acknowledge your differences.
It's not about forcing yourself to agree with everything your partner asks simply for the sake of tuning into their needs.
It's about acknowledging the bid and responding through respect, which can happen successfully even during disagreement.
Bids will strengthen your relationship one step at a time because marriage is a million little things.
And by putting one foot in front of the other, you can create interactions of connection that lead to a relationship shaped by love, respect, and affirmation.
For more infomation >> Marriage Is Not A Big Thing. It's A Million Little Things. #9 - Duration: 5:35.-------------------------------------------
Breaking: 08/30/17 - Trump Claims TV Ratings Made Him Announce Arpaio Pardon Amid Hurricane Harvey - Duration: 2:08.
Welcome to daily headlines your fastest news reporter please subscribe and check the notification bell to get latest news updated during a news conference
With Finnish president Saleh meanest on Monday president trump was asked to justify his pardon of Former, Maricopa
County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his decision to announce
It is the most serious storm to hit the united states in a decade bore down on the gulf coast Friday night
Trump said the timing of his announcement wasn't meant to shield his decision from scrutiny
On the contrary he claimed that doing so amid hurricane Harvey was done to maximize
publicity I
Assumed the ratings would be far higher than they would be normally he said
Instead of providing a substantive defense of his decision to Pardon a former sheriff whose decades of racial profiling?
Culminated in a contempt of court conviction after he refused a judge's order to stop trump played the what about game
Ignoring that two wrongs don't make a right
Trump tried to make a case that former Presidents Obama and Clinton also abused their powers to Pardon political allies or commute sentences
Regarding Obama's decision to commute the sentence of former soldier Tlc manning who was convicted of espionage in
2013 and served years in prison for leaking classified
documents to Wikileaks
Trump said horrible horrible thing to be done
Commuted the sentence and perhaps pardoned, but manning was never pardoned
Trump also referred to manning who is a transgender woman as he?
trump characterized arpaio is very strong on illegal immigration in
Reality arpaio presided over a brutal tent city jail that he described as a concentration camp and that can find people in inhumane
deadly conditions
Trump described apoyo as loved in Arizona despite the fact that only 21 percent of state residents approve of his pardon
He claimed arpaio was treated very unfairly by the Obama
Administration even though the case that resulted in his conviction began during the George w bush
administration and was overseen by a bush appointed judge who ultimately
recommended charges be filed
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10 Foods That Could Actually Kill You - Duration: 6:27.
10 Foods That Could Actually Kill You
Food is suppose to keep us healthy but some foods do not, even if they are called Food, they should not be consumed.
It's not like they will kill you as soon as you swallow them but it certainly works like slow poisoning. Following are the ten foods that will certainly cut your life short depending on the intake charts.
10.Frosting
Sorry cake lovers, but that delicious frosting could kill you! Now everyone knows that how bad sugar affects the health but did you know that frosting contains more sugar than sugar itself? Similarly you will find 34 grams of sugar in a single Bran Muffin which is about four times the amount of sugar in a plain cake doughnut! As soon as you consume it, your blood sugar goes skyscraping and the cholesterol level goes off the charts.
Last but not the least, it has the capability to make you obese. So before having another frosting or a bran muffin, try thinking that what you are intaking is obesity, maybe that could help the cravings!.
9.Mars Bar
If you havent had one yet, good for you! Mars bars are one of the most notoriously unhealthy bars with one bar alone containing over 1,200 calories.
Some man from Scotland dipped one of these in a deep frier and now its out as Deep Fried Mars Bar.
Experts say that it actually increases the risk of having a stroke within minutes of its consumption by reducing blood flow to the brain. It is insanely bad for you.
Try Dark chocolate if you want a dose of chocolate and health simultaneously.
8.Foie Gras (Fat Liver)
If you ever find yourself at a fancy French restaurant, you might see Foie Gras on the menu and might think as as a cool thing to have it but before you do, you must know how is it made.
It comes from a process of sticking a massive tube down a goose or a duck's throat and force feeding them. It causes their liver to swell with fat and apparently makes it taste better.
Now as barbaric as the process sounds, it is unhealthy for human consumption. If you just look at the process of its making, it would surely be enough to turn your stomachs form it.
7.Bitter Almonds
Did you know that due to their potential danger, they are illegal to sell or buy in New Zealand? Miniscule doses of bitter almonds can prove to be fatal, especially for children.The bitter almonds have cyanide in them while the sweet ones barely have any.
Fortunately, its the sweet kind which is found in general consumption but cases of bitter almond poisoning has also been reported occasionally on those who happen to have weak immune systems.
6.Palm Oil
Even if you cant see palm oil anywhere, it is present in so many eatables such as margarine, soups, cooking oils, crackers, baked items and even Nutella! Sorry to break this out but Nutella also has it, and aside for the palm oil to contain saturated fats which are really bad for the human body, its plantations are causing a huge environmental issues as they require plenty of space resulting in deforestation and near extinction of some species such as Orang Utan and the Sumatran Tiger.
Palm oil not good for humans And animals in an indirect way though. Interesting.
5.Green Potatoes
Potatoes are generally safe if eaten correctly but when they turn green, you better stay away. Potatoes produce a glyco alkaloid called Solanine which is a natural Poison deterring animals so as well as humans.
In 1899, fifty six German soldiers experienced the symptoms of solanine poisoning resulting in acute diarrhea, severe headache, coma and even eventual death. An average human male would just have to consume one pound of the toxic green potatoes to get poisoned.
4.Microwaved Popcorn
Heated popcorn contains perfluorooctanoic which is a carcinogenic (causing cancer). One study even found a cancer causing acid in microwave popcorn.
Some brands even contain a chemical called diacetyl which has caused the factory employes to develop a condition known as Popcorns Worker's Lung which is as nasty as it sounds.
These studies have caused many people to turn their backs on microwave popcorns and pop their own because once you pop, you really cannot stop!.
3.Table Salt
A survey concluded that 95 percent of the US restaurants provide table salt to their customers. It is actually everywhere.
Now it is true that Natural salt contains over 80 elements which are essential to the human body when it is processed under 1,200 degree Fahrenheit to turn it into table salt, it looses all those minerals.
The lost minerals are then replaced with potentially dangerous level of potassium iodide. Studies have found that table salt causes the blood pressure to rise as the heart tries to keep the toxins away from it.
It can also cause acute kidney, thyroid and liver problems intertwined with dozens of other problems. People who have read into it have realized that it is actually a white poison and have switched to natural salt.
It could be hard to do because nowadays table salt is literally everywhere.
2.Artificially Dyed Food
Sadly, all the attractively colorful candies and jellies may fall into this wide category. People are so habitual of eating them that they forget that it even exists.
A wise researcher once said that if the food is as neon bright as teletubbies, you should probably avoid eating it.
People now consume five time the more amount of this stuff since 1955 and scientists have started to notice the consequences of it. Blue dyes found in candies and pop drinks have been the cause to brain tumors and damage DNA.
Green dyes cause bladder tumours, red one cause lymphocytes and thyroid tumour and the yellow oe can cause pretty much all of the aforementioned ones including asthma, insomnia and violent behaviour.
Ever wonder why your child has those violent episodes? There you go! The hyperactivity and ADHD mostly in children is also induced by these artificial dyes.
1.Leftover Rice
Most people do not even realize that when they end up eating leftover rice from the night before or finish a Chinese take away, what will it do to them.
If you leave cooked rice overnight at a room temperature, a bacteria called Bacillus Cereus multiplies and spread across the rice producing toxins which in worse cases could cause cramps, diarrhea, vomiting.
The longer you leave the rice, the worse it gets. Try not to eat the rice with all those invisible tiny spores on them. Fresh rice is best rice!.
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Dry Skin When Adding Muscle? Think Zinc. | Chris Masterjohn Lite #30 - Duration: 4:06.
Do you get dry skin when you
put on muscle mass?
If so this video is for you.
Hi. I'm Dr. Chris Masterjohn of
chrismasterjohnphd.com. And this is
Chris Masterjohn Lite, where the
name of the game is "Details? Shmeetails.
Just tell me what works!"
If you're a bodybuilder or you're any other
type of athlete where you're
intentionally putting on muscle mass
and you develop dry skin, the most likely
explanation for that is that you're
giving yourself a moderate deficiency of
zinc. Your body considers it so important
to maintain normal zinc concentrations
in your tissues that if you were
deficient because of a poor diet in
zinc, your body would shrink. It would
shrink on purpose because lowering your
lean body mass decreases the lean mass
so that the zinc concentrations remain
constant. It's basically a way to
accommodate a shrinking zinc pool.
If you're putting on muscle mass you could
have the opposite problem. You went into
this with normal zinc, but then you worked
really hard in the gym to provide an
anabolic stimulus, you work really hard
in the kitchen to provide calories and
protein, your muscle tissue expands,
your body is being told that expanding that
muscle tissue is your number one
priority. That means that putting extra
zinc into that muscle tissue takes
priority over the other uses of zinc.
We know from experiments of human
zinc deficiency that the earliest thing to
happen in a marginal deficiency of zinc
is patches of dry skin. Another thing
that can happen is you get sick more
often, the most common symptom of which
is getting a sore throat. If those things
are happening to you and zinc deficiency
may be the cause the simplest way to
test that is to take some zinc and see
if it works. When you supplement with
zinc I recommend not taking zinc oxide
or zinc picolinate. Rather take zinc
acetate or zinc gluconate, zinc citrate
or zinc sulfate, or zinc amino-acid chelate
such as zinc methionine. If you take zinc
acetate or gluconate don't suck on
lozenges, those are designed to put the
zinc into your nose and throat. Take a
tablet or a capsule. To maximize the
absorption take it on an empty stomach,
at least three hours after your last
meal, at least one, about one hour before
your next meal. Zinc on an empty stomach
can cause nausea, but if it's only 10 or
15 milligrams most people will not
suffer nausea. In fact you don't need any
more than 10 to 15 milligrams for this
test. Most zinc supplements, the lowest dose
you'd get anyway is 15 milligrams.
So take 15 milligrams per day on an empty
stomach of any of the forms of zinc that
I mentioned and see if it improves your
symptoms. I would give it as long as
those symptoms have been developing.
If they've been going on for a long time
and it's getting bad you can increase
the dose of the zinc to two or three
times a day for a couple of weeks, but
not for any longer than that. Is zinc the
only thing that could go wrong? No in
fact in the next episode I'm going to
talk about two dietary pitfalls that
people often make when they're
optimizing their diet for their body
composition. But that's less about
gaining the muscle and more about what
you're doing with your diet so we'll
talk about those in the next episode.
Thanks to Bob Davodian of Taurean Mixing
for enhancing and processing the audio.
You can find more of his work at
taureanonlinemixing.com.
All right, I hope you found this useful.
Signing off this is Chris Masterjohn of
chrismasterjohnphd.com. You've been
watching Chris Masterjohn LIte, and
I will see you in the next episode.
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How you can help Harvey victims - Duration: 2:45.
For more infomation >> How you can help Harvey victims - Duration: 2:45. -------------------------------------------
Wrong Heads uncle grangpa Wrong Toppers Nursery Rhymes - Duration: 1:59.
no its not true topper
no its not true topper
no its not true topper
yes thats true topper
no its not true topper
no its not true topper
Yes This is true topper
Yes This is true topper
Yes This is true topper
-------------------------------------------
TagDox Case Study for Law and Finance - Duration: 2:20.
Welcome to TagDox!
Meet Colin. He is a seasoned corporate lawyer who often reviews very similar merger agreements.
It takes ages and he always ends up coming home late
But there's a better way. Once Colin uploads his document, TagDox saves him a lot of time in 3 easy steps
First, he goes into Tagsets - these lists capture key points covered in a document
As a corporate lawyer Colin first checks this one to see..
.. tags for Change of Control, Indemnification and other sections that make or break a deal
He can also create a personal tagset to capture new specific sections that matter - in this case - for his merger agreement
Next, Colin opens the document to review and sees relevant tagsets...
...that TagDox automatically chooses for this kind of long complex agreement
He adds his own and immediately gets more suggestions from TagDox pointing to relevant sections
Tagsets and tags find key parts in your documents
Automatic suggestions instantly point to relevant clauses, saving time on searching
Upvote suggestions to review later or share with others
You can also highlight the text to tag as you see fit
Colin stopped sending endless emails - now he discusses clauses with colleagues and clients directly
Finally, key points tagged earlier are immediately available in Summary
Colin knows exactly what the contract was about and can share insights with his team - sending the link to any tagged section
To access more knowledge, open Tag Search
All tags and precedents are available to you
From all the contracts you and your colleagues worked on - create a library of knowledge and save time on drafting
Now Colin has all his tags immediately available. He easily finds the best precedents - and gets home in time for dinner.
Login to TagDox - save time reviewing documents, for free
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How to make a personal snapchat filter using gimp | كيف تسوي فلتر شخصي للسناب شات في جيمب - Duration: 7:35.
Peace be upon you all
Today I will explain how to create your own snapchat filter
and how to use existing filters made by snapchat
you will see the default filters when we upload our filter
google "snapchat filters" or "geofilter"
you will see this link, click on it
this malware software will be little bit annoying, I apologize.
there is community, for your own community (school, neighborhood, area etc.)
personal is for your own occasions, like weddings, birthdays, etc.
if you have a business and you want to promote it , you have the option to do so.
you can create a link for people to access your business website
personal filter starts from $5, and it can go up.
when we choose personal we can see the filters that are already made by snapchat
it's downloading the designs
This design if we want to add text we click here
you choose that
this is it
if you want to change the color
the only thing when you create your own filter, you cannot change the color
how do we create our own filter?
we click on upload but at first
we will open gimp to create our filter
gimp is already open because I did a video and I had to delete it.
click the back button to go back
to get the specifications for the design
click on community
these are the specifications
first save it for a web, use transparency as a background
and use png as an extension for the filter
this is the width and height of the design
the size must be under 300 KB
this is the design that I made, but we will create a new one.
if you have gimp in Arabic you can follow the steps because it's basic steps
I will not create a fancy design
file >> new
the measurement are already there
like what we saw in the website
click on Advanced Options
choose Transparency
click OK
If we design right there, the design may not be clear
as we can see over here
you barely can read my name
first I am going to create a new layer(White layer)
Right click, and choose new layer
choose white color
it's going to be on top which is covering the other layer preventing us from seeing the design
we will switch the two layers so that the transparency layer is on top of the white
make sure the transparency layer is selected when you design
if you work on the white layer and delete it, you design will be deleted
choose a brush to draw sky
oh god very beautiful sky
let's draw a ground
oh god beautiful ground
and let's draw an ocean
oh god it looks real
anyway we will delete the white layer
it depends on your taste, I won't go over the design
delete the white layer
as you can see
choose export as from file
I will export it on my desktop, I will leave the extension png
I will name it
the design is saved
the rest of the steps are going to be easy
click on the back arrow
I've told you this software is annoying
I got the measurment from community
right now click on personal
click upload
and then choose the design
this is the design that I made before, and this is the new one
this is the design, we can add text but we can't change the color
if you have bitmoji, you can add it here
click next
choose how many days
I think the price depends on the days and the area you select
click next
choose the area that you want
over here is the size of the area and the price calculated
let's select this area
one click, then one click
if the selected area is green, that means the size is good
but if it's red then you need to increase the size (the size is small)
I think you can select from 20,000 and up
this is the price as shown
as I mentioned before, it starts from $5
if we decrease the size, the price goes down
let's say your house is in this area as an example
zoom in
I want it here
click next
this is the selected area, the design and the price as well
here you put your information (email, the name of the filter, and payment info)
accept their terms and policy, and submit it.
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AYS Daily Growth Hacks 102 Imagine You Are The Idea - Duration: 3:30.
Today's topic: Imagine You Are The Idea
Hi I'm Doug Holt with Author of Your Own Story and this is your daily growth hack
where each day we give you a tip trick or insight to a view up level what we
call the five to thrive that is your mind your body your soul your
relationships and your business so recently I had someone reached out to me
and they wanted help with a new product they were developing you know what they
wanted to do is hire me as a consultant but truthfully they just couldn't afford
our fees for our agency so what I did though is I didn't want to leave them
empty-handed so I provided them an idea I just told
hey look here's something simple you can do you're at the infancy stage and I
know many of you listening to this have ideas and you're at the infancy stage
where you're just developing them I said imagine you are the idea so let's take a
cereal box as an example I want you to imagine that you are the cereal box now
if you're a cereal box how do you make yourself more attractive so customers
want to pick you up and buy you how do you make yourself more attractive to the
grocer so you get more shelf space you know how do you make yourself actually
fit into you know a shopping cart better how do you make yourself stand out from
all the other cereal boxes you know maybe you're a parking meter you know
how does it feel when coins are inserted inside you what does it look like once
you've expired you know how could you be even easier to use as a parking meter
well now you know one thing I could come to mind is credit cards and well how
could that be easier well you could say I could use Bitcoin and I could just
transfer that over or transfer from my mobile device the key here is to imagine
that you actually are the idea whatever that idea is so if I'm author of your
own story University if I'm actually that University how do I actually let
you know how amazing I am how amazingly jam-packed full of useful information I
am and you know there's several ways you can go about it but what I want you to
do is pick your idea whatever ideas floating around your head grab a piece
of paper and imagine you're that idea how do you feel how do you look how do
you interact with the world and what could you do better what what is it that
can make you more user friendly what is that idea putting yourself in that idea
shoes gives you that mental shift that often people need to actually push a
little bit further forward now this is obviously a small and simple trick but
I've learned over the years that at the infancy stage of product development
this is a great way to get you out of that linear thinking that really
analytical thinking of developing the product and actually get you more user
friendly and bring you to market and bring up new ideas and I hope that does
that for you too that's it for me today remember build your tribe go out there
and share this with at least three people you know if you're not doing it
do the work come on out you got to do the work in order to get any benefit of
this imagine your idea be that idea it's a simple exercise but it pays dividends
even if you're a service company imagine you're the service you can do this you
can apply this to all kinds of aspects of your life that's it for me today
remember go out be the author of your own story
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