- There's an uber successful, wealthy person
who's fighting to get out of you.
(motivating rock music)
Hey, welcome to the Tom Ferry Show.
I want to have a very, be honest conversation.
I had a recent coaching session with someone that...
And you know this...
Have you ever met someone that when they're talking to you,
you just want to start pulling your hair out of your head
because you look at them and say,
"there is an uber successful, extremely wealthy person
"inside of you who is fighting to get out,"
but this perfectionist, dabbler, fixed mindset
individual keeps suppressing them?
Do you know anybody like that?
Maybe, personally?
Like, maybe the person holding your phone right now,
watching this show?
Well, consider the following.
You ready?
I sat with this individual, fixed mindset,
this is what I know,
this person's just full of excuses,
and by the way, they're really persuasive.
They're like "no, see, the reason why
"I've got this extra five pounds on my body
"is I've got big bones."
Right, they tell these stories to rationalize
why they don't go out and take the action that they should.
Do you know someone like that?
They're constantly saying things like,
"well I couldn't do that
"because I don't want to be embarrassed.
"What if I look bad?
"What if I do it the wrong way?
"I'm too 'this' for that-
"I'm too old, I'm to young, I'm too new to the business,
"I'm too experienced, I'm a veteran."
They have all these excuses
and they keep that fixed mindset.
We know if you're not in a growth mindset
you're never going to reach your potential.
The second one is the perfectionist.
This person is a control freak.
Do you know someone like that?
Who literally is, you know,
"I need the perfect script Tom.
"I need the right CRM.
"If it's not perfect I can't use it.
"I need to get organized before I make my phone calls."
This person is literally playing a game inside their head
actually thinking that if they are organized
and they have the right CRM that
that would be the reason that they suddenly
generated more business and they became more successful.
Listen to me,
I know plenty of people that don't have a CRM,
that make stuff up as they're talking to clients,
but they just care deeply and passionately
and they just take action.
You with me on this?
So, the perfectionist never wins.
They keep that uber successful, wealthy person
inside you suppressed.
But the last one is the dabbler.
Do you know any dabblers?
You know, they do a little of this,
a little of that, little of this,
they definitely need a little more focus.
Right?
I don't know if I want to call them ADHD or ADD
or if they just simply...
They just get caught up in the shiny penny syndrome.
Do you know someone who's constantly-
oh look at this,
oh, oh this is it,
this is how I'm suddenly gonna become successful.
Like, they're looking for these
get rich quick schemes and while they're doing that,
they're suppressing that uber successful,
wealthy individual who's only going to show up my friends,
if you begin to make changes.
And my question for you is, of those three,
the perfectionist, the dabbler, or event the fixed mindset,
which one of those resonates for you?
Which one of those, like, is speaking to you as I say it?
You and I both know awareness is the first step of change.
Right?
The moment you can say "hello my name is and I'm a-"
"I'm a dabbler.
"God Tom, I get distracted all the time.
"Tom, it's true, I've got this fixed mindset
"and you don't understand because of my past
"and this is what I believe and you don't know my parents
"and when I was three I wanted a pony
"and I didn't get one."
Like, they have these stories
that they keep bringing to the surface
to make it their reality to protect themselves,
when no one's attacking.
Except for that uber successful, really wealthy person
who's inside of you fighting to come out.
Which of those three resonates for you?
Now listen, if you and I were sitting together face to face,
I think about the number of people
that I have helped in my career have a massive breakthrough,
it was always just three things.
And the last person that I talked to
that really inspired this show,
I said, "we are just going to take action on three things.
"Here's how you have a breakthrough."
If you're listening,
by the way, this is probably gonna be a show
you're gonna send to your teenager,
you're gonna send to your 42 year old son
who's still living in the basement still smoking weed,
you're gonna send this to all of your friends,
all of your peers,
because you love them and you see their potential.
And they know they have it and you're looking
for a way to help them get it out.
Here's the three things, you ready?
Number one, you remove all the distractions
and you commit to one thing.
Now, when I say commit to one thing,
I'm referring to one discipline, one behavior.
Let's keep it simple, you ready?
I'm going to talk to ten people in my database every day.
Now I know there's a thousand distractions
and oh my goodness and I'm busy and I've got a showing
and then I've got family coming in town.
It doesn't matter.
You're going to get to one thing.
One thing.
Now, I'm old school.
Do you remember the, what are those things called, dominoes?
You guys remember dominoes?
Did you ever...
I'm talking to my team here...
Did you ever line up the dominoes,
like with your kids,
and then the fun of like hitting that first domino
and seeing
(clicking sound)
how many will fall down?
I'm looking for what's the one commitment you can make
that would be the first domino, metaphorically,
that as you push that one,
(clicking sound)
everything begins to happen automatically.
Does that make sense?
Now, for many people that could be
the discipline of getting up early.
It could be the discipline of getting to the gym.
It could be the discipline of eating better,
stopping doing something that is causing you
to not sleep well at night.
Making your phone calls, perfecting your presentations...
And I know perfectionist is on my list,
but you know what I mean,
role playing I should say.
The bottom line is what is that one thing
that's gonna move the needle for you
that's gonna cause you, over time,
to have a massive breakthrough?
Commit to one.
Number two, this is where it gets interesting,
you've gotta make promises and verbal commitments
to people that love and respect you
and will confront you if they see you
not taking the right action.
Let me say it to you again.
You gotta make promises,
like, "Jillian, I commit, I'm going to do this."
Five days a week, like for me,
I'm working out five days a week since Thanksgiving.
I posted on my Instagram stories
and I put "this is the number of the 250
"I'm gonna do for the year"
and I'm telling 40,000 people.
Does that make sense?
Like, you've gotta put your commitment out there.
Now, I know the fixed mindset person gets nervous.
The dabbler really gets...
Oh, what if I find something else that's better?
What if, suddenly, doing 16 videos,
or trying this, or doing that,
is going to make my life...
No.
Commit to one thing and then tell all the people around you
and then give them permission to hold you accountable.
Give that, like tell your coach,
tell your manager,
tell your best friend,
tell your parents,
tell your 15 year old daughter.
And say, "when I follow through on this,
"I'm buying you X,"
You with me on this?
And incentivize them to just stay on you.
Cause guess what?
When you are going from "here are my goals
"and here are my behaviors,
"here are my goals and here are my actions,
"here's what I say I want but here's what I actually do,"
that battle to get you aligned is going to require
more people around you supporting you.
You can't do it in your head and you can't do it alone.
You know it and I know it.
There's a reason why Jenny Craig and AA and church exist.
We're better together.
Does that make sense?
Number three, I wrote down
you should create a massive, painful consequence
for not following through.
Massive.
I go back to old school.
I had a thing called MAPS,
almost, my goodness, 13 - 14 years ago,
and I called it the "Massive Accountability Program."
And I only had, I don't know,
30 - 40 clients who participated in this,
but I made them all write me six checks
for a thousand dollars each
and I would literally...
"Carol, who's the one political party
"you would never want the money to go to?"
And they would go "I want it to go to party X."
And that's who I would make all the checks payable to.
And then I would associate a letter to it.
Right?
You would be surprised the impact
of six checks to an ex spouse,
six checks to a broker who told you
you would never amount to anything,
six checks to a political party
you would hate the money to go to,
that that pain will actually drive you
to follow through and take action.
Tony Robbins made his entire career on this.
"We'll all do more to avoid pain
"than we will to gain pleasure."
Now, remember, we're trying to get us
to this is what we say we want,
and these are our behaviors.
We want to align and commit
and remove the perfectionist.
Remove the dabbler.
Remove that person who is so stuck in their fixed mindset
and work beyond that.
Because the uber successful, wealthy person wants out.
Are you with me on this?
That person wants out and the way you're gonna get there
is you're gonna commit to one thing.
You're gonna follow through every day.
You're gonna tell all the people around you,
"This is what I'm committed to."
And you're gonna have a painful consequence
and yes, have a pleasurable thing at the end
that's that pot at the end of the rainbow
for when you take action.
Now, I know this is a lot to digest
and I'm doing it very quickly,
but this is what I wrote down for you.
Bottom line, everything that's worthwhile
takes longer than you want.
You can't just go, "hey let's have a baby,"
(buzzer sound)
hit the microwave button and boom, here's your child.
No, it takes nine months and here's my point to you.
Every marketing campaign,
every lead generation,
every system, every process in your business,
everything takes longer than you ever desire.
Build that house, it takes longer than you want.
Do a remodel, it takes longer than you want.
Cement a beautiful relationship,
it takes longer than you want to really get deep,
versus that person that's on an interview with you
while you're on a date.
You know what I'm saying?
So the bottom line is this,
the uber successful, the wealthy person inside you,
wants out, and the question is,
are you going to let them out?
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