Welcome to kids toys and dolls if you'd like to see all our new videos click here to subscribe
Time to start my day I
Gotta use the bathroom
Oh theres a camera in here NOOOO
Ugh that would have been embarrasing
Done oh, you're not watching me get dressed. Well in my bathing suit
Time to take a nice long bubble bath
Gotta put the soap in
Ahh Perfect! I think this is too many bubbles
Well, that was nice
Now to get dressed
what to wear
Ill wear this Im gonna look so good in this oh
No looking ah, there we go now to get breakfast
Gotta get the milk
And the cereal and the bowl in the spoon, there we go got it all down to eat
There we go
Cow Fruit Loops my favorite
And just a little bit of milk
Mmm
Delicious
I'm gonna watch TV. Oh
Hey girl, yeah, I'm going to the mall I'll be there soon. Oh
Thank you so much for watching and don't forget to subscribe. Bye
You
For more infomation >> Barbie Dolls Life In The Dream House Morning Routine Stop Motion Video For Kids 2018 - Duration: 3:50.-------------------------------------------
180630 GOT7 (갓세븐) At GOT7 World Tour 2018 Eyes On You In Jakarta - Duration: 8:56.
180630 GOT7 (갓세븐) At GOT7 World Tour 2018 Eyes On You In Jakarta
-------------------------------------------
Bitter Kola for Relieving Arthritis, Improving Male Fertility and More - Duration: 4:36.
For more infomation >> Bitter Kola for Relieving Arthritis, Improving Male Fertility and More - Duration: 4:36. -------------------------------------------
andreil | you were amazing. - Duration: 0:56.
For more infomation >> andreil | you were amazing. - Duration: 0:56. -------------------------------------------
Undertell ♡ Prologue ♡ - Duration: 3:06.
Long ago,
Two races ruled over Earth:
Humans
and Monsters
One day, war broke out between the two races.
After a long battle, the Humans were victorious.
The sealed the Monsters Underground with a magic spell.
The Monsters trapped Below needed Seven Human Souls to be freed.
And so,
the first Human Fell.
And, they died a terrible death.
One that sent the Below into Darkness.
Six more Humans Fell and met their fate.
Then,
the Seventh Fell.
Only, they did not die.
They killed.
The killed.
And ruined our plans of escape.
The Seventh abandoned us.
Now that you have fallen down
We will get out.
Now, that you've fallen down
There's no more doubt here, Underground.
We were lost but now you've found
all our hopes
But he still drowned
all our dreams.
Can we be saved?
Can you free us? Can you love us?
It's not hard, at least we think so.
You fell down here, Underground
Please stick around, and be okay.
I will help you. I will love you.
Deep down in the Underground,
I will heal you. I can feel you.
Now that I've found
you.
Lyrics by KJ. Instrumental by TruseBruse.
-------------------------------------------
3 80s Songs you should NEVER play in Ragtime!! - Duration: 4:43.
Look at those hairy dudes
They seriously need a haircut.
I'm channeling my inner 80s rocker.
Skin-tight jeans
6 inch mullet
And my Nintendo.
That's right, nothing says 80s like a Nintendo.
Ya'll remember the first Nintendo?
Grand Theft Auto got nothin on Super Mario Bros.
Oh the good ol' days.
Goonies
New Kids on the Block
Cassette tapes
Hairbands
Neon everything
Oh and Journey
They were a'aight.
So what you are hearing is ragtime.
No it's not a clock made out of rags.
It's a style of piano characterized as a stride left hand and syncopated right hand octaves and arpeggios.
Actually the clock made out of rags sounds pretty cool.
Let's go with that.
"Ragtime: a poor person's time-keeper"
Sorry poor people.
Ready...
Sing along with me
🎶 Don't stop
believin
hold on to that ragtime feeling
Street lights
and peep holes
whoa
Don't stop 🎶
YEAH!
For all you religious folks.
Bow your heads
and pray for Tommy
You see, Tommy used to work on a dock
I mean this was a really nasty dock.
Every day he'd get slimed with tuna fish guts.
It was so bad the union went on strike.
But Tommy kept on working
The smell was so rancid
that he couldn't keep a girlfriend for more than a day.
Until he found Gina.
You see, Gina worked a diner all day,
a fish diner called The Man
And she loved the smell of tuna
One day, Tommy walked in the diner after a long day at the dock.
Gina looked up.
Their eyes locked.
It was love at first smell.
Things quickly escalated
And Gina proclaimed her love to Tommy...
"We gotta hold on
to what we got.
It doesn't doesn't make a difference
if you smell like you rot.
We got each other
And that's a lot for love
We'll give it a shot"
Well they gave it shot.
Literally.
After 1 day, even Gena couldn't take the smell anymore.
and in an burst of rage
she shot poor Tommy.
Now he's in the hospital clinging for life, living on a prayer.
Pray for Tommy.
Amen
See the middle comment? That's my sister Baraka. She sings on movie scores. She's amazing. Go follow her.
You've
been
Rickrolled.
You begged
You pleaded
You're welcome.
BOOM
OK, let me just be straight up with you...
How am I supposed to turn frikin Toto into ragtime, huh?!?
You people are crazy.
Do you think I just pee out ragtime?
Nevertheless...
I love you all
So here it is.
Ask and thou shall receive
Boom
Not bad, eh?
If Toto hears this, he will either cry of joy or disdain.
Either way
You voted so it's your fault.
😉
🎶 "I hear the ragtime echoing tonight"
Can we be honest... does anyone know what this song is actually about?
Drums?
Old men?
Ancient melodies?
The rains in Africa?
I don't know what they put in their Cheerios in the 80s.
But it must have been good stuff.
Anyway, back to the piano.
This was actually a lot of fun to arrange.
I found it to be a big challenge.
Ya'll are keeping me on my toes.
The fact is...
ragtime is one of the happiest styles of piano.
Should you NOT play anything in ragtime?
I'll leave that up to you to decide.
In the meantime
Keep the awesome requests coming.
You guys are awesome.
Signing out.
Boom
Thanks for watching! If you discovered this, let me know in the comments.
And if you're poor, no hate.
I would own a rag clock if they existed.
-------------------------------------------
Kim Mi So & Young Joon ● It's You (Why, Secretary Kim MV) - Duration: 3:54.
I don't want any misunderstanding between us.
You might misunderstand me
and we grow apart
And I'm scared of that.
I
I like you, vice president
Secretary Kim
I'm sorry.
Secretary Kim, accept this.
Eat this and calm down
Because it's you, Kim Mi Soo
-------------------------------------------
YOU ARE NOT A YOUTUBER! - 3 Tips You Need to Know from Andru Edwards: - Duration: 3:34.
This is a controversial one: do not consider
yourself to be a Youtuber. Hello everyone
today we are joined by Andrew Edwards. Hi
Andrew, what is your channel how many
subscribers do you have. I am at
youtube.com slash gear live also
youtube.com slash Andru Edwards, it's the
same URL or same destination, roughly 155
thousand subscribers at this point.
Vongratulations on your subscribers and,
through your YouTube journey, what three
tips do you have for starting a
channel and making it grow. We're
starting a channel ok number one. First
tip: just start. Don't worry about your
equipment, we hear this and don't worry
about your mic, don't worry about your
lighting. Eventually you will have to
worry about those things but it's too
daunting to worry about all of that at
one time. Wveryone pretty much everyone I
know has a smartphone in their pocket
and the last time I checked
pretty much every smartphone these days
has a 4k camera on it. You can start
there and then you can grow your
equipment later, tip number one.
What would be the first thing you might
want to improve once you are a
little comfortable with making videos. Is it
gonna be audio, video editing, what would
you choose first? The first thing that I
would improve would be my audio. mm-hmm. I
think a lot of people don't realize this
unless you're, unless you've been doing
this for a long time people will watch a
video with poor video quality that
sounds good but no matter how good the
video quality is if it sounds bad they
won't watch it. Ok on to tip number two.
Tip number two would be: do some research
on how you're going to present your
video and what I mean by that is first
impressions are everything. We hear
this all the time, especially with video.
You don't want to just have a
random generic thumbnail, a random
generic title, random generic tags -
obviously vidIQ helps in a lot of those
departments, but make sure you have a way
to present your video in the best light
possible. So we're talking about branding
across not only the channel but
thumbnail, the introduction, every
single entity of your video
existence I guess. Right because people
want you know especially if you're new
you kind of get disheartened and
dejected if no one's watching so you
kind of want to do everything you can to
make sure people do watch. Tip
number three? Tip number three, this is a
controversial one. Ready for this?
I'm ready, I hope. Do not consider
yourself to be a youtuber, I personally
think the term youtuber, the word
youtuber is dangerous.
I think it has connotations that
limit you and I'll let you know what I
mean by that. I spend a lot of time doing
YouTube videos, I upload videos to
YouTube, but I'm also on Instagram, I'm
also on Facebook, I'm also on Twitter, I
never refer to myself as a Facebooker
or a Twitterer or an Instagramer, I
don't associate my work and my being
and myself with a platform. Youtube is a
tool in the platform, a very great tool
in the platform, but it's not what I do. I
make videos that just happen to be on
YouTube and that also opens up a lot of
doors for me that I wouldn't otherwise
have open for me. I'm not so concerned
about the subscriber count, I'm concerned
about the bank account. I'm concerned
about growing a business not a YouTube
channel. So kind of broaden your mind and
open your horizons and consider yourself
a video creator rather than a YouTuber
[Music]
-------------------------------------------
Homescapes Level 779 - How to complete Level 779 on Homescapes - Duration: 3:55.
"How to complete Level 779 on Homescapes"
"Homescapes"
"Homescapes game"
-------------------------------------------
心理學：你第一眼看見什麼？暴露出你內心的軟肋！ - Duration: 6:34.
For more infomation >> 心理學：你第一眼看見什麼？暴露出你內心的軟肋！ - Duration: 6:34. -------------------------------------------
Pet of the Weekend: Stanley the Dog - Duration: 2:12.
For more infomation >> Pet of the Weekend: Stanley the Dog - Duration: 2:12. -------------------------------------------
Muhammad Hussain Bandial, punjabi song, romantic song, Changa Way Dhola, mp3 - Duration: 6:21.
best of muhammad hussain bandial
-------------------------------------------
6 YouTube Hacks - Duration: 10:57.
Do you use YouTube a lot and want it to be an even better experience? I've got a
couple of hacks for you, some secret little fun things, that's what a hack is.
Yeah, six of it we're gonna show it today. Stay here.
I'm here with Nate, Nate Woodbury. I'm
Scott and I'll be asking Nate questions because most of these things I don't
know for myself. Learn along with me. As mentioned, our topic today is kind of
hacking YouTube a little bit. Well YouTube hacks.. I think hacking YouTube is
mixed, it's a different. Today's topic is YouTube hacks so show us some of these
hacks that you're telling us about that would actually make our experience on
YouTube a little bit more fun or more efficient or whatever. Alright, so first all,
I'll explain one quick one to speed things up when you're watching a YouTube
video on your phone in the YouTube app, it doesn't work if you're on the browser
and go to youtube.com but if you're using the YouTube app and you let me get
rid of my text message, you tap on the right, you can tap it once or tap it
twice and it will skip ahead five or ten seconds if you type it three times, it
will skip ahead like thirty twenty or thirty seconds like that if you what
they just say you can tap over here. So try one tap, try two taps. If you tap in
the middle it'll pause, if you tap the middle again it or rebuild start back,
start playing again. So that's just a quick one but you can do a few more
things when you're watching it from your computer
so let's actually demonstrate that. Alright, so the first video it suggests for
me here, this is actually a buddy of mine, he's a sasquatch enthusiast so we'll
demonstrate on his video. You know it was thanks to this. Okay so while the video
is still paused, I'm just gonna come down here and click on this little gear and
you'll notice that there's a speed option, right now it's on normal speed. I
can slow it down if I want to watch something in slow motion but I can
speed it up to two times. I actually do this quite often. When I use video to
communicate with my team and when my team sends me a video, I'll speed it up
to two times. If there's music in the video that
you're watching or something, it doesn't sound as good but on this video, okay, we
sped it up to two times and let's let's watch it for a minute. Structure here
well D structures played with the wood by the way it was think so this cursor
here that.. Okay so that's one way that you can speed up a video. Just come here
to speed. If two times is a bit too much, you can go down to one and a half times.
Mark was able to track down and find.. You know what I love about today's digital technology
also is that I almost half expect to hear chipmunk voice when you speed
something up twice. Oh yeah, this is so much better. The fact is this just his
voice speaking faster, taking out breaths or however that's done the whole thing
is just yeah, yeah, so that's great. It wouldn't be as good if it were the
chipmunk voice, it's not cute that you brought that up. Yeah, I think that dog
might be elf ear or something there's two of them anyway,
this channel spike if you want to check it out. Okay, so another thing.. If
you use the arrow keys, if you push to the right, it'll skip ahead five seconds.
Everybody push to the right again but let me do it while we're playing so
I'm like oh, this part's got kind of boring woods that we just do not notice.
It just skips ahead five seconds take notice. Okay so I just hit the space bar
to pause but if I'm like, I'm at one minute, I want to skip at to the
two-minute mark, I can just hit that arrow a whole bunch of times and then
hit play children so using the arrows, I use all the time. If I want to rewind or
fast-forward. Okay now here's one other hack that you probably didn't know if
you knew those ones already.. The number keys one through nine. If a video is 10
minutes long and I want to go to the one minute mark, I get one. It'll basically go
to the 10% or or 40% in so if I hit four.. Oh so it's a percentage? It's not, yeah,
numerical ordinal. Yeah so like like five five minutes or if you hit five I
believe that's like 50% in so let's hit play and then I'll hit five
so that took us to the halfway point. We can go to the ninety percent which
is today. Guys, I was another makes me want to watch this video, that I can go
back to the twenty percent mark and it's almost instantaneous. It's very very cool.
Yeah, I did not know that. Okay so those are some good speed hacks now I want to
demonstrate how cool YouTube search is so let's go to a channel, Limitless
TV. Now this is a somehow different than a normal search engine? Well you've got
the search bar at the top so I just that obviously just did a search here right
but I want to show you a cooler feature.. You can't do this on the phone for some
reason, they don't have this incorporated yet but when you're actually on a
channel.. That's you there, isn't it? Yeah, that's actually.. I produced
this challenge. Yes, okay.
So I had this, there's a little magnifying glass right here so instead of using the
search bar up here to search within YouTube. You can actually search a site?
Yeah, within that channel. Sorry, yeah. So if I click that, it opens
up this search bar and what should we search for? Let's type in teenager
because he teaches a lot of teenagers, what they should do with their
might at it. I'm trying to find a specific video so like here's something
heaven in the title, five ways to make money as a teenager can teens invest in
real estate, how to invest money in your 20's. He must have mentioned teens in that
video this one.. Yeah, it's not a title, why is he pulling it up?
Because YouTube it transcribed your whole video, it knows
what you say in the video so if he said the word teenager in the video, it'll
appear in this the search bar. So yeah, I mean you know, that's something that
people don't know that I mean, now they do and now they do but I mean that's
that's incredibly useful to know because that will also help shape what you're
going to say because this is also part of the whole search process for anyone
looking for stuff on teenage. That's why YouTube is such a good platform and then
and why it's growing and growing and growing. As much as Facebook and other
platforms, want to compete on video? They can't come anywhere close to the search
engine that YouTube is. Wow, boy. Okay so two other things that I want
to talk about are one is is YouTube red, it's now day to switch the name, it's now
called YouTube premium. So you pay and the price is going up to twelve dollars
a month. Is it worth it? Why do I call that a hack? I love YouTube without ads
so whenever I'm logged out or I'm on somebody else's a counter or you know, on
their phone or something and an ad comes up, I'm just like, what is this? There's an
ad before the video? This is YouTube. Just because I'm so used to watching YouTube
completely ad-free. So you've been doing the red or the premium for..?
Ever since it came out, like a year and a half two and a half. I don't know however.
But even though you're saying you can make money off of ads on YouTube, they
have a way that you don't have to watch them.. And that's a good point to
bring up so the money that I pay for YouTube red goes to the advertisers just
as if I were seeing ads and they say.. I don't know the stats on this, I don't
know the numbers are going to figure it out but they say that youtubers actually
make more money from YouTube red subscriptions or YouTube premium now
versus ads. Really, yeah? So they should they do a little share for those? Yeah
because it makes sense, it's undercutting the reason why I would put
something on YouTube which is to get advertisers, one of the reasons. One of them is what
I recall. So of the of the revenue that I make on my channels that all youtubers
are making, it's a small percentage that comes from that YouTube bread or premium
subscription compared to the ads but as a user, I can't imagine not having
YouTube's premium. It's like, yeah, ad free, it's awesome. And if you're following
these topics that we show each day and you're learning from Nate, you should
hopefully make enough money that you can afford the twelve dollars a month
because the only reason I can imagine someone would want to watch them with
ads is because they can't afford the subscription. Well it's like
Netflix. Could you imagine Netflix having having ads? You're paying for the Netflix.
It's like if I the only time I really see television is when I go to my
mom's house and the TV's just running and you see commercials but yeah wait
for three in there however why doesn't it break. It is ironic though but I mean
it's ironic that you know, for most people today still
making money in the digital realm, it's all coming from those coveted advertiser
dollars and yet we want to see less and less and we don't want to see any of
them. I'm so sick of ads, it's true, they're everywhere now. They're pervasive
because they can be but subscription money, it's there as well. Yeah, okay, one
more hack, one more hack. See my phone right now?
It's a blank screen because I've got it turned off. Did you know that you could
have YouTube? That is insightful, Nate. You can have you can play or okay with the
screen turned off. I've wondered about that because there are many times
that I'm listening to something on YouTube, just audio.. Ooh, King of random
just uploaded a new video. Magic glowing fountain. My son and I will
watch that tonight so I'm hitting play, the audio is playing but watch.. I'm going
to turn off my phone, blank screen.. Hey, mine will usually go off. That's because I have
YouTube red and YouTube premium but now it's like a podcast so let me turn it off.
Yeah, mine will go off.. If I do have net, yeah. Well maybe it's because you don't
have the app. I don't remember. You have to do that Youtube app, try it and you might need to
YouTube red. Anyway, that's a cool feature because if it's a video that I
don't necessarily need to watch right, honestly, I do it a lot for conference
talks. I'll bring up a conference talk or a church video or something that I want
to listen to in the background but I don't want, there's no reason to have the
screen playing. That's what I mean.. Because the save battery power so I'll
just turn it off but the audio will still keep going, well it's like an audio.
And people upload audio only files onto YouTube all the time and some of them I
will listen to including music now and then but if I'm laying in bed or running
and I turn off the power cause I don't want to spend that, it turns off my
YouTube so maybe that is a reason to pay the twelve month. Yeah, so you could.. There's
lots of music playlists you could do that do that too. All that old lost songs
you don't have anymore, they're on YouTube for sure.
That's cool. So let us know in the comments below if any of those hacks
were new or which ones you're gonna try and if you know, this is really big, this
is where we want your feedback. If you know of any other hacks, leave them in
the comments below and share them with everybody else. Please do and we'll see
you tomorrow.
-------------------------------------------
Introducing the MAGIC HANDS! | Mind Niggles - Duration: 2:15.
For more infomation >> Introducing the MAGIC HANDS! | Mind Niggles - Duration: 2:15. -------------------------------------------
You Will Be My Witnesses - Sabbath School Lesson 01, Q3 2018 - Duration: 8:39.
The Book of Acts.
This quarter will be all about the book of Acts.
And as the author Wilson Peroshti points out
about the three most crucial decades of world history.
Why? Because a small group of men,
mainly Jews, with the help of the Holy Spirit, took the gospel to the world.
The book covers events from Jesus's resurrection
to post Paul's first imprisonment in Rome.
This is exciting. This is the birth of the church.
This is about: okay we got something amazing,
something that everybody needs,
something that should change the world.
How do we go about it?
It's fascinating to study how it all developed
because today I have the same questions.
What does it mean to be part of the church?
What are we about?
How can we share this great thing that we have?
And in addition what makes even this book more interesting
is that the supposedly believed to be the author of the book
Doctor Luke is not a Jew himself.
A non Jew writes two books in the Bible:
The Acts of the Apostles and one of the Gospels.
So he writes the book of the Acts about Jews spreading the gospel;
however, the focus that he has is on the gospel
reaching out the Gentiles and how God works for their salvation.
Luke writes more than one quarter of the New Testament.
This is significant and there are many interesting details in the introduction of the quarter.
But the key for me is what the author says at the end.
They, the Apostles, they started the work.
This is what the book of Acts covers.
We are called to finish this work.
What can we learn from their story?
Let's jump into the first lesson
which is "You Will Be My Witnesses"
We start this week with studying the first chapter of the book of Acts.
Jesus has died, He has resurrected,
and He is about to ascend in heaven to His father.
He has some final words to His faithful followers
that will set up the stage for a new, spiritual, organized movement
that will last and continue for more than 2,000 years.
He makes a promise to them that they will receive a power
when the Holy Spirit comes upon them.
And then He Commission's them to be His witnesses
to the ends of the world.
Must have been some very confusing time for the disciples.
They saw all their hopes die.
Then they were revived.
Now they're confused. What's next?
Jesus is telling them to go to Jerusalem and wait.
He's saying that something powerful is going to happen.
But what?
The disciples, and no doubt all the followers of Jesus Christ,
had beliefs and hopes and expectations
built in their life experience that brought them to Jesus in first place.
Paradoxically though, they were not in tact with what
Jesus represented and what His mission was all about.
Their hopes and beliefs were for the restoration of Israel.
This is what they were taught by the leaders of the synagogue
and the teachers there and by the priests in the temple.
This is how their environment perceived the coming of Messiah.
They still believed that even after Christ's death
because in the first chapter verse 6 in the book of Acts,
the disciples asked the question,
"Lord are you at this time going to restore the kingdom of Israel?"
It's so ironic that after three and a half years,
the disciples still didn't know
what will happen with Christ.
And it's even more ironic that Jesus
patiently without any vibration of His righteousness or rightfulness,
leaves that issue unsettled and continues on with what's at stake now.
Can you believe it?
It's amazing.
The disciples want to know.
We want to know.
But Jesus just says, "You, be my witnesses".
He says actually a little bit more than that,
promising them help and instructing them how to approach the mission.
But He doesn't focus on things that we can't grasp.
He asked them to share what they are witnessing.
Even if they can't make entire sense out of it.
And further on in the first chapter,
Jesus commissions His followers to go and be witnesses for Him.
And it doesn't sound like much.
You might think it's so easy to be a witness, but it isn't,
mainly because it is a stand that one takes
to make a conscious decision to go and be witness for Jesus.
It's not a passive testimony.
In fact as a witness you decide
to take a stand against everything else,
and this demands courage.
The lesson breaks it down to four strategic points
that Jesus used when commissioning His disciples,
and there was nothing easy or accommodating about those four strategic points.
On the contrary, it was very unconventional.
They had to receive the Holy Spirit
and it was very revolutionary for its time.
They had to leave Jerusalem and Judea.
At the beginning of Acts,
Luke is recapping where he wrapped up
the gospel that he wrote.
And in Luke 24, Jesus helped the disciples understand the Scriptures:
that the Messiah had to suffer and die,
then rise from the dead,
and then a new reality with forgiveness
will be preached in His name to all the nations.
They were witnesses to that.
It wasn't what they expected,
but it was promising to be a huge adventure.
Next Jesus, while speaking, is taken up in clouds,
and the disciples returned back to their upper room
where more than an eleventh are gathered together
and prayerfully expecting the promised Holy Spirit.
Those who were there,
they saw Him ascending into the clouds, into the heaven,
and there were no ropes, there were no gimmicks or tricks.
They saw Him lifting up off the ground.
Even angels appeared before them and asked,
"Why do you stand here looking up into the sky?
"This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven,
"will come back in the same way
"you have seen Him to go into heaven".
And I can imagine how those who saw Him
continued with their lives,
excited, anxiously expecting Him to come back.
For them there was nothing unreal about it.
Nothing questionable except "When will He come back?"
I'm trying to imagine the feeling.
Excited, confused, sad, happy...
Now what?
As instructed they're heading back to Jerusalem,
and there, there is another void that needs to be filled in.
Judas is not there anymore.
His tragic fate is a witness on its own.
Yeah, finally, there was one more measure to be made
before the things started rolling:
Judas' place was free, and a new deserving witness
was chosen according but to one condition.
He was supposed to have been witness to Jesus' life
from His baptism and most importantly the resurrection of Christ.
The testimony given by the Apostles
had to be hundred percent genuine.
This is the beginning of a very long waiting for Jesus to return.
The disciples thought that it won't be long.
We believe that it will be soon,
but let's not forget that at the core of it,
it's a mission to be witnesses.
And join us next week when we continue to dive into the study of the lesson "Pentecost".
-------------------------------------------
Love & Relationships: How you can achieve love and successful relationships - Duration: 40:52.
Hi, welcome to Happy Now Olivia!
A channel dedicated to the pursuit of happiness, because you don't have to wait.
You can be happy now.
I'm Olivia.
Today I'm going to talk about Love and Relationships, the subject of timeless art, literature and
music.
We all want to love and to be loved, but most problems in modern society come from neglecting
the first part of that sentence.
Actively loving someone versus just wanting to be loved.
If you've watched my Intro video, you know that I was searching for happiness for a long
time.
Part of that search included desperately trying to find love.
I looked outside of myself and gave everything I had to give to all the wrong people.
I neglected the most important person, myself.
In order to know and love someone else, we have to know and love ourselves.
We've heard this before and it may sound trite, but it's true.
In todays world there are a thousand distractions at every turn.
If we haven't learned to focus our attention to the deepest parts of who we are, this concept
may be difficult to accept, or we may be convinced we know who we are and what we want.
When we are in a close relationship with someone, two things happen.
The best of us comes out, but also the worst of us comes out and that is one of the greatest
opportunities for personal growth.
When the little things and sometimes the big things that aren't the most polished or
the prettiest come out, love, commitment and understanding play their greatest roles in
helping us to grow and to look within ourselves to get better.
The result is a deep, wonderful, and honest connection with another human being.
In order to address the subject of how to achieve love and successful relationships
I'm going to go back to two of my favorite books, "Restoration Therapy" by Terry Hargrave
and Franz Pfitzer and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey.
With Restoration Therapy the goal is to restore the elements of human existence that most
often cause relational and individual brokenness.
The human need to find relationships, to develop relationships is innate.
We can't form identity, knowledge of the self, or even our personalities without
the context of another.
We don't reflect ourselves.
We see and learn about ourselves through the context and reflection of relationships.
Relationships demand that one individual give to another.
As a result of the giving, this individual is entitled to receive something.
These two facts make humans interdependent.
Interdependence is the healthy expression of a allowing the desire for relationships
when there is a consistency we can rely on that allows us to trust and move towards
an exchange of love and intimacy.
That predictability and trust allows to move into deeper and deeper levels of interaction.
So what happens when a partner in a relationship is irresponsible?
Who will be responsible for the giving the other in the relationship needs?
Many people who are in relationships with irresponsible people become isolated because
of the hopelessness that the other partner will not meet their needs, or they become
over responsible trying to meet their own needs.
We can't receive from ourselves the giving that must come from another.
Responsibility in a relationship belongs to two people, and it means to give responsibly
in a way that is reliable.
But human beings are not totally reliable.
Even in the best of relationships and in the best of circumstances, with the best of intentions
partners can't be totally predictable.
How much unpredictability can a relationship handle?
According to Hargrave and Pfizer, clinically, partners in a relationship need a consistency
rate of about 85% to 90%.
Predictability doesn't mean perfection, but partners have to be consistent in giving
or they will be forced into a position of questioning safety and trustworthiness.
An aspect of trustworthiness that is key in relationships is Justice or Balance.
In a horizontal relationships between equals such as spouses, each is entitled to give
and each is entitled to receive equally.
Picture a ledger where on the left someone is entitled to receive respect, care and intimacy.
On the right they're obligated to give respect, care and intimacy.
This is just a partial list of what spouses and people in relationships give and take.
Each relationship's individual ledger may be different in terms of specifics.
For example in some relationships one person is more responsible for providing income to
the family, the other may be responsible to provide more care and nurturing to the household.
If the individuals feel that the give and take is balanced, they will feel that the
relationship is fair, and that there is justice in the give and take.
It's important to remember that the give and take in a relationship does not to be
exact at any given moment.
Sometimes someone gives more than they receive in a relationship, or they receive more than
they give.
As long as these times oscillate appropriately between partners, so that the give and take
is balanced over a period of time, trustworthiness can be achieved.
The point is to maintain long-term balance in relationships.
In order to illustrate a practical way of how to achieve trust and balance in relationships,
I'm going to go over Stephen Covey's fantastic concept of the emotional bank account.
With a financial bank account we make deposits to build up a reserve from which we can make
withdrawals when we need too.
An emotional bank account is a metaphor for the amount of trust that's been built in
a relationship.
For example, if I make deposits into an emotional bank account with you through kindnesses,
honesty and keeping promises, I build up a reserve.
Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to.
I can even make mistakes and that high trust account, that emotional reserve will compensate
for it.
When the trust account is high communication is easy, instant and effective.
But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, ignoring you,
becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust and threatening you, my emotional bank account
is overdrawn.
The trust levels are very low and I have no flexibility.
I have to watch everything I say, be careful about everything I say.
The tension in the air is palpable.
Marriage is the most intimate, potentially rich, joyful, satisfying, and productive relationship
possible between two people.
Our most constant relationships require our most constant deposits.
We've all run into friends from the past we haven't seen for years and we can pick
up right where we left off, because earlier deposits are still there.
But our accounts with the people we interact with on a regular basis need a more constant
investment.
Stephen Covey outlines 6 major deposits we can do to build an emotional bank account that
will yield a lifetime of love and trust interest.
The first deposit we can make is Understanding the Individual.
Really seeking to understand another person is probably the most important deposit you
can make and the key to every other deposit.
We really don't know what constitutes a deposit to someone else unless we truly know
and understand that person.
What may constitute a deposit to you: going for a walk to talk things over, going out
for ice cream together, doing a project together, may not be perceived as a deposit
by someone else.
In fact, it might even be perceived as a withdrawal if it doesn't address that person's deep
interests or needs.
To make a deposit, what is important to someone else must be as important to you as that person
is to you.
We tend to project out of our own autobiographies what we think other people want or need.
The second deposit we can make towards having a successful relationship is Attending to
the Little Things.
Little kindnesses and courtesies are so important.
Small unkindnesses and discourtesies or forms of disrespect make major withdrawals.
In relationships the little things are the big things.
Third, Keeping Commitments.
Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit.
Breaking one is a major withdrawal.
There's probably not a more massive withdrawal you can make than to make a promise that matters,
that means something to someone and not come through.
Fourth, Clarifying Expectations.
Most relationship difficulties are rooted in conflicting and ambiguous expectations
around roles and goals.
Unclear expectations lead to misunderstandings, disappointments and withdrawals of trust.
Expectations may be implicit.
They haven't been explicitly stated or announced, but people nonetheless bring them into a particular
situation.
Even if they haven't been discussed or the person who has isn't even aware of it,
fulfilling them makes deposits, violating them makes withdrawals.
That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to lay out on
the table all the expectations explicitly and clearly.
The fifth deposit we can make is to Show Personal Integrity.
Personal Integrity generates trust and it's the basis for many other deposits.
A lack of integrity undermines almost every other effort to build high trust accounts.
Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty.
Honesty is telling the truth, conforming our words to reality.
Integrity is conforming reality to our words: keeping promises and fulfilling expectations.
One of the most important ways we can manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are
not present.
In doing so, we gain the trust of those who are present.
Integrity is an interdependent reality where we treat everyone by the same set of principles.
Many people would prefer to take the course of least resistance, belittling and criticizing,
betraying confidences, and gossiping about people behind their backs.
Integrity also means avoiding any conversation that is deceptive and beneath the dignity
of people.
The sixth and final deposit we can make is To Apologize Sincerely.
A person must have a deep level of security in order to apologize genuinely.
People with little internal security can't do it.
It makes them too vulnerable.
They feel it makes them appear soft and weak.
Their worth comes from the opinions of other people and they worry what others might think.
They usually feel justified in what they did and they rationalize their own wrongdoing.
If they apologize at all, it's insincere.
Sincere apologies make deposits, repeated apologies interpreted as insincere make withdrawals.
When we make deposits of unconditional love with people, we help them to feel safe, secure,
validated and affirmed in their sense of worth, identity and integrity.
One of, another aspect of trustworthiness that is key in relationships is Openness.
When we are open about our flaws we acknowledge areas of deficiency.
It makes us more likely to use that openness to address shortcomings and to grow.
Being open about flaws without addressing shortcomings demands that the other partner
simply adjust, and live as if the problem doesn't exist, or can't be solved.
Openness doesn't mean, it's not about saying "This is the way I am, and in order
to be with me you have to take me as I am."
It means "This is what I see in myself and I believe I can be better."
When openness points toward growth, our imperfections and our partner's actually pull us closely
into a more intimate bond.
Openness also provides an opportunity to demonstrate vulnerability.
When we share what we think about a particular subject or that partner in a relationship,
we invite the other to do the same.
Our thoughts and emotions in many ways are the things that are the most important and
the deepest to us.
When we share these openly and vulnerably in relationships we're sharing the deepest
parts of who we are.
There are two ways in which people are not open in relationships.
The first is misrepresentation and lying.
When someone is intentionally deceptive in a relationship, the discovery is particularly
painful to the other individual because their thoughts, feeling and reality turned out to
be false, and they're left wondering if anything in the relationship was real or true.
Another way lying is painful is that vulnerability and openness were openly given with nothing
given in return.
The second way people are not open in relationships is to become distant or secretive which results
in an intimacy standstill.
There is little interaction between partners as they each drift further and further away
into their own individuality.
There is no intimacy or vulnerability.
There has been much interest in psychology about the unconscious and seeking relationships
to correct or fulfill a need, desire or relationship from the past.
For example, a man marries a woman just like his mother or ex-wife.
Some of these theories are valid in terms of motivations, unconscious urges and felt
obligations, but Hargrave and Pfitzer's basic premise of the Restoration Therapy model
is that human beings seek relationships not so much because they mimic the behavior and
relationships with our past and our caregivers, but because they need them to form a sense
of identity and safety.
Human beings are built to seek relationships and for those relationships to be
trustworthy, balanced and fulfilled.
Unfulfilled and unmet needs in relationships resemble unfulfilled and unmet needs with
our primary caregiving relationships, because relationships in general bring out those needs
that are related to love and trustworthiness.
That's why relationships provide us with an incredible opportunity to grow.
Because we can choose to face ourselves and our past in order to find love, peace and
balance in the present.
It's not okay for an individual to seek from their spouse or child the love and nurturing
they did not get from a parent.
However, it's normal for those primary emotions surrounding the past to come up in relationships
in the present.
I go over in detail how a lack of love and trustworthiness affects our behavior and personality
at an individual level and how to get better in my Therapy video.
There are two patterns found in relationships: complimentary and symmetrical.
In complimentary relationships, the patterns of the partners tend to be at opposite extremes.
If one partner is dominant, the other may be submissive.
If one is assertive, assertive, the other may be avoidant.
Behavior in the relationships remains fairly stable because both partners in the relationship
are doing and feeling something different than the other.
In symmetrical relationships the patterns of the partners tend to be of the same nature.
If one is blaming, the other is blaming.
If one is controlling, the other is controlling too.
Intensity and feelings escalate because both partners are doing more of the same behavior.
Complimentary relationships can work well if the focus is constructive, appropriate,
loving and trustworthy.
For example, a parent feels loved, fulfilled and optimistic, therefore parents their child
in an authoritative, instructive and involved manner.
In turn, the child feels loved, competent and not alone, is submissive to the direction
of the parent, cooperative in instruction and intimate and open.
Likewise symmetrical relationships can work well and be positive if the focus of the intensity
and escalation are in a loving and trustworthy direction.
For example, lovers interested in demonstrating love to one another, in spending more quality
time with one another.
They might reciprocate with increasing number of gifts, conversations and activities that
continue to reinforce that care and nurturing in the relationship.
In both patterns if there is a question of safety and identity, it can make the partners
agitated and frustrated and the relationship itself can reinforce unloving and untrustworthy
feelings present in each partner's past.
How an individual reacts from relationship to relationship and setting to setting is
fairly constant.
I'm going to go over some of the destructive patterns that develop in relationships, but
if you want to know more about everything I'm talking about I highly recommend
"Restoration Therapy" and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."
As always I link below the video everything I recommend and additional information.
One of the destructive patterns that can develop in relationships is the Pursuer/Distancer Pattern
where partners in a relationship have distinct and differing needs with the Pursuer
desiring a more close, emotionally enmeshing relationship, while the Distancer values autonomy
and individuality more.
The Pursuer may have a difficult time holding on to a consistent sense of self without having
someone to reassure them of love and affection.
They feel alone and unwanted and act needy or try to manipulate the partner toward more intimacy
The Distancer feels unsafe as a result of the neediness and manipulation feeling that
the Pursuer will never be happy with his or her efforts or actions, and feeling hopeless
to meet the Pursuer's needs.
They will cope by using Escape/Chaos behaviors and avoid that partner.
Next another destructive pattern is the Overfunctioner/Underfunctioner Pattern.
In this pattern partners are feeling threatened by, in terms of safety and trustworthiness,
and they react towards two extremes of Control Behaviors, the Overfunctioner, and Escape/Chaos
behaviors, the Underfunctioner.
For example, the Overfunctioner feels betrayed or used, and they act in a critical and judgmental way.
The Underfunctioner feels disconnected and guilty and shames themselves, using Escape/Chaos
behaviors and withdraws to avoid those feelings.
Another destructive pattern is the Blamer/Placater pattern.
In this pattern partners are usually feeling pressure or pain in terms of dentity and feeling unloved
The Blamer blames because they feel alone, insignificant and unappreciated.
The Placater copes by shaming themselves as they feel worthless, defective and hopeless.
The Blamer is angry, arrogant and aggressive, the Placater anxious, needy, and depressed.
As this pattern develops it almost always comes to be at least emotionally abusive of
the Placater and usually develops into physical and sexual violence.
Marriage can be the most intimate, satisfying and enduring of human relationships so it
may seem natural and even proper to be centered on your spouse, or significant other.
But when Stephen Covey worked with troubled marriages, he observed than in almost every
spouse-centered relationships there was a strong thread of emotional dependence.
When our sense of worth comes primarily from our marriage and not ourselves we become highly
dependant on the moods, behaviors, and treatment of our spouse or partner in a relationship
and to any external event that may impinge on that relationship: a new child, economic
setbacks, in-laws, social successes and so forth.
When responsibilities and stressors come into the marriage, the spouse centered relationship
reveals all it's vulnerability.
Some people seek therapy to change that spouse or person in a relationship because they need
someone to be or behave differently in order to feel okay about themselves and feel safe in the relationship.
This strategy leads nowhere, because when it comes to relationships deteriorating it's
never just one person's fault and the person seeking to change that someone else without
seeing themselves as an object of change is missing the big picture.
Sometimes it's true that the other person needs to change.
Most of these relationships are with violent, victimizing or highly irresponsible people,
but the truth remains that change must be focused on ourselves, because it's not possible
to change someone else.
We can only change ourselves.
To do this requires and incredible amount of proactivity.
To be proactive is Stephen Covey's first habit in his "7 Habit of Highly Effective People."
I go over all habits in my 7 Habits video.
But the 7 habits are a principle centered, character based inside out approach.
Meaning that in order to grow and change you have to look at the most inside part of yourself first.
If you want to have a happy, loving and successful relationship then be the kind of person that
generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it.
If you want a more pleasant and cooperative teenager then be a more understanding, empathetic,
consistent and loving parent.
If you want more freedom and latitude in your job, then be a more helpful, contributing,
and responsible employee.
If you want to be trusted, then be trustworthy.
If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent then focus first on the primary greatness
of character.
If we use what Stephen Covey called The Personality Ethic, superficial influence strategies and
techniques to get other people to do what we want, to work better, to be more motivated,
to like us more, while our character remains fundamentally flawed, marked with duplicity
and insincerity then in the long run we can't be successful with others or at life.
In an artificial social system like a school you may be able to get by if you learn to
manipulate the man-made rules and how to play the game.
In most one-shot, short-lived human interactions, you can use the personality ethic to make
a favorable impression by using charm, skill and pretending to like other people's hobbies.
Many people with secondary greatness, that is social recognition for their talents, lack
primary greatness and goodness in their character.
Sooner or later you'll see this in every long-term relationship they have whether it's
with a spouse, a work associate, a friend or a teenager going through an identity crisis.
When it comes to relationships there are no shortcuts.
There is no way to parachute into this terrain.
The landscape ahead is covered with the fragments of broken relationships of people who have
tried to jump into effective relationships without the maturity or strength of character
to maintain them.
You have to walk the road.
You can't be successful with others if you haven't paid the price of success with yourself.
So what happens if there is a problem in our intimate relationships?
When a couple falls in love, they come together and many marry because they're intoxicated
with that initial euphoria of love, but within a matter of months or years
they can't stand each other.
Many are absolutely convinced the other partner is their enemy.
How did this couple who were once so in love lose one another to become distant and emotionally
disillusioned?
Many couples lose themselves because of their differences in relationship focus.
Many people come into relationships expecting the other partner to give them emotional fulfillment
and happiness.
What they often find is someone who triggers them emotionally and creates many questions
around safety and identity.
Instead of safe they feel insecure.
Instead of loved they feel unloved, unwanted and alone.
Many people who go into relationships looking for this type of emotional fulfillment and
happiness are actually missing the point of what relationships do in general.
Relationships, especially deep mating, family relationships, force us toward growth to deal
with the deepest parts of ourselves in terms of learning who we are and how to be more
capable and powerful in a world that is not always safe.
As much as we would like it to be so, a partner is not built to give us our identity or to
protect us in an unsafe world.
There was but, There is but one time in our lives when that is programmed into us and
is in the vertical relationship between caregiver and child.
What we have in a horizontal relationship of coupling is the opportunity to walk together,
to share, to struggle and to grow.
As individuals we must be responsible for our own sense of self and our own power or
we cannot couple.
Relationships are not meant to make us happy, they're meant to make us grow.
Partnering through marriage is not just two people who commit to sharing life together
and standing by one another.
They actually create something new because of their relationship.
Hargrave and Pfitzer call it the "Us-ness."
The wonderful quality of this "Us-ness" is that it's neither you nor me.
The relationship contains both individuals and is more than the sum of their individual parts
Even though the relationship is invisible, it does have visible parts that are identifiable
and, that are dynamic and visible.
Us-ness has it's own personality, likes and dislikes.
For example, my wife likes hiking.
I don't particularly.
However, our Us-ness likes hiking.
I don't mean that because my wife likes hiking, I submit to her wishes and go hiking.
I mean that when we go hiking together, the experience of being in nature, of challenging
ourselves physically, and of, of spending quality time with one another is part of who
we are.
Our Us-ness likes hiking, although I would never choose to do it on my own.
In the same way that children are similar to their parents, us-ness is similar to the
partners, but it's representative of it's own identity.
Parents take care of themselves individually, but usually put the best interests of the
child first.
Taking care of a couple relationship is much like taking care of a child.
It doesn't mean that the individuals are inattentive to their own needs, but they recognize
that they also have a responsibility toward the care and nurturing of the relationship.
Just as parents grow as they learn how to raise a child, partners inevitably grow as
they give love and trustworthiness to their us-ness.
If partners learn how to manage the heart of their own conflicts, they will be in a much better position
to look out for the best interests of their us-ness and achieve closeness and intimacy.
In the Restoration Therapy model, Hargrave and Pfitzer have developed 4 phases of healing
that excel in helping couples manage their conflict successfully and arrive at intimacy.
The first phase is Understanding the Pain Cycle.
We must understand the emotional components that drive instability in a relationship.
A couple doesn't have, 10, 20, or 30 disagreements even though they may fight about various things
like parenting, financing or friends.
A couple doesn't have 20 fights in one month, they have one fight 20 different times.
In the Restoration Therapy book, Hargrave and Pfitzer go in the depth into the 4 phases
of healing.
In the first phase of Identifying The Pain Cycle as you learn to identify your own issues,
individual issues surrounding identity and safety, you begin to identify yours and your
partner's coping mechanisms and reactivity.
For example, if we have a couple where the husband feels unloved and shames himself.
The wife feels unsafe and fearful and begins controlling.
Then the husband feels alone and acts invulnerable.
Then the wife feels out of control and begins to act in a perfectionistic manner.
Then then husband feels like he can't measure up and withdraws to defend.
Then the wife acts, the wife feels vulnerable and begins to act in a nagging and judgmental way.
And the destructive cycle repeats itself.
Once you figure out what your particular, what the particular pain cycle in your relationship
is, the second phase of healing is the Peace Cycle, is Understanding the Peace Cycle, Identifying
the Peace Cycle.
In this cycle we identify primary emotions and behaviors that are anchored in love and
trustworthiness like nurturing, self-valuing, balanced give and take, and reliable connecting.
The more we replace the negative behaviors and emotions with positive ones, the more
the individuals feel loved and that the relationship is trustworthy.
The third phase of healing is Moving to Transition.
Even if you identify the pain cycle and the peace cycle, transitioning is a significant
challenge.
It requires constant repetition and rewiring and working to rewire the neural pathways
in the brain.
I go over how to do this in my Therapy video, but the 4 steps to rewire the brain are to
Say What You Feel, Say What You Would Normally Do, Say The Truth, and Make a Different Behavioral
Choice.
The fourth and final phase of healing is Creating Intimacy.
As partners become proficient in transitioning from the Pain Cycle to the Peace Cycle and
they make the, they take the fourth step of rewiring the brain, of making a different
behavioral choice, it creates the opportunity for intimacy and bonding.
When the couple is emotionally regulated, the individuals are now free to explore new
options to create intimacy and to build positive pathways in the brain.
This doesn't mean that we won't revert back to the Pain Cycle.
In fact, we will many times as we are working to build a more loving, just and balanced relationship.
I have gone through these cycles many times in my own relationship, and still do from time
to time.
But the key is that now we have these skills and awareness to transition from the Pain
Cycle to the Peace Cycle, and every time we do, we do it together as a couple, and we
grow and we develop intimacy.
I have also gone through that initial euphoria and obsession of being in love.
It's exciting, intoxicating and fun.
But when that initial euphoria settled, I was still deeply in love, more so at every
turn because I made a commitment to a beautiful person I see as my soulmate.
And in the first few years of our relationship as we were getting to know each other, sometimes
it was rough, but we always figured it out.
And for the last two years we've had these tools to help our marriage, and every time
we dig deep into ourselves, our relationship blossoms and flourishes.
If during those early years, our marriage was a diamond in the rough, today it's a
shiny, polished diamond.
Nothing can scratch it, nothing can break it, except itself.
Whether the diamond of your relationship breaks or endures, is up to you.
A ring is the embodiment of a promise.
A commitment of the heart to love another human being.
In the immortal words of Stephen Covey, love is a verb.
Love doesn't just happen because you walk down the aisle or wait at the altar.
Love happens because you make it happen.
To be able to give you need to believe that you are worthy to love and to be loved.
Love means having the humility to know you can always get better, to know you can improve
your relationship by improving yourself.
There are so many books out there catering to The Personality Ethic.
In researching to make this video, I read one such book, catchy title, catchy concept,
bestseller.
I was so frustrated because it was so on the surface.
The kind of book that gathers dust on the shelves after the initial excitement of following
it's catchy concept.
If we want to have happy, loving, and successful relationships we can't live on the surface,
we have to dig deep within ourselves.
Thin books with big letters and catchy concepts don't always dig deep, even if they mean
well and are sometimes helpful after we've done the real work.
I can only recommend books where at the time of reading them I sense a deep level of integrity
from the author to the subject matter they're addressing, and when the knowledge changes
my life and continues to change it.
The bond we can have with another human being, whether it's the committed and loving relationship
with a spouse or significant other, or the timeless relationship between family and friends:
these are the most precious diamonds to be treasured.
In order for these to be the brightest, the most polished, the highest quality diamonds,
we ourselves have to shine.
When we have a truly loving and effective relationship what we're doing is sharing
our souls with another human being, and that allows to grow more than anything else.
Because loving means looking within ourselves, working to get that polish.
It takes and incredible amount of courage, but it's so worth it.
If you enjoyed this video, please like it an share it.
And consider subscribing so you can get the latest Happy Now Olivia! video.
In addition I'd love to hear in the comments below how working on yourself has affected
your relationships.
Remember, happiness is an active choice.
You don't have to wait.
You, too, can be Happy Now!
Thanks for watching.
See you next time.
-------------------------------------------
ChicWrap Ultimate 6pack Kitchen Wrap Dispensers with 3 R... - Duration: 10:05.
For more infomation >> ChicWrap Ultimate 6pack Kitchen Wrap Dispensers with 3 R... - Duration: 10:05. -------------------------------------------
4 Ways To Make Sure Your Family Is Protected - Duration: 6:35.
Hey, it's Jeremy with Strength In Numbers again.
Where there's a will, there's a way,
and where there's not a will, there's often a family fight.
So, I'm going to show you the basics of estate planning,
so you can make sure you have in place what you need to protect your family.
(upbeat music)
I have some good news, and I have some bad news.
First the bad news, you're going to die.
Yep, unfortunately the mortality rate is still 100%.
It's undeniable, but the good news is,
you can still protect your family,
even after you've moved on.
So, we're going to talk today through basic estate planning,
and I'm going to talk through four key areas,
that you need to have in place to make sure that,
even though they'll be mourning your loss,
the financial aspect is a pain free process
when they get to that stage, so lets get into it.
The first thing we're going to talk about is a Will.
Now I know you've probably heard about a Will before,
but just hear me out.
It's commonly known as a Will,
but the real name is usually a Last Will and Testament.
That's the more legal name, so to speak.
Here's the thing, all estates exist.
You say, "well I don't have 5 million dollars."
It doesn't matter, you still have an estate.
It's just what you have in your possession.
Whether you have any assets, or any money or anything,
that's your estate, whether it's super small or super large.
It doesn't matter, we all have an estate,
and all estates go through Probate Court,
whether you have a Will or you don't.
What the Will does, is it dictates,
what should happen when it goes to Probate Court.
I don't want you thinking that it's like in the movies,
where you can just scrawl it down on a napkin,
and that that's going to work, no it's not going to work.
In almost every state it has to be state specific,
legal language to be a valid Will in your state.
You need to make sure that you're using the right language,
you're using an estate planning attorney,
to draft that up for you so that,
So that when they do need to probate that Will
it's not going to run into these big problems.
All the Will does is that it tells
the Court what to do with your stuff,
and if you have kids, what to do with your kids.
No Will? That means your kids are now wards of the state,
and that's how they enter foster care,
if both of you have passed away,
if this is a couple that had kids, versus a single.
Either way, you need to make sure
that you're protecting your family, and the biggest,
easy first step that you can do, is a Will.
The second thing that we're going to talk about
is a Living Will, often known as a Medical Directive,
and I've also heard it callously referred to before as a,
do I unplug or do I not unplug document.
You may have heard that before,
but that's not the term I would use,
but just in case you've heard that,
that's the same situation.
This is simply a document that says,
that if I find myself in a situation where I'm alive,
but I'm incapacitated, I'm in a coma,
I'm in a vegetative state or whatever,
I know, all these happy things I'm talking about today,
what do you do with me, what do I want you to do?
It's very important to have that,
because there's a legal issue there,
and I've seen many clients where sometimes
one sibling wants to do this, that was mom or dad's wishes,
and the other is fighting against it.
A Living Will settles it,
because it is determined ahead of time,
before mom and dad were in that state.
They've already said, "This is what I want you to do."
It's very important to have that Living Will in place,
and that's the second document you should have prepared.
The third kind of document that you want to have in place,
is the Power of Attorney.
Not just any Power of Attorney,
but a Durable Power of Attorney.
What this does is that it gives over
financial control to someone you trust,
in the event that your health is declining,
and you're anticipating you might lose your
mental capacities if there's signs of dementia early on,
or Alzheimer's and things like that,
especially those types of things.
Once you are not able to make those decisions for yourself,
you can no longer sign that Power of Attorney.
The Court will not recognize it,
because you're not in sound mind at that point.
You need to be of sound mind when
you sign the Durable Power of Attorney.
In most cases with all three of these documents,
the spouses are making mirrored documents if you're married,
to make each other the guardian of the children of course,
if the other one should pass away,
and to make each other the Durable Power of Attorney
and things like that, but you should still
have a back-up person in mind as well of course,
in case, God forbid there was a car accident,
and you both passed on at the same time.
So again, fun stuff to talk about I know,
but it's very important stuff,
get that Durable Power of Attorney in place.
The fourth thing that you need to have in place,
is actually not a document, it's communication.
It's very, very, very important that there's
good regular communication on these matters,
and there's no surprises when God forbid you move on,
and they open the Will and they go, "What?"
There needs to be communication about this stuff,
and so if you are the child of someone,
and you don't know what going on with your parent's Will,
sit down and have a conversation with your parents.
If you're the parent, you need to be
communicating to your kids and siblings,
and all these other people that may be involved.
You need to be sitting down having those conversations.
I recommend you have that conversation on a yearly basis.
Sit down once a year, have a reading of the Will.
Anything that needs to be updated and modified,
and things like that, make sure everybody understands;
this is what happens when I pass,
here's where all the documents are,
here's who the attorney is, all that basic stuff.
It doesn't have to be a very long meeting,
but there can be no issue of someone going, "I didn't know."
That's what causes the fights,
and what causes the problems,
is this miscommunication or lack of communication.
So just as important as all these
other documents is communication.
Make sure you have regular, clear communication
about how you want your estate handled when you do pass on.
Well, I hope this has been a helpful video for you.
I know it's not the cheeriest of topics,
but it's very important,
and most people do not have this in place.
In fact, even if you don't have dependents,
many people think that you don't need a Will,
but if you're of 18 years of age or more,
you should have a Will in place.
So, I really hope that you apply these things in your life.
Now on a lighter note, make sure you grab
my free E-book, The Money Finder.
It will help you in every day topics
that you can save on right now,
and join my free Facebook group,
the Strong Together Money Community.
I'd love to have you there as part of the conversation,
where you can continue to learn and continue to grow.
This has been Jeremy with Strength In Numbers,
helping you keep your wallet heavy and your heart light.
(upbeat music)
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét