Before I was able to successfully stay stopped, I discovered I relied a little
bit too much on willpower. In my mind, it looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger at his
peak: this really strong, buff bodybuilder of a muscle...when in reality,
it was more like the skinny, puny kid who got beat up all the time.
Actually, it turns out my estimation - or should I say my over estimation - of my
willpower muscle is not uncommon, which is a big reason willpower doesn't tend
to work for us in the clutch when we need it. There are two reasons
that willpower doesn't work. especially for staying stopped once you
stop - if you want to stay stopped. The first is that the muscle it gets tired. Like
any muscle, if it gets overused, it gets tired. Now, you need willpower to
adult through life. If you want to you know fit into your party pants, like I
always do, there's willpower to not eat
desserts or sweet things every time the late afternoon munchies hit. There's
willpower in adulting and not calling in sick at my day job all the time. There's
a lot of wall power involved in life, so I can tell you that come Happy Hour, my
willpower muscle was pooped...like Lily von Shtupp. It was tired out, and it was
like: "no more willpowering for the day!" So willpower failed. I would swear that
morning: "I am gonna stay stopped!" and BOOM! - come Happy Hour: tired willpower.
Drink in hand. The second reason willpower doesn't tend to
work - and I think this is actually the more
dangerous if you will, because it's more subtle - and that is they found that
people who think that they have a lot of willpower (like yours truly)
tend to overestimate how strong it is.
So they don't tend to think through
where you might fall off the wagon. Or, in our case, relapse. And what to do about it.
They assume willpower will just cover me, so there's no planning involved.
Piss-poor planning makes for piss-poor outcomes! So that's the second
thing: the lack of planning that goes into just thinking, "Oh I'll have
willpower to rely on." And if you haven't thought it through, you don't have any
Plan B, C, D, and your willpower muscle is exhausted...you're not going to
stay stopped. That's the truth, unfortunately. So the real
"Secret Sauce" actually isn't willpower, but dealing with what triggers your
habit, as we're gonna be discussing in the next set of tips. But in the meantime
in the Comments below, why don't you leave a little note about how
you've thought you have willpower, or you overestimated your willpower, and
where it fell short for you with Staying Stopped.
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