Hey it's Abbi J founder of AJ Life Hacks and today I am talking all about the principles
of matching and mirroring and if you've never heard about one, I'm going to define it but
I'm also going to tell you why this principle is radically going to change your life.
And it's going to help you with your social and your professional game.
It's going to be your magically little secret to why people just for some weird reason love
you more than others.
So keep watching this video and I've got these awesome tips for you on how to use matching
and mirroring in your life.
[Intro]
So what is matching and mirroring?
It's actually a psychology principle that when two people are in sync.
Are liking each other, are agreeing to something or are just feeling safe and comfortable around
each other that they will start to mimic each other's behavior.
Have you ever noticed this?
You are sitting in class next to your best friend and you both have your arms folded,
or you're tapping your pencil the same way.
Or nodding your head.
That's because you two are in sync.
And why this is really important is to know is because if you can consciously sync up
with people in ways that aren't very noticeable because otherwise they'll think you're just
a weirdo.
Then you can start to get people thinking unconsciously thinking, "man I really like
this person and I'm not sure why but I am."
But you'll know why because you are working with your phycology to make their body and
mind realize that hey, this is a friend.
This is somebody who is like me.
SO my tip for you to use this mirroring and matching principle is to start small.
Now you don't want to walk up to somebody who is maybe standing like this and just walk
up and be like, "hey how you doing?"
Because they're going to like, "oh!"
A little off put, a little weird, but as you're talking to somebody and you notice that they're
gesturing large with their hands.
You start to guested with your hands and pretty soon you're matching their movements.
And when they're really excited you're really excited too.
And if you start out small and you start gradual.
Or otherwise people are going to think you're a freak.
And I'm a firm believer with this principle that a little goes a long way.
And we all know that if somebody's folding their arms and kind of like this.
Well, maybe you start out like this and slowly see if you can get them to open themselves
up because this is such a "don't talk to me look."
But start small when you start mirroring and matching.
And start matching body language first.
The second tip I have for you is to start matching their voice.
Now I don't mean that you copy accents or dialects because that is very offensive to
some people and it just comes across so wrong because as much as I would like I don't have
a British accent or an Australian or a southern accent.
I'm from Utah, I have my Utah accent and it would be offensive if I tired to copy somebody
else.
Or pretend I was from their same region.
But if somebody is talking really soft, and quiet, you know what, don't come in yelling
at them or they're going to feel like you're a loud abrasive person.
Come in and talk at their same level and if they're really quiet and speak more at a monotone
level then match that.
And they consciously are going to think, I like this person.
This person is like me.
They get me.
And on the opposite scale if somebody is loud and just so energetic and bubbly get your
energy level to match them.
I'm sure you've seen this all the times with your friends but you don't realize it.
There are some friends that you see in the hall and you run and you scream and you hug
them.
And that's because their personality type, and that's how you act with them.
There's other friends that hey you give them a nice shoulder hug, "how you doing today?
It's really great to see you." and that's how you guys interact.
So start looking at first tip the body language, second tip their voice and their energy levels.
My third tip for you for matching and mirroring is for more a professional use, but this one
has been huge in building my career and helping me with professors and bosses and teachers.
And this is in your writing.
And I think this is huge because so much of our communication today is through text and
email.
And what I mean by that is when you get an email from your boss and it says, "Hey Abbi!
Did you get that project done??
Can't wait to see you tomorrow morning :) Love, your boss."
Well then you have more freedom to be like, "Hey boss!
Yes, I did.
I'm really excited to see you tomorrow.
Thanks for the reminder email :) Thanks again, Abbi" It's because you've matched their language.
Because they were very casual for email with explanation points and smiley faces, then
you can too.
Now on the other hand if you get a text from a friend and they say, "I'm going to pick
you up at 5pm."
It's fine for you to text back, "awesome."
Instead of your other friend where they put, "I'm going to pick you up at 5 :) :)Salsa
dancer, happy emoji."
Well then maybe you need to match their level of excitement too and put "awesome!:)
Salsa dancer."
And it isn't that you're level of excitement--maybe the guy that send you a period text of like
I'll pick you up at 5.
You're really more excited to hang out with him, but it's that you match their level.
And this works so well especially for professional emails.
If you get an email from your boss that says, "Dear Abbi," very straight forward and sincerely
this boss, then you better copy their style of writing.
And this is huge for you.
And kind of a bonus tip I have for you is that if you are ever not sure, about do I
need to do be more professional or casual, I'm not reading this very well.
I don't know.
Always error on the side of professional.
And that is just a great tip to always save face because explanation points and smiley
faces can lose you a job if it's placed in the wrong place.
Or if it's something that your boss deems inappropriate or your teachers.
So work on those steps with matching and mirroring.
Oh man, I know that is so much information to throw at you in a small video but matching
and mirroring is huge.
And it's a really awesome psychology principle you can look it up, and all different life
coaches, and books talk about this principle.
And it's something that you know what, start small start with body language, your voice,
and work up to you know what, I match this person's writing.
I match their person's energy level.
And see how people can start to feel like, you know what, I just love being with you.
You might start hearing more things like that.
Or man you just get me!
Or I feel so comfortable around you.
Don't be shocked if you start hearing those things when you start practicing the tips
I've shared in this video.
So share this around to some of your friends see if maybe you guys can make a game of this
and keep each other on your toes.
And please subscribe to my channel where I come out weekly with amazing videos for you.
So Abbi J out.
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