what's up everyone welcome back and I am so glad that you're here because I have
a phenomenal guest who's returning on to our channel to help us out with getting
clarity on what how we can use appreciative inquiry and also on how we
can generate our own clarity manifesto now this guest needs no introduction
he's a returning guest his name is Robert Murray he is phenomenal he's a
coach he's actually trained by Brendon Burchard so he's one of the high
performance Academy coaches he has worked with so many different people
from all over the world and he added a lot of value to us in the last session
however due to time restrictions we never really got to dig deep into
appreciative inquiry so I asked Robert to come back and very kindly he accepted
so here we go Robert good to have you back brother hey thank you thank you
yeah you know that's what happens when you get to people who are deep into
personal development you get us wound up and it's like wow I have something to
talk about for another hour and then probably at the end of this we'll say
well we have something else to talk about so much on this topic it's it's
it's pretty awesome so and and you can get me very easily excited about
appreciative inquiry so yeah you'll just I texted to law earlier in the day just
before we jumped on the call and I was like I kinda feel like a kid in Disney
you know like I know I'm going to Disney I'm super excited and I started writing
notes for myself and this like all this is the system awesome stops yeah yeah I
actually was coming out of my covers lifted climbing out of my car locked it
downstairs I was running out of my car and my phone actually started buzzing
and I checked my phone there was a message from from Robert saying I can't
wait for later I was like yeah neither can I so yeah awesome awesome I'm glad
you're here so Robert um I mean this what you're
talking about with appreciative inquiry is something really quite new to me and
I know that it's a you've actually worked with John
Bhargav is your actual mentor so you worked with him on appreciative inquiry
and obviously you worked with Brendon Burchard and you obviously trained by
him and you're one of his high performance Academy coaches so can you
can you start off by just maybe telling us a little bit about what is
appreciative inquiry and you know how are people using it in their their
organization in their businesses yeah absolutely
you know and it's funny too because sometimes I'll just start using it it's
almost better to not even use the word and I even get hung up on appreciative
inquiry it's funny because some of the people are like that stuff that you do
that is so good and then they just call it everything else you know appreciative
acceptance you know just start coming up with things it's like no matter how many
times they say appreciative inquiry they're like I don't need whatever you
know and obviously the truth about it is that it's an operating system it's a way
of thinking it's a way of being that's that's different and it really doesn't
matter what you call it or what the term is it's just it's just a way of being
and and I think at its heart what it is it's changing the lens that you look at
things and instead of focusing on everything that's wrong that's broken
what you don't want you just start asking questions and noticing what are
the strengths that are inherent in us in each one of us what are the strengths
and hearing our organization what's good what's already working and then how can
we come together in a safe environment an inclusive environment to imagine what
future we want together and it's really brainstorming around those things and
and so I think at its essence that's really what appreciative inquiry is it's
it's refocusing from what it is that we don't want to what it is that we do want
understanding what's already there and then starting to create a future
together that's based on that building upon those strengths awesome so Robert
what I hear you say there is the fact that it's it's about aligning yourself
with what is it that you want mm-hmm and then
kind of sharing best practice but also coming together and you know being part
of that planning to see how you're going to move forward and and you know get get
to the level where you want to go but that you said that there is the
difference between you know looking at what you do want versus what you don't
want so why is that different DIF important oh my gosh it's everything
it's it's everything because you know when you've heard this so many times
that what you focus on grows and and that's so true one of the things that
John Berghoff talks a lot about I'll throw another in not even sure this is a
great idea to throw another funny term but he talks about the heliotrope ik
effect that that trees tend to grow towards the Sun and that things tend to
move in the direction that gives them life and so when you're focusing on the
things that are good that are positive that are energizing that make you feel
happy you tend to move in that direction organisms you know all of nature moves
in the direction of those things that give them life and just as just in the
same direction everything tends to move away from those things that drag you
down that make you feel icky that depress you so what do you think happens
when you're so bogged down that you're thinking you know and just think about
like in a normal management consultant standpoint you know if I were going into
an organization and I start saying okay I think we all know what's going on
that's wrong here let's figure out what it is that's going wrong and who's
causing that and what we need to do to fix it I mean just think about like oh
all right yo when you're when you're asking a question like that the first
thing that people are doing was wasn't me it was those damn guys and tech thus
those are the guys that are doing it it's only we could do this and by the
way if only our customers could be more appreciative of the service and really
understand what we're going through you know and you start focusing on all of
those things that's what's wrong and what's broken so suddenly you're asking
yourself questions that just completely lack creativity they lack productivity
they lack the ability to get into a solution based
problem-solving mode and before you know it the whole meeting has degenerated
into like just a complete mess as opposed to when you go into a meeting
and you start asking people what's already working and then how do we build
on that why it's important I love it I love it but in terms of actually getting
started so you know with people who are not familiar with appreciative inquiry
like I mean you know once you've explained now it makes so much more
sense but I wasn't familiar with it so for people who are not familiar with it
like myself where do you where do you start what works is like the first step
into you know going into this this whole world of appreciative inquiry yeah so
what I would say is this and probably the best way to do it is to just give
you some examples and walk you through the various examples of it I will say
that appreciative inquiry at its its heart like you can look it up there's
tons of books on it that's it's an open source material so I mean you can just
look it up on the internet and get a lot of information on it but one of the
things that that that I've experienced that's so different is that the best way
to learn it is by experiencing it and doing it and even though there's a bunch
of books I mean I've got a library full of books over there and the honest truth
is I've read through half of each of them I mean some some of them are like
four or five hundred pages and pretty deep when you get into the academic part
of it and that's one of the things that I love about John Berghoff and I love
about the flourishing Leadership Institute and what they're teaching
because they're not really teaching appreciative inquiry as much as the
experience of appreciative inquiry and the facilitation of experience of the
Phyllis ill occasion of the experience of appreciative inquiry so that people
can can feel it feel the power of it and probably the best way that I can share
it with the people who are listening to this program is just to start describing
stories of times that I used it and then you're like oh I get that I can do that
because sometimes I've even done little shops with people for a couple of hours
and I've shared a couple of these ideas and they don't know anything about the
framework of appreciating why they haven't read any of those books and they
start implementing these little micro practices into their organization and
into their relationships and they report back to me like their whole meeting like
everything they're doing and running their company has completely changed
just because of adding those little practices Wow that's powerful that is
really powerful so what you actually for I know you're working with our
organization right now but when you do actually go into an organization for the
first time and you're there to help them with you know the growth or helping them
move towards the goals that they want to achieve or you know to to actually
eliminate the the issues that they're having how do you get them to buy into
appreciative inquiry that this is the right way for them to to go yeah I don't
I just start giving them the experience of it so I'll just give you a real
practical example just happen literally last night this happened so I I was
asked to be a chairman of the board for a non-profit in the in the local
community and it was partly because of having given a class on appreciative
inquiry before and the people like I don't know what that thing is that you
did I'd like that way of leading teams so they got to experience it and so that
was the reason that I I became chairman of the board was just because they liked
that experience of it you know on the agenda was so this was the executive
board meeting and on the agenda was we need to start forming committees we need
to get our getting the structure together and all that kind of thing and
that's that's cool but it's not really that exciting so I opened the meeting
instead of instead of sharing you know like how do we start forming this the
board meetings you know what minutes do we have from the last time any of that
kind of stuff I opened it up with the question and I asked the question is
what is the mission of our organism out the mission of our nonprofits it's
called GI Joe C what is the what is it about the mission of nan
of GI Josie that inspires us to give up our personal time and to be here meeting
together right now and then we just had everybody go through the room and share
what inspires them you know and as an example you know I shared with me and
this is a nonprofits that's designed to help women military vets sometimes ex
military vets who are recovering from PTSD and military sexual trauma and what
I shared with it and other people shared their own inspiring visions is you know
what inspires me about is that these are young people who served oh jeez I can
never get through an interview without tearing up this is bad but these are
these are these are young people who have served our country and are now
suffering from something that have so much potential and because they're
feeling as though they've been a victim of what they went through they're not
able to live up their potential and they're not able to serve at the level
that they can and they have families they have children they have people
around them in their community that they already stepped up to serve greatly and
they can continue to serve greatly but their feeling as though they can't
because of this and I want to provide an open space where they can heal from that
and it's like so I mean you can sell like I tear up saying that and now
suddenly I'm inspired like I'm here for a reason that matters to me it's not to
form committees it's not to do any of the technical stuff it's because this
matters deeply to me as a person and when each person in the executive
committee went around and shared their vision of why it mattered to them you
think the whole tone of the meaning changed because now suddenly they're
connected to a purpose that mattered deeply to them
so Wow is amazing and and what what it seems like is that appreciative inquiry
starts from within yeah and it's a different way of
leadership yeah yeah yeah it connects them to it connects them it connects us
to why what we're doing is important as the first thing the second step of
appreciative inquiry the next question that I asked the board
so again before we even got into the agenda the second question that I asked
everybody is what is it about the other members of the executive team that you
see our strengths that you're excited to learn from and what is it about them
that you're excited to collaborate with them on so now suddenly we're focusing
on the strengths within the other team members that is already present mmm yeah
yeah and that's a completely different way of looking at it compared to you
know all we're missing this and you know how can we get there in terms of our
goals and numbers etc it's completely different to in terms of you know what
is it that we can share here what can we contribute to this cause that we deeply
care about yeah yeah exactly so and then you launch it in the meeting
so what did that take 15 minutes and then we launched in a meeting and the
meeting was far more energized and creative and productive because now we
had a reason for doing this yeah yeah awesome and okay so Robert let's let's
take it's not eat it you know a different direction now for somebody who
actually is interested and they say okay fine this this sounds really awesome I
want to learn more about a Khrushchev and Cory I want to be able to implement
what it is and I want to take it further what what can you tell us like how how
will you essentially teach somebody appreciative inquiry hmm yeah exactly
well I mean that's part of my passion and part of my mission it's what I'm I'm
super excited to do right now I'm infusing appreciative inquiry into all
of my high performance coaching with with fabulous results and I'm also just
this huge supporter of the flourishing Leadership Institute and the work that
they're doing in training people to utilize it because really what they're
doing is flourishing Leadership Institute the training that I took
specifically is called leaf training which is leading with experiential
appreciative facilitation and I know that sounds like a lot but you
secta you think about it it's like how do you learn how to facilitate an
experiential process where people are going into it and and flourishing
leadership I call it fly which is a lot easier to say is gosh I mean they're
they're getting one engagement after the other I mean John Berghoff was just
invited out to BMW to work with the self-driving car division a couple of
weeks ago and he was teaching one division of the company how to how to
brainstorm and how to collaborate and how to ask those appreciative questions
with each other and it went so well that even before he got back on his on his
flight from Germany he had already gotten a request from them to give
training on how to do this appreciative facilitation with the rest of their
divisions the rest the leadership of their company so that I can make the
company so I think it's really spreading by wildfire and so I think gosh I mean
to me I would say to you know take the training obviously I did so I am a
believer of it but but there are so many ways to learn it I'm certainly glad to
with any of your listeners share resources because as I said it's very
open source we have tons of articles and and to walk people through it and and
even on this I would love to share with the audience micro steps little things
that you can do right off the bat that will change it just so you can even see
if like if you want to take this into your company right now try this so maybe
I should just give you one you want I'll give you one okay go for it yeah as an
example so one of the things so I'm working right now with a leadership
development company called epic impact and I actually met the the leader of
that company through this class through the appreciative inquiry facilitation
class so they're infusing appreciative inquiry in their in their whole process
so think about this day one okay I'm my onboarding I'm
with the company there was one other coach that they hired at the same time
as me so instead of getting into the okay guys here's our policies here's our
procedures here's the company vision whatever right
they didn't say any of that they asked the same question that I just asked with
the nonprofit which was what strengths do you see in the other people in this
team and our customer service the client support team what are the strengths that
you've seen the other members of the client support team that you're inspired
to learn from and it's so like like I just totally stole right that for the
nonprofit I just totally stole the question that I experienced in the
onboarding an epic impact for for the use of the that the nonprofit but what
is it what strengths do you seen the other people that you're excited to
explore and collaborate with and I'm like wow that's powerful and the other
coach this is just a funny story so I'll share this story and you can tell I'm
excited about this so I just keep going you cut me off when when I've gotten to
life I turn I turn to the other coach so like I'm a middle-aged you know a
middle-aged corporate type right so I turned to the other coach that they
hired which is a young a young woman who is like so different than I am I mean
she's she's bubbly she's bouncy I call her dancey rainbowy unicorny I mean
she's just like a bundle of energy you know and and really cool like literally
they'll start playing music at the beginning and she'll get up and dance I
mean and and I love it I just love her energy and I looked at her and I said I
think I have a lot to learn from you because I'm you know I'm like this
straight lace you know turn on music with me and I'm kind of looking around
it's like mmm my shoulders may move just a little bit you know like I'm not
getting up dancing that's that's not you know and so so I'm thinking to myself
wow you know I've got a lot to learn from you and I turn to her and I told
her that now how how much better do you think my working relationship is with
somebody now that I have shared that she has qualities that I know I don't have
but I admire and I'm excited to learn from
how different is that so and and then we shared all of that like
every one of us went around and shared the strengths we saw on everyone else so
taking it back to the original question you had because I went way off but that
that's cool is what happens if you go into a
business meeting in your organization or any any group that you're in and you do
an exercise like that just do that just go around and ask the question what
strains do you see in the other people that you're excited to learn from and
collaborate with so everyone can do that in your company and just hold one
meeting and how different do you think your working relationships will be with
each one of the people within your organization because you had that made
yeah awful stuff and Robert you know you talk about you know when the music comes
on and you start to look sideways as well in my case when the music comes on
you Seattle on shaped hole in the wall because I'm on there so so we both need
to collaborate with her a little bit I'll connect you right after this will
connect we'll both learn from from from her in a powerful way
maybe our dance coach exactly oh yeah I joke this and and turn it now I was
speaking it in front of an audience is even worse but I've often said that you
can ask me to speak in a room of a thousand people and I'll be far less
afraid than if you'd asked me to dance in public so so maybe maybe that's one
of my next steps in personal development to stepping up and actually going to a
dance lesson gosh that terrifies me yeah that makes
two of us that makes two of us right well Robert let's let's let's take it a
bit further because you know this channel hustle is for life motivation
this is not my channel right this is the channel right now this the audience's
Channel this they come here to you know connect with all the amazing people that
I'm able to bring on and to learn from them because that's what I want from all
the people that are coming on and obviously you've shared some really
amazing insights on appreciative inquiry with us and I want to I want to take it
a bit further because I believe in holistic success right creative that's
in every single area of your life not just having a goalie like oh you know
how one day I want to have a Ferrari or one day I want to live in a big house or
one day I want my home to look like this I'm on a business to look like this or
my relationship to look like this it's more about creating success in all areas
of your life that's what I believe and that's what this channel is all like
that's what it's called hustle is for life so what my question really is like
how how does appreciative inquiry relate to people's life in other areas in terms
of you know not just their business but their personal lives their health their
finances their you know spirituality etc yeah that's such an awesome question I
love that and that is probably why you're doing so well with the YouTube
channel cuz you ask cause some questions like that so yeah I'll give you a micro
example of how how it made my Easter wonderful right so so I'll just give you
a personal example one of the practices that I have so when you get into this
appreciative mindset one of the things that I do on a regular basis is I write
down the things that I'm grateful for okay so last Easter that was the enemy
we're recording this right after Easter in the United States and the the
interesting thing was I was away from home you know like you know most of my
family's out in the East Coast I didn't have the traditional so I could have
chosen to think to stay attached it's the idea of you know no Easter supposed
to be around gathering together with friends and family around a big meal and
that's that's what I'm supposed to be doing and that just didn't look like it
was going to happen most of my friends were travelling the friends that were in
town were very happy to have the day off that they could you know not be doing
anything major so as I was writing my granite the things that I was grateful
for one of the fellow certified high performance coaches who happens to live
in the same town as had asked me a question the night before
that really made me think and I was writing down what I was grateful for and
I realized you know I should just tell her how much every time I talked to her
she makes me think she challenges me to a higher level of engagement and I'm
like cool so I just texted her and I said hey Natalia I just wanted to let
you know I was thinking about you this morning when I was writing what I'm
appreciative for every time I have a conversation with you you challenged me
to think at a deeper level and so she texted me back hey let's get together
for coffee I'm free today too so we got together for coffee we had an hour and a
half long really good conversation and and it was just magical and that kicked
off a day where there was one conversation after another where I
started noticing things and by the time I had done like three or four of those
things I was like wow this was like the best Easter ever you know so it was like
so for me on a personal level it was it was fabulous and is making a really cool
day but even for the relationship that I had now Natalia and I now have a
relationship because we have shared appreciation of each other like that in
in you know back and forth deeply but the reality is she and I had been doing
a we'd been doing a meet-up we're trying to do a meet-up together and there was a
period of time when we were working on this meetup together that she shared
with me that she felt like I wasn't acknowledging her ideas as well as I
should and I'm like damn I just got schooled on this you know like really
and it was funny right because that's one of my core values is to acknowledge
and appreciate people and here she was reflecting back to me that I wasn't
doing that that could have easily been a strain in
our relationship and it was I mean for a period of time until she was willing to
speak up and say that but the fact that she spoke it up the fact that she made
me think about it I mean you realized that I needed to
step up my game and it really made me rethink a lot
about how I treat people and how I'm listening and how I'm acknowledging
people and it caused me to do more of what I did on Easter and you think about
the depth of the relationship that we have now I mean I would take a bullet
for her and I think she probably feels that way for me like that's the kind of
connection that we have because we even went through part of that hard time but
then we started seeing the gifts the amazingness in each other and speaking
it out so when you asked how can this affect you in your normal life what if
you just start doing that in your relationships with people and start
writing down what you're grateful for and then sending it to people
acknowledging them and telling them hey you know what I really appreciate you in
you this and think about how much better your relationships being your family and
your working relationships with people with your wife with your kids I mean
like like that's a micro practice but man that I mean just start doing that
and your relationships will change so amazing thank you for saying that Oliver
that was phenomenal and to be honest the computer was making some noises I think
it wanted to be part of the conversation too but that's that's beautiful and my
question too to the audience right now really is when was the last time you
reached out to somebody close to you and just said thank you for being here for
me thank you for all that you do for me thank you for adding value to me thank
you for you know helping me and caring for me and supporting me when was the
last time you did that and I know somebody who actually has
this as their morning routine like every single morning they wake up and as part
of the morning routine they send a message they send one message to one
person in their network they could be friends or family or colleagues or
neighbor or somebody in this and my message ends to say thank you I really
really appreciate you having you know having you in my life and you know I
really appreciate everything that you that you do for me and all the value
that you bring to my life when was the last time you did that and my second
question to follow up with that is like when was the last time somebody actually
challenged you on something that you might have done and did you take action
on it when somebody did challenge you did you reflect on it did you dig deep
and did you really think well this is something I need to change or what
they're saying is that is that actually true is that something that's happened
maybe I've heard that maybe I have you know given them inconvenience in some
way how can I avoid it next time when was the last time you did that because I
think appreciative inquiry from what I've gathered so far from from you know
talking with Robert in this conversation is the fact that it's all about being
appreciative of everything and everyone that you have around you so I think we
all need to do more of that and certainly this is something that I'm
gonna be taking a lot more seriously from now on starting the drawbar thank
you Robert for being here I really appreciate the fact that you're here and
adding value feels but not just that we've become really good friends in a
very short period of time and and now I honestly can't imagine my life without
you so I really appreciate I really appreciate you yeah yeah thank you for
that you know and and it's kind of funny too because as you were talking about I
don't know if there's a textbook definition of appreciative inquiry but
whatever it is throw it out it doesn't matter to me it's it's an operating
system of just how how you interact with the world and then that's what that's
what I appreciate like all the people you know like yourself we connect on the
the principles of adding value and appreciating what's good in people so
just make appreciative inquiry like don't even get involved in the textbook
definition of it make it about that and just start practicing those micro
moments I think part of Fredrickson I'm gonna mess up the quote but she she
wrote a book called positivity I think and it was appreciating the micro
moments of connection and love and just start practicing more of those and it
will absolutely just that will change your life
and the other thing that I've noticed when you ask the question of how it
improves you on your personal life is that when you get into this positive
state and I don't even know how exactly to describe it but like you can imagine
me texting Natalia Natalia saying oh thank you for that let's get together
for coffee having a meeting with her like my whole frickin day was good right
like I was good at that and then like and that was just the one the first of
three or four other cool things that happened but just think if we were able
to live our lives that way an appreciation for what we have hmm not
for what we lack yeah yeah yeah you're absolutely right I think the way you
look at things changes the things that you look at that's right
that's right yeah and if you are looking at your relationships if you're looking
at your your business your life and you're always focusing on the lack off
then that's what you'll see mmm because you're actively priming yourself to look
for that great but on the flip side if you primed yourselves to look for
everything that's great and that's going well and that that that essentially is
lifting you up and driving you forwards mm-hmm then it's a whole different way
of living but that doesn't mean your problems will go away it just means that
you're more present in terms of what you already have and what how you can use
what you already have how you can leverage I love that word by the way now
you can leverage what you already have to take whether to go to the next level
yeah absolutely right yeah it just it yeah I think there's been studies that
it actually your creativity and your vision like literally when you get into
that positive state your vision improves there's no question about it because I
think we've all experienced it but when you're in like freakout panic mode it's
almost like you get this weird tunnel vision and you just can't think of
anything except it got to get out of this situation you know like like this
is bad I have to leave but there's no creativity to it and then
when you start getting into that positive appreciative it's like the
world is good something is going to something is going to go right and
suddenly you just find this random idea coming into your mind from it seems like
from left field and it's like wow that's really obvious why didn't I think of
that before then that's why it's so beneficial it's really I would say to me
it's a way of living much more it's a way of living it's a way of looking at
things it's a way of asking questions much more
is it then the the textbook definition of you know what what it really is yeah
yeah and you you talked about the tunnel vision I just want to touch upon that
maybe expand on it a little bit maybe and if you if you not sure you know what
what Robert is referring to in terms off that television think about this when
you are lying down in bed or you're sitting down somewhere you suddenly see
a big scary spider creep up next to you right the only thing you can think of is
that spider right that's the television that that I was talking about right
the only thing you can think about is like dad spiders big it's scary and it's
gonna be on right and how can I get away you don't think about the fact that you
know lunch today what what Netflix show I'm gonna watch when I get home I would
I wouldn't you know what clothes I'm gonna wait more morning when I go like
you none of that stuff you don't not think about any other stuff the other
thing about the big scary spider next year and that's the celebration that
Roberts talking about that your mind your brain focuses on what is most
urgent but you can change that yeah yes I so agree I love I love that you
said that let's take it further that so can you give us some some tips and some
advice on how we can start to change things how we can start to be more kind
of aware of what's going on and how can we start to shift that that my friend to
be more positive yeah absolutely so one of the things that I've done I'll just
share some of the things specifically that I've done that have made
I made a difference in my life and one of them is that practice that you shared
earlier which is I write down three specific things that I'm grateful for
so my morning routine is I'll get up I'll drink the water you know big my big
glass water and then I'll first thing is to write down the things that I'm
grateful for the the other thing that I'll do is write down some of the things
that make me come alive that will you know like will make the day really great
for me and then I go through and I read my clarity manifesto which is something
that I did for myself to focus on what I'm living in to what I'm becoming one
of the things that I don't do and this is so critical for a lot of people and
and one of the suggestions I'll make may may or may not be controversial to
people but you know if it is it's that's cool
the one that's not controversial is that I don't wake up and I don't pull this
thing up and I don't start checking my texts and I don't start reading my email
and I don't start getting into other people's agendas which is super
important and that's something that that we go through the high performance
coaching the controversial thing that I did and and let me just say this I
started with my manifesto in January and I also started this practice in January
and my life has been in this like it feels like a rocket ship ride of all the
good things that are happening so here's the thing that I did that could or could
may or may not be controversial I stopped watching the news just flat-out
stopped watching the news because our minds are wired just like you were
saying our minds are wired to focus on the spider our minds are wired to
protect us to get into fight or flight mode and so what can the news do to grab
our attention but to promote a massive amount of negativity that grabs us that
that holds our attention and so what was happening is I'd watch the news and I'd
hear about things that I would disagree with or not like or feel bad about or
you know and I can't do anything about that
and yet all around me right in front of me is all of these beautiful people
and all these beautiful relationships that I can help there is all this
content that I can create there's all this amazing coaching that I can do why
not focus on those things and is it really important for me to know and a
lot of times people might say well what if something horrible happens that you
need to know about it well the reality is some horrible things have happened
since January first and I found out about them from other people I mean I
like it's not like I'm head in the sand but my mind I'm not filling my mind up
with that negativity on a regular basis and so I'll just say for me it's been a
really good decision is what I'm sticking with if it's controversial for
people that are listening to this that's cool why don't you just try it for a
week and see what happens yeah absolutely and to be honest with you
Robert I'm with you on that one absolutely because I don't listen to the
news I stay away from the TV or even watch TV as much like only time I would
watch TV is like for example when I'm with my wife and we're watching
something together like Big Bang Theory or something crazy like that but like a
half of that really was TV right like I definitely say there's no newspapers no
news no news feeds on my phone or anything like that stay well away from
news no because I don't care I do care and the reason I say is it's because I
care so much and you're absolutely right the news is just fill up bad stuff like
they don't talk about the fact like oh my god like you know this this person
they you know donated so much to charity yes yeah like it pops up but is not you
know exaggerated to to that you know level where you know some of the other
bad news is exaggerated - yeah you know they don't talk about that they don't
talk about like how this one person went and actually helped this homeless person
right those things have not recorded but literally reporters are out there
looking for is the bad stuff because that scares people and that sells yeah
right yeah yeah I'd rather that my news is filled with good stuff right the news
that I follow is full of good good stuff so you know I I'm subscribed to like
certain newsletters and I'm you know on like certain Facebook groups and things
so there is news that I'm part of it's just that it's not the news that
everybody you know other people might be listening to on on TV and stuff because
that's that's focused kind of towards that the bad side of life where I don't
particularly agree because there's lots of good that's happening but that gets
missed out yeah that's my opinion I'm not saying that anybody needs to follow
that they beat you I'm just saying that that's that's my opinion that that's why
I do it yeah you know and it really comes and I'm totally with you on that
and one of the things that I've observed is every really high performer every
person who's really making a legit difference in the life in in the world
that I admire they stay focused to their mission and they're constantly moving
forward and driving towards that that's that's their their bigger vision they're
connected to that purpose so they just don't have time for that and and you
know what else happens and I didn't even think about this until you ask me the
question you know what else there's no time for there's not time for gossip
there's not time for neg negative backbiting there's not time for when
people don't treat me the exact way that I wanted to to be treated for me to get
attached to it and hold on to it and feel bad about it like there's just not
time it's like oh yeah that happened that's not cool you know what I'm moving
on you know I've got I've got my own party to go to I'm not worried about the
fact that I didn't get invited to this person's party or this person's party I
got my own party going on right now and if anybody wants to come along on that
party great and if they don't that's also cool because the party is still
happening yeah yeah absolutely and and people who you know they might not
follow this ideology but guess what they're not your crowd that's fine
that's okay I mean you know they can they can you know go ahead and do
whatever they want is their life is their choices right but for those people
who are in this you know same car as you then you will find that you know being
around them actually lifts you more you grow more and you're more purposeful
just with your life like like you said for example I don't have time to worry
about what she said or he did or you know whatever
I'm Way more purposeful yeah yeah I want to be here right now I don't
wanna be anywhere else except for on this called with Robert right purposeful
yeah yeah you know and it's funny even just going back to an organization I was
I was looking over real quick cuz I was trying to find this quote now pull it up
in just a second but but one of the things that's so interesting about what
you just shared is that the well it really goes back to I'll just read the
quote because it really fits in with with with what you were saying and I
think it was a Peter Drucker quote and it says the task of leadership is to
create an alignment distraint that makes a system's weaknesses irrelevant and the
reason that I share this is that what we're talking about right now can feel
Pollyanna can feel like we're ignoring the problems of the worlds it can feel
like we're ignoring like when you go into an organization a lot of
organizations have real problems right yeah I mean legit problems john burghoff
and again I hopefully I'm not saying something conference probably am saying
something controversial here but john Berghoff went he didn't event with us in
the Silicon Valley area last and it was because he was invited to Facebook to
work with them okay now talk about a company that's right now not getting a
lot of great press right and yet we'd love Facebook Facebook does a lot of
good for the world and it also does legitimate harm you know depending on
how people are using it yeah so appreciative inquiry John didn't get
invited to Facebook because because they were ignoring problems he got invited to
Facebook so that he could facilitate change within that organization to focus
more on how their technology can help the customers in the user base right so
good on Facebook first for inviting them so you know again I'm not saying
anything but appreciative inquiry I mean what we're talking about is not ignoring
the problems it's focusing on how we can align our strengths in such a way that
the problems become irrelevant because we don't need them anymore like
literally what you and I were talking about just a
I didn't even realize that I don't get into gossip and and backbiting and
talking negatively about people but it's that there's so much good happening
there's so many good people there's so much amplification of what's positive in
my relationships that I don't even think about that like that's just like why
would I do that that's just like such like why that's a waste of time
so why not start focusing within our organization within our family within
our community within our church whatever we're part of why not start focusing on
the strange such that there's other things start seeming Petty and
ridiculous you know the bad habits that we have to start seeming like they're
getting in the way of what it is that we really care about and want which is all
the good that could be occurring in our lives
yeah I guess it all starts with awareness I just want a quick share one
quick story I don't usually do this because I respect and nk4 the privacy of
my students but I think this kind of falls in again I'm not gonna mention
anybody's names or anything like that but it's just a general story the week
before the Easter holidays I two things happen to two kind of situations happen
with two students and I just got a chance to to be there you know for them
the one was one of my students I've noticed some change it's like she's been
gone a more quiet she you know wasn't focused as much and wasn't performing on
a level and on a number of occasions I've actually spoken um like is
everything okay it's something going on and each time she was just like yeah
everything's fine just busy etcetera offside okay all right you know if
genuinely you know there might be nothing but I I just you know tried to
do my bit and ask because I was concerned and then the final session
before the Easter holidays she walks in very upset and I've never seen her like
it completely unlike her and she's you know angry and you know it's creamy and
things like that but you know she she stayed for the session but
what I noticed what she stayed on afterwards after everybody left so and
she just like this still carried on with the homework that I had set them for
Alejandra and she just started doing that and I actually went up and then sat
next to her and I'm like what's going on seriously like there's nobody here now
this just you and me like what's up and she broke down into tears hmm
and it was all the fact that she believes she didn't fit in she believed
that you know there were people who saying things to her that she you know
interpreted as in like their but they were picking on her and you know a whole
bunch of stuff came out officer and I then spent I think nearly you know a
good bit of time just talking to her and and just asking a question getting
clarity on hey did you know that's not your crowd I'm so much more going on you
have so much more to offer you have so much more to give and that's what she
need to focus on but like it's what we would talk about like you know what you
focus on becomes your reality and that became a reality she literally broke
down to tears because of it and literally you know a couple of days
later there was another student and you know he's usually the first one to
finish all the work and he does extra work and I always give him extra work
and he'd never crushed and then he's just always done it mm-hmm and that day
he was actually falling asleep it was like no not like you know this is not
normal so again he was the last one to kind of leave and I and his you know
kept him behind and I was like hey is everything all right but what's going on
this is not like you I mean come on you you crush it in class right like so
what's going on and he's like oh you know I didn't get much the teacher like
come on you know you have sessions going on you know this is not holiday period
plus you're all in response you know what to do and it's like no it's not
that I just have got some stuff going on at home and he was like he was pretty
close to tears as well hmm and again I I was just like you know
what I'm just gonna talk to you let's forget about everything forget about it
let's just I'll talk to you let's just talk
but you know what's going on what can I help you with okay
and again you know I I didn't ask personal questions to dig deep and then
find out you know everything because that's not my job
but to show support and be there for him and say look I'm here but again I buy I
spent a lot of time changing his mindset his knife what do you want where do you
want to be you can't focus on this stuff and be like this where you're falling
apart cuz you are cuz he's already started talking to me you're falling
apart what are you doing it's not like you you don't want this what do you want
from your life right if this is what you want then this is what you need to be
doing right now focus ah and we spend a lot of time on
working things out and then you know walking out the action stuff that is
going to be taking throughout the Easter holidays that to help him
you know through that stuff so I just wanted to share those two things because
it just kind of aligned so much with what we were talking about here yeah
yeah no absolutely you know you just redirecting their attention and giving
them a bigger vision again you're not ignoring the problems but you're
focusing on what they what they do want and so they're moving forward with their
lives in a positive direction and yeah I mean good on you for doing that for
noticing for caring enough that they do that and and also really exemplifying I
mean just think just project out you know both of the students one year from
today if they continue to focus on what's wrong and what they don't have
versus one year from today if they start focusing on what they want instead yeah
I mean it's just obvious to anybody listening what the difference like their
worlds would be completely different and that's why it's so important for us not
to get caught up on on those negative frames don't let those stories engulf us
so much that become those stories yeah and then the key word there that you
solve it I think is caught up because the problems will be there right like
the issues will come and there will be there
is just that you don't get caught up in them and that's the key there right like
we're not ignoring the problems we're just not getting caught up in them yeah
yeah I mean and one of the one of the habits I've had to develop everybody you
know as part of resilience is right bad things are going to happen regularly
yeah then the reframe is okay what's the gift
in that that I can be learning from and how am I going to do things differently
okay that didn't work out the way that I wanted to work out that means I'm meant
to be doing something else what am I supposed to learn from this and and
reframing each one of those things into what the opportunity is it just casts a
completely different light on those things mm yeah yeah absolutely
absolutely well Robert this has been absolutely phenomenal um III really
appreciate you coming back and taking this time to talk to us about
appreciative inquiry I think there's some really great stuff really amazing
insights that you shared with us and and there's a lot that I definitely learned
and I'm just curious to know what everybody else does what about their aha
moments is also really appreciate it if the people in the audience will actually
go ahead and share shared those insights with us and you guys you can go ahead
and comment below and tell us what were your big aha moments and how you are
going to start using appreciative inquiry in your life Robert I'm just
curious to know what is it that we can help you with right now probably a
couple of things one is really just start being that change in the world
like like start applying one or two of those micro practices that I suggested
earlier the thing that I would love to help is I'm just passionate like when I
wrote what what my what my manifesto is you know I'm just passionate about the
work that I'm doing right now with epic impact which is really based on
appreciative inquiry which is awesome so and and they're an organization that's
really helping high performing sales people to really see themselves as see
sales as an act of service and it's also a coaching and leadership development
organization so if you know anybody that that is in kind of a sales role or a
high-performing sales role obviously that would be something to
reach out on me and also really just promoting and and you know I'm not I'm
not employed by a part of or anything with flourishing Leadership Institute I
just think that the work they're doing is so important I think that they're
changing the discussion of how organizations can develop in such a
powerful way that you know I would love if people would check out the work that
they're doing if I see you at one of the future appreciative inquiry facilitation
classes I will say that the classes I was the first one and I think the third
one completely sold out and the fourth one is almost sold out so I if you want
to get in you know like check that out get get yourself on the list or just
really reach out to me and I can I can hook you up with that and as well I can
connect you with a lot of the you know the multiple free resources are because
I really would love to see this message getting spread I would love to see
organizations operating in such a way that people feel connected deeply to a
mission and connected deeply to each other and really just going to work or
going to whatever it is that they do for a living and just feeling energized in
such a way that they're happy and that they don't even know they're working so
if there was a little bit more of that in the world that would make me really
happy awesome love it so Robert vacant people
go to find out more about you about appreciative inquiry and about the
classes yeah so they can go to so my website is sustainable growth
strategy and and subsonic sustainable growth strategies calm and I'll spell it
out or you can put it in notes on it and then the flourishing leadership
Institute's website is lead to flourish le ad and then to flourish calm and then
epic impact is epic impact epi C and then impact and so I can I can send you
other send you links to all of those websites and then you know I'll just say
I'll just give out my personal email address and if people are curious or
want to know anything more about any of those things that I talked about so my
email address is Rob H Murray at gmail.com so our OB h mu r ra y at
gmail.com beautiful thank you for sharing that Robert and people come on
like Robert just gave you the keys to the kingdom his personal email address
why wouldn't you want to reach out to Robert and start a conversation even if
you just thanked him for being here and sharing this time with us that would be
perfect but Robert is somebody who has so much to offer like literally I am
blown away like he has so much knowledge so much to share so much to give and he
is actually really open and giving and he shares very authentically and
transparently and I love that so I think you can genuinely benefit a lot just by
connecting with Robert so I would encourage you guys to go ahead and take
action and connect with Robert every time I bring on a guest is because I
believe in them and I believe in what they're doing and I absolutely believe
that what they will share with us will help you and me move forward so Robert
is a returning guest as you know because he just added so much value in the first
one that I just couldn't wait to get him back and to be honest I'm ready for
round three because there's so much explore in terms of forming
relationships in terms of also building your own large manifest like I wanna go
down the rabbit holes but we don't have enough time right around three and four
at least so we'll try and get them set up Robert if you have time coming up
sometimes exactly we'll turn it into the the miniseries version of the the hustle
for life
yeah I love that and I just noticed I've got a clock here and it's ticking really
loudly I wonder if it's been picked up and I don't hear I love to have you back
Robert I think we can we can definitely go for round three for possibly even a
five six who knows right but yeah thank you so much for taking the time to be
here and I think so much value to us awesome cool well I really appreciate
everything you're doing than I appreciate your having me on as you
could tell I get really excited about all the stuff and and so just even
having the opportunity to talk about it you know that that makes my day
beautiful beautiful guys as always make sure you like and share the video it
helps the channel grow and also you spread the message by sharing it with
other people who need to hear these ideas these messages so they can
accelerate their lives and create the holistic success for them also don't
forget to subscribe so you don't miss out any of the more awesome stuff that's
all in the pipeline and especially around three and four and five and six
and all the restaurants still didn't happen it went wrong but cuz I love to
have him back and with that thank you so much for spending this time with me I
really appreciate it make sure you hustle hard and I will catch you all in
the next
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