Hi, I'm Shanice.
Hi, I'm Lynette.
Hi, I'm Chevonne.
Hi, I'm Leah.
And this is ZULA ChickChats.
In this episode, I would like to thank Grabthechance,
for sponsoring all our outfits today.
*cheers*
So today's episode of ChickChats,
we'll be talking about real vs fake friendships.
So first of all, what exactly would you guys define as a real vs a fake friend?
I think a real friend is someone who is genuinely there for you.
So when something good happens to you,
the person is genuinely happy for you and not jealous.
Willing to sacrifice some stuff for you.
Say... you've been living overseas for a long time and when you're back,
they will drop everything and then meet you for that one short window of period.
It shows that you really matter to them and,
they are willing to go out of their way for you.
And a fake friend is obviously on the opposite,
is someone very judgy, you can see on her face.
[A fake friend] is not genuinely happy for your success,
and be a bit more negative.
A good friend is someone you would invite to your wedding, in the future.
The person has your back throughout.
It's like falling in love but not romantically.
Not romantically, 'cause you find someone,
who has your same interests...that kind of thing?
Just not romantically but if you fall in love,
it's ok, nevermind. We got best friends...
That's another episode.
Best friends fall in love, aka Chevonne Cheng. She's so confused.
A good friend is when you give and take and it's non-conditional.
But then, a fake friend would just take and take,
until you're like as dry as a bone.
*laughs*
I think a real friend is someone who...
Even if you don't meet for a long time, when you meet them,
they are still the same as ever.
I think they understand your silence more than fake friends do.
I think a fake friend is only there for the good times.
They might want to see you do good but not do better than them.
I think real friends are people who won't judge you for,
doing things that are not typically stereotyped as normal.
They are very open to understanding where you're coming from.
Any case they are not there for you,
it's probably because of the right reasons.
For example, you are making the wrong choice.
Those are the people who help you make better decisions in your life,
and want to make the best decisions for you.
I think on the other end, fake friends are just people,
who wants to be friends with you, but at the same time,
bitch about you behind your back.
For me, it's like... why do you want to be friends with me in the first place,
if you don't like me that much.
Unless they are probably using you for like...
Status, money, power, favours...or something like that.
So guys have their Bro Codes, so actually girls also have a Girl Code.
For example, a fake friend would someone,
who would be willing to sleep with your boyfriend.
Even your ex boyfriend, these kinds of things are unspoken rules.
So have you guys had any of these fake friends before,
and how do you think these friendships compare to those of your real friends?
When you hang out with them, it kind of feels very draining.
You know when you don't want to go out of the house, just to see the person.
My fake friend story - I have a friend from school.
She doesn't club.
When I was there for my first time [with her],
she would immediately find some guy who wants to make out with her.
And then the whole night, she just made out with the guy.
While I'm there like...friends with the new guy's friends.
I'm just here to be there in case you get into trouble or whatever.
But at the same time, I'm just like, "What am I doing here man?"
The opportunity came when she found someone else to club without me.
Not that I mind, it's ok.
So for mine - used to be my best friend.
We met in school and then for the longest time,
I couldn't figure out why nobody else liked her.
The true test of the relationship is when you take an overseas trip together.
Before the trip, everyone has their own religion.
And even though we don't share the same religion,
I respect yours and I feel like you should respect mine.
But she just diss(disrecpected) my religion and say mean things about it,
like, "Oh, it's not real."
And I got very offended.
So when we went on the trip, everything revolved around her.
She was looking for something for her dad.
So I went with her for the whole day, just looking for that jersey.
I never said a single word because - you are doing something your dad.
So next day, it was me.
I saw this bag and the lady was like, "Oh, we have more at Chatuchak."
It took us like, a half an hour to look for it.
And she just said, "Babe, you are waiting my time."
I think I was more stunned than anything else.
I never wanted to return home from a holiday that much in my life,
and it's only a 4 Day 3 Night trip.
So when we reached the airport, we just like...
So I had this friend who actually had depression before.
Every time [when she was] depressed, she would threatened to commit suicide.
I will always take a bus all the way to Jurong,
'cause she [would] say, "I want to commit suicide."
So I would be like, "Oh ok, I go find you."
Just causally, "Ok, I go find you."
She was admitted into the mental institute.
And then she told her mum to call me when I was in class,
and say like, "Oh, can you please tell Chevonne, tell whoever. It's because of them that I am in the mental hospital now."
And the fact that she was dealing with mental issues, I was trying to be very forgiving.
At the same time, she shouldn't have actually blamed just her mental illness.
But the fact that she couldn't see that she was very demanding,
wanted a lot of attention, without actually thinking of how the other party was feeling.
Fake friends constantly victimise themselves.
So there was this girl - a lot of times,
I see her hang out with some of my other mutual friends, which I am ok with.
I think maybe in year 2 of JC, I didn't really hang out with her as much,
because we're all busy studying for A Levels.
So I heard from my friends, she was saying shit about me.
She was texting all my friends,
"Make sure you bring her to the toilet because I want to come inside, she don't know that I am there."
Why would care whether you're there or not?
If I see you, all I'm going to do is say hi.
I don't know why she made an effort to go and talk to all my friends,
to find a way to exclude me from her social circle.
I just tweeted something like, "Wow...I wonder if we were even friends in the first place at all.
Then she screenshot and sent to one of my other friend,
and said, "Is she okay? What happened to her?"
Please, you don't even care about me, why do you want to say this kind of things.
The term fake was damn real for this.
I think for your cases, a lot it is toxic.
That kind of friendship often equivalates to fake friendships, but mine was legit fake.
I didn't bring it up to her and I didn't clarify with her 'cause for me, this kind of friend I cut.
It's very waste of your time to try to make an effort to be their friend back,
when you know they are not being genuine to you.
Now I just cut her out my life but if she watches this video..hey!
A lot of times, people put you down or tell everybody else shit about you,
it's just to make themselves feel better and present themselves better.
And that's a very immature thing to do.
Actually I had a very similar situation - so it was in the fashion industry.
Everyone seemed to get along.
They would be like, "Oh my God Babe, I love your dress."
"Don't touch me." "Oh my God Babe."
They turn around and next thing, they would be like, "Oh my God, did you see her...you know?"
"You heard?" "I'm done."
And I'm just like...
And then if there are new joiners, they would judge the person from head to toe.
"Did you see her Chanel bag? Oh maybe it's not real."
I left very quickly.
I watched this Facebook video about fake friends VS ambivalent friends,
and the difference is that - fake friends you can cut out of your life but ambivalent friends you cannot cut out,
because one, they are probably still nice to you.
At the same time, you don't really care for them.
What do you think about this ambivalent friendships?
For me just acquaintance.
Wow, Chevonne Cheng so popular, she only has acquaintances.
You don't need to mess up your life deciding whether this person is nice or not nice.
It's either real friends, fake friends or acquaintances.
For example, when someone considers you as their friend but to you,
you are more of like, not that close to that person.
Maybe because of different interests, but at the same time,
the person really wants to meet you and hang out with you.
That friendship, I feel is not very genuine because you don't really care about what the person is doing.
And maybe the person cares about what you're doing but for certain reasons only.
You cannot cut them out 'cause they are trying to be nice to you,
and all they are trying to do is hang out and catch up with you.
Do you know what this sounds like? This just sounds like friends who meet up with you to sell insurance.
It's just easier to have less drama but this friendship often drains you even more,
because you have to consciously make an effort to meet this person.
In these cases right, how do you guys deal with these fake friendships or ambivalent friendships?
Fake friends I cut because why make yourself unhappy?
Ambivalent friends - mine is more of a clique situation,
and they were not mean to me or anything, so leave it.
I know it's very hard to let go of fake friends, especially if you have to see them for the rest of...not the rest of your life.
You have to see them for quite a long period of time.
From there, you can either decide to be a good person - to either talk to them and be a real genuine friend,
or if you don't really care about the person then you can just slowly...
How I differentiate real friends with fake friends,
let's say you want to talk about something very emotional to you,
and the person is not receptive to it.
Sees you for your opinions and not as a person yourself,
that person is usually a fake friend.
The older you get, the more ambivalent friendships you will have.
Most of the friendships that people will have in their lives will all fall under this category.
Because you have only so much energy and time to spend with people that you really love.
And I'm at the age where right now, I'm like...
thinking of having a wedding, I'll be thinking are my true friends.
And most of them are my childhood friends.
So I think thats...
Not invited to Chevonne Cheng's wedding.
It's a standard thing - a table for colleagues, childhood friends, industry people.
'Cause in media industry, it's almost like a networking, social gathering kind of thing.
If people are fake but then at the same time,
you want to be mature, so you also don't want to be mean to someone else.
That's why people usually fall into this category.
So with social media also, most of the time, people will just want something out of you.
If you really count the number of people who no matter what happens,
let's say you argue with the husband,
youneed to run away somewhere to stay at someone's house.
There will only be so few people who will be able to let you with them...Probably 10.
Or if you need money? Money is very important to them.
At the same time, don't take advantage of people.
I feel like friends you really think are friends would run away with your money.
Then you're like, "I'm broke!"
If someone is very manipulative, they can easily influence people around them.
I think you should get rid of that friend in the group, it's very taxing for everybody not only [you].
It depends, 'cause sometimes when you [get] influenced,
they, may not think that it's taxing on them.
A lot of times when these friends influence those around you,
they will easily, "Ya hor, why this person like that."
If you all collectively decide to ostracize the person, then I don't need the right thing to do.
So talk it out, then your friendship would become a genuine friendship,
and you yourself would not be a fake person to that person.
After all we are not very good friends after the talk,
then we just distance ourselves and become ambivalent friends.
suddenly become ambivalent Prince let's just give some friendly friendship
advice to everybody out there we even have a big brain right I will not cut
off the buzzer quick friends right actually really suffer me maybe they are
fake because someone else was big deal with them you don't have to be mean to
them yeah you done into the person with an S hola don't spend so much time in
them if you don't enjoy I'm not if you yourself have so many people are alive
people just think that you're the kind of I know just small thing that you like
you need to banish there I thought the key advantage of me bitch want a she
never stay on alignment I really feel very trainee and I think I why you are
like a bitch yeah yeah I think it's not only just to
focus on the friendship I so focus on the person is correct is why you love
about a person who's used to rule like very hard I'm because I good friends you
can argue and you see talk about it yeah we can talk to a person about the
after they are in the person is not why we when you're like I think ultimately
all decide don't be afraid to dive over friend because your mentor who is very
important you have to consider your daily stress environment real life goes
everybody shitting on you you can't let your wrench it on your dreams or
something yeah very very toxic do you write honestly you know I would be much
better without its person I solve real friend who should always give by you
sure know where for signs thinking too much
and it's not conditional you shouldn't think like oh my friend should do this
to me because I spend so much time on ETO see who I hope you doing time for
Pisces if I didn't almost equality fear genuine person and they are actually
smash you flat your true feelings okay so today we talk about real and fake
friendships and we concluded there let's be good to everyone first you never know
who who be mean to you guys can really do any of our stories feel feels share
yours in the comments below and also let us know what else to talk about next
time don't forget to Like share and subscribe bye
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