Hello and welcome to the Mastin Kipp podcast.
I'm your host, Mastin Kipp and I am the creator
of functional life coaching
where we discover the root cause emotional blocks
that are holding you back from success
and I'm also the creator of trauma hacking
helping you turning your nervous system
into your ally and the best-selling author of the book
Claim Your Power and also a trauma survivor advocate.
And this podcast is from my heart to yours,
I'm gonna share with you all kinds of different things,
different coaching experiences that I've had with people,
different parts of my life, maybe an excerpt from a seminar,
different interviews with friends and thought leaders,
all about how to get unstuck,
how to hack your nervous system,
how to turn your nervous system into your ally
and really get the edge so that you can
really live your dreams, live your purpose
and most importantly, pay it forward.
So I hope you enjoy today's episode,
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because I love to hear from you
what your aha-moments are.
I love hearing that, my team loves hearing that too.
So, without any further ado, please enjoy
this episode of the Mastin Kipp podcast.
Speaker Two: Hey.
Mastin: Hey, what's up, man?
- I'm good.
- Good to see you.
- Thanks.
One of my aha's was basically the last call
on Thursday night when you were talking to,
and how you spoke about forgiving someone.
- Yes.
- And I thought I had like done that basically
at some point in the past but I really hadn't
and I was holding onto a lot of stuff.
Especially some people at work like my boss
and some other people
that I'm like really pissed off at work
that's like been the thing lately.
So that was the most recent one
that kind of got me thinking.
- What did you do?
- Excuse me?
- You forgave somebody?
- Uhhhhh...
Basically, yeah.
I'm trying to just get past it with my boss
like not trying to like focus on hating her whatever...
(laughs)
- Sounds like you're doing a good job with it.
- Yeah, I'm trying.
(laughs)
No, no.
(laughs)
- It sounds like your aha moment is
I actually hate my boss.
(laughing)
- Yeah, basically.
(laughing)
- Most people hate their bosses.
- Yeah.
- So if you hate your boss, what are you gonna do about it?
- Well basically for sometime now
I want to leave that job and go...
- Ahhhh.
- Something else.
- All right.
So a little bit of coaching on this, okay?
- Yeah.
- So I can sit here and just try to make peace with my boss
which is not gonna happen.
Okay?
It's not.
It's not gonna fucking happen.
Or you can say I'm using this intense negative association
with my boss and I'm gonna thank her for being a catalyst
for me to start my own business
or to quit and go to where I wanna go
and to grow because this is an emotional experience
that's creating so much pressure that I have to move
and it's probably been there for a while.
- Oh yeah.
(laughing)
For a long time.
- Yeah, waiting for it to boil over.
And yeah you can be peaceful and you can probably have a
heart to heart with her and get to a place
where there's a level of civility.
But probably this is an opportunity for you to make a move.
- Yeah.
I do want to do that.
I basically want her to fire me
because that's how I'm gonna get my severance pay.
That's how it works here in Greece.
I don't get it if I quit.
- How much pay is it?
- Oh it's about 30 something thousand euro.
About 33,000 and I'm hoping that'll be...
- And what would you do with the money?
- Well...
That's part of like again why I came to Claim Your Power
so you could like work it out in my head
'cause I do have the fear and anxiety
of leaving something that's so certain.
- You have a fear and anxiety of working out in your head
it's never gonna work.
You've gotta feel into it, man.
- Yeah.
- So what's your gut instinct on what you would do?
- Oh, well I want to start something of my own,
my own business as you can see.
- Think about it, thought about it.
What would it be?
- Lot of guitars behind me.
I'd like to try to do something in music or
with the whole guitar thing that I really like doing.
Not that I'm the greatest.
- At guitar?
- Excuse me?
- Like teach people how to play guitar?
- Uh, yeah that too, yeah.
Or open up like a store and sell guitars
or I don't know.
- Or both.
I think it's funny usually you teach people
how to play guitar to get started
'cause you just do lessons over the internet
and there's no like overhead.
- Yeah, yeah. True.
- That would be amazing and...
How should I put this?
How certain are you that she's gonna fire you?
(inhales deeply)
- Um, well that's part of the whole thing.
I wanted to talk to her and ask her if she can do it.
(laughing)
Basically.
I don't really wanna be someone who's gonna go into work
and like cause trouble or whatever.
Who I am.
I'd rather just like tell her flat out
like can you please just fire me and...?
- And go do it.
Why don't you do that on Monday?
- I wanted to know, I wanted to go to a lawyer first
and I called up my lawyer but she hasn't gotten back to me.
- How long ago was that?
- That was about two weeks ago now.
- You like that she hasn't got back to you.
- Well, yeah in a way.
(laughing)
Yeah, you know?
Again there's this certainty of like having a job
and then there's the uncertainty
then to like walking into that.
- That's right.
So here's the bottom line.
Whenever anyone's in a position like this, right?
So the position is this.
I'm in a place I don't wanna be.
There's a place I do wanna be
but the place that I am is still kinda comfortable
so I'm kinda okay being there.
- Mmhmm.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- So all you have to do is end the delusion
that you'll do it one day and everything will be
nice and comfortable and this perfect transition
and you gotta put a fork in the ground and say,
you know what?
I'm actually gonna run the boats here.
That's the goal, right?
So it means like and to be honest,
like your purpose and your business
and whatever's next for you is probably worth way more
than 30,000 euros.
Like you're selling your soul for 30,000 euros.
Like that's not really a good idea.
- Uh huh.
- Right.
One of my teachers and a good friend of mine,
Taylor Mace has a whole body of work on archetypes
and she has four archetypes she talks about
called survival archetypes, all right?
And one of them, this sounds like a bad word
but it's not a bad word so hear me out.
One of the archetypes she talks about is called
a prostitute.
Okay?
And a prostitute archetype is what is your soul worth?
What is your purpose worth?
What is your, you know, mission on this planet worth?
What is your creativity worth?
Sounds like yours is worth about 30,000 euros.
I bet if there was 20,000 you'd probably still stay.
If it was 10,000 you'd probably still stay.
You'd probably stay for 5,000.
So it's probably worth a lot less than that to you
right now.
So this is an opportunity from an archetypal perspective.
Archetypes are just universal energy patterns
that we all recognize and understand.
Like the old, wise mentor like Obi-Wan Kenobi or Dumbledore.
Or you know whoever, right?
So the prostitute is something that we can all
get an image of and an understanding of what it is
and it's just someone who trades something sacred
for something that is not sacred.
That's kind of the idea of what the prostitute archetype
stands for.
So essentially you're prostituting your soul for severance.
And that's not something I would recommend doing.
Now if there's a smart, strategic way
for you to exit quickly and get your severance package
I would recommend doing that
but I would recommend putting a very short window on that
because the frustration and the anger
and the lack of expression that you're experiencing
is far more costly than 30,000 euros.
- Yeah.
I guess.
Yeah 'cause on Friday I was like,
something happened at work and it just got like
totally out of control.
I had to like walk away and then come back
like after like 10 minutes every one was looking for me
and I just walking around the building.
- Sure.
- So, yeah.
- But here's the thing.
When you get to your deathbed,
you would gladly give 80,000 euros,
a million euros, all the euros
for one more shot of an unlived life.
- Mmhmm.
- Right?
So like what we're doing is,
we're getting out ahead of you and saying like, look.
You can change now or you can change later.
Most people like the average person,
just waits for things to kind of get to a point
where they have to change or they just settle, right?
- Mmhmm.
- My clients don't settle.
What we do is we get proactive and we initiate change.
That requires a lot more courage
but the results are way greater
and the problem with this advice for you is that
I'm asking you to believe in a future
you haven't ever experienced yet.
So it seems almost impossible
but if I were you I would go in,
I would say, look, I would talk to the lawyer like ASAP
and I would get the advice and I would go
and have the conversation and if it doesn't work well
then I would literally create an exit plan.
- Mmhmm.
- By when?
Here's my notice.
I'm leaving in two months or a month
or three months or whatever it is.
Here's my plan to replace myself.
I'll train somebody.
Really take care of them so you're like the best employee
to ever quit ever, right?
- Mmhmm.
- And then what's gonna happen is
you're gonna be scared.
(laughing)
Okay?
Which is good.
And that fear is what will get you off your butt
and into action.
That's exactly what we want.
That's not a survival pattern.
That's a survival instinct.
- Mmhmm.
- Right?
So, now.
Most people just wait for life to do that for them
and it takes a decade or 10.
Right?
Or three or four lifetimes.
So what we're saying is let's just skip all that
wasted time 'cause how much is a year worth
or a decade?
Way more than 30,000 euros.
You can get money back.
You can not get time back.
- Yeah.
- Right?
My question is, when are you gonna make the change?
Not wait around for it.
- Well I need to call up the lawyer again tomorrow.
I need to get it done as soon as possible.
As soon as you...
- By when?
As soon as?
Let me just tell you something.
Who's your favorite guitar player?
- Ummmm... Joe Satriani.
- Okay.
I don't know who that is.
What band, what band, what band is Joe in?
- He's played with, he's basically a solo artist.
He's also played with Sammy Hagar like recently.
- Oh, okay.
Can you give me like maybe a more pop culture reference?
Maybe Sammy Hagar?
(laughing)
Or I don't know, (indistinct) or something.
- Or Van Halen?
- Like Van Halen?
- Yeah.
- Okay put him like Van Halen, right?
- Mmhmm.
- How did Van Halen become Van Halen?
Here's what he didn't do, okay?
He did not think about his career
and think to himself,
"Maybe I should get on that guitar thing one day."
"Maybe I should practice and just see what happens."
Right?
There was a level of dedication and commitment.
Could you imagine someone like
the coach of someone who's gonna win the World Series
being like,
"All right guys. So today we'll just practice
and see what happens."
(laughing)
"And you know whatever base you feel like playing,
just go play that. Go play that position."
Right?
Like that's not how you get excellent results.
Like you want a better result.
You want the better result without changing your behavior
and that's insanity 'cause it's never gonna work.
- Mmhmm.
- To get the better result you have to change the behavior.
Not anybody else.
And you gotta do with it a deadline.
- Mmhmm.
- Otherwise you're sort of a wandering generality.
At some point maybe I'll get around to it later.
And then next thing you know 10 years ago.
- Yeah.
- Right?
So we wanna go from being a wandering generality
into what's called a meaningful specific, right?
I'm making a specific deadline
at a specific time with a specific meaning which is
thank you boss for being the catalyst
to get me off my ass.
Thank you for being the catalyst to get me into my purpose
and I'm gonna do it on Friday.
At noon.
(laughing)
- Okay.
- Well maybe I'll kind of, sort of get to it.
Right?
General wanderingness,
lack of specifics,
maybe, trying.
These are the words of somebody who will never do it.
- Yeah.
- Someone who's gonna do it is like you know what?
I'm doing this on Friday at noon
whether I have my lawyer's advice or not
'cause I can't take it anymore.
And I'm gonna stop waiting for the world to do for me
what I should do for myself.
- Mmhmm.
- How's that resonate for you or not?
- Well again, the anxiety kicks in but I know
that you're right.
I mean, I'm not trying to be a pain.
But again...
- You just said you're gonna change your life and earn
a living doing what you love
and not have anxiety is the problem here.
- Mmhmm.
- Okay?
You are going to feel anxious either way.
- Mmhmm.
- You're either gonna have the anxiety of
the life you could've lived
or you're gonna have the anxiety of creating the life
that you wanna live.
- Mmhmm.
- Which seems scarier in the moment
but later it's way better.
- Yeah.
- So it's like you're gonna be anxious either way
so pick your anxiety.
The idea that I shouldn't be anxious
is I don't know, maybe that's like something that
a shrink told you once, I don't know, right?
- Mmhmm.
- Like it's not reality for sure.
You have this group,
you have all the (indistinct) in yoga,
you have the support.
But what you gotta do is recognize
I either earn it and I've been resting on my laurels
and I've been sitting here waiting for the life
to do for me what I should do for myself.
That's why I'm anxious.
And actually if I take this action
I'm not gonna be anxious, I'm gonna be excited.
The only difference between anxiety and excitement.
They're both fear.
Anxiety is fear with negative anticipation.
Excitement is fear with positive anticipation.
So the only reason you have anxiety is if you thought
well if I quit my job then I'm gonna die.
- Yeah.
That also comes.
I mean I had that thought where I was trying to coach myself
and I was thinking like,
what am I really afraid of and it was like
losing my job then not finding anything,
not making enough money, losing my house,
you know, whatever, and then I die.
(laughing)
- Yeah. Cool.
Join the human race.
(laughing)
Right?
Not good enough reason not to take action
and the truth is you can do it or not.
If you don't, it's just gonna continue to build the pressure
and something's gonna pop at some point.
- Yeah.
- Right?
So let's just skip all that
and design it by Friday at noon.
Sound good?
- Okay.
Yeah.
- How easy it was.
So agreeable.
Let's give him a round of applause you guy.
Awesome.
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