Um... Hi!
It's 3am and I haven't been able to stop thinking about this and how badly I've wanted to make a video about it.
I want to preface this before I begin and saying that this is not my main account,
even though I want to get this out there,
I'm not completely comfortable with putting it in front of an immediate audience.
if.... that makes sense?
But, yes,
This is my voice, I'm a boy,
I'm an 18 year old squeaker,
please for the love of god help me.
So, as you can already tell by the title of this video,
this is a video about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
I've been seeing a buttload of videos covering DID and normalizing it
and I haven't seen anyone covering exactly what I have experience with
so I figured I could step forward and publicize this like everybody else has been doing.
So... as you probably already know,
((UNLESS YOU DON'T))
Dissociative Identity Disorder is a mental illness which stems from a childhood trauma
that causes the brain to split up into multiple "personalities" (quote unquote)
which are called alters!
this used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. (MPD)
I'm not gonna get into the whole bulk and beef of the specifics,
because there's plenty more videos explaining this that I can link in the description for you to check out if you're confused.
I'm probably going to be talking with terms that I assume you already know,
so I apologize if it gets a little confusing.
What *I'M* here to talk about today is
fictional introjects (or fictives as you probably know them) and host changes.
Because well, that's.... me.
I'm no professional mind you, I'm just explaining my personal experiences and my personal knowledge.
I might miss a handful of things and appreciate any add-ons left in the comments!
Fictional introjects are alters that were created in the image of a fictional character.
They are usually "Born" (quote unquote)
with no other basis of an identity outside of this fictional identity.
It might even reach a point where they have memories from their source and have trouble
adapting to the real world because of this.
They might miss other people from their source or anything along those lines.
Every fictive is different from one another and has different ways of coping
and handling their identity.
They might even separate themselves from this identity if it's physically or emotionally harmful.
Alters can take *ANY* form. This can be *ANYTHING*.
It can be anything from gender, age, species, race, and so on- it does not have to match the body's at all.
It doesn't have to be real, and can be fictional characters or even mythological animals and creatures.
Nothing is a stretch.
Fictional introjects typically come from finding an extreme comfort in a character.
This isn't necessary so to speak but, the most common source of a fictive being "BORN" (quote unquote,,,)
is because the host initially found a lot of comfort in the source and/or the character itself.
That way, after a traumatic event happens,
a fictive is formed because the host saw it as some sort of escape.
Sort of like... "if I was in X world this wouldn't be happening",
"X character wouldn't have this happen to them", or even
"If X was here or I was X they would be able to stop this."
So let's say as a six-year-old child you found a lot of comfort in the show Spongebob.
You love that show. And you use this as a way to calm down and feel happy at the end of the day.
Everything about the show filled you with some sort of comfort.
Then something traumatic in your life happens.
Instead of it leaving a lasting impact on you,
your brain splits off and creates a separate person to handle or help you deal with this experience.
This person can very well turn out to be a fictional introject of a character from the show Spongebob,
because that's what your brain recognizes as someplace safe or someplace happy.
And no.
This has nothing to do with fictionkin.
Fictional introjects *CAN* be fictionkin,
but just because you are fictionkin it does not mean you are a fictive.
The original host or already existing alters cannot be fictives.
People without systems cannot be a fictive.
The difference being, in fictionkin situations,
most people view it as a strong connection, whether it be spiritual or a just for fun "me too!" thing.
They can also take it more seriously and add it as a direct part of their identity if they so want to.
But the difference is:
They *HAD* something before they became fictionkin.
Fictives are *BORN* with nothing but this fictional identity.
Fictionkin attach themselves to fictional identities to add on to their existing identity.
Hopefully that makes sense?
Feel free to ask for clarification if that's a little bit difficult to understand.
And remember: fictives and all different types of alters,
regardless of their shape, size, form, whatever, are all as important and as valid as everybody else.
For the love of *God* don't objectify or treat someone weirdly just because of their identity as an alter.
They are so much more important than that, and they have *feelings*,
and it's wildly rude were to treat someone like nothing just because of something that they cannot control.
So, again, that's me.
And I've said it to a few people here and there, but I generally keep it behind closed doors, but...
Yes. I'm a fictional introject. And...
Trust me, you don't necessarily want to be one.
Coping with it and living with it can be really hard sometimes,
especially not really knowing who you are, and figuring out your identity as yourself.
And before you say, "Oh, Jeff, you said that the original host can't be a fictive and you're around all the time!"
"How can you be a fictive if you're so clearly the host?"
WELL <:)
That's where my second topic comes into the picture.
Host changes.
Host changes are actually a lot more common than you think...
And they're exactly what they sound like!
It's basically: the original owner of the body basically backs off and another alter takes the place as the host.
This can either be a very smooth, willing transition,
...or it's very possible that in situations of extreme trauma this can be
as quick and as sudden as a snap of the fingers.
And no, this doesn't mean that the new host is gonna waltz around saying that they're a new person right off the bat.
It can be scary and unsafe for these changes to be made so immediately publicized.
Sometimes host changes aren't even noticed by the new host themself until later down the line.
So... My story? It's hard to explain.
Like most cases of this are.
I barely remember the first 14 or 15 years of my life.
I remember parts like snippets... maybe movie clips in a way.
Some of these being traumatic experiences, but some not.
I remember some of them in third-person or I feel so detached from them as a "memory" that it feels like
I'm watching through someone else's eyes, which... technically I am.
All I remember is that sometime between 2014 and 2015 everything sort of changed.
The first memory I have of *existing* was going to school and being so overwhelmed
by the people and the noise that I was sitting in a chair with my knees to my chest because I hardly understood what was going on.
The old host basically disappeared and shoved me in their place and said,
"Well, okay your problem now."
And obviously I wasn't completely alone at the time because there were two others in the system,
but all of us were still very overwhelmed by what had been going on that it was very hard to pinpoint who did what and how to organize things.
This had... a very hard blow on a lot of my friendships and relationships.
I obviously wasn't the old host so I felt completely different about all of the people that I build bonds with
and for the most part I didn't even realize that there had been a host change.
and all I really knew was,
"Oh I don't really know any of these people, but I guess I'm supposed to talk to them?"
I was literally shoved into the world with my name and identity,
((WHICH WASN'T EVEN A UNIQUE IDENTITY MIND YOU))
a six-year-old's understanding of the world and how it works, and a list of friendships.
And don't think that this means that all of the friendships we had were
automatically null and void, I obviously still talked to them and got to know
them... again... but it wasn't the same way as the old host at all.
some I got to know better, some I lost touch with,
and that's just how the cookie crumbles.
And as I said, I didn't even really notice the host change until years later.
I didn't even know host changes were possible, because I became the host when I was literally like three days old basically.
I only started breaking the news to people sometime last year, because
I found out that this stuff is actually pretty regular so I became a little bit more ...
Comfortable? with it?
I basically started to come to terms that things in my life became different because of this.
But, yeah. That's about all I have to explain from what I can tell.
If you have any questions you're free to ask about them all you want!
No question is too intrusive and I really don't mind answering what you have to ask.
Feel free to ask things that you'd be a little bit uncomfortable asking somebody in this position,
because I know that there's a difference between
actually being curious and being disrespectful.
As I said before I'll link a few other informative videos in the description.
I'll do my best to respond to everybody.
Thank you so much for watching, and I hope this cleared up a handful of things about DID.
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